Sometmes It's Not Enough
by jarielynn
Summary: She was standing by the bar looking beautiful. I hadn't seen her in three years. She smiled at me and tried to say hi. I couldn't say anything to her. Memories were racing through my mind, of a time when we were happy... is an AU/ AH story.
1. Prologue

Penname: jarielynn_1210

Story Title: Sometimes It's Not Enough

Rating: *nc-17

Chapter: Prologue

Chapter Summary: **Set up of Edwards's emotional state without Bella. Want reader to be able to feel his need for her. Want to give reader the feeling that they need to read story. Also was beta'd once before and was told too choppy. Tried to fix and make flow more. What do you think?

**Disclaimer: I have no rights to these characters or anything Twilight. The all belong to Stephanie Meyer. Also I need to thank Airborne Toxic Event for their song Sometime Around Midnight, which inspired me to write this.**

**Prologue- I Need to See Her**

My mouth was suddenly dry and my grip tightened on the glass I was holding. **She **was standing by the bar, still absolutely beautiful. My eyes devoured her, taking all of her in. A bar light above her was reflecting off her hair and it shone like silk as it flowed in waves over her shoulders. _It was always so soft to the touch._ The white dress she wore flowed around her body, clinging to her curves, riding low on her chest giving me just a glimpse of heaven. The thin material moved over her tiny waist, and ended just above her knees. I gasped; the high heels she was wearing made her legs look deliciously long and graceful. _She never wore high heels_. I was completely stunned; she took my breath away. A smile lit up her face as she leaned in to talk to the small pixie-like girl who stood beside her. She looked completely happy, her eyes sparkling as she laughed, a warm glow infusing her cheeks. _God, I missed that smile_; it had been years since I last saw it. Sorrow pierced my heart, leaving it withering in my chest as her smile reached out to me, across the room, causing tears to spring to my eyes.

She looked up and caught me staring at her. Her chocolate brown eyes widened in surprise. I glanced down, befuddled, not sure what to do, blinking my eyes rapidly to clear the tears. When I eventually looked back up, a small smile played on her lips. A timid smile crossed mine and I tipped my glass at her. She said something to the girl next to her, and started walking over. _Oh, God._ I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as my breathing quickened and tension curled in me, my shoulders tightening, and my lips pressing into a firm line. The chair seemed to sway under me so I grabbed the table tightly; clinging to it, as the room suddenly seemed to be spinning.

Smiling, she stood in front of me. "Hello, Edward. How are you?" Her voice penetrated through the haze around me and the room stilled. Pictures from the past invaded my mind like a slide show, slowly driving me insane. I could see her lying naked in my arms and the stirring between my legs caused me to shudder.

"Hello." I didn't know what else to say. No words would form in my head. All I could do was stand there and stare at her. Memories were coursing through me and I saw her again, naked, under me with that beautiful smile on her face. Impossibly, my breathing became even more erratic. _What is happening? _My fingers dug groves into the table I was clenching. Swallowing, I tried to prepare myself to talk to her, but I couldn't. _Why can't I say something?_

"You look good," she said. Her gaze traveled down the length of my body and then back up to my eyes. I continued to stare. Her eyes were dark pools of swirling chocolate, and I couldn't pull myself out of them.

My silence continued. She was here in front of me and I couldn't say anything. Even after all this time, everything I had always wanted to say to her escaped my memory. I took a deep breath in, taking in her scent. With a sigh, I realized she still smelled of freesia and strawberries. More memories assaulted me, tearing at my mind and leaving me with an intense desire to grab her, to kiss her, to feel her skin underneath my fingertips, and to hear her moan my name. Instead I did nothing, fear and desire were warring inside me and fear won. Powerless, I stood as a coward in front of her, unable to even say her name.

The smile faded from her lips and confusion filled her gaze. "Well, it was good to see you again… I guess." She bit her bottom lip and I wanted to reach out and pull it back out from between her teeth. My fists clenched the table tighter as she turned around to leave.

"Wait." I finally spoke; though it came out a strangled whisper of longing. But it was too late; she was walking away. My mind screamed at me to not let her go. _NO! Come back!_ My hand pathetically reached out to her, but she didn't notice and kept walking. My body began to tremble in defeat and sorrow as the distance between us grew.

I watched her walk back to her friend, but someone else was there now, too. His fingers gently touched Bella's cheek and he scowled darkly. His eyes left her face to glare at me. _Who is he?!_ My eyes narrowed on him, wondering what he meant to her. Was he her new lover? Did she belong to him now? A snarl formed on his lips and his posture stiffened as he took in my gaze. His hand slid down Bella's arm, wrapping around it securely and pulling her closer to him. Anger seemed to pulsate out of him and in my direction.

My eyes flickered back to Bella and I looked into her eyes; tears were spilling from them, trailing down her now pale cheeks. Pain slashed through me at the site of her tears. Once again, in my complete idiocy, I had made Bella cry. Silently, my eyes pleaded with hers. _Please, I am sorry_… The guy pulled on her arm as she returned her gaze to him and they walked out the door together.

My mind was screaming at me to go after her causing my head to pound incessantly. It was as if my brain was being ripped to shreds leaving me incoherent, unable to process thought or sound. I tried to walk forward, but stumbled over my own feet, my ability to focus lost. A gigantic weight seemed to be pressing down on me, my steps became sluggish and I needed to sit down. Grabbing the nearest chair I fell into it and pressed my face into my hands.

I felt a tap on my shoulder. Emmet was looking at me, a wary expression on his face. "Dude, what is wrong with you? You look like you've just seen a ghost."

But she wasn't a ghost, she was real and I had to get up, I had to follow her. Shaking my head and blinking rapidly I cleared my vision and ran out of the bar into the street. I sensed people staring at me_. I must look like a madman_. I didn't care. I had to see her. _Where did she go_? Panic surged through me. _Where is she? _My thoughts consumed me and my hands gripped my hair, tugging at it. _God, I have to see her_. I wondered frantically if she could possibly still live in the same apartment I had last seen her in two years ago. I was going to find out. _I need to see her_. The need was like a slow burn through my heart.

"Edward, where are you going? We can't leave, I need to go back and get Rose." I hadn't even heard Emmett come up behind me and his voice startled me, distracting me from my search. I turned to face him and he was gesturing behind him at the club.

I threw him my car keys. "Stay as long as you want," I mumbled. "I have to go find her." I walked to the street and hailed a cab.

As I was getting in I heard Emmett yell, "Edward! Who?!"

"Bella." Her name came out a strangled whisper.

Somehow Emmett must have heard me, because he lurched forward with intentions of grabbing my arm. I slammed the door, barely missing his fingers. "Shit! Edward, don't do this! She'll break you apart." His voice held a touch of panic as he called after me, but I wasn't listening.

Her address flowed from my lips…I still remembered it. The cab pulled away from the curb. Leaning back in the seat, I closed my eyes and allowed the memories to wash over me.


	2. Chapter 1

**D****isclaimer: I have no rights to these characters or anything Twilight. They all belong to Stephanie Meyer. **

**Chapter 1- In the Beginning**

_Edward (5 years earlier):_

It was lunch time at Forks High School and the cafeteria was full of students. Each table held its individual clique, including ours. Jasper, Emmett and I sat at our usual table with Rose sitting on Emmett's lap.

The food was disgusting and I threw the greasy slice of pizza down on my plate in revulsion. "What I wouldn't give for a nice, juicy cheeseburger right about now," I sighed wistfully.

A small smile played on Jaspers lips when he asked, "Did you see the new girl yet?"

"Yeah." Emmett smirked. "H-O-T-" Rose punched his shoulder, scowling at him. "Ahh, come on Rose, you know no one is as hot as you." He grabbed her leg and gave it a squeeze, raising his eyebrows suggestively. Rose smiled vainly and tossed her blonde hair over her shoulder.

I rolled my eyes at them. They were even more disgusting than the pizza. Looking at Jazz, I scratched the back of my head and sniggered. "I heard Newton talking about her and he said, and I quote, she's a fine piece of ass." I let out a harsh laugh. "I have yet to see her and knowing Newton I'm sure he's exaggerating just a little."

Mike Newton was Forks high school number two jock, falling behind Emmett, who was the football team captain. He was, however, single and Emmett was not, making Mike numero uno in the eyes of the local female population. I thought he was a real git and an asshole to boot. We stayed away from each other.

"He is a real shit. However," Jasper pointed to the doorway, "I can see what he means."

Standing in the doorway, next to Jessica Stanley of all people, stood the new girl. Her long brown hair was swirling around her shoulders as she and Jessica walked toward their table. I noticed how small her waist was and how her tits bounced a little as she moved. Her hips swayed becomingly and I licked my lips in anticipation. _Ok, so maybe she is a fine piece. _

"Good grief, Edward, control yourself." Rose's voice reeked of disgust. She could be such a buzzkill sometimes. "She just got here today. At least give the girl a few days to settle in." She leaned into Emmett, rolling her eyes at me.

I was still watching the girl as she walked to her table, my eyes focused on her ass, now swaying tantalizingly in front of me. Once to her table she seemed to fall into her chair and I smiled at her lack of grace. "So, does anyone know her name or is it just New Girl?"

Emmett smiled wickedly, while continuing to rub Rose's thigh, and turning to look at the girl. "Edward," his tongue clicked against his teeth, "wow. You really need to get some of that. And then tell me all about it." Rose scowled again and smacked Emmett in the back of the head.

Jasper also scowled at Emmett and then looked at me, a little irritated. "Her name is Isabella Swan, but I heard her tell Mike to just call her Bella. Edward, I find her very attractive and would like to talk to her. Are you going to pursue this?"

I let a small laugh slip out, "Sorry Jazz. She intrigues me. Besides she's not for you." _She's for me._ The thought came out unbidden as I continued staring at her. Bella glanced over her shoulder nervously at me and I got lost in warm, chocolate-brown eyes. There was a pull from them, something leading me to her, my mind went blank and I felt a little lost. Shaking my head, I frowned and pulled myself away from them. "What the hell?" I muttered under my breath. My hands gripped the table and I stared at it in consternation. "I need to go outside and get some air. I'll catch you guys later."

I stood and left the cafeteria, a little flustered at my reaction to her eyes. My heart was beating uncomfortably and I rubbed my hand over my chest in confusion. It was one thing to lust after that body, but what the hell was that feeling I had gotten while looking in her eyes?

_Bella:_

He was leaving. Letting out a sigh of relief I let myself relax. No one had ever looked at me like that before, like I was something to eat. It was a little disconcerting, and when our eyes had met fire leapt in my chest. His eyes were so dark, almost black, and I thought I saw a spark ignite in them. He had quickly looked away, though. I was probably imagining things.

My new friend Jessica didn't seem too pleased about the attention I was getting. She made sure to warn me away from him. "That's Edward Cullen. He only wants one thing from a girl, so be careful around him. I've never seen him with an actual girlfriend before. Not that I care or anything..." She sounded a little put out and I wondered if she had wanted to be his girlfriend at some point.

I glanced at the table Edward had been occupying. Three others still sat there. They were all impossibly good looking. The blonde boy with wavy hair smiled at me, his blue eyes shining and I smiled back, my eyes quickly flickering away. He was handsome, but not as striking as Edward. Another boy, also at the table, looked at me, smiling largely like he was enjoying a private joke. He was very large, tall and strapping, with dark brown hair cropped short to his head. His brown eyes fell from me to gaze at the beautiful creature sitting on his lap. His hand was stroking the thigh of the most gorgeous girl I had ever seen. Her long, platinum hair hung down her back, highlighting her exquisite features.

Mike Newton came up and sat in a chair next to me. Catching my attention, he smiled brightly. His light blonde hair was styled into deliberate spikes and it was kind of funny looking, especially since I had just finished focusing on the 'gorgeous' table, and I had to stifle a giggle.

"Hey, Bella, you have Biology next, right? I can walk you there." He slipped his arm around my shoulders casually.

I didn't miss the daggers Jessica started shooting at me. Gee, I guess she wanted to be Mike's girlfriend, too. _Was there any guy here she didn't want?_ I frowned at myself. That wasn't nice and Jessica was one of the few to try and befriend me since I got here. I certainly didn't want to start any trouble with her, she seemed okay to talk to and I did want a friend. "Umm, sure Mike, I could use a good _friend _to show me around." I put emphasis on the word friend hoping they would both catch it. Jessica seemed to and I saw her relax. Mike, however, just tightened his grip so I leaned forward to get my bag, shrugging his arm off of me.

Jessica, seeing her chance, took Mike's hand and began to talk to him sweetly. Digging in my bag I took out my notebook, looking for a distraction from my thoughts of the beautiful boy with the messy hair. I opened the notebook to look at my class schedule and map out where to go the next few hours.

Before long the bell rang and we all got up to go to our classes.

Mike talked all the way to the classroom. I had a hard time concentrating on his idle chatter; all I kept thinking of was Edward Cullen. He was gorgeous. His hair was untidy and the color was hard to explain, kind of cooper or bronze. It fell over his forehead softly and curled lightly at the nape of his neck. He had the most beautiful face I had ever seen on a man, unshaven leaving a spattering of stubble gracing his strong jaw line. His lips were a soft pink that seemed to pout out at me. I wondered what color his eyes really were, wishing I could get a closer look. The blue jeans he wore clung to his hips, and accented his long legs which I had noticed when he stood and exited the cafeteria.

My thoughts were so focused on Edward I forgot to pay attention to where I was going. Not a good thing for me. As we walked into the Biology room I lost my footing, tripping over the door track. I fell backwards, my books flying from my arms. Landing on my ass with a thud, I could feel the heat rush into my cheeks and I knew I was blushing. I looked up at all the faces staring at me. One face belonged to Edward Cullen…_of course_. I rolled my eyes letting out a deep sigh. Mike stepped forward and helped me up and another girl I didn't know handed me my books. I thanked them and looked for an empty spot to sit. There was only one and it was right next to Edward. _Could this get any more embarrassing?_ Letting my head fall forward, I shuffled slowly to the table. I could not look at him, I would die of shame.

Sitting down at the table, I kept my head down and peeked out between the strands of my hair. If I could just see his eyes, maybe I would get my wish and discover their true color. He was staring at me again. The stare was hard and cold. My eyes jerked forward. _Why is he looking at me like that? _

Luckily the teacher, Mr. Banner, started the class. I was able to look forward and concentrate on him. Edward seemed to pull his seat as far away from me as possible. _Did I smell?_ I'd put deodorant on this morning and gym wasn't until next period. He let out a little groan when I pulled my hair up off my neck and I turned and looked at him, frowning. It was hot and I was just trying to cool off. He stared into my eyes again. _His eyes are green, a very dark, intense shade of green._ My pulse quickened.

I heard my name being called and whipped forward, my face flaming again. I hadn't even heard the question. Asking Mr. Banner to repeat it, I gave him the answer he wanted. I looked down at the table, noticing Edwards's hands were gripping it tightly. _What is wrong with him?_ It was almost like he hated me or something. I couldn't think of anything I had done to make him hate me.

Finally the bell rang. Edward jumped out of his seat and ran out the door before I could even begin to gather my books. I blinked and frowned. _What the hell?_

Gym was my next period. God, I hated gym.

_Edward:_

What the hell was wrong with me? Why was this girl bothering me so much? She was pretty, sure, but I'd seen prettier. Hell, I'd _had_ prettier. So what gives? I could think of only one thing that could be causing this unexplainable attraction. Sex. I hadn't had sex in weeks. It was my own choice of course; the girls around here were so boring. They kept throwing themselves at me. Where was the challenge in that? She was new, a change from the norm and that was what excited me. _Yes, that has to be it. What else could it be? _

Maybe I would call Tanya and see if she was up for anything. Tanya was a woman, not a girl. She had her own house in town, and she really liked me. My dick stirred thinking about her long legs and perky tits. _Yeah, this is what I need_. I reached into my pocket for my cell and dialed her number. She picked up on the first ring.

"Edward, it's been too long since I've heard from you. What's _up_?" I heard the innuendo in her voice and smiled.

"Well that's why I'm calling. I seem to have a little situation I need your expertise with. Are you free?" No games were needed with her, just cut out the bullshit and go straight at it.

"Always for you, Edward," she purred like a kitten.

I was feeling better already. I got into my Volvo and drove over to her place.

Thirty minutes later I sat on her front porch nursing a beer. _Damn it!_ That had not helped. My body was more relaxed, but my mind was a damn mess. Unbelievably, Bella Swan's fucking face had ruined the whole experience. _Well, she didn't really ruin it, now did she?_ Grimacing, I realized it had actually been the best fuck of my life.

Tanya and I had just gotten down to business when Bella's face appeared behind my closed eyelids. It had been her eyes, chocolate and soul searing, that caused my cock to harden to excruciating levels. I've never cum so hard in my life. I even had to bite my tongue to keep from screaming out Bella's name.

Now sitting on Tanya's porch, I was disgusted with myself. I had only seen this girl twice, once at lunch and once in Bio. How was she affecting me like this?

I didn't like feeling this way and I wanted control. There was only one thing I could think to do. I would just have to get her out of my system and I knew of only one way to do it. I would have to fuck her. Afterwards I was sure to loose interest, just like always. She would just be the same as the rest of the boring bitches in this town. I couldn't waste any time. Tomorrow at school I would start working on her. I had never had any problems getting girls to do what I wanted in the past. Cocky and sure this girl would be no different I swaggered to my car and drove home, anticipating the hunt.

---xx---

The next morningI scanned the parking lot looking for her. I wanted to talk to her before school this morning. My plan was unfolding in my mind and I gave myself two weeks to accomplish my goal. Though I didn't believe it would take that long.

There she was, getting out of a beat up old red truck. She was wearing a blue shirt and jeans and she looked incredible. The blue accented her pale skin, causing it to glow becomingly. I started to walk over to her and noticed Mike Newton heading her way. _Shit_. I was going to have to do something about him. He wasn't going to get in my way. I picked up my pace and cut right in front of him, reaching forward and grabbing Bella's arm."Hello." She glanced up at me shocked. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" Mike was glaring at me. I almost laughed. Bella was looking down at the ground so I gave Mike a big smirk and mouthed at him, "Fuck Off." Then I turned with Bella and walked her towards the school.

"So, I wanted to apologize for the way I acted yesterday." I stopped at her locker and leaned into her so she was pressed against it. "I was just a little," pause, "overwhelmed." I saw her swallow. _Good._

"My name is Edward. You're Bella, right?" She nodded. Wow, she was tense. Her hands were clenched into tight little balls and I could feel her nervousness radiating from her. Her eyes looked like those of a trapped deer. I needed to get her to relax.

I let my fingers trace along her cheek. Her eyes widened and a very becoming blush stole across her cheeks. She actually tensed up even more. _Okay, time to back off a little_. I leaned my shoulder against the locker next to her with my arms crossed, still looking in her eyes. I couldn't look away, they were mesmerizing.

She seemed to be forcing herself to relax and I frowned as she pulled her eyes away from mine. Trying to gain back my advantage I decided to ask her for help with something. I find that girls like being needed. "I seem to be having trouble in Biology. I overheard Mr. Banner say you were in the advanced placement class at your old school in Phoenix. That's where you're from?" Casual conversation was the way to go, she seemed to be relaxing some.

"Yes, to both questions," she smiled a little. "I am from Phoenix and I was in AP Bio." She looked interested, her brow furrowing and her eyes coming back to meet mine again. "What are you having trouble with? I would be glad to help however I can."

Those chocolate eyes of hers reached out to me again and I swallowed hard, trying to find my voice. "Well, everything, really. I was hoping we could hang out a few times a week to study." I turned on all my charm as I smiled at her. I heard her breath catch and smiled. I was getting to her.

"Sure." Her voice wavered a little. "When?" She bit her lip; her eyes darting up to my hair and quickly back down. She started to rummage in her locker getting out her books and things.

My heart began to pound, I wanted that lip. "I don't know the sooner the better." I needed to end this conversation. My blood was starting to boil and her scent was starting to get to me, like strawberries and something else I couldn't name. "I'll talk to you about it in class. You don't want to be late for first period." I pushed away from the locker and practically ran down the hall. It was a little abrupt, but I had to get away from her before I did something that might scare her away.

Sitting at my desk in Trig class, I shifted uncomfortably. I kept seeing Bella biting that fucking lip. I could feel my dick stir in my pants. _Damn_. It would not be a good thing to get a hard-on at school.

"Dude, you're sweating and you look like you might hurl. What, you getting sick or something?" Emmett was sitting at the desk next to me, looking at me in apprehension. "Don't puke on me. Not unless you want a hurl fest going on in here."

That was a good idea. I silently thanked Emmett and raised my hand to ask to be excused as I was feeling unwell.

I ran from the classroom heading right to the men's room. No one else was in there, _thank God._ I went into one of the stalls, seeing Bella's eyes and lips everywhere. She was biting her lip again, and then I pictured her mouth on another part of my body. _Jesus_. I unbuttoned my jeans.

_Bella:_

I watched as he walked away. _What was with him?_ One minute he was looking at me like I was the only person there, and the next he was running away. I tried to control my breathing. Edward Cullen needed me. Well, it was only for tutoring, but I would take that. I giggled a little. I would be able to sit at a desk with him and maybe let my arm graze his every now and then. I let out a big sigh. He looked gorgeous again today. His hair kept falling down in his eyes and I had wanted to reach up and sweep it out of the way. I had to bite my lip hard to control that urge. I did not want Edward to see how he affected me. Not yet, anyway.

Grabbing my books I headed to class. I couldn't concentrate much on my classes that morning. I kept feeling Edwards's fingers on my cheek. A deep heat had swept through me when he did that and I was very disappointed when he took them away. Then he had smiled this heart stopping crooked smile at me and I couldn't breathe. Wow, he was absolutely stunning.

Finally it was lunch time. I met Jessica at her locker. She immediately started chatting about Mike and how cute he was and how she wished he'd ask her out. I nodded a few times to show interest. I really wanted to talk to her about what was going on with Edward, but I was afraid she might get jealous again, so I kept my mouth shut. When we walked into the cafeteria I immediately looked at his table for him. He was looking at me, too. His eyes were dark and intense again.

I went over to get something to eat.

"You know this food will kill you." I almost dropped my tray. I looked up at Edward and he smiled that crooked grin again. "Better to stick with the natural things." He picked up an apple and set it on my tray.

My heart skipped a beat and I reminded myself to stay in control. I began taking deep breaths in order to calm down. Instead when I breathed in I smelled him, like cinnamon and…man. His scent caused a sharp jolt to rocket through my abdomen. My hands clenched on my tray and I grit my teeth. I had almost moaned. Mortified, I could feel my face heating up.

"So, I thought we could sit together. Organize a time and place to meet and study." His hand was on my arm leading me to a table separate from the crowd. I could feel Jessica's eyes boring in my back. Oh well, she would just have to get over it. She couldn't have everyone.

Edward led me over to an empty table across the cafeteria, away from the curious glances that were being thrown our way. I sat in a chair across from him and fiddled with my lemonade bottle label, peeling it nervously.

"Do you do that a lot?" He was looking pointedly at my fingers on the bottle.

Swallowing, I let go of the bottle and laid my hands on the table. "Ummm… sometimes. When I'm nervous. It's a habit, I guess."

"Like chewing on your lip." His voice was husky, and his eyes had grown dark again as he stared at my mouth.

Quickly I released my lip and laughed apprehensively. "Now I have nothing to relieve my nervous tension."

"You don't need to be nervous. I don't bite." His lips were turned up into that crooked smile I was quickly growing to love. "So, about Biology, I was thinking we could meet in the library today after school. Would that be okay?"

"Yes that would be fine. My dad works late tonight so it doesn't matter what time I get home."

"You live with your dad?" Leaning in he looked at me intently like what ever I said was the most important thing ever. It made me nervous and I began chewing on my lip again.

"Ummm, yeah. " He was leaning on his hand, his fingers covering his mouth and his eyes were….well they were green still, but they were staring at me and he blinked rather slowly.

I was leaning toward him when he cleared his throat. "Care to elaborate? Why did you move here to Forks to live with your dad?"

Shaking my head to clear the fog that had accumulated there, I sat back in my chair. "My mom remarried and wants to be with her new husband. So I came here to be with my dad."

"Do you like it?"

"I do now." Realizing what I said my eyes widened and my face grew hot. I looked down at the table.

Edward's hand was in my hair and he swept it away from my face and tucked it behind my ear. "I'm glad." It was softly spoken and at first I wasn't sure I had heard it. _But I did, right?_

Unfortunately it was time to go to class. His fingers let go of my hair and reached out to run up my cheek. My breath caught…again. He smiled a small smile, his eyes moving quickly over my face. He must have heard that and liked it. There were no words. He stood up smiled again and turned to leave. I watched him walk away.

Could Edward Cullen feel the same way I did? It was hard for me to believe but, as I thought over all his reactions I could see that it was true. I giggled, jumped out of my seat and ran to class. I could hardly wait for Biology next period.

"So Bella there's a new movie playing tonight, want to go?" Mike Newton was leaning in close to me. He was a nice guy and all but he was irritating me. I just wanted to see when Edward walked in and he was in my way. "Umm, Bella?" He waved his hand in front of my eyes. "Hello?"

"Mike. I already have plans for after school. Why don't you ask Jessica? I know she wants to go with you." Good idea. Throw Jessica at him, maybe I could make them both happy and be left in peace to explore my feelings for Edward.

"Where are you going?" His lip pouted out. Good grief, take a hint.

"Actually, I'm helping Edward Cullen with Biology. He's having trouble and asked me to tutor him." I hoped this would seep into his brain.

He actually snorted. "Edward Cullen is an Honor Student Bella. There is no way he needs help studying anything." Mike's face was red. He was obviously thinking what I was thinking. _What other reason would Edward have to want to see me? _My face heated again with my blush.

Mike looked at me sourly. "So that's how it is, huh?" He shook his head, "Be careful Bella. He doesn't have the best reputation around here."

So I had heard. I didn't care, though. I was still going to meet him on this studying pretext. I was curious to see what was going to happen. I saw Edward walk in. I looked at Mike and raised my eyebrows. He looked behind him and sighed. "Remember what I said. I'd hate to see you get hurt."

I noticed Edward glaring at Mike's back. Maybe I could work this to my advantage. "That's sweet, Mike," I let my hand lay on his for a second, making sure Edward was watching, "but I know what I'm doing." Mike's face was puzzled and he was muttering something about girls when he walked back to his seat.

Edward's eyes narrowed on our hands, anger flashing in them. _Amazing. He doesn't like me talking to Mike. _I almost giggled, but I stifled it. Mike went back to his desk and Edward sat down at ours.

"So what is with you and Newton?" He practically growled at me. "Are you dating him or something?"

Trying hard not to smile in delight, I raised my eyes to his. They were shooting green daggers at Mike's back. _He is jealous. Unbelievable_… "Well, no. He did ask me to the movies after school. But you and I will be studying so I had to tell him no."

"Damn right." I heard him mumble.

Mr. Banner decided at that time to start class and I stared forward, focusing my attention on the teacher at the front of the room. Edward sat stiffly by me, he was not watching Mr. Banner. His face seemed to be twisted into some mask of confusion as he studied the table in front of him intently. _I wonder what he is thinking_.


	3. Insert Present Day

_**Insert - **_

_Edward- Present day_

The cab pulled in front of the apartment building. Letting myself out I handed the guy his fare and looked up to the third floor where her apartment should be.

It was dark. My heart raced as I walked into the building. _Please let her be here, please_. Trudging up the stairs and down the hall, suddenly I was standing in front of her door. I knocked timidly at first then harder with conviction. "Bella!" I yelled. I didn't care that it was two o'clock in the morning and I didn't care if I woke anyone up. She had to be here. "Bella?!"

A girl came out of the unit next door and looked at me. She was very petite with short spiky black hair. She looked familiar. "She's not there." She was glaring at me. "She moved out a few months ago."

"Do you know where she moved to?" I could here the desperation in my voice; it matched how I was feeling.

"Why do you care, Edward?" A shocked look crossed her face and she raised her hand to her lips.

"How do you know my name?" I looked closer at her. She looked so familiar. Then it hit me. "You were with her tonight at the bar. Weren't you?" I moved closer to her and grabbed her hand. "You need to tell me where she is. I want to talk to her." My hands were trembling.

She jerked her hand away from me. Her eyes narrowed in anger. "I don't_ need_ to tell you anything. You had your chance. Leave her alone. You …You made her cry!" she pushed at my chest. "Go away." she hissed, and then promptly slammed her door in my face.

Staring at her door I contemplated knocking again, but then turned away, dejected, and walked back down the stairs. I had made Bella cry…again. Once I was outside I sat on the curb. Waiting, for I don't know what. Absolution? Tears started to run down my face. Tears I had been holding in for years.

I heard a car pull up and a door open and close. I looked up at my brother. "Emmett called me. Said you were on some crazy mission to get to Bella. I had a feeling I would find you here." Jazz sat down on the curb next to me.

"She was there tonight, at the club. I haven't seen her in so long. When she left I wanted to be with her so I came here." I shrugged my shoulders, "She doesn't live here anymore." My voice wavered; my breathing came out in gulps. "I made her cry again Jazz. Why do I always make my Bella cry?" Sobs began to rack my body.

"It seems to be what you two do best." He looked at me intently. "I guess this is what it took for you, huh? To finally let it all go? Well it's about time; you've only been holding it in for four years. You kind of picked a bad spot for it." Jasper looked at me and put his hand on my shoulder. "Do you think you can get in the car? I'll drive you home."

I nodded and stood up. We got into the car and drove away. The events of five years ago began to running through my mind again. Haunting pictures of Bella, laughing and loving melt into pictures of her torn, bruised and hateful. Trying to concentrate on her smiling face I leaned back against the headrest and closed my eyes. It was going to be a long night.


	4. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Stephanie owns Twilight and characters- this is just my story line.**

**Chapter 2- First Decisions**

_Bella- 5 years earlier:_

We were supposed to meet in the library after school. I was incredibly nervous. I had been rather bold in Biology, trying to make him jealous and flirting with him. I never did things like that. I'd never gotten a response from anyone the way I did from Edward, though.

After Edwards's reaction to Mike Newton, I decided to try flirting with him. Looking over at him from the corner of my eye, I had let a small smile play on my lips. He was watching me, so I turned towards him and looked at him from underneath my eyelashes. I had read that was a good way to get a guy's attention. Edward visibly swallowed a few times. _That was good, right?_

Then, a little later, I dropped my pencil and watched as it rolled across the floor, stopping by his right leg. I slowly bent over to pick it up, "accidentally" rubbing my arm down his leg. My breath caught in my throat and I heard his do the same.

Lastly, letting my clumsiness cover for me, I "tripped" on the way out of class and fell right into him. My chest pressed against his, causing me to blush, which was funny, considering I had fallen on purpose. Grabbing my arm to steady me, he glared at me with the same black eyes I had seen the first day in the cafeteria. He looked like he _wanted _me. This is the only way I could explain it. My heartbeat sped up and I licked my lips, unintentionally giving him something else to look at. His eyes focused on my mouth and I swear I heard him groan softly.

He smiled that crooked grin at me, eyes narrowing, "Bella…what are you trying to do to me?" He pulled me closer to him. "If I didn't know better, I would swear your doing this on purpose."

Widening my eyes at him I shrugged. He let go of my arm and I bolted out the door.

I wondered if I could continue to be so bold. According to Mike, he doesn't need any help studying, so he must have made that up as a way to see me. Knowing that gave me the confidence I needed. Being with him would give me ample opportunity to look at him, to breathe him in, and to touch him. Mike and Jessica had warned me away from him, but I didn't care. There was something about him that drew me in. I would just have to make sure that he understood. I was _not_ one of "those" girls he seemed to be used to.

I was first in the library, so I got to pick the table. Picking the one by the window, I made my way over to it. This, way the sun would come in and warm us, and it was far enough away from the only other study group in here that we would be able to have some privacy. Feeling giddy, I sat down to wait for him and laid my Biology book, paper and pen out on the table.

When I looked up, Edward was walking through the door. Swallowing the huge lump that formed in my throat, I could feel my pulse quickening and a warm blush stole into my cheeks. Eagerly, I waved him over to our table.

_Edward:_

I couldn't believe it. Bella had flirted with me in Biology class. At first I wasn't sure, but she was so obvious. The last straw was when she fell into me. I knew she was clumsy, but I thought she fell the wrong way when she stumbled. Then she licked her lips and I groaned. _I can't believe I actually groaned, but hell, it was hot._ I needed to control myself better. I just hadn't expected that from her. Things seemed to be moving along rather well. If she was already interested in me maybe, getting into her pants wouldn't take as long as I thought.

After my class let out, I headed towards the library; we were going to meet there to "study". I was too excited to see her. I needed to calm the fuck down.

She was sitting at one of the tables by a window. Her face lit up when she saw me and she waved at me. I felt a strange twitch in my heart and I took a deep breath in. Smiling, I took a seat next to her.

"So... what's on the agenda for today?" I asked her.

She reached across me to grab her book and her breasts touched my arm. My smile tightened. _Good grief. Could she be more careful? How was I supposed to remain calm if she did shit like that?_

"Well, we're studying cellular division right now, so I guess that's as good a place as any." She sat back in her chair and opened her book. I looked down at the page, feigning interest.

She started prattling off mitosis facts and I tuned them out. I really just wanted to watch her. I liked the way she used her hands when she talked, gesturing about to point out certain details. She also liked to twirl her hair. Her hand would grab a piece off her shoulder, twirl it around her finger, let it fall out and then repeat the process. She was mesmerizing. _She is beautiful._

"Edward?" She was looking at me, annoyed. "Did you hear anything I just said?"

I smiled and went into describing Mitosis for her. She laughed. She had a wonderful laugh like small bells chiming together. "I didn't go into anywhere near that much detail, Edward. I thought you needed my help." Her eyes dared me to lie.

I wondered if she knew my secret. She laughed again. Yes, I believed she did. I grinned sheepishly. "I guess you know I don't really need tutoring"

"Yeah," she swallowed, looked down and bit her lip_. _

_God, not the lip again._

"Why didn't you just ask me to meet you if that's what you wanted?"

"I wasn't sure you would. We don't really know each other yet." I let my eyes rest on her lips. I wanted so badly to kiss them.

I heard her breathing speed up. She was watching me watch her mouth. "Edward, I…I'm not like those other girls."

_What?!_ I looked up into her eyes. "What do you mean?"

"Well I've heard about your, umm, your reputation. I'm not like that. I would never..." She looked down and bit her lip again.

_What asshole had told her about me? Mike, of course. Goddamn cocksucker_. I was pissed. After what she has probably heard about me she would never trust me. Suddenly I wanted her to trust me. I wanted her to keep looking at me the way she had when I walked in here.

"Bella, it's more than that." I whispered. I heard myself say it and I knew it was true.

Her head jerked up and she looked into my eyes. "What?" she leaned closer, "What did you say?"

"Look, let's just start over, okay? Let me ask you out on a date like a normal guy would." I felt funny. My chest was tight and I could barely get the words out. "Let me take you to dinner Friday night."

Her smile was the most radiant thing I had ever witnessed. It shined in her fucking eyes. "Oh yes, Edward. I would love that." She surprised me when she threw her arms around my neck and gave me a hug. I reached out and put my arms around her waist, hugging her back. It felt really good, for a hug, so warm and natural.

She pulled away and reached for a piece of paper. "Here is my number. Please call me." She smiled at me again. "I have to go now. My dad will be waiting for me at home. Thank you, Edward." She stood up from the table and practically skipped from the room.

I stared after her retreating back, a loud laugh bursting from my lips. God, she was enthusiastic. She'd said thank you…for what? Asking her out? I laughed again as I gathered myself together and left the school.

As I drove out of the parking lot, I went back over the day in my mind. When had I decided to switch gears? When had I decided I wanted more than just sex? I thought of Biology and when she tripped and fell in my arms. I had wanted her when she pressed herself up against me, but I also had the strongest urge to push that stray lock of hair behind her ear.

--xx--

Friday had finally arrived. I had made reservations at La Bella Italia in Port Angeles for dinner at six 'o clock. It took about thirty minutes to get there, so I was going to pick Bella up at 5:15. The week had passed by quickly. I spent little time with Bella, only meeting her every morning in the school parking lot. It was just a nice way to start my day. Since I felt so pathetic waiting for her every morning, I pretty much stayed away from her the rest of the day, talking to her only in Biology. Even at lunch, we continued to sit at our usual tables and only smiled hello at each other.

Emmett and Jasper were hounding me to go to a party after dinner on Friday. "Come on, Edward. It's the first party of the year and, man, it's at Rose's. You know it's going to be great. You have to come, bring Bella. She can meet us and hang out with Rose." Emmett's pleading was getting on my nerves.

I wasn't sure I wanted to bring Bella to a party. It was our first date, and a party just didn't seem like the right thing to do. Jazz had to chime in, "If you get there and it's too crazy you could always go to one of the rooms downstairs for some peace and quiet. She has a piano…"

I had forgotten Rose had a piano; I would be able to show off a little in front of Bella. A smile played across my lips. "Ha!" Emmett yelled. "Leave it to the Jazz man to know your weaknesses. Here I thought he was enticing you with the whole "Bella in privacy, with no parent's" thing." He smirked at me.

I had to admit, that would be nice too. I still wanted her very much. _Who knows? Maybe…_So I caved. "It depends on how she feels about it. If she doesn't want to then we won't be there."

Later that night as I drove to Bella's I thought of how crazy I was acting. I had never taken a girl to a nice restaurant before. It was always drive-through take-out. That was where my dating experience ended. We never went anywhere else, unless the back seat of my Volvo counted.

I beat back my nervousness as I walked to her door. Her father answered when I knocked. Chief Swan looked at me warily. "Come in."

I put my most polite face on and held out my hand. He took it and we shook. "Hello sir, I'm Edward Cullen. I'm going to take your daughter to dinner in Port Angeles, and then we are meeting some of my friends here in town. I promise to take care of her and bring her back safely and on time." I whipped through my planned speech and shifted awkwardly from foot to foot. Christ, I was nervous. I had never had to meet a girl's parents before.

"Relax, Edward, I don't bite. Just be sure to bring her home by 11 'o clock, no later." He smiled at me and turned to call Bella. "Bella, how long are you going to make him wait?"

She came out of her room and walked down the stairs. I could only stare at her. She was looking at the floor biting her damn lip again. _One of these days I'm going to grab that thing._ She was wearing a pink dress that clung to her body before flaring out softly around her hips. Her hair was pulled back from her face showing off an expanse of creamy pale skin.

Putting my finger under her chin, I lifted her head so I could see her eyes. "You look beautiful."

She smiled sweetly and took my hand. Her hand was trembling a little and I rubbed her palm with my thumb in an effort to quell her nervousness. "Okay, I'm ready. Bye, Dad." She gave her dad a little wave and pulled me out the door.

Opening her door, I helped her inside. After she was all the way in, I walked around and got in on my side. I was doing my best to remember everything Carlisle had taught me about how to treat a woman. I had heard the lectures many times, but had never put them to use.

I smiled over to her. "Want to hear some music?" I was already turning on the radio before she answered_. Damn._ I stopped myself and looked at her.

She nodded her head and smiled.

The entire drive we listened to music, commenting a few times here and there on certain tunes. It wasn't awkward and I didn't feel the need to break the silence. There was only one time she spoke to me outright and that was to ask me to slow down. I guess I was driving too fast for her; I probably was. I did like to drive fast.

_Bella:_

Before I knew it, the drive was over and we were at the restaurant. He jumped out of the car and sped around to my door, opening it for me. I smiled; this was nice. He took my hand as we made our way inside.

The restaurant was dimly lit with a candle on each table. The tables were also adorned with linen napkins and, when the host sat us he took my napkin and laid it in my lap. I had to suppress a giggle as Edward jumped and scowled at the man when he tried to lay the napkin on his lap, instead choosing to take it out of his hands.

"You look beautiful tonight, Bella," he said again, causing heat to rush to my cheeks.

"You don't look so bad yourself," I teased, which was an understatement. He was gorgeous as always, even more so than usual. I looked him over appreciatively. He was wearing a dark blue button down shirt with a gray jacket and black pants. He seemed to have taken more care with his hair, as it was out of his face, combed back and slightly styled.

The server came then and took our drink order. We both ordered a coke. After she left, I flipped open my menu and almost fell out of my chair. The prices were outrageous. "Edward, can, umm… did you look at the prices?" I dropped my voice to a whisper so no one else would hear.

He looked at me in confusion. "Yeah, why?" Then he laughed. "Bella, my family is rich. Didn't you know that? I thought the whole school knew that. Don't worry about it. I can well handle this, okay?"

I felt a little embarrassed for asking, but to me it had seemed like a lot. The server came back and asked us if we were ready to order. I ordered the Mushroom Ravioli and Edward got the Chicken Alfredo.

Edward folded his fingers in front of him and I noticed how long and graceful they were. "I didn't mean to embarrass you; by talking about money. I just don't see it as an issue. My parents are very good at what they do. They keep us well provided for. Carlisle, my father, he is a doctor. My mom, Esme, is an architect. She is very talented; she designed our house. I will have to show you some day."

_Was he saying I would get to see his home? Implying more days together?_ I smiled happily. My hands were lying on the table; Edward reached out and began to stroke the back of one with his finger. It was such an unconscious gesture, and my heart picked up the pace a little bit.

Our server brought our salads over and refilled our cokes. It didn't look like any salad I had ever seen before. The lettuce was dark green and purple, layered with what looked like seeds and cherry tomatoes. Edward was looking at me in amusement. I giggled. "What is on here?" I quipped.

"Just tomatoes and sun flower seeds. It's good. Here, I'll try it first, okay?" He smirked at me and raised his eyebrow as he brought a bite up to his lips. I watched as his mouth opened and the food went inside. His lips closed around the fork and it slid out. I swallowed and bit my lip, looking down at the table. Who knew watching Edward eat could be so damn sexy?

Edward frowned at me for a minute, then grinned and said, "Now it's your turn." He lifted a bite to my mouth. Edward was staring at me just like I had done to him. Quickly leaning forward, I put it in my mouth and chewed. "Good?" I swallowed and nodded.

Edward began talking about his family again and I felt myself relax. He explained to me how he, Emmett, and Jasper were all adopted. Carlisle and Esme could not have any children of their own and their hearts were so big, they adopted three.

"I was first. I was eight years old when I first met them. They were, and still are, really good to me, and it wasn't long before I started calling them mom and dad. I can't remember my real dad at all. He left when I was very little. I do remember my mom." A soft smile fluttered over his lips. "She was beautiful." The smile was replaced by a frown and he flicked his thumb against the table. "She had been very sick for most of my life. I was only seven when she died."

His mouth twisted in a grimace and he ran a hand through his hair. Looking at me he said, "I hope you don't mind, that I am telling you all this. It's just really easy to talk to you. It doesn't bother me to talk about my mom anymore; it was a long time ago."

He must have read my mind, because I was wondering how he could talk so easily about her.

He continued eating his salad, stopping between bites to finish his story. "Emmett was next; he's the big dark one I sit with at lunch. He was ten when he came to live with us." I nodded; I knew who Emmett was. He was the captain of the football team. "Then Jasper was adopted about four years ago."

"Who is the pretty blonde who sits with you?" Pretty was not the half of it. The girl was every man's fantasy and every girl's nightmare. She had long, wavy blonde hair, a stacked body, and long legs. I felt a surge of jealousy every time I saw her touch Edward, though she was obviously Emmett's girlfriend.

"That's Rose. She's a little hard to get used to, but she grows on you. I'm sure you two will get along great." He began rubbing the bridge of his nose. I had noticed him doing that whenever something was bothering him.

"What's wrong?" I thought everything was good. I had never heard him talk so much at once and I was enjoying listening to him.

He sighed, "If you don't want to go, I understand. I told them we might not show up."

"Edward, show up where?" He was making no sense.

"Emmett and Jasper were ragging on me all week to go to this party Rose is having at her house tonight. They want me to bring you. I told them I wasn't sure; I don't want you to feel like you have to go or anything." He finally stopped and took a drink of his coke.

"Of course I want to go. I would love to meet them."

The server brought our dinners and took our salad plates. I took a bite of my pasta. _Heaven._ "MMmm," I moaned a little. "This is wonderful." He watched as I lifted my fork to my mouth again. "HMMmmm"

His fork clattered to his plate. Startled, I looked at him. His stare was intense and his eyes were that unsettling dark green. I felt butterflies in my stomach. "Edward?"

"Do you think you can refrain from making that noise when you eat?" Leaning back in his chair, he shifted his position. He looked uncomfortable.

"Noise? What is wrong? Do you feel okay?" I watched him to see if he was going to get sick.

His eyes widened at me. "You, have no idea…" Comprehension dawned on his features and he blurted, rather loudly, "Good God, Bella, are you a virgin?"

I quickly glanced at the other tables around us. "Edward," I hissed, "I really do not think that is appropriate conversation right now. Not to mention, it's also none of your business." My face was so hot I'm sure I was bright red. I bit my lip and looked down at the table.

I felt Edward's fingers on my bottom lip as he grabbed it and pulled it out from under my teeth. He lightly rubbed it before letting it go. "Bella, I guess you may not understand this, but that was only making me feel worse. Please, no more moans and no biting your lip."

The rest of dinner was slightly uncomfortable. He had really embarrassed me, blurting out his question like that. When we finished eating the server brought us our check. Edward stood and helped me out of my chair, firmly taking my hand in his as we left the restaurant.

_Edward:_

The party was in full swing when we got there. Taking Bella's hand, I led her inside. It was very loud and very crowded. I looked around for Emmett or Jasper.

Emmett was in the kitchen handing out the beer and Rose was sitting at the table next to him. She looked at him in adoration. _Will Bella look at me like that one day?_

Squeezing her hand, I looked down at her. She was looking around the room and waving to the people she knew. I saw Mike Newton heading our way. _I'll be damned if she is going to talk to him tonight_. I pulled her hand and led her into the kitchen.

"Edward!" Emmett said grinning broadly. "So you came, cool, bro." He looked a Bella, "You must be Bella. We have heard a lot about you." He winked at her. I glared at him, Bella blushed and smiled, and Emmett guffawed. "Here, have a beer." He handed one to me and tried to give one to Bella.

Bella wrinkled her nose. "No, thank you. I don't like the way it tastes."

Rose stood, "I'll get you a drink Bella. I usually stick with wine. You can have a glass of mine."

"So, where is Jazz?" I asked.

Emmett practically crowed. "Dude, you won't believe it!" He pointed to the other room. "Take a look in there."

Jazz was sitting on the couch, his back pressed against the armrest as an overzealous Lauren straddled his lap. Her lips were locked on his and his hands appeared to be…everywhere. I laughed and looked at Em. "When the fuck did that happen?"

Emmett shrugged, "Don't know, just looked over and there he was." He took a swig from his beer. "So how are things going?" I think he meant to whisper, but he was a little inebriated, and it came out pretty loud. I glanced at Bella, but she and Rose seemed to be deep in conversation.

"Good…" I admitted sheepishly. I was suddenly nervous, afraid he would be able to read my face. He was always good at pulling things from me. I glanced behind Emmett, to the side of Emmett, anywhere but at Emmett.

Em's eyes narrowed at me. "You're acting awfully strange." He took another drink of beer contemplating. "What, you in love with her already?" He threw his head back and laughed.

I shifted nervously and ran my hand through my hair. Taking in my stance, his eyes widened and his mouth fell open. "Holy shit! I was just kidding. No fucking way. Wait until I tell Rose."

"Emmett, do you think you can wait until later…" I started.

"Rose, Rose come here. I have a secret to tell you." Emmett waved his girl over.

I rubbed the bridge of my nose as she and Bella walked back over to us. Emmett leaned into Rose and whispered in her ear. Rose's eyes widened and she stared at me, jaw agape. Bella looked at me quizzically and I shrugged my shoulders, rolling my eyes.

"You know, I've had about enough of you two." I thought of the piano downstairs. "Come on Bella, there is something I want to show you." Taking her hand again, I led her downstairs.

The piano was sitting in the center of the room. There was a couch and a table against the far wall. Most importantly, it was quiet down here.

"I wanted to play something for you." Looking down at her, I suddenly felt a little nervous.

She smiled at me and squeezed my hand encouragingly. "I would love that."

I sat on the bench and she sat next to me. Taking a deep breath to calm myself I started playing.

_Bella:_

The notes from the piano washed over me as I watched his long graceful fingers run over the keys_. He is amazing_. His face was more relaxed than I had ever seen it, and time seemed to stand still as I watched him.

When he was finished, he looked at me nervously. "That was wonderful, Edward. Claire de Lune is one of my favorite pieces."

His eyebrows scrunched down and he looked at me in amazement. "You knew that?"

"Sure, my mom likes classical music and she used to play Debussy all the time." I smiled at the memory of my mom humming the very same tune to me when I was little.

"I could play another one if you'd like, not Debussy. Umm…" He ran his fingers though his hair. "One I wrote." His hand rubbed the bridge of his nose.

I reached and took it, giving it a squeeze. "Please."

"I wrote this for my mom." He began playing again, his fingers flying over the keys, forehead wrinkling in concentration.

My breath stuck in my throat. It was beautiful. The melody flowed from him and over me in waves. My eyes filled with tears as I felt the emotion of it. Staring at his face, my heart swelled in my chest. He was absolutely incredible. _Who is this wonderful, talented boy in front of me?_ I wanted to know more about him. _What other secrets did he have?_ The melody slowed and ended. Silence filled the room.

Edward looked into my eyes. He must have read my emotions there because I heard him take a quick breath in. He bent his head towards me. _He's going to kiss me_. My heartbeat sped up as his lips gently touched mine and began moving over them. I clenched my hands in my lap, not knowing what I should do with them. His tongue ran over my bottom lip and I gasped, pulling away from him to stare at his mouth_. _I felt good when he kissed me like that.

Nervously, I lifted my hands to entwine in his hair, running the strands through my fingers. Taking a shaky breath I looked into his eyes. He watched me intently, as his hand made its way to the back of my neck and pulled me closer. I offered no resistance and he brushed his lips against mine again. Slowly he sucked and nibbled on my lips. I tried to do the same, but I felt clumsy and wrong, until he moaned. _I must be doing something right._ The kiss seemed to go on forever. The intensity of it caused my muscles to turn to jelly. When he finally let me go, I had to fight to breathe.

A small smile played on his lips. I bit my lip and looked down. His hand cupped my chin and pulled my eyes back to his. "Every time you bite that damn lip I want to kiss you." He took my bottom lip between his fingers and caressed it, rubbing it with his thumb. "Bella…" It came out sounding like a moan.

He leaned into me again, putting his lips back on mine. The kiss was harder this time. He pulled my bottom lip into his mouth and sucked gently, causing it to tingle. A little moan escaped from me. The kiss deepened and I felt his tongue thrust into my mouth. My eyes flew open and I clutched at his shirt collar. His eyes were closed and I felt his fingers whisper over the back of my neck. Letting my eyes flutter closed again, I timidly moved my tongue against his. My heart felt like it was going to explode out of my chest as I clung to his shoulders, grasping him tightly. His hands moved to my waist and he pulled me against him. I felt his hand running up and down my side. Sharp electrical sparks shot from everywhere he touched. His palm cupped my breast….

_This is too much_. Panic shot through me overriding my feelings of desire and want. I had to stop.

"Edward, wait." I pulled back from his lips. My breathing was erratic. I looked at his face. His eyes were dark with desire and his lips were full and wet from our kissing. I wanted to kiss him again. Instead, I took a deep breath in, laughed nervously and blushed. "I think it's probably time for me to go. I don't want my dad worrying about me." It was the only thing I could think to say. There was no way I could put a voice to my emotions right now, and it would be impossible for me to talk about what just happened.

He took his hands off me and ran them through his hair. "Okay, Bella." His breathing was ragged and he looked down at the piano. His hands were clenching and unclenching as he took in deep steadying breaths. Watching him in amazement as he tried to get control of himself, I swallowed loudly.

With a self-mocking grin, he took my hand to help me stand. My legs were feeling wobbly so I gripped it tightly, afraid I might fall.

The ride home was a little tense. Electricity seemed to snap between Edward and me. Watching him from the corner of my eye, I noticed he shifted uncomfortably a few times and I thought about how he had done that at the restaurant. Enlightenment filled me and I blushed deeply. _Ohhh…_My eyes widened and looked towards his crotch. He looked at me, scowling, and I blushed even more. I looked away from him and kept my eyes out the window for the rest of the ride.

When we got to my house, Edward got out and opened my door for me. He walked me to the door. I was about to say goodnight and go inside when he grabbed me, his hands clutching my arms.

"Bella, I want to see you again. You're with me now. Understand?" His eyes bore into my soul. "I want you to sit with me at lunch and I want to be able to drive you to school everyday. I will call you tomorrow so we can be together. You're _mine_ now." Part of me wanted to rebel at his demanding tone. He really should have asked, but since I wanted the same things too, I nodded my head at him.

He pulled me to him and gave me a quick kiss on the lips, pausing just long enough to lick my bottom lip again. _He must really like my bottom lip_. Then he was gone, walking away from me and back to his car. I stood there on my porch and watched him drive away. Emotions that I was afraid to name filled me and I pulled myself together to walk inside.


	5. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3- Everything is New**

_Edward:_

_Bella was waiting at her locker. Smiling, I walked towards her. Mike Newton suddenly appeared at her side and grabbed her around the waist. She laughed and put her hands on his shoulders. I stopped where I was and watched. Mike pulled Bella to him and started kissing her. She wrapped her arms around him, kissing him back as he grabbed her tit and massaged it. Rage flowed through me. He looked over at me with a sly smile on his lips as his other hand ran down her body and grabbed her ass. I yelled Bella's name and she looked at me, laughing._

I jerked upright in my bed. The sunlight was streaming through my window. _Jesus, what a dream._ My blood was boiling and I couldn't shake the image of Mike's hands on my Bella. Goddamn him, if he ever…. I took a deep breath and told myself to relax, it was only a dream. _I'm the one Bella had kissed like that last night. I'm the one taking her out again today. She is mine_. I jumped out of bed and headed to the shower.

To get the dream out of my head, I remembered last night's kiss. Her hot little mouth on mine had left me breathless and wanting more. Letting the water run over me, I pictured her lips, open and inviting. In my mind I was kissing her again, my hands were caressing her, and I heard her sigh and moan. This time she let me hold her tits…

I felt much better after I got out of the shower. I got dressed and headed downstairs. No one was up yet. I imagined Emmett would sleep the better part of the day considering his state of drunkenness last night. Hell, even Jasper might sleep late, if he had been up with Lauren all night. I couldn't believe that shit and would have to talk to him about it later.

I made myself something to eat, wondering if it is too early to call Bella. I should probably give her a little more time, but I was anxious to see her. I tried to think of what we could do today. Not much was going on in Forks, never was.

Esme, my mom, walked into the kitchen. "Good morning, Edward." She smiled at me. "Did you have a good time last night?"

"You could say that." I wanted to tell her about Bella, because she was always so worried about me. I knew she would be happy for me, as she didn't like seeing me alone..

"I think I found her, Mom." She looked at me questioningly. "Her name is Bella and she's beautiful. We went out last night. I've never felt like this about someone before." I popped a grape into my mouth and chewed slowly, thinking of Bella.

"Oh, Edward, that's wonderful." She was beaming at me. Her smile lit up her face. My mom really was pretty.

"You look very nice today, Mom."

She scrunched her face at me and giggled like a girl. "Thank you. I'm meeting some friends who want their kitchen redone. We are going to look over some ideas." She smoothed down her shirt as she spoke, and then looked at me curiously. "Are you going to bring Bella over to meet us?"

I had thought about bringing her over here to meet my family. _Is it too early for that?_ "Not yet; today is, technically, only our second date. Actually, I am trying to think of somewhere for us to go, any ideas?" I really didn't care what we did, as long as I was with Bella.

A thought occurred to me and I looked outside. The sky was clear and the sun was shining. "Never mind, I got it." I sprinted back upstairs to my room and grabbed my Debussy CD, along with some of my other favorites. I took a bag and a blanket out of the closet and made my way back in the kitchen. Rummaging in the refrigerator, I sat the desired items on the kitchen counter.

I flew downstairs to the cellar, where I grabbed the cooler and a bottle of wine. Back upstairs, I put the food and the wine in the cooler. Mom watched me with a small smile on her face, raising her eyebrow when she saw the wine. "Edward…"

"Don't worry, I'm not planning on getting her drunk. It's just to go along with lunch." She looked at me skeptically."It's romantic," I mumbled, trying my puppy dog look on her.

"I really shouldn't let you, but if you promise only one glass each, and to bring the rest home, I guess it's ok." I came around the counter and kissed her cheek. She could never resist when I gave her the puppy eyes. "I am way too lenient with you…"

"Thanks Mom, I promise." I grabbed two wine glasses, a couple plates, and some bread and put them in the bag. I was ready.

I picked up the phone and called Bella.

"Hello," she mumbled, sounding like she was still asleep.

"Bella? Hi, it's Edward. Sorry if I woke you." I hoped I didn't sound as anxious as I felt. "Do you think you can be ready soon? I have somewhere I'd like to show you."

"Yeah, ok. Give me…" she let out a big yawn, "thirty minutes."

Exactly thirty minutes later, I pulled up in front of Bella's.

She came out on the porch to meet me. Even dressed in a t-shirt and jeans she was beautiful. My eyes couldn't get enough of her and they scanned her from head to foot. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail, giving me a better view of her face.

She smiled at me shyly. Timidly, she said, "Hello."

Looking down at her, I sighed and placed a soft kiss on her lips. My heart leapt in my chest as I pulled away. Her eyes stayed closed for a few seconds and I smiled when she opened them and looked at me. Her cheeks turned a lovely shade of pink, causing me to laugh lightly. Her bashfulness would never cease to amaze me.

After we got into the car, I asked, "Have you ever been to Rialto Beach?" She shook her head 'no'. "Good, that's where we're going. It takes awhile to get there. I brought some music to listen to during the drive. Why don't you pick something out?"

It _was_ a long drive, but again I noticed how easy it was to be with her. I felt no need to make idle conversation; instead enjoying the music. She would ask me about a certain song that she liked, otherwise we remained silent. Reaching between us, I took her hand, holding it lightly in mine. I was happy just sitting next to her like this, breathing in her scent.

I had to stop outside of Port Angeles to get gas and Bella went inside to get us something to drink. After I filled the tank, I went in to join her. She was over by the cooler talking to a tall boy with short dark hair; he looked to be from the Quileute reservation nearby.

Jealousy ripped through me and my hands clenched into tight fists. _He's not touching her. _That's the only thing that kept me from punching him. My eyes narrowed and I took Bella's hand in mine, possessively pulling her tightly against me. "What's taking you so long, Bella?" My voice was deeper, demanding, it sounded foreign, even to my ears.

She looked up at me, shocked. "Edward," she squeezed my hand reassuringly. "This is Seth Clearwater. He's Harry's son. Harry and my dad have gone fishing together every weekend for as long as I can remember." She smiled at Seth.

My face got hot and I squeezed her hand tighter. _Mine_. I glared at him and clenched my teeth. "Yeah? Maybe you should go meet up with daddy now, hey Seth?" Anger pulsed out of me and his name came out sounding like a warning.

Seth looked down at me, his eyes were wide and his mouth was hanging open. He shook his head slightly and sputtered, "Well, it was nice seeing you again, Bella." He practically ran out the door.

Bella called after him, "Yeah you to Seth, tell your dad I said hi." She looked at me in exasperation. "Edward..." I pulled her hand, leading her back out to my car. I took in deep breaths trying to calm myself.

She stopped next to the Volvo and pulled her hand from mine. "Edward, really, what …what was that all about? You embarrassed me in there, in front of Seth." She was staring into my eyes and flexing her fingers on her hand. I could see she was angry.

All the anger drained from me as I looked at her. _Did I hurt her hand?_ I tried to reach for it, to see but she backed away from me. "Well?" she asked impatiently.

"Sorry," I mumbled. "I didn't like the way he was looking at you." I looked down at the ground. I was ashamed; I hadn't meant to hurt her. "Bella, did I hurt your hand?"

"No, it's fine. Do you know that Seth is only fourteen?" She glared at me again. "Oh never mind. Can we just get in the car and go?" She was still angry.

I hoped I hadn't ruined the rest of the day.

_Bella:_

Wow. Edward angry was a little scary. I thought for sure he was going to punch poor Seth. The boy looked frightened to death. I looked out the window. What had possessed him to act that way? I really didn't want it to ruin the rest of the day, so I let it go and breathed in deep.

"How much farther is it?" I asked.

Edward relaxed and smiled. "Just another forty miles or so." He put his hand down palm up in between us. He was asking me if I forgave him_. Of course I did_. I took his hand in mine and he rubbed my palm with his thumb.

I watched the trees fly by. We seemed to be going really fast. I glanced quickly at the speedometer. Ninety-five! My body tensed up. I really did not want to stir up any more trouble, but he needed to slow down. Thankfully, I didn't have to say anything; Edward had seen me look and immediately took his foot off the gas pedal, slowing us down some.

A few minutes later, Edward turned the car into a parking lot. "Here we are," he said, opening his door. After we got out he grabbed two blankets, a black bag and cooler from the back. "Can you carry the blankets?" he asked.

I took the blankets from him, blushing furiously. _What could we be using these for?_

He noticed my blush and laughed. "Relax, Bella, one's to sit on and the other is for warmth. It can get a little chilly here sometimes, if the wind is blowing right."

We both headed down the path towards the beach.

I stopped in awe as we came through the clearing. The shoreline was jagged and rocky in some areas and smooth in others. Behind us and on all sides you could see nothing but green. Large, tall trees encompassed the landscape. It was beautiful. I had never seen anything like it.

Edward smiled at my expression. "Like it?"

"Love it," I breathed.

"There is a nice dry spot over there, by those trees." He pointed at an area a few feet away. I followed him over and he sat the stuff down on the ground. "Here," he handed me a corner of the blanket, "help me lay this out so we can sit."

After we had everything all situated we sat down. There was a slight breeze, but the sun shone down on us, keeping us warm. He sat behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist as I leaned back into him. "Mom and Dad used to bring us here a lot when we were kids. We would spend the whole day swimming and exploring. Sometimes, if we got lucky, we'd see an eagle flying overhead." He looked up at the sky expectantly. "All three of us would pass out on the way home at night." He laughed, "Jasper and I always woke up before we got home, but not Emmett. Dad used to have to lift his heavy ass up and carry him inside."

His fingers ran up and down my arms lightly and his nose burrowed into my hair as he took a deep breath. "You always smell so good Bella, like strawberries and… What is that other scent you wear?"

"Freesia." I turned my head to look at him.

I was hesitant to break the mood, but I had to ask, "Edward, why...why did you act that way at the gas station?" I wrung my hands together, waiting for his answer.

"I was hoping you would forget about that." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Turn around Bella, so I can look at you." He made a circle with his hand, "All the way."

I turned to face him, crossing my legs in front of me. "I can't just forget it. It was…scary."

"I have never acted that way, ever. I was so… jealous. I was waiting for you outside and you didn't come so I went in to look for you. You were with another guy and you were talking to him and laughing. I didn't like it. I got really angry and wanted to get you away from him. You're _my_ Bella and I… well I wanted him to know it." He rubbed the bridge of his nose in consternation.

"Bella, I have never felt this way about anyone before." He looked in my eyes, "I know we haven't known each other for very long, but…Bella." He looked away towards the ocean. My heart was beating erratically. My mouth hung open at what he was trying to tell me. "Bella, I love you."

I gasped. This beautiful wonderful boy was telling me he loved me…I reached up and touched his face. He grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it gently. He stared into my eyes and time stood still.

He chuckled a little, releasing my hand and looking down at the ground. "Are you hungry? I brought us something to eat." He was changing the subject. I hadn't been able to give him the response he was waiting for. I wasn't ready for that yet.

I was hungry so I grabbed the black bag and helped empty it out. He had come prepared. There was cheese and meats, wine, bread, and cake. He pulled out two wine glasses and opened the bottle. He handed me a glass and took his, "To new beginnings?" His voice was hesitant, his eyes wary and questioning.

I smiled shyly and tapped his glass with mine, "Yes, to new beginnings."

The rest of the day flew by. We talked about everything. I heard stories of him, Emmett, and Jasper. I told him stories of my mom and me in Phoenix. He talked about when he first moved in with Esme and Carlisle and how hard it was. I told him how I cried the first night I spent in Forks, listening to the rain.

Soon the sun began to set. I shivered slightly. Edward brought the other blanket up and around us, encircling us in its warmth. The sun seemed to disappear into the ocean, leaving an orange glow behind.

I felt Edwards's fingers under my chin as he pulled it towards him. His eyes were like flames licking against my skin. He brought his lips down to mine and began to move gently. His lips on mine were soft and warm and his tongue grazed over my bottom lip causing my mouth to open. I took a deep breath and pushed my tongue against his. A soft moan escaped my throat as desire shot through me. Our tongues entwined and began to dance. My arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer. My fingers felt the softness of his hair as they brushed through it.

Slowly his hands began to roam over me, stopping at my waist and then rising to my stomach. His fingers drew circles over my shirt, across my belly, and I shuddered in delight. My fingers trailed down to his shoulders attentively stroking, pausing for a moment to linger on his collarbone, and then moving across his back to trail down his spine. He took in a loud breath of air and I felt a tremble in his arms. His hand trailed up my torso, landing gently on my breast. Pleasure shot through me; I moaned and my breath came out in short little gasps. Edward moaned in return, deepening our kiss. His lips left mine to trail down my neck, licking my collarbone. My mind was racing, trying to catch up with what I was experiencing; I whimpered a little, feeling uncertain. Edward immediately slowed his kisses and stroked my back with his other hand. His hand fell from my breast and landed on my leg.

He brought his lips back to mine and nibbled on the bottom one, delicately pulling it into his mouth and sucking gently. Edward groaned into my mouth, "My Bella, my lip." The words caused my need for him to grow stronger and my uncertainty melted away as I gave myself over to his kiss once more.

His fingers were stroking the inside of my thigh and flames licked up my leg as he moved upwards. I arched into his touch as he pressed against the warmth between my legs. "Edward," I breathed shakily.

His hands suddenly left me. "God, Bella." It was a deep groan of lust and need. His hands were on my shoulders pushing me down onto the blanket.

My arms wrapped around his waist and my fingers gripped his shirt in tight bundles. His mouth was back on mine, sucking on my lips and pushing his tongue in my mouth. He was pulling at my shirt, raising it up with one hand, while the other burrowed underneath and found my breast. His hand cupped it gently while his thumb drew small circles over my nipple. I moaned into his mouth; I couldn't breathe.

Sensations were surrounding me and I writhed beneath him. His hand was in between my legs again, rubbing. A sensitivity I had never experienced left me breathless and chanting his name. "Ohhh… Oh God, Edward…" A new awareness was opening in me; Edwards scent was surrounding me and it was driving me closer to the edge. He brought himself over me, nudging apart my legs with his knee and settling between my thighs. His hips moved, rubbing himself against me, the crease in my jeans pushed into my heat and a warm liquid seeped into my panties, soaking them.

Panic started to shoot through me. My eyes opened and widened. _Oh, what am I doing? No, I can't do this yet._ I had to get in control. I pushed on his hand, "Edward." His lips rested on my neck, sucking. _God that feels good_. Sparks were still shooting between my legs as he pushed himself against me. I didn't want him to stop. I shook my head, he had to stop, _n__o don't stop_, and something, a deep pressure, an intense flowing passion, was building in me. "Ohhhh," My hips started to move on their own and I closed my eyes, giving in to this new awareness. My hands clenched in his hair as waves crashed over me. "Edward," Opening my eyes I searched for him. "Edward…" This time I said it more forcefully. He raised his head and looked at me. Gasping and chanting his name, I stared into his green eyes as the sensations peaked inside of me and I crushed him to me.

His eyes were dark with passion as he bent to kiss me. It was a short kiss and he pulled himself away reluctantly. He rolled off of me and lay on the blanket by my side. His breathing was erratic and I heard him taking in deep gulping breaths to slow down. He laughed. "Damn, Bella, I wasn't expecting for all that to happen. Glad it did, but wasn't expecting it."

I sat up and looked down at him. He reached up to push a lock of hair behind my ear. "Your ponytail seems to have been knocked loose." His hand went behind my head and pulled the rubber band out. My hair swung down over my shoulders. He smiled his crooked smile at me. "That's better."

I stared down at him and bit my lip. "Edward, I never." I swallowed nervously and twisted my hair around my finger. "I have never felt anything like that. It was," my voice whispered, "amazing."

Watching him smile like that got my pulse racing again. Tentatively, I reached out and trailed my fingers down his chest, marveling over the way my hands trembled. I wanted to continue touching him, to experience more of these new feelings and desires.

Edward burrowed his hands in his hair and looked at me in frustration. "Bella, I don't think you are ready for this to go any further. So, if you want me to stop and not start kissing you again, I suggest you quit looking at me like that." His voice was husky and his eyes were darkening again.

I quickly looked away. He was right, I wasn't really ready to take this any further, despite what my body wanted, so I blurted, "It's dark. Will you be able to find our way back to the car?"

"I hope so. Like I said, this was unexpected; we were supposed to be on our way home right now. I didn't bring a flash light." He looked around. "We're not too far from the path. I'll be able to find it. We better start out though."

He started to put everything back in the bag and cooler. I folded the blankets. When we stood up he pulled me against him once more. "Just one more kiss." His lips met mine lightly and gently moved over them. It was short and sweet.

On the ride home I fell asleep thinking of his kiss and his declaration. Edward woke me when we got to my house. We had already discussed plans for tomorrow and decided that we both needed to study and after today I needed some thinking time to myself. Kissing me softly, he stared into my eyes once more before turning and walking away. Letting myself inside, I stumbled up the stairs to my room.

I wouldn't see him until Monday morning when he picked me up before school. A dull ache swelled in me as I thought of the day ahead without him. I wasn't sure I wanted to be alone. A longing to spend every minute with him swelled in me and it scared me a little. These emotions were so new and intense and I didn't know how to control them, if I could control them. One thing was certain. I was falling in love with Edward, if I wasn't already there.

_Edward:_

I didn't feel like going to bed after I dropped Bella off. I was wound too tight. When I got home, I went into the piano room and started playing. A new melody was taking shape in my mind. I thought of Bella and let my feelings flow out on the keys. Starting with when I had first met her, letting the music echo my confusion and desire. I kept playing, all my emotions taking form; my confusion, desire, love, want, jealousy, flowing out of me onto the keys. I finished with a loud crescendo echoing tonight's events. I sat back. It wasn't finished, and our story wasn't complete yet. I fished some paper out of the bench and began writing the notes I had just played down, playing them again when I needed to remember. By the time I was done, I was emotionally exhausted.

Slowly, I made my way to my room. Jasper was in the hall waiting for me. "Edward, that was, incredible, man. I have never heard you play with such emotion before."

"Yeah, well, I have a lot on my mind." I shrugged at him. I didn't feel like talking, so I kept walking into my room, but Jazz followed me. "Jazz, I'm a little drained. I really don't feel like talking right now."

Jazz looked at me, "Yeah? Well I do. I need help."

"Why?" Groaning I looked at my bed. So much for sleep. I went to sit on it though; at least I would be comfortable.

"You saw me with Lauren the other night, right?" He looked at the floor, his foot tapping nervously.

I laughed, "Yeah, I've been meaning to ask you about that."

"It's not funny." He looked up at me, eyes wide. "It was a mistake. I had too much to drink and I feel terrible about it." He shook his head, "She came to see me while I was at work today." He started tapping his foot again. "She cornered me behind the counter. Her hands were all over me." He visibly shuddered. "When she left I found these in my pocket." He held up a pair of pink lacy panties.

I started laughing hysterically, "Oh, man, you are so screwed." I continued laughing.

"I'm glad you find this so amusing!" He threw the panties at me.

I lunged out of the way in mock fright, "Don't touch me with those!" Tears started to leak out of my eyes, I was laughing so hard.

"Come on Edward, what am I going to do? I don't want to hurt her feelings or anything, but you know I can't see myself…" he swallowed, "dating her."

"Don't worry about it, Jazz. Lauren's a big girl and she knows what she's doing." A thought suddenly occurred to me. "God, you weren't too drunk to remember to cover it up, were you?"

Jazz looked at me, a look of disgust on his face. "No, I was not."

I knew how he was feeling. I had to deal with Lauren at one time myself, the girl would just not take no for an answer. I did not tell him this, however. The thought that we both had screwed the same girl kind of grossed me out; I couldn't imagine what it would do to him.

"She doesn't like to be told no, and she can be a real bitch, so you'll have to handle her carefully. Other than that I don't know what else to tell you. You got yourself into this mess…" I felt a little sorry for him. Dealing with Lauren was not going to be easy. "Thanks for making me feel better though. I needed a good laugh."

He finally smiled, "You're welcome, glad my misery made your night. Didn't you spend the day with Bella today?" I nodded. "So why did you need cheering up? Didn't it go well?"

"Too well. We seem to fit together. Like everything else before her doesn't matter." My finger rubbed the bridge of my nose as I began to remember all the things I had told her.

"What is it, Edward?" He crossed his arm and looked at me in concern.

"I told her I loved her." It came out as a whisper.

"You what?! Jesus, Edward. I know you can be a real dick sometimes, but why would you tell that poor girl something like that? Even you're not usually that manipulative." He was pissed and he looked like he was going to hit me.

"Wait! I wasn't trying to manipulate her. I was telling the truth." I looked him in the eye. "I do love her."

Jazz looked incredulous, "Oh…that's different then. You love her?" he seemed amazed. "What did she say?"

I looked down at my bed, "Nothing. She just kind of stared at me. Kind of with the same unbelievable expression you have."

"Well, this is a first. I have never heard you say those words, except to Mom, in the nine years that I've known you. She was probably shocked; this is only your second date, right?" I nodded again. "Well, then what happened?" He leaned against the wall, studying me.

I felt my face heat up. I was blushing, like Bella. Ugh… I looked away from Jasper's gaze. "You didn't..." I looked at him after my face cooled. "Edward, tell me you didn't …fuck her…"

"Jesus, Jazz! Thanks for always thinking the best of me!" I couldn't believe him. "Just forget it man. It's obvious what you think of me. Get out of here," My mood had turned sour again and I wanted to be left alone.

"What am I suppose to think, Edward? For the past two years you've done nothing but fuck everything female in a thirty mile radius. Now, all the sudden, I'm just supposed to think you might actually put some stock in this girl's feelings?" He shook his head.

"Yeah, you are. I just told you, I _love _her. You heard me downstairs just now, what I was playing. That was all about her." I lay back on my bed. "Jazz just go, I need sleep."

"I'm sorry, Edward. I guess I shouldn't be so judgmental. Especially after the shit I pulled Friday night. You say you love her. I'm happy for you. Just…she's an innocent," he stared hard into my eyes, "give her some time." He turned and walked out of the room.

I thought of Bella in my arms tonight and the passion in her eyes. The way she clung to me, calling my name. It was going to be really hard to give her time.

**Reviews are like Edwards eyes- exciting and warm... Let me know what you think. **


	6. Chapter 4

*****hello- this chapter has been updated and added on 9/29/09. Thanks for reading!**

*****Disclaimer: I may love Edward, but I do not own him...sadly.**

**Chapter 4 – Dating**

_Edward:_

It was quiet in the house when I woke up the next day. I wished I could call Bella, but I was going to try to give her some space. Besides, there was some homework I needed to finish up; after that, maybe, I would see what Emmett was up to. He owed me a game of Vice City on his Playstation 3. I was still pissed that he had killed me off in the last game.

Walking into the kitchen, I noticed a note from mom on the counter. I was home alone; Dad had been called into work and Mom had gone to a charity auction, but she left me some blueberry muffins. She was the best, as these were my favorite. I smiled as I piled them on a plate with butter and went to the table, grabbing my Trig book along the way.

After polishing off the muffins with a glass of milk and finishing my homework, I looked for Emmett. He wasn't home. _Now what?_ Sitting in front of the TV, I channel surfed, but nothing was on. I, again, thought of calling Bella. I really didn't want her to think I was crazy, so I shoved that thought aside. Thinking of my neglected motorcycle in the garage, I smiled. I could go for a ride. _I haven't ridden her in a longtime_.

The thought made me think of Bella and I smiled, pictures of last night flashing through my mind. She had been so responsive and sexy. I felt my body respond to her memory, and I snickered before mentally shaking the thought away. I definitely needed to get out of the house, and a ride on the cycle was the perfect solution.

Once on it, I took off, letting myself feel the wind in my hair. Needing to go fast, I watched as my speedometer edged towards 90. Exhilaration coursed through me and nothing else seemed to matter as I flew down the streets. I loved this.

Before I knew it, I was in front of Bella's house. Stopping, I contemplated knocking on her front door. I wasn't sure what to do; I really wanted to see her.

Bella walked out, making my decision for me, smiling and throwing on her jacket. She ran over to me and without saying a word she straddled the motorcycle, wrapping her arms around me. I felt her settle behind me and grinning, I started forward.

"Not too fast. I saw how you flew up here." She giggled and her legs clutched tighter to my hips.

I laughed and took off. Feeling her behind me was incredible. Wanting her to feel the exhilaration I felt while riding, but careful to keep it under seventy, I flew down the streets and around the curves. Her arms tightened around me and her face pressed into my back.

After a few miles, I slowed and found a place to pull over.

Helping her off, my hands lingered around her waist as I took in the magnificence of my Bella. Her face was flushed with excitement and her hair was a tangled mess around her shoulders. She was beautiful. I ran my hand down her hair. "You're a mess." Grinning down at her like a fool, I said, "I like it."

She laughed and threw her arms around me. _She's unbelievable_. "I am so glad you showed up," she said before her lips found mine in an urgent kiss. Her tongue pushed against my lips and I opened them allowing her in. The kiss was long and heavy. When she pulled away, her chocolate eyes were dark with passion.

My eyes were wide, mesmerized by her. "You amaze me," I breathed.

Grabbing my hand, she pulled me off the road, stopping behind a very large tree. I leaned against the tree staring into her eyes. She curved into me and attacked my mouth again. Groaning, I pulled her to me. _Damn her enthusiasm_.

When she finally pulled back, both of us were breathing heavily. She smiled again, her hand brushing through my hair. "Can we ride some more?"

I smiled back at her. "Hell, yeah."

We got back on the bike and took off again.

It was almost dark when I pulled back in front of her house. She slid off the motorcycle and leaned into me, kissing my neck. My breath caught and I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. She took my hand and placed it on her breast.

"Bella?" _Jesus, what is she trying to do to me? _

She pulled back and dark chocolate eyes were searing into mine. She leaned in again, taking my lips with hers. Bracing myself on the cycle, I tried not to fall over from the impact of her lips on mine. I squeezed her breast gently, feeling her soft swell through the layers of her clothes.

"Mmm… Edward."

The moan almost did me in, and my hand tightened on her breast, causing her to gasp. She pulled back again, her hand moving in my hair. "Tomorrow?" she asked huskily.

I nodded stupidly with my mouth gaping open, strangled sounds escaping between my lips. She smiled, turned and then walked into her house.

Jazz thought I needed to go slow with her. I laughed harshly. _After what she just did to me? _The hardness between my legs throbbed and pressed tightly against my jeans. It was going to be a rough ride home.

--xx—

_Bella:_

I was sitting on my bed, thinking about yesterday, when I heard the horn blow. I got up and went to my window. Edward was standing in the front, leaning on his Volvo. He was wearing a dark green shirt and sunglasses. Part of me had been hoping for the motorcycle.

I rushed out to meet him, my heart pounding in excitement. He smiled his crooked smile at me and opened my door. Once inside I took out my MP3 player and plugged it in. "I just heard this song on the radio yesterday, before you came over. It's really good, so I downloaded it last night." I looked at him shyly. This was the first time I had been able to show him what I liked.

"Bring me Back to Life" by Evanescence began playing over the speakers. I sang along quietly to the song. I looked at Edward out of the corner of my eye. He was smiling and tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. I sighed relaxing. "I really like the way she uses her voice, almost angelic, with a painful quality to it. It really stands out against the guitar and the harder rock sounds."

"Yeah, it's good." He smiled and reached over, taking my hand in his. "I wonder what other songs they have out there. Maybe we can look some up after school."

I giggled, my face heating. He wanted to be together again after school. The thought of him, in my house, by ourselves, caused my stomach to quiver in anticipation.

Once at school, Edward walked around the car and opened my door for me. When I got out he put his arms around my shoulders, smiling. Mike and Jessica were staring at us, so I just smiled at them. Jessica raised her eyebrows at me. Mike looked a little green and nauseous. _Was he sick?_

School was good, if a little awkward. People kept stopping me, asking me if I was dating Edward Cullen. Like this was an unexplainable phenomena or something. We sat together at lunch, and he introduced me to Jasper, who seemed a little preoccupied. Plus I got to see Emmett and Rose again. Rose started talking to me right away. She was very sweet, even if somewhat obsessed with her boyfriend. They seemed unable to keep their hands off each other. Jasper didn't stay long; a girl named Lauren came over and dragged him away. She looked at me from the corner of her eye and frowned, but quickly diverted her attention back to Jasper.

Edward liked to play with my hair. He kept smoothing the back down and letting it fall through his fingers. I didn't mind, it felt nice. We walked hand-in-hand to Biology after lunch and continued holding hands under our lab table throughout class.

When the bell rang, ending class, Edward bent down and kissed my lips softly, "See you after school." He let his fingers trail down my arm to my hand and I shivered.

Jessica cornered me in Gym. "What is up with you and Edward Cullen, Bella? Why didn't you tell me? How long has this been going on?" Jessica rapidly fired her questions at me.

"We're dating, because I wasn't sure until now, and just this weekend. " I smiled at her, rolling my eyes. "Does that answer your questions?"

She bristled a little at my answers. She seemed angry; maybe Mike hadn't asked her out yet. I tried to ask her about him, but she just blew it off and walked away frowning.

School fell into this routine over the next couple of months.

Every morning, on the drive to school, either Edward or I would have a song we would share. Edward had such a broad taste, I felt like I was getting an education in music, discovering songs I never would have thought I would like. Most of the stuff I shared was main stream; nevertheless, he seemed to enjoy it, too.

Once at school, he would walk me to my first class and kiss me chastely before hurrying off to his. We met up for lunch with Emmett, Rose, and Jasper everyday. Rose and I had become good friends. She was really not the hard-ass that she pretended to be. She and Emmett were perfect together. He was such a big lovable dolt, and he treated me like a sister. They would both gang up on us and tease us unmercifully if they caught us ogling each other. Emmett liked to say things like, "Geez you two. Want me to call The Days Inn and reserve a room for you?" or "Bella, if you stick your tongue any further down Edwards's throat you're going to choke him." It took me a whole two months just to get used to Emmett's teasing and I finally quit blushing as much over his comments.

Jasper, on the other hand, was very quiet. He kept to himself most of the time, until Lauren would saunter over and drag him off. He never seemed very happy about being with her. Strange. Sometimes, I would catch Edward shaking his head and looking after his brother in pity. I would have to remember to ask him about that.

Biology was always nice. Edward would hold my hand so nonchalantly, like it was the most natural thing in the world. Hopelessly staring at his face, I realized I could never get enough him. Edward must have thought the same about me because he seemed unable to drag his gaze away from my face as well. We must have looked like a couple of lovesick, besotted fools. Mr. Banner didn't seem to mind; I suppose it was because we were the top students in class.

Gym was the only crappy part of my day as it had really sucked lately. Jessica was acting really weird and practically stopped talking to me. I don't know what happened, but I thought we were friends. I tried not to think about it; however, and as time passed, we quit talking to each other all together.

After school, Edward would take me home and we would spend a little time at my house before Charlie got home, mostly just making out. I loved making out with Edward. His fingers drove me mad. I never knew that I could feel the things I felt when I was with Edward. The first time he touched me, under my panties, I thought I was falling apart, literally. Edward seemed to always know when I reached my limit and would pull back. He would hold me and kiss me softly until our breathing returned to normal. He never got angry about having to stop. He told me he was in no rush and would take all the time that I needed.

After awhile, I got impatient, from wanting to touch him under his underwear. I was horrified at the thought of asking him, but I did it. And when I touched him, he trembled. He was so soft and smooth in my hand. He showed me what to do, how to tighten my hand around him just right and move up and down his length. The first time I made Edward cum, I felt – accomplished._ I_ had made him feel that way, and God, that sound he made was enough to drive me crazy.

Weekends were even better. Friday night was officially coined "party" night by Emmett. The four of us would all do something together. Jazz would come along too, sometimes. He never brought that Lauren girl. I think they must have broken up at some point because she stopped coming over to our table at lunch, too. Anyways, on Fridays we would go watch Emmett's football game and then afterwards, usually go to a party. Sometimes, we would head off and play darts or go bowling, instead. I was terrible at both. Once I even hit Emmett with a dart. I stuck him right in the butt. I was mortified, but Edward and Rose cracked up. Emmett has never let me live that down.

I called Saturdays "Edward and Bella day". It was on a Saturday that I realized I was in love with Edward. He had brought me to his house to meet his parents. Carlisle and Esme were wonderful. I saw the way his mom doted on him, and he in return doted on her. It was so sweet. My heart just filled up right there. Any man that could love his mother that much was something special.

Later that night, I told him I loved him while we were making out in the back seat of his Volvo. He was pulling back from me and I did not want him to. I blurted it out and told him I was ready for us to "truly be together." Yeah, I really said that. He blinked at me a few times, his mouth hanging open. Then he smiled his crooked smile at me and told me he knew I loved him and that he loved me, too. We made out some more after that, but Edward would not go all the way with me in the backseat of his car. He said that in no way was that going to be where we made love for the first time.

_Edward:_

Time with Bella passed so quickly. I was falling harder for her than I ever thought possible. I had never loved a girl like this. She was beautiful and amazing. She had a certain amount of confidence, but at the same time was so timid over certain things. Everything about her entranced me. To me she was perfect.

We spent everyday together and I loved it. She was mine and I was hers.

Sometimes I would catch one of the guys at school looking at her and I would have to set them straight. Mike Newton was a serious problem, but Bella believed they were friends. She didn't see what I saw. Many times I would catch him looking at her in more than a friendly manner. I would wrap my arm around her tightly, pulling her close to me whenever I saw him. He needed to know she was mine.

He still seemed to find time alone with her, so I met him at his locker after class one day. He eyed me warily as he walked over. "What do you want, Cullen?" he asked.

"You to stay away from my girl," I snarled at him. My eyes narrowed and my hands clenched into fists.

"You're pathetic. Why don't you let her choose for herself who her friends are?"

Laughing, I leaned menacingly towards him. "You don't think, if I asked her, she would quit talking to you?"

"Then ask her." He threw a cocky smile at me.

I wanted to beat his face in, but I didn't want to upset Bella. Taking a deep breath I glared down at him. "Just keep your hands off of her. If I ever see you touching her…" As long as he kept his hands off of her I would keep my cool, but once he laid a hand on her – well, I had no control over what would happen then.

I turned and walked away from him when I saw Bella coming down the hall. She glanced nervously between the two of us and asked me what was wrong. I wanted to tell her not to see Mike anymore, but I didn't. I would wait, and watch.

Jessica Stanley was another problem. I know Bella was hurt by Jessica's turn against her, but I also knew it was because of me. Jessica and I had a short fling a while back, but nothing came of it, although she wanted it to progress. Now she was taking it out on Bella. _Bitch. _Luckily Bella and Rose had become fast friends and she didn't miss Jessica much.

Bella being such good friends with Rose did have one disadvantage. Emmett. My brother enjoyed making my life a living hell. He teased Bella unmercifully about our relationship, prying her for details about our sex life. He only did it to make her blush. On the other hand, he wouldn't let up on me about my feelings for Bella. The fact that I was in love, seemed to be a source of great amusement to him, especially since it had happened so quickly.

After school, at her place, was the best part of my day. It was our time, no Rose or Emmett to interfere, no parents intruding. Just me and Bella. Every experience was new with Bella. She was so innocent, but willing. I loved showing her new things, and I loved watching her experience these things for the first time, like the first time she came against my fingers. Her face was so tense, all scrunched up, her head was thrown back, and she was calling my name. God. I thought I was going to loose it. I had a very fine line of control, trying to wait until it was right for her, but watching her cum like that… _Nothing_ could be better than watching my Bella react that way to something I was doing to her. Nothing.

Then there was that night in my Volvo, when she asked me to make love to her. Actually, she said she was ready for us to "truly be together". (That still makes me chuckle.) I wanted her something fierce. It took all the control I had in me to pull away from her and say no, but I would be damned if my Bella's first sexual experience was in the back of a fucking car, even if it was my Volvo.

Everything was going so well. My parents loved her, Emmett called her his baby sis, Rose and her were good friends, and even Jasper was finally warming up to her, now that Lauren was finally out of his picture.

Suddenly the holidays were right around the corner. Thanksgiving passed in a blur of Turkey and mashed potatoes. Mom cooked a fabulous meal and both Bella and Charlie had been invited. Turned out, Dad and Charlie got along real well, perched in front of the TV with Emmett watching College football.

Then it was almost Christmas. And I didn't know what to get her.

--XX—

It was snowing outside, and Bella didn't seem to like it very much. She complained of it being to cold and wet. Emmett and I had plans to change that.

Bella was due over any minute; she was stopping to pick up Rose. Mom and Dad had gone shopping, Jazz was sulking in his room (again) and Emmett was outside with me, helping me build a fort and make snowballs.

When they pulled up in her truck, Emmett and I hunkered down behind the fort so they couldn't see us. As soon as they started to walk past we jumped out and ambushed them. Both girls screamed and tried to run away, but Emmett and I were relentless. "No fair!" Bella cried.

"Emmett Cullen!" yelled Rose, "You're messing up my hair! I'm going to destroy you!"

Emmett's eyes widened as his hands fell down to his sides. He all but pleaded, "Rose, baby, come on! It was all in fun."

I glared at the traitor. "You pussy!"

Bella turned to me shocked and then burst out laughing, falling on the ground in hysterics. Emmett raised an eyebrow at her and then looked at me, saying, "Well I guess we know how to get Bella going. Just mention the word pussy."

Laughing harder Bella bent over in a ball on the ground.

_Thwack!_ A giant snowball slammed against my chest. Startled, I looked in the direction of the attack. _Thwack!_ Another snowball landed on my right leg. Spotting Rose a few feet away I growled deep in my chest. "Emmett, you better get your girl before I do."

_Thump!_ Emmett took one right in the head before he turned around to face Rose. Crouching down low he sprang forward, chasing after Rose who squeaked and ran the other way.

_Thwack!_ Another snowball hit me, this time right in the middle of my ass. Turning around, I saw Bella standing up with a big grin on her face. Her grin turned to a frown as she watched me crouch down and look up at her, my most evil looking smile planted on my face.

"Edward?" She bit her lip and took a step back away from me.

Grabbing up a handful of snow, I patted it together as I watched her. Her eyes centered on the snow in my hands as she took another step back. Smiling again, she screamed and ran away from me towards her truck, ducking behind it. Stealthily, I walked towards her, tossing the snowball between my hands. "Bella, come on out, sweetie. You know you can't hide from me." I made my way around the truck and stopped, puzzled. She wasn't there. "Ahg!" I yelled as ice and cold ran down my neck and under my shirt. The vixen had snuck up behind me and stuffed snow down my back.

Turning quickly, I grabbed her before she could get away. We both fell down into the snow. "Now I've got you!" I pushed her down beneath me and sat on her to keep her still.

Looking at me in sheer panic she asked, "Edward, what are you going to do?"

Smiling wickedly at her, I picked up some more snow. She had a little beanie hat on, and I swiped it off her head. Filling it with snow, I shoved it back on her head pressing firmly, squishing the snow into her hair. "Edward!" She squirmed under me.

"Oh, no I am not done with you yet." Picking up more snow I smashed it, gently, into her face and neck forcing it under her collar and down underneath the front of her shirt.

"Oh…Oh, it's cold! Edward…Get off me!" I lifted off of her and stood up, grabbing her hand and pulling her to her feet. She shook all around pulling her clothes away from her, shaking out the snow. I stood there, watching her, laughing hysterically. "Cold!" she yelled again and ran for the front door.

I followed after her, laughing even harder when she took her hat off. The snow had all melted and her hair was soaked, water trickling down her forehead. "Edward!" She sounded pissed, so I quit laughing and glanced over at her. She was standing by the door with her hands on her hips, glaring at me. I had never seen anything more tempting.

Growling low again, I stalked over to her. Her hands fell down from her sides and her eyes widened as she looked at me. I pulled her to me, holding her close, and brought my lips down to hers. My tongue darted between her lips, finding hers. Her hands moved up to grasp my hair.

Gathering her into my arms, I lifted her and carried her towards the stairs. Making my way to my room, I opened my door. Once inside, I sat Bella down. She unbuttoned her coat and set it aside, and I did the same. Biting her lip, she timidly played with the hem of her shirt, all the while staring into my eyes. My breath came out in a gust when she pulled her shirt over her head and then proceeded to unclasp her bra, letting it fall to the floor in front of her. I had yet to see her this way. I had felt her up numerous times, but to see her bare before me like this was something else.

I let out a strangled whisper, "Bella?"

"Come here, Edward. Touch me." Her words shot through me, and her breasts were calling my name, begging me to touch them_. _

_Who am I to say no?_ I reached out and took one in my hand, kneading it gently. Her soft sighs surrounded me. My thumb circled over her nipple causing it to stand erect under my fingers' pressure.

"Bella." I whispered her name reverently.

She was tugging at my shirt, and I raised my arms to help her to pull it off. Her fingers ran across my chest. "Edward," she moaned.

I looked at her face, she was licking her lips and her eyes were shut. My eyes were drawn back down to her chest as my hands cupped them. "Beautiful," I whispered. She arched her back, bringing them further into my palms.

"Edward, kiss them." Her breathy plea surprised me, as we had never gone this far before. Our clothes had always remained on, my mouth staying above her shirt. I brought my head forward to comply with her plea. One small nipple ran across my lips. I lapped at it with my tongue and she moaned beneath me. I nudged her backwards on to my bed. Now that I could do this, my heart pounded, my lips quivered, and I was anxious. Anxious to taste her, not just here, but everywhere.

My hand burrowed underneath her jeans, finding her panties, and impatiently pushing them aside. She whimpered when I stroked her, my fingers finding her clit. I circled it with my thumb, pressing gently. My lips traveled from her breast and sucked lightly on her neck. Wet heat flowed over my fingers as Bella's cries deepened.

Moving my lips to her ear, I traced it with my tongue and whispered, "Bella, I want to taste you." I had the overpowering urge to claim her. _She is mine, only I can make her feel this way. _

Her breath caught and I looked down at her face. A rosy blush was highlighting her cheeks and her eyes were wide on my mine. "You'll like it. I promise." I licked my lips and narrowed my eyes in want.

Hesitantly, she nodded. "I will need to take you pants off." I still stared down at her, my finger still pulsing against her heat, stroking it gently. I wanted her to stay relaxed, to feel all the things I was going to do to her.

She swallowed and nodded again. She looked so nervous and scared. "Don't be nervous. I love you. I want to give you this." My free hand trailed up her waist and over her stomach to her pants buckle. Keeping my eyes on hers, I undid them and pulled them off. With one last kiss on her lips, I shifted myself down so my head was between her legs.

"Scoot forward a little Bella." Pulling her legs softly, I moved her to the edge of the bed. Kneeling in front of her, I let my hands travel up her thighs, rubbing gently. My eyes devoured her sex; laid out, open in front of me_. God she's beautiful. _

I could feel her muscles tensing beneath me. "Relax, Love. Just let yourself go, feel me." Leaning forward, I breathed in her scent, and sighing happily, I placed a light kiss on her inner thigh. Bella jerked back away from me. "Shh, Bella it's good. You smell so good, God I want you. Please, let me do this."

"Edward, I'm just scared." Her voice shook a little. "But I don't want you to stop."

That was all the encouragement I needed. Burying my face in her left thigh, I started at her knee and licked my way up. My fingers went back to her heat, and I stroked along her clit, rubbing around it, all the while kissing her thighs.

Bella began to move beneath me. "Edward," she groaned. Glancing up at her, I saw that her eyes were closed and she was biting her lip, her hands were wound into the sheets, pulling them against her.

My tongue slowly pushed against her. "Oh…" she moaned.

"Do you feel that, Bella? Only I can do this for you." Grinding my tongue against her, I moaned. My dick twitched in my pants as I tasted her sweet juice.

"Oh, God! Yes, Edward. Only you… please…" I smiled smugly against her, burying myself further in her folds.

_Bella:_

I had never felt anything like this before. Edwards's lips and tongue were on me, licking me, stroking against me. Shivers raced down my spine and I arched against him. I couldn't help it, I wanted to get closer. Intense sensations were shooting up from my core. I moaned his name over and over.

"Oh my… what is all this…how? "

Nonsensical words burst from my lips. Tight, hot pressure was building inside of me, so much more intense than anything I had experienced. Crying out, I lifted my hips up against him when his tongue thrust inside me.

"Edward!"

Everything exploded then, lifting me away from my body and throwing me back down again, leaving me breathless and trembling under him.

Edward pulled back and looked up at me, a wide grin lighting his face. I giggled some at him, and he pulled himself up to lie next to me. Pushing my hair back from my face, he placed warm kisses along my jaw. "Told you so." He sounded cocky and so sure of himself. Giggling again, my hand trailed along his cheekbone.

A soft knock sounded on the door. "Bella, Edward," It was Rose. "Carlisle and Esme called. They are stopping to pick us up some Chinese food and then heading home. They should be here any minute."

Edward stood, grabbing his shirt and throwing it on. He stared down at me with black eyes. Remembering I was naked, I blushed deeply and took his sheet covering myself.

He laughed, "Bella, I just saw and tasted the most intimate part of you. I don't think you need to hide from me."

Still, I blushed and pulled the sheet tighter."Okay, Love," He whispered before brushing his fingers through his hair. "I am going downstairs. Get yourself together quickly and come down to meet us."

After pulling myself together, I ran down the stairs and just in time, too, because Esme was opening the door, her arms full of bags that were sending out the most delicious smells. My stomach grumbled loudly, and Edward looked over at me smirking.

"Boys go out and help your father." Esme shooed Edward and Emmett outside. "Jasper!" she called up the stairs. "Come on down here, Honey. We have dinner."

The "boys" came back in carrying a very large Christmas tree. After much discussion they centered it in the middle of the living room just in front of the huge bay window.

The rest of the evening was spent eating the Chinese food and decorating the Christmas tree. I felt so special being included in this obvious family ritual.

Before long, it was time for me to go home.

--XX—

Christmas day dawned bright and snowy. Yawning and stretching I made my way downstairs to make Charlie some breakfast.

I smiled at my dad as he stumbled into the kitchen, breathing in deeply. "Bacon?" He peaked over my shoulder at what I was cooking.

"Sit, Dad." I waved him to the table and poured him a cup of coffee. "Merry Christmas."

Placing his plate in front of him, I grabbed mine and dug into the eggs and bacon with gusto. I was starving.

We exchanged gifts; he had gotten me a pair of pretty gold earrings that I adored. I put them on right away. I gave him a new fishing pole. He was going fishing with Harry later and could not wait to try it out.

Edward would be by after his family finished opening their presents and had breakfast. He had asked me to come by, but I didn't want to intrude; I felt like he should just be with his family on Christmas morning. Plus, I had wanted to spend my Christmas morning with Charlie.

We didn't talk much, me and my dad but that was okay. We were comfortable with the silence, sitting at the table together eating our eggs.

***** So what do you think? Have any of you had a jealous or possesive boyfriend? How did he act" What are some things he did?**


	7. Chapter 5

******Updated 10/21/2009**

***** Disclaimer: Twilight and characters belong to Stephanie, not me- :( **

**Chapter 5- Destruction Leads to Salvation**

_Edward:_

It was New Years Eve and Bella and I were attending a party with Emmett and Rose. Emmett and I sat on the couch as we watched our girls shake their asses all over the makeshift dance floor. Bella had been trying to keep up with Rose, and though my girl had some good moves, she was definitely not as graceful as Rose. I had to cover my mouth to suppress my laughter.

_My clumsy Bella_. _My drunk Bella._

Her and Rose were fairly intoxicated. I had stood by, silently watching Bella ingest large amounts of champagne. The effect it was having on her was quite amusing.

Rolling my eyes, I stood to go to her; she had fallen against the wall. Bella glared at it bewildered; apparently, the wall had appeared out of nowhere. My arms reached around her waist as I pulled her back against me.

"Mmmmm, Edward." Sighing, she leaned back along my chest. "I was wondering where you went." Her arms snaked up to wrap around my neck, pulling my head down. Thrusting her ass against me, she continued moving to the music.

Instantly hardening, I pulled her closer and ground myself against her. My lips found her throat, opening, tasting her. "Bella." Gliding my hands over her waist, I let them linger on her hips, holding her to me tightly.

The room seemed to fade around us, letting me forget about everyone else there. _She smells so good, feels so nice._ I wanted her so badly. I didn't think I could wait much longer.

My hands reached out for hers, drifting over them, finding the promise ring I had given her for Christmas. Bringing her hand up to my lips I kissed the ring, sliding my tongue around the finger it graced. Pride made me stand up straighter. She was _my_ girl.

When the song ended she turned around in my arms to look at me, smiling. "I am really thirsty. Can you get me another drink, please?"

Slowly, I blinked at her, trying to focus on her words_. Another drink?_ "Bella, I think you should probably stick with water now. Okay?" I pulled back from her to see her face. It was flushed and her eyes were a bit cloudy, whether from passion or booze, I wasn't sure.

She pouted at me, stumbling a little as she tried to push herself away. _That answered my question- Booze._ Catching her elbow, I scowled down at her. She was staring at me with this goofy grin on her face.

"You take such good care of me, Edward." Swaying some, she placed her hand to my chest to steady herself. She kept staring at me, sighing. "Edward, you are so beautiful, just gorgeous. I love you."

Suddenly her face scrunched up and she leaned forward. "Oh. Why is the room spinning? I think, maybe, I should go sit down."

Taking her over to the couch, I helped her sit down. She sat back and looked up at me again. Sighing some more, she took my hand, as she tried to pull me to her.

"Wait a minute, Bella." I gently released her hand, sliding mine along her arm. "I'm going to go get you that water now. Sit here, don't go anywhere. I will be right back."

Shaking my head, I ran to get her a glass of water. _People who can not hold their liquor should not drink. _I was afraid we were in for a long night. I had never seen Bella like this. Of all the parties we had attended, this was a first. _Damn, and I had such plans for later._ I ran my hand through my hair in frustration. _Oh well, better forget about that._

When I got back to the couch, she was gone. _Where the hell did she go?_ I spotted her over by the window, leaning against it.

Tyler Crowley was standing behind her staring at her ass, like she was his to stare at. Starting to walk towards her, my eyes narrowed as I watched his hands encircle her waist, and he bent forward placing a kiss on her cheek.

_What the fuck? _I sped over to them, one thought on my mind- _To kick Tyler's ass for touching my Bella._

Grabbing his shoulder, I was just about to say his name, when Bella lurched forward. Everything she had drank or eaten tonight came up and splattered all over Tyler's shirt.

Cries of "ewwww" and "yuck, gross" filled the room as everyone around us hurried away.

She looked up at him, mortified, "oh God, Tyler, I am so sorry." He backed from her, looking a little green, and turning, ran in the other direction.

Feeling a little smug, I watched him go. _Serves you right._ I glanced down at Bella, who was again smiling at me with that dopey smile. She let out a gust of breath and sighed lovingly.

Placing my hand over my nose, I grimaced. "Bella, Ugh... Your breath stinks. God." Looking around me desperately, I called out to anyone listening, "Gum. Does anyone have a piece of gum?"

Luckily, someone handed me a piece of Trident. Giving Bella the cup of water, I instructed her to drink it and then handed her the gum. She chewed it noisily, gazing at me adoringly. I couldn't help but laugh at her again.

"Edward?" Emmett called from across the room. I looked over and saw he had Rose slung over his shoulder. "Time to go." His face was a mask of delight and mischief, his hand anchoring his girlfriend to him, by firmly holding onto her ass. Rose, however, looked somewhat green, but her eyes were shut and I assumed she was passed out.

I laughed out loud at the sight. It seems our girls were on a bender tonight. _What had gotten into them?_

"Come on Bella, time to go home." I took her hand to lead her outside.

"Oh, pooh." Her lips formed a sexy pout as she looked up at me. "Can't we stay and dance some more? I want to dance with you and kiss you and …" her voice trailed off in an unintelligible slur.

Wrinkling my nose in disgust, I took her elbow and led her from the room. "Honey, I wouldn't kiss you right now no matter how much I love you. You're in serious need of a toothbrush."

We ran into Jazz on the way out the door. Lauren had him up against the wall trying to stick her tongue down his throat. Jazz was pushing her away, a dark scowl on his face.

"Oh good grief. What is with her? Even I can tell that Jasper doesn't like her." Bella was watching them shaking her head. "We should do something. Poor Jasper."

I turned behind me to see if Emmett was witnessing the exchange and when I looked back down, Bella had disappeared again_. Shit. _She was standing in front of Lauren and Jazz, hands on her hips, glaring down Lauren in all her fury.

"You need to learn to take no for an answer. He obviously doesn't want you. Now leave him alone." She shook her head at her. "Have some pride." A very stunned Laruen and Jasper stared at her. She took Jasper's hand and tugged him so he was standing behind her.

Lauren narrowed her eyes at Bella and took a menacing step forward. "What business is it of yours, bitch?"

_Shit, shit, shit_. I rushed over to Bella's side. "Okay ladies, let's not fight. I really don't think Jasper is worth it." I tried to take Bella's hand but she would not let go of Jazz as she continued to glare at Lauren. "Come on Bella. Let's go."

I jerked my head at Jazz and he finally manned up and decided to take care of his own business. "It's okay Bella. I got it from here, thank you."

Bella still seemed reluctant to go, so I nudged her shoulder. She followed me away from them, still looking over at Lauren with her death glare.

Bella's words were getting harder to understand as she mumbled something about Lauren and her ass. It also seemed her momentary turn of grace had disappeared as she fell against me, not once, but three times in the short walk to the car.

Finally, I had her secure in the car, buckled in and no longer a danger to herself. _Or Lauren_. I chuckled before rolling down her window, begging her to please tell me before she puked again. "Please, not in my car Bella." I watched her in fear; my car was my baby, second only to the girl sitting beside me right now. _God if she stinks up my car…_ Groaning I pulled out onto the main road home.

We made it to her house without incident. _Thank God. _Luckily, Charlie was out for the night. I'm sure he would not have been happy at Bella's current state of drunkenness.

Once in her room, Bella locked her arms around me again. "Edward, stay."

"I will, but just until you're asleep." She fell onto her bed with a groan, still smiling up at me. I helped her take off her pants and she smiled wickedly at me, moaning. Cocking an eyebrow at her, I smirked, shaking my head. "Oh please, Bella. Go to sleep. There is no way…" Taking the blanket I covered her up, looking down at her in amusement.

Once again she had surprised me.

_Bella:_

My head was pounding and the bed seemed to be tilting under me. Groaning, I rolled over. My eyes focused on Edward, sitting asleep in the chair by the window.

Nausea swept over me so I sat up. My quick movement made it worse and I moaned out loud holding my hand against my mouth.

Edward was suddenly by my side. "Come on, to the bathroom with you."

We barely made it there. I hung my head over the toilet, wishing I were dead. Edward pulled my hair back and held it against my neck.

He was softly whispering expletives and admonishing my stupidity. "Damn it, Bella. What were you thinking? You should know better." He stood grabbing a cool wash cloth and gently wiping my face.

Groaning again, I leaned back into the toilet.

"Fuck. I should have been paying better attention to you. I had no idea you were drinking so much."

I looked up at his face through hazy eyes, blinking at him in confusion. What did he say? "Edward, please..."

_Oh, God. Am I dying? _

My head hurt, my stomach was rolling, and every muscle in my body was screaming at me. Laying my head on the toilet seat, I grunted loudly, another wave of nausea hitting me.

What seemed like hours later, my stomach finally empty, teeth thoroughly brushed, Edward laid me back in my bed. His hands felt cool and nice against my skin. I whimpered a little when he took them away. "Can't you stay?"

He pushed my hair away from my face and smiled at me ruefully. "I don't think that would go over too well with Charlie. We're lucky he's not home yet. I hadn't meant to fall asleep like that."

"I'm sorry I messed up the night." A lump formed in my throat and tears clouded my eyes. Suddenly, I felt so sad, he probably hated me now. "Do you hate me now Edward?"

"What?" His eyebrows shot up and his nose crinkled. "Bella, don't be ridiculous. Of course not. You just drank too much."

Tears were pouring down my face, my shoulders shook with my sobs. "Please don't go Edward. I'll deal with Charlie later. Please, stay here next to me."

He stared down at me, indecisive, "Please." I muttered again.

His hand swept over my hair as he gave me a rueful grin. "I can't resist those doe eyes of yours_ or_ when you say please. But you have to stop crying. There is nothing for you to cry about, it's just the alcohol making you feel this way. Okay?"

I lifted the covers for him while shaking my head yes. He got in next to me, wrapping his arms around my waist. Burrowing into his warmth, I sighed peacefully and closed my eyes.

I awoke the next morning surrounded by his scent. Opening my eyes, I looked at my beautiful man sleeping. He looked so peaceful. My hand reached up to caress his cheek and he opened his eyes. He smiled and leaned forward, lightly grazing my lips.

"Good morning, love." My favorite crooked smile played over his lips and I sighed, reaching out to touch him.

When I looked back up, his eyes bore into mine causing my heart to race. They were dark, searching, full of lust. I gasped and licked my lips as the warm heat I always feel for him began to spread across my stomach and up my chest.

My hands suddenly had the urge to tangle in his hair. A deep throb started pounding between my legs forcing me to move in closer to him. Exhaling sharply, my eyes widened as I brushed against him.

_He's hard._

Smiling lazily, he chuckled. "Morning wood, Bella."

Biting my lip, nervous over what I was about to do, I tentatively reached out, rubbing my hand over his crotch. I could feel the outline of him through his briefs and it made my stomach quiver.

_Oh please, can I just touch him? Touching his skin drives me crazy; so soft yet manly._

He took in a short breath. "Bella."

My fingers trailed over his waistline before dipping into his pants and finding him. I curled my fingers around him, feeling him tremble. He was so hard. I let my fingers move over him, exploring his texture. Licking my lips, my other hand went under his shirt to rest on his chest.

Edward moaned loudly and pushed himself into my hand. "God, Bella. Don't you...I mean you feel, okay? Aren't…oh god…. you sick…oh, fuck…"

My hand moved up and down him, stopping to let my thumb circle his tip before sliding back down. "I feel fine, Edward." Surprisingly I did. My need for him outweighing the slight nausea I was feeling. "I want you. Touch me, please." My voice was low, throaty, full of desire.

His eyes darkened as his lips pressed to mine greedily. I raised my arms willingly when he lifted my shirt. Kissing my shoulder, he pulled my bra straps down. I pulled each arm out, reached around and unclasped it, then threw it aside. His hand caressed my breast, his fingers skimmed over my nipple.

_Oh, God. His fingers…. I …. _

Arching into his touch, I moaned loudly. He felt so good. Nothing else mattered except Edwards's hands on me.

I pushed against him, my hand moving faster along his length. "Bella, stop. Shit…Oh, Fuck…Stop now or I'm going to cum. I don't want to…not yet…" He reached down and took my hand away from him.

He held it tightly as he gasped for breath, shaking. He let go of my hand and moved on top of me. "I want you." His face was drawn tight, his features strained with his need. My heartbeat sped up at his words. Fire licked against my skin wherever he touched.

"God, you smell so good." His lips pulsed against my throat, his tongue lashing out against it. "Taste so damn good." His hands were on my panties yanking them off and I lifted my hips, giving in to him, to myself. I wanted him just as badly.

"Bella, my Bella…"

I watched Edward's face as he lost the finely held control he always had. His eyes were dark, his mouth open, a flush in his cheeks. Smiling, happy to see it go, I clasped his shoulders.

His fingers found me, sliding inside. He groaned. "Fuck… you're so wet, Bella." He began moving them, sliding in and out, his palm pushing against my clit.

I moaned, writhing under him. "Edward, please. Edward." His movements quickened, he was watching my face, pressing his hips down into mine.

His breathing was ragged and he was making little grunting noises in my ear. I arched against his fingers. Panting, I pushed my hands against him, forcing enough space between us so my hand could reach between his legs. I took him in my hand, reveling in the feel of him. Anxiously, I moved him in towards me.

Feeling nervous, I stared up at him, my face heated under his questioning gaze. His fingers had stopped moving and his breath had picked up, he was almost panting.

I nodded my head at him, his face contracted as he put his arm under me, pulling me closer.

Suddenly, his head jerked up as he stared at my door, not moving, his head cocked to the side as if he were listening for something. "Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!" He sat up grabbing his jeans and throwing them on.

Looking at him in confusion, I reached out to touch his back. "Edward, what?"

"Charlie."

That one word sent a wave of panic through me causing me to sit upright in bed, the sheet falling around my waist. Edwards's eyes darkened and he clenched his fists, turning away from me.

"Damn it, Bella, cover yourself up." He threw my shirt at me before standing and donning his own.

"Bella?" Charlie was outside my door. "Why is Edwards's car parked outside? Is he in there?"

My lip began to tremble and my eyes filled with tears. _He is going to kill Edward._

--xx—

Turns out I was wrong. He didn't kill Edward, instead letting him slip quietly by him while staring at me. I was a disheveled mess. Just his look alone caused me to feel extremely guilty. My appearance was a tell tale sign of what Edward and I had been up to and I stared at the floor waiting for him to say something.

After the first round of awkwardness passed, Charlie's face grew red and he demanded my presence downstairs, immediately. He grounded me for a month and made me listen while he lectured me about sex and all the responsibilities that went with it.

His grounding me did not serve the purpose he was trying for- distance between Edward and I. That night had only made us more aware of each other and it was harder than ever not to touch him.

At school we snuck in time together, at lunch, between classes. I used to wonder about Emmett and Rose and the way they seemed unable to keep their hands off one another. Now I understood. I wasn't happy unless I was with Edward. His hands were constantly on me. We were admonished frequently by the faculty about our displays, but we couldn't stop.

Edward followed me everywhere, his kisses at the ready, devouring me at every chance. My nerves were shot. One day he pushed me into the men's bathroom with him, locking the door. His hands were up my shirt fondling me when Mr. Baker found us. We ended up with detention.

I tried to talk to him. Things were getting a little crazy. Our emotions were overwrought. We needed to slow back down. Edward explained how he couldn't help it. He needed me. There was no one else who would understand us. He kissed and cajoled me and told me he loved me until I gave in and the frantic groping would start all over again.

_Edward:_

I was scaring her. I knew I was. It was just that all my patience had left me after that night in her bed.

Plus, it seemed every boy in the entire high school wanted my Bella. I would catch them looking at her, lusting for her. No matter how many times I kissed her in front of them, they still wanted her. I could see it in their faces.

I tried to explain to her my need. I felt her pulling back from me and it only made me hold on to her tighter. I made up excuses to be with her, taking her away from Rose, her dad, anyone who had her time. I wanted all of her time. I needed it.

I was wound up so tight; I thought I was going to explode. I thought it would get better after she wasn't grounded anymore, but it only got worse.

--XX—

"You can't wear that to school, Bella." My eyes swept over her, taking in the too short skirt and the shirt that clung to her breasts.

Looking up at me, she smirked, a little laugh puffing out between her lips. "Excuse me?"

I was not laughing, but instead totally serious. My hands were twitching at my side. Feeling extremely agitated I ran one through my hair; the other reached out and grabbed at her skirt.

"This skirt, Bella. It's too short. Are you trying to give every boy at school a perpetual hard-on." Her face turned two shades of red as she glanced down at her skirt in confusion.

"But, I've worn this before, Edward."

Yeah, I remembered. I also remembered the way Mike had stared at her ass all day. "Yeah, well I don't like it. I think it shrunk or something. You really should change into something else."

"Edward," she cocked her eyebrow, shaking her head at me. "I happen to like this skirt. It did not shrink. Let's just go, Okay?"

"Bella, I am _not _driving you to school like that. Go upstairs and take it off." Why couldn't she just change? I really could not deal with all the guys at school today. I was already tied in knots. Her sashaying around in that would be too much.

Huffing, she turned and went back upstairs. Next thing I knew, she stood in front of me wearing too long black sweat pants, an oversized t-shirt (probably Charlie's) and a black hoodie with the hood pulled up over her head.

"Is this better?" Her tone was biting, sarcastic. "Am I covered up enough for you now Edward?"

Stomping past me, she threw herself into the car and slammed her door. She was pissed now.

_Fuck, could this day get any worse?_

Apparently, yes, it could.

Once at school, Bella made a big production of taking off her hoodie while talking to Rose. Exclaiming loudly, "I don't know Rose, do you think it is safe to take off my jacket? Maybe I look too hot in my t-shirt. Do you all think the entire male population of Forks High School can control themselves? Wouldn't want to overexcite anyone with my luscious curves."

Emmett looked from me to Bella, smirking. Rose shot me the evil eye, and Bella threw her hoodie in her locker, slammed the door, and stalked away from me. Rose followed after her.

"What the hell was that all about?" Emmett asked.

Pinching my nose, I looked down at the ground, frustrated and pissed. "Fuck!" I grunted, slamming my fist into her locker.

"Calm down, Edward. What are you two fighting about?"

As we started walking towards our first class, I went over this morning's events.

Emmett laughed. The fucker laughed, like it was funny. I glared at him, taking in a deep breath. "What. Is. So. Funny?"

"Dude, you _never_ tell a girl what to do. You know? "

"What are you talking about Emmett? She's my girlfriend. Do you think I want other guys drooling over her? Besides. She shouldn't dress like that, well, unless it's just her and me. I mean, that skirt was so short you could almost see her panties when she bent over." I shook my head. "Not to even mention the fact that I have a permanent hard on and seeing her in that fucking skirt's only going to make it worse."

Emmett shrugged his shoulders and shook his head again. Ignoring him, I entered class and took my seat.

_What is the big deal? I just don't want other guys staring at my Bella. _

Dismissing Emmett's comments I concentrated on the lecture.

--xx--

After school Bella met me at my car. She wouldn't look at me, instead staring out the window, sulking.

I didn't want her to be mad at me anymore. I wanted to come into her house when we got there, not leave by myself. I would have to do a little groveling, even if I still thought I was right.


	8. Chapter 6

*****Updated 11/3/09**

*****Thanks to all my new readers, leave reviews and I will be sure to PM you for the next chapter!**

*****Disclaimer: All things Twilighted related belong to Stephanie Meyer.**

**Chapter 6 - Finally **

_Bella:_

He apologized.

"Bella, I know I'm an ass. I just love you so much. I don't know how to act sometimes. Please, forgive me." His bottom lip jutted out a little, pouting.

"You were an ass today, Edward. Please don't treat me like that again." My eyes narrowed on his clenched fists.

_He is still angry?_

He followed my gaze and relaxed his hands. Raising one, he took my chin and lifted it, drawing my eyes to his. "I'm sorry." He bent his head, softly brushing his lips to mine. "I'm sorry, Bella." Little tingles spread out along my lips, traveling across my cheeks where his mouth now lay.

His other hand came up, weaving through my hair, stroking it gently. "Don't be angry anymore, please Bella." His lips were against my ear now, his warm breath tickling along its edges.

"I love you," he whispered. I fell against him, sighing.

I just couldn't stay mad at him for long.

--xx--

The next few weeks passed smoothly. No more arguments about my clothing, no more groping me in the school hallways. It seemed I had my boyfriend back. He bought me flowers and took me out. We had fun.

I had made one concession though; I threw away the skirt. He didn't ask me to, but I figured why play with fire? I didn't like it that much anyway. _Yeah right_, _it was your favorite. _Okay, so maybe I did miss that little skirt, but I didn't want a repeat performance of that day. It wasn't that hard to do and it made Edward happy. _And that's what's important, right?_

We spent many a hot night in his Volvo. We came so close to making love, but Edward was still adamant about it not happening in his car. I was ready now, though, and I wanted him. He made me so crazy sometimes, when he stopped, and I know it was hard on him.

So, I asked for help from the one person I could talk to, my best friend, Emmett's girlfriend, and all around sex goddess. She would know what I could do.

She had some good ideas that Edward benefited greatly from. He did relax some, but there were still only so many things we could do in the back of a Volvo.

Edward and I needed some alone time with no time constraints. A place we could relax and explore our feelings for one another go. _Okay- a place to have sex_. There were no hotels in Forks and with my newly imposed curfew, Port Angeles was too far away to spend quality time together.

Again, I went to Rose. She discovered from Emmett that Carlisle and Esme were going out of town next weekend.

I made my decision and discussed it with Edward. His eyes were hooded, and he clasped my hand firmly in his. "Are you sure?" He sounded like he was afraid I would say no.

I didn't.

So here it was, Saturday, the big day. I was a nervous wreck. Thank God for Rose; we had talked last night about what I should expect today. I was a little afraid and nervous, but Edward and I loved each other, so it felt right.

She helped me make up a story to tell Charlie. He thought I was staying at her house for the weekend. He believed me. I felt a little guilty at how easy it was, but it wasn't like I could tell him the truth.

I stood in front of the mirror, my eyes were wide and round and a faint pink flush graced my cheeks, even my lips looked pinker and fuller. Taking an unsteady breath, I glanced one more time in the mirror before opening the bathroom door.

A knock sounded on the door and I almost jumped out of my skin. It was just Rose; she was picking me up to take me to Edward's. I would stay there and Emmett would leave with Rose. Even Jasper had made sure to stay with a friend for the weekend.

Grabbing my bag, I headed down to her.

Rose looked at me as I got into her car. "Slow, deep breaths Bella."

I giggled. "I'm just really nervous."

Edward was waiting for me on the porch, when we pulled in. Rose laughed. "He looks like a little kid and you're the birthday present I brought for him."

He did look a little excited. Like me, a blush was stealing across his cheeks. Staring at him, I got out of the car.

Emmett came bursting out of the house. "Bella!! What's up girl? Ready to show my little bro some action?" He grinned stupidly at me, winked, and got into Rose's car. I ignored him, focusing only on Edward. They quickly drove away.

Edward took my hand and led me inside. Stopping in front of the stairs, he shifted from foot to foot awkwardly, staring at the floor. His hand ran through his hair as he chewed on his bottom lip. I smiled watching the nervous way he stood there. He seemed to be as apprehensive as I was.

Throwing all caution to the wind, I wrapped my arms around his waist. My voice trembled a little as I said, "I don't want to wait anymore, Edward. I love you."

I heard his breath catch in his throat. Dark green eyes penetrated mine and he pulled me against him, kissing me deeply. Lifting me into his arms, he carried me up the stairs to his room.

As he gently laid me on his bed, I stared up at him, noting that his face appeared to echo the emotions I felt- a strange blend of anxiety, need, and excitement.

"You are so beautiful." His voice cracked and his eyes held mine as he lowered himself down to sit next to me.

_Edward:_

She was so beautiful lying there on my bed. Her hair fanned out behind her, and her eyes were like dark, swirling chocolate. I could feel myself getting lost in them, my heart beating erratically.

She bit her bottom lip and I groaned as a jolt of pure lust traveled across my groin. Sitting on the bed next to her, my trembling fingers gently trailed down her neck then across her collarbone. I paused to take a deep breath in an effort to calm down.

_Get it together Cullen. Shit, you know what you're doing. Relax._

She reached up and put her palm against my cheek, smiling up at me. "I love you," she whispered. Her hands went behind my head as she pulled me to her. When her lips touched mine, time seemed to stand still.

I kissed her gently, moving my mouth over hers. My tongue traced her bottom lip and she opened for me, allowing me inside. Her mouth was so warm on mine. Her fingers twined in my hair and pulled softly.

"Ahh, Bella, that feels good. I love when you do that." Pressing my head against her hands, I nudged them, asking her to continue. She ran her hands down the back of my head, allowing her fingers to scratch lightly at my scalp. I sighed at the pleasure she was stirring within me.

My lips trailed down her chin, her neck, sucking gently where her shoulders began to form. Her soft moan vibrated against my lips. Reaching down, I took the end of her shirt and tugged gently. We sat up and I looked at her when she put her arms up over her head. My heart pounded unevenly as I pulled it off and threw on the floor.

_This is so different; with her it is so much better. It's because I love her…_

Reaching out, I touched her shoulder, resting my fingers along her back. My eyes never left hers, drowning in the deep love, trust, and desire I found there. My breath hitched as my fingers moved down her back. I went to unclasp her bra, but I had to stop; my fingers were trembling again. I was overwhelmed with my love and want for her.

Bella smiled tenderly and reached up pulling the straps off her shoulders and letting them fall down her arms. Grasping the clasp between my fingers, I unhooked it and pulled it away from her.

I inhaled deeply at the sight of her. She was exquisite. Taking her breast in my hand, I caressed it, feeling the warmth and softness against my palm. My thumb rubbed over her nipple causing it to instantly hardened. Bella's head fell back and she moaned, "Edward." Leaning forward, I took the nipple in my mouth, licking and sucking, manipulating it into a hard little nub.

_Oh, God… Oh, God.. Oh, God. _She tasted so good, filled my mouth perfectly. I could spend hours kissing and sucking her breasts. They were so round, and soft, and beautiful. Moaning, I licked my way over to her other breast, not wanting to neglect it. "Bella," I breathed against her skin.

She moaned again, grasping at my shirt, eagerly pulling me closer. Her mouth pulled into a scowl of frustration as her fingers fumbled along the buttons. Lifting my head, I reached up to help her, quickly finishing the job. Her hands were like silk as they slid over my shoulders and pulled off my shirt.

_Shit… her hands, on my skin, warm..._ I closed my eyes briefly willing myself to breath.

When I opened them again her eyes were wide and she looked me over, tentatively letting her fingers glide over my chest. I let out a shaky breath as they skimmed across my nipple. "My Bella," I whispered.

She leaned into me, capturing my lips with hers, softly molding against mine. Her tongue darted out, sweeping across my lips, asking for entrance. Granting her request, I opened my mouth, our tongues glided together, mingling, sending pulsing heat through my groin. Hungrily, I wrapped my arms behind her and deepened the kiss. I poured everything I was feeling into it, letting her know how much I loved her and needed her.

She felt so good; her smell surrounded me and I breathed deeply.

Her lips moved to my ear, sucking on it and whispering, "I love you, I love you..."

Smiling, I kissed her neck, licking up from her collarbone to her chin. Her breath caught and she bit my ear.

"Oww," I chuckled and pulled back from her. Her eyes were hooded and her lips were swollen from my kisses. She reached out, grabbing the waistband of my pants, tugging at them impatiently.

"Jesus," I breathed, taking her hands and moving them away, back up to my shoulders.

My hands flew to her pants and unbuttoned them. She lifted up for me and I hastily pulled them down, her panties shortly following.

"God, Bella. You are…" I had no words to describe it.

_She is a goddess. _

My eyes devoured her body, sitting naked in front of me. Desire caused her mouth to open, her eyes were filled with need, and her nipples stood up and erect.

My dick strained uncomfortably against my pants so I stood and quickly discarded them. Bella's arms reached out to me, inviting me to her. Seeing her there like that caused my body to tremble. My hands shook as I pulled the condom from the bedside table. Unsuccessfully, I tried to put it on, my fingers shook so badly I could barely open the package. Feeling her fingers around my dick, I shuddered, fire licking up my abdomen.

"Here, let me help." She took it and slid it over me.

My eyes widened on her in surprise. "Who are you?" I whispered. She was so confident. I hadn't expected her to be so…wanting.

"I'm your Bella," she whispered back.

_Oh, shit… _I felt my control slip at her words and I was suddenly over her, kissing her. She wrapped her legs around my waist. "God," It came out as rumble, from deep within me. Sliding myself into her, I gasped. She was so tight. I squeezed my eyes shut against the pleasure. I needed to let her get used to me, but oh fuck….

_Oh, Fuck, I can't wait. _

"Fuck, Bella…" Breathing deep I tried to hold still, I knew it was uncomfortable for her. "Bella, are you okay? I'm sorry… I can't…" Swallowing, I opened my eyes to

look down at her, expecting to see pain. Instead she was looking up at me, wonder on her face, eyes wide, want radiating from them.

Her legs tightened around me. "Edward, please."

Pushing myself all the way in, I clenched my fists closed tight, grasping the sheet in them and pulling at it harshly. _Gah- shit_. A deep groan rumbled out of my chest. She was so hot and tight, my dick throbbed, fire flicked up through me. My heart pounded at a rhythm meant only for her and I felt like I was going to die, or explode… It was incredible.

She gasped and let out a jagged breath, tightening her legs around me. I looked down at her; her eyes were squeezed shut against the pain. She needed me to be gentle. I had to make it right for her. Swallowing against the urge to pull out and thrust back into her, I fought for control.

"Oh, baby. I'm sorry," I said as I kissed her and caressed her gently. I murmured words of love to her until I felt her begin to relax again.

After a few moments her hips began to rub against me. "Edward…" Her hands tightened on my hips urging me to move.

I lifted myself out of her and then slowly moved back inside, watching to be sure she was okay. The pain left her eyes, replaced by desire. Gasping, I moaned loudly. "Oh, my God, Bella. I love you, I love you…" I felt like I was dying, my chest was tight, I couldn't breath. Sensations I had never felt before were running through me. My arm went under her hips lifting her closer. "Bella, I never… not like this… I love you…" Words spilled from my lips as I increased my pace.

"Edward… I love you, too. Oh, please…" Her hands were in my hair pulling, as she

moved under me, moaning and calling my name. Her face was flushed, mouth pink and open, eyes closed. She was beautiful. I lowered my head and kissed her.

My world was spinning as she tightened around me, her moans getting louder. "Oh, my Bella," I yelled as I came deep inside her. I felt her muscles spasm over me as her release took over her.

I felt tears well in my eyes as my head collapsed onto her shoulder.

My world would never be the same.

_Bella:_

I stared at him standing above me; he was beautiful. Reaching my arms out to him in need, I noticed that his hands were shaking very badly. He seemed to be having some trouble with the protection. I kneeled in front of him, taking him in my hand, sliding over him once before taking the condom and rolling it on. Sitting back down on the bed I looked up at him.

"Who are you?" he asked, his face in awe, mouth slightly open.

"I'm your Bella." I shrugged my shoulders and opened my arms to him again.

Then he was over me kissing me. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he pushed against me. It felt so good as his hardness pressed between my legs. Feeling a slight pressure, I held my breath, anticipating the pain. None came, instead an intense pressure was building and I strained towards it. Edward had stopped above me. His face was contracted, eyes squeezed tightly closed, lips pressed firmly together. I could feel his body trembling from his exertion. I wanted him to move, to release this pressure in me, to give in to his need.

"Please, Edward." I couldn't stand it anymore, I wanted him so badly.

He entered me completely and the sharp pain caused me to gasp. Biting my lip I held in my cry.

"Oh, baby, I'm so sorry," he whispered. His lips met mine in a gentle kiss. Mentally forcing my muscles to relax, I stared up at Edward. His face was flush and his eyes were full of need. A small tingle of pleasure tickled through me as I took his look in.

Edward stilled and whispered to me, "It's ok, it'll go away. Just let yourself get used to me. I love you Bella. Baby, you feel so good." His hand caressed my cheek, my shoulder, urging me to relax. His face was inches from mine; I could feel his warm breath against my skin.

The pain subsided to a dull ache and I tried moving my hips. Pleasure shot through me, a hot shot down my abdomen, centering inside were he pressed into me. "Ohhh." My hands tightened on Edwards hips. "Edward…"

He started moving over me. I cold feel him sliding and pushing deeply inside, then back out again. Each thrust brought a new awareness to my body. Sensations I never knew existed coiled within me. I could feel them building deep inside. Heat incased me, I heard Edward say my name, but lost all trace of anything else except the pleasure in my body. Every muscle screamed for release.

His tempo increased and I felt like I was going to scream. "Oh God, please, please. I'm going to … oh Edward!" Everything exploded in me. I screamed Edward's name as wave after wave washed over me.

I gasped in deep breaths. My heart was beating so fast. My body sang to me. My heart swelled with all the love I felt for him. I tightened my arms around him, completely content. His weight on me felt like it belonged there.

Edwards face was buried in my shoulder; he was trembling. My hands soothed him, brushing through his hair, caressing down his back. "Shhh...oh sweetie." Something warm and wet was trailing over my shoulder down my arm.

_Was he crying? _

"Edward, are you ok?" I pulled a blanket over us and continued caressing him and comforting him. His reaction was scaring me a little.

"It's ok, I love you. I'm here…"

He pulled back and wiped his face on the blanket, and then he looked at me.

"I love you, so much Bella. I never knew I could feel this way." He kissed my mouth softly.

"I love you, too." His emotions elated me. I wanted to laugh, to yell out to the world that I had this beautiful boys love, that we had made love and it was the most brilliant, spectacular thing I had ever experienced. I couldn't help but smile broadly back at him.

He rolled off me, turned away for a minute, and then pulled me back into his arms.

"So what should we do with the rest of the day?" He smiled his crooked smile.

"Well, I'd like to try that again." My face heated under his incredulous gaze.

He laughed. "Bella! You're something else. You are so…enthusiastic." He pressed his lips warmly to my cheek, lingering there, his tongue briefly darting out to press against me.

"I see no reason to temper how I feel for you. I can see you love me too. So why hide it?" I shrugged my shoulders and smiled brightly. He leaned into me, kissing me. I could feel the familiar tingling. "So… about doing that again?"

Edward laughed deep in his throat, his fingers finding my nipples, gently beginning to caress them. "I think that's a great idea."

--xx—

I awoke to sunlight shining through the window. I stretched and my hand landed on the warm body next to me. Smiling, I turned to look at Edward. He looked so peaceful in sleep. His mouth was curved in a small smile and his hair was sticking up every which way. He was lying on his stomach with one hand thrown over his head and the other tucked under his cheek. The sheet had fallen down into a tangled mess around his hips. I rolled on my side to see him better, groaning a little. I felt sore, my legs ached, and there was a dull throb between my legs. Smiling, I thought of yesterday.

_We had made love. _

I couldn't help it; I reached out and let my fingers trail down his back lightly. His shoulders moved a little and he sighed but continued to sleep. I bit my lip and tried again. This time my fingers ran down his back and over his butt, stopping on one cheek and squeezing gently.

Edward's eyes flew open. "What are you doing, my little minx?" he growled at me.

"Trying to wake you up." I smiled shyly at him and blushed at his stare.

"You're gorgeous, you know." He sighed and ran a finger down my cheek. "Even first thing in the morning with your hair all a mess and sleep still in your eyes."

"I like waking up next to you," I breathed.

He pushed himself up. "Come here." His green eyes flashed at me.

My eyes widened and I put my hand over my mouth. "Edward, ewwww, I have morning breath, no."

His bottom lip jutted out. "What, no good morning kiss?"

I shook my head no.

"Bella, I don't care what your breath smells like; I want a kiss." He pushed himself all the way up and was suddenly straddling my hips, the sheet still wrapped around him. A wicked little smile formed on his lips as his fingers tickled my waist, causing me to giggle uncontrollably. "Kiss me."

"No…"

"What if I did this?" He tickled me harder and I laughed, squirming under him. "Give up yet?"

I shook my head again, smiling up at him. "Never."

"Hmmm." His eyes narrowed while he thought. "Well, since I can't kiss your lips…"

Leaning down, he began kissing my neck, stopping here and there to suck softly. My breathing hitched as his tongue slid over my collarbone. He kissed my chin and my cheeks, and then worked on my ears, slowly licking and sucking on them.

My fingers tangled in his hair. His lips captured mine softly and he licked my bottom one. I sighed and his tongue jolted inside, moving with mine.

He pulled back, a smile of triumph on his lips, eyes narrowed and sparkling. "Thank you."

My eyes widened. "Oh, you! That wasn't fair!" I swatted his arm playfully and pouted up at him.

Grinning, he pulled himself off me and stood up, taking the sheet with him.

"Edward!" I was still naked and without the sheet I was all bare before him. My face heated up and I bit my lip. My heart was beating very fast.

He looked me up and down, eyes darkening. "What, I can't look at what is mine?" He licked his lips and turned from me. "I'm going to take a shower. It won't take me but a minute. Then you can use the bathroom. Okay?"

I nodded stupidly at him.

He dropped the sheet on the floor as he walked into the bathroom. I watched him move away from me. "You have the most exquisite ass," I groaned.

Edward barked out a loud laugh and closed the door behind him.

_Edward:_

I went downstairs to make breakfast while Bella took her shower. It had been very hard to keep from taking her again this morning. She looked beautiful lying there in my bed with the sunlight shining on her. When I had stood up, accidentally taking the sheet with me, and she lay before me, I almost lost control, especially when she bit her damn lip. I knew she was probably still sore from yesterday, though, so I kept my hands to myself, instead opting for a long, cold shower.

I began to get breakfast together while I thought of yesterday. I had never made love with a woman, not like that. My feelings both confused me and scared me a little. She was so perfect. My heart leapt as I thought of her whispering her love to me. She loved me too. It was amazing.

I heard her walking down the stairs and into the kitchen. She smiled at me; her hair was still wet and she had pulled it up off her neck into a loose knot on her head.

"Hungry?" I asked.

"Famished, actually." She came up behind me, grabbed a piece of bacon from the plate, and started nibbling on it. "I think we forgot to eat last night."

"Yes, we were a little occupied," I teased. I turned and grabbed her hand, pulling her to me and kissing her. She smelled so good.

"Why don't you sit down right here," I pulled out a kitchen stool," and keep me company while I cook for you."

She sat down and watched me. I finished the blueberry pancakes I was making and put some on two plates for us. Pulling out another stool, I sat next to her and handed her a plate.

"Blueberry pancakes? You cook?" She looked at me in awe. "Is there anything you can't do?"

"Ummm, I can't stop staring at you." I smirked at her while she took a bite. I watched the bite disappear in her mouth and her mouth move over the fork.

"These are delicious, of course." She shook her head at me, blushing. "Edward, eat..."

After we were done with breakfast, we sat on the couch. She leaned back into me and I turned on the TV, relaxing.

"So, what would you like to do today, my love?" I asked while flipping through the channels on the remote.

She turned towards me, a look of excitement in her eyes. "Do you think we could ride your motorcycle again? I really liked it."

"Of course." She was such a conundrum. She hated when I drove the Volvo too fast, but she loved the damn motorcycle.

The rest of the day was spent riding around on my bike. We stopped at the diner for lunch and took a walk in the woods.

The trees provided shade from the sunlight and the further we walked, the more quiet and dark it became. I had grabbed a blanket on our way out the door earlier

and it came in handy now, as I spread it out on the ground. Taking Bella's hand in mine, I pulled her down beside me. Soon we were naked, beneath the trees, in each others arms. Our bodies melded together, fitting each other perfectly.

This time I watched her closely, the way her eyebrows scrunched down and her mouth fell open. She was flushed pink. Her eyes hooded with desire, were an endless deep brown that pulled me in and never let go. I'd never seen anything as beautiful as my Bella in the throws of an orgasm, an orgasm I was giving her.

Afterwards, I held her in my arms as our breathing slowed.

"I love you, Edward." She squeezed my hand.

"Mmm.. I love you too. You are the most important, most beautiful thing to me, Bella. I care about you so much." I brushed my fingers through her hair, letting it fall through my fingertips. Her hair was so soft, like a caress.

It was beginning to get darker out. I sighed; I did not want to take her home.

As if sensing my thoughts she said, "I don't want to go either, but we don't need my father coming after us-with the entire Forks PD behind him." She turned to me and put her palm against my cheek. "I know I'll see you in the morning. That's good enough, I guess."

I pulled up to her house and helped her off the bike. Pulling her to me, I looked down at her, framed her face in my hands, and leaned forward to grind my lips against hers. My heart stuttered when she wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me closer, her sighs enveloping me. The kiss was long and intense, leaving us both breathless.

"I'll see you in the morning," I choked out.

She squeezed my hand one last time and walked into her house. I felt ridiculous standing there watching her go inside; missing her already. I thought for a minute of climbing the tree by her window and sneaking inside, but I didn't want her getting into any trouble with Charlie. So instead I hopped on my motorcycle and drove away, letting the speed and the air calm my raging heart.

***** Remember to review and I will PM you for the next chapter. **


	9. Insert Present Edward 2

_Edward- Present day:_

Lying in my bed, I stared at the ceiling, unable to sleep. It had been two weeks since the night I saw Bella at the club and I hadn't slept much since. When I did sleep, I dreamt.

My dreams alternated between the first time Bella and I made love and the last time I saw her in Forks.

The latter memory caused me to cry out and wake in sheer panic. I could still see her lying in that damn hospital bed. All the pain I felt that horrible day resurfacing; the agony and regret overwhelming me. I was like it happened just yesterday instead of four years ago.

I had been able to push the bad memories aside, and concentrate on the here and now. I thought I was doing better. Until now.

That night at the club brought all my old feelings to a head and later, when Jasper found me on Bella's curb, I was on the verge of an emotional breakdown. My memories laid out before me like an open book; everything was crashing in, choking me.

After the accident, I was too disoriented and shocked to cry. Days, weeks passed, still nothing. I felt I didn't deserve the release tears would bring, what I had done was unforgivable. So I kept my grief and anger locked up, buried deep inside. Until two weeks ago, when Bella walked up to me, smiling, holding her drink.

Seeing her broke me and for two days afterward, I cried. Very unmanly, as Emmett was sure to point out when he called to check on me. He finally came over to shake me out of my stupor, storming through my apartment, ranting like a lunatic. Emmet had been there for me the first time, he knew how it had affected me. He said he couldn't stand to see me go through that again and tried to convince me to let it go, to let her go.

I couldn't do that. I asked if he would be able to let Rose go, if our positions were switched. He didn't have an answer for me.

If only I hadn't been such a jealous ass back then. She hated when I acted that way, but I had been unable to control it. Before Bella, I had been a cocky, self centered jerk. After I met her, I turned into an insecure mess, unable to let my girl out of my sight and jealous of anyone else to whom she gave her attention. I never thought I deserved her and was always afraid she would leave.

Eventually, I proved myself right- she left.

I sighed and rolled over. I was so tired of rehashing the events that led to the accident, but I couldn't keep them out of my mind. Memories of that fateful night, Mike Newton talking with Bella, my irrational anger at him, and Bella... God, Bella.

It was too much. "Ughhh," I moaned., as I rubbed my eyes and drug myself out of bed.

I heard a laugh in the hallway. Alice must be over again. Ever since Jasper had gone to see Bella's neighbor and friend, Alice, on my behalf, she was a permanent fixture on Jasper's arm. He said it was fate getting them together. Yeah, well I wished fate would throw me a bone.

Looking out the window, I sighed-snow again. I hated snow. Anything to do with icy roads caused a shiver to run down my spine. Christ, I needed to get out of here and put my mind someplace else.

Alice still would not tell me where Bella was; she didn't trust me. However, she did tell Bella about me wanting to see her. She didn't put it in so many words, but I guess Bella didn't want to see me. Some things are just unforgivable, no matter how much time passed.

My heart ached when I thought of not seeing her again. I needed to so badly.

Maybe, this time, Alice would have some good news for me. I walked into the living room, mumbling hi to the couple there. Shoving my hands in my pockets, I shuffled in to the kitchen and grabbed a Coke.

"Hey, Edward." Alice said as she came up behind me. She was standing on her toes, trying to catch my attention by poking my shoulder. A grim smile graced my face, seeing her. She was so short the top of her head barely reached my chin.

Coughing, nervously, I asked, "Did…Have you talked to her recently?" I looked at her hopefully. I felt like such an idiot, a lovesick idiot.

At the negative shake of her head, I asked, "Why did she come up to me if she doesn't want to talk to me? It makes no sense." And it was completely frustrating.

"I don't know, Edward. I know she was pretty loaded that night. Maybe that gave her the courage." Alice shrugged and leaned on the table.

"Well maybe you could get her drunk again one night and bring her over." I was only half kidding, but she laughed.

Finished with this conversation, I brushed past her. Throwing on my coat I headed outside; I was going for a walk. The cool air was refreshing and I took in a deep breath. Briskly, I walked down the sidewalk, shaking off my gloomy thoughts.

I made up my mind to wait a little while longer for her. I didn't want to scare her, but if I didn't talk to her soon I was going to lose it. Whether she chose to be with me or not, I needed some kind of closure.

Seeing a sign in front of me for coffee, I smiled and rubbed my hands together. Coffee sounded good. I sat in a booth and sipped slowly, the warm liquid soothed me a little.

Memories were still lingering at the edge of my conscience and gradually, I let them seep back in, one at a time, good and bad.


	10. Chapter 7

*****Newly posted on 11/13. **

***** Thanks to reviewers, I love you all!**

*****This was especially a hard chapter to write, so many contradictions. Plese let me know what you think.**

*****Disclaimer: The characters are Stephanies, but this story is mine.**

**Chapter 7- Jealous Rages and Insecure Conniption Fits**

_Edward -5 years earlier:_

Overtired from our weekend together, I overslept and I was late picking up Bella. In turn, we ended up being late to school. I hated not being able to walk her to her first class, but I felt better knowing I would see her at lunch.

I knew I was in trouble the minute I hit Mr. Roberts's history class. He marked me as tardy and asked for me to put my paper on his desk. _Paper? _My face fell. Shit, I had forgotten about the damn assignment. I had spent all weekend with Bella and didn't even think of school work. I gave some lame excuse causing Mr. Roberts to look at me in disapproval. "I'll have to knock it down at least one letter grade, Mr. Cullen, for being late. It better be here tomorrow."

So my day started out great.

As I was walking to my next class, I was attacked. Scowling, I pulled Jessica's arms from around my waist. "Jessica get your fucking hands off of me." I was still angry about the missing assignment, and I did not need this. Jessica was nothing but persistent, though, and she continued to follow me down the hallway.

"What's the matter Edward?" She batted her eyelashes at me while thrusting her tits out and wiggling against my side.

"You need to get away from me. I have a girl now. You and I can't do that anymore." I looked down at her; I was trying to be nice for Bella's sake. I didn't want Jessica giving her anymore shit.

Pouting, she whined, "I was good enough for you before, Edward. What, suddenly you're a one woman man?"

"Exactly." Pushing her away a little more forcefully, I hurried away from her. My rage was boiling just below the surface, and I needed to get away from her.

My head was pounding when I got to my next class, so I pressed my fingers against my temples, trying to find relief. Lauren was in this class. She would not let it go about Jazz, and New Years Eve had sent her on some sort of rampage against Bella.

"Your girlfriend ruined everything, Edward. Jazz was mine. Bella has you, though God only knows why _that _is. You need to talk to him for me. Please, Edward." She sat at the desk next to me, leaned over and put her hand on my shoulder.

Growling, I shoved her hand off. "Lauren, I already told you. Jazz is not interested. As for Bella, leave her alone; she was just trying to help."

"She's a stupid bitch," Lauren mumbled. Mrs. Tanner chose that moment to start class, and I was unable to reply to Lauren's remark.

She kept looking at me all period, and after class tried to get my attention again, but I quickly fled the scene.

_Fuck this stupid shit_. After dealing with her whiny ass all period, I felt like I was going to explode.

By lunch time I was ready to see my Bella. I needed her soft loving arms to cool my temper. I wanted to breathe in her scent and relax against her as I slowly kissed away this shitastic morning.

Instead, I saw Mike Newton, in front of my girl, leaning into her. He was holding her upper arm and pushing her into the wall. My jaw tensed as my hands curled into tight fists; my anger pulsed through me and I glared at Mike's back.

"He fucks everything with a skirt, Bella. What makes you think you're any different?"

Mike's words snapped out at me.

_What the fuck?_

Bella's hands were on Mike's chest, her face inches from his as she leaned into him. My face grew hot and my vision blurred. _Why is she touching him!?_

"You want to get your fucking hands off my girl, Newton," I growled at him. Mike turned around to face me. Bella's hands fell to her sides as she looked up at me, her wide brown eyes meeting mine. Taking a few steps around Mike, she moved to stand beside me.

"I'm not afraid of you, Cullen. Why don't you go back to fucking sluts like Lauren and Jessica, and leave nice girls like Bella alone?" He glared at me, his face mottled and red.

Bella's eyes widened and darted back to Mike's face in astonishment. Her mouth formed a small "o" as she backed away from me.

My fist flew out and connected to his nose. Blood spurted out, landing on my shirt and across Mike's face. "My nose! Ughhh! You asshole!" Mike leaned over, his hands cupping over his injured nose.

Grabbing Bella's hand, I pulled her after me, yelling, "You know if you didn't keep leading him on he wouldn't act that way!" This shit with Mike had to stop. _Why did she insist on talking to him, why was she so damn close to him?_

Bella slammed to a stop, her nails digging into my hand. Her voice soft, but harsh when she asked, "Excuse me?"

I ran my other hand through my hair; my anger pulsed in me. "You heard me Bella. Why is Mike Newton acting all protective of you? Why is he trying to save you from big, bad Edward Cullen? Huh? Why were you touching him? Why was he holding your arm?"

I stood before her trembling, needing to lash out at someone. Fear was creeping in through my anger; fear she would leave me, that she would choose Mike. "What, did you fuck him too?" As soon as the words were out of my mouth I regretted them. I knew better than that. Of course she hadn't, I was her first.

_Why would I say something like that to her?_

She gasped and stared at me. Fury radiated from her eyes. "Damn you, Edward." Her eyes filled with tears as she whispered, "You know… was… How could you?" She looked around her at all the faces watching us. Her face flushed crimson. She was looking over my shoulder, her gaze locked on something behind me.

Turning, I saw Emmett and Rose. Rose's icy glare chilled through me. Emmett had a look of shock and disappointment on his face. All the rage emptied out of me, Bella's tears and my brothers glare flared feelings of guilt deep in my stomach. I was left deflated, guilty.

"Bella, I didn't mean it." I wanted to take it back, but couldn't. I watched helplessly as she turned and ran down the hall.

I wanted to run after her and was taking a step to do just that when Mr. Banner walked into the hallway. "What is going on here?" Eying the situation in front of him, he glanced between me and Mike. "Mike?'

Mike glared at me and shrugged.

"What about you Edward? Any thoughts?" Mr. Banner raised his brows at me.

I shook my head, no.

"Good. Guess the party's over. Everybody get to lunch or your next class." No one moved. "_Now_." Looking back at us he said, "Mike, Edward come with me, please." He led us to his classroom and closed the door.

I could barely stand still long enough to listen to him. Clenching my fists, I willed myself to remain there. I needed to go find Bella. _What had I done? _I needed to make it right, to apologize for my careless words.

"I do not think school is a place for such behavior, despite what your differences may be. You want to duke it out, wait until you're off school grounds. You're very lucky it was me who found you two, any other teacher would have you expelled." Mr. Banner looked at both of us. "You can go now." Glancing pointedly at Mike's face he said, "Mike, you better go see the nurse."

Mike and I glared at each other as we left the room. "Keep your hands off what's mine," I growled at him.

He shot me a disgusted look. "What's yours? You're scum, Cullen. As soon as Bella realizes that, I will be here waiting for her." He walked off down the hallway.

Emmett was waiting for me outside Banner's classroom. "Jesus, Edward, that was classic. The look on Newton's face when your fist collided with his nose." He laughed heartily.

I looked around for Bella. "Did you see which way Bella went?"

"Yeah, Rose went after her. You know, that was some real low shit you said to her." He shook his head as he looked at the floor.

"I know." My head was really throbbing now; I also felt sick to my stomach.

_How could I have said those things to her?_

Shame was a new feeling and I didn't like it, but it flooded me, rising in my throat to choke me. "Where did they go?" He kept his eyes on the floor. "Come on, I need to apologize."

"Outside, around the right side of the building. Good luck getting around Rose." He chuckled darkly.

Rose and Bella were leaning against the outer building wall. Rose glared at me when I rounded the corner. I looked at Bella; her eyes were puffy and red. I swallowed the lump forming in my throat.

"Bella, can I talk to you please?" I whispered, running my hands through my hair. "Please."

Rose took a step towards me, but it was Bella who spoke. "It's okay, Rose."

Rose looked at her one more time before nodding and walking back towards the lunchroom. Bella and I were alone.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. You know I didn't mean it. I was so angry, and I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I just… " I moved closer to her, nervously glancing at her face, her body posture. She was completely closed off to me. "I just can't stand to see Mike touch you." _Her hand was on his chest. _I pushed the thought back.

"Jessica?" Her voice was so soft, barely a whisper.

"What?" I looked at her in confusion.

"Mike said you _fucked_," she spit the word out at me, "Lauren and Jessica. Jessica? Is that true?" She looked up at me tears falling from her eyes again.

"Bella, that was before, way before I met you."

_Is this what she was so upset about? What about the other stuff I said to her? _

"You know, I kept wondering why Jessica glared at me all the time. I thought we were friends, but when you and I began talking, she quit being nice to me. Instead, she just glared at me and asked me questions about our relationship. Don't you think you could have told me, warned me?" She wrung her hands in front of her.

I didn't know what to say. "I didn't think it mattered, I'm sorry." I walked over to her and took her hand tentatively. "You know you're the only one I have ever loved."

She nodded, "You shouldn't talk to someone you love the way you just talked to me."

She looked up at me, her eyes shot daggers at me, but she was nervously biting her lip. The look caused my heart to twist. I had hurt her; she was angry, but also afraid.

"You made me sound like a whore, in front of everybody. Who knows what they all think now. And you know… you _know_ you were my first. Why would you say that?" She looked into my eyes, and the hurt I saw there tore through me.

"I don't know." I had no other answer to give. I had reacted badly because of a terrible morning, seeing her and Mike had just set me off. Mike's words had brought to head all my own thoughts. I was not good enough for her and I was afraid she would realize that and leave me. There was no way I wanted to tell her this, it was hard enough for me to even admit it to myself.

She jerked her hand away from me. "You don't know? That's a great explanation. Thank you." She folded her arms across her chest. "You really hurt me."

"I'm sorry. Bella, please." My voice cracked as I reached out for her. She let me take her in my arms and, I breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm sorry," I said again, running my fingers through her hair.

That afternoon, when I dropped her off at home, she wouldn't let me come inside like usual. I didn't even get a kiss goodbye. She was still angry at me. I was a complete asshole, so I deserved it.

_Bella:_

I couldn't believe that Edward had reacted that way to Mike. I knew he was jealous of our friendship, but I had never expected him to get so violent and mean. The way he had talked to me was awful, and I couldn't forget the hateful words he threw at me. I was still upset over it.

We had such a beautiful weekend, and we should have been happy on Monday. Instead, it was the worst day of my life. I couldn't understand how Edward could say those things to me. I had given him everything; my body, my love. Wasn't that enough? What else did he want?

My anger and confusion followed me into the proceeding weeks. Edward seemed to sense my mood and stayed close to me, not letting me put any distance between us. Increasing his presence between our classes, he met me after every period, and walked me through the hallways. I guess I should have seen it as endearing, but I was feeling crowded. I loved him, but I needed a little time to myself. I needed to figure out what to do about his jealousy. I thought it would go away, after we made love. That things would be tighter between us, but he seemed to be getting worse.

Rose told me to talk to him about it. I didn't; instead, I avoided the situation. I was afraid of what I might say, what he might say. I was sure it would just start an argument, and I didn't want that, so I pushed my feelings down and just tried to enjoy myself.

One Saturday, I awoke to a soft tap on my bedroom door. Groggily, I rose to open it and there stood Edward, smiling, holding a small bunch of daisies in his hands. "Good morning, love. I hope you don't mind that I came early. I brought you something." He thrust the flowers at me as he nervously ran his other hand through his hair.

Taking the flowers, I scooted past him and headed downstairs. "Thank you."

Edward followed me, his hands sliding around my waist to rest easily on my hips. "I thought, maybe, we could just relax today. You know, catch up on our studies, watch a movie. It is a really nasty day out so I wanted to just hang out with you. Is that okay?"

Nodding my head, I stumbled into the kitchen. His hands tightened on my waist; helping to steady me. Carefully, I put the flowers and some water in a vase and then turned around to look at him. Laying my head on his chest, I slowly breathed him in, relaxing. I was so tired of being mad at him and he was being so sweet.

"I need to get dressed, brush my teeth and stuff," I mumbled into his shirt.

"Why don't you go ahead and do that. I will get you something to eat and set up camp in the living room so we can watch that movie." Lifting my chin he looked down at me, his thumb caressing my cheek. A small smile played across his lips, morphing into his famous crooked smile. "I suppose a kiss is out of the question until you brush your teeth? I know how you hate morning breath."

Flushing I remembered last Sunday morning, waking next to Edward and his playful teasing that followed. I nodded and took a step back away from him. "Cereal is fine. I can get it when I come back down."

After my shower I dressed and dried my hair, fluffing it out a little. I suddenly had the desire to look nice for him. It was a struggle finding something decent to wear, but still comfortable enough to relax in for the day. I settled on a pair of jeans and a purple thermal shirt. Satisfied at the image looking back at me I turned and went downstairs to

Edward.

He was sitting on the couch, a blue blanket folded next to him, the T.V. was on, softly playing a Toyota commercial. He looked up when I walked in, a smile lighting his eyes. "You look beautiful." His eyes swept over me quickly. "I grabbed you a glass of orange juice and your cereal. Lucky Charms, Bella?" he chuckled.

I could feel the warmth spreading into my cheeks as I blushed at his teasing. "Hey, it's a balanced part of a nutritional breakfast." I mumbled back.

A brilliant smile lit up his face and he laughed. "Come here and sit next to me. I rifled through you movie cabinet and picked out one I thought you might like."

Settling in next to him I grabbed my bowl of cereal and started eating. He picked up the remote to push play. I was surprised when the familiar sounds of "Grease is the word.." started humming out of the TV. Choking on the cereal in my throat, I stared over at him. "You really want to watch this?"

"It's one of your favorites, right?" he asked while sweeping a piece of my hair behind my ear. At my nod he shrugged his shoulders and said, "Then yes, I do."

After finishing my cereal, I snuggled further into him. He pulled the blanket around us and I smiled, enjoying the warmth and comfort of his arms. His fingers softly brushed through my hair, and I could feel his breath tickle over my ear occasionally. As I watched Danny and Sandy play out their love story on the screen I thought about me and Edward.

After the movie we sat at the kitchen table to work on our Biology homework.

"What time does your dad get home?" he asked.

"Around two"

"I was thinking of ordering us a pizza, we can all share. What does he like?"

I stared at him for a minute, smiling. After Charlie had caught us almost doing "it", Edward had avoided him at all costs. The fact that he now wanted to share a pizza with the man amazed me.

So we shared a pizza with my dad, he and Edward really did not have much in common. Edward did not like to fish, football season was over and he thought baseball was boring. It was okay, my dad and I were usually quiet anyway.

Later we went to play pool with Emmett and Rose. It was fun, and Edward was perfect. After, on the way home I snuggled up against his side and kissed his neck. I wanted to make love. We had barely even kissed today or this past week and last Saturday lingered in my mind. I wanted that again.

He stopped at a clearing that overlooked the lake and the woods. The moonlight shined down making everything shimmer. We made love in the backseat of his car. Our sighs and whispers filling the small car. It was slow and easy and everything I needed.

--xx--

Thingswere going so well with Edward. That one horrid day at school faded away, it had been a month and he had not acted like that since. Everything had fallen into place. I loved him so much, and we were very happy.

But then it all blew up in my face again.

"Edward, I just want to go shopping with Rose. What is the big deal?" His face was red and he kept running his hands through his hair.

"Because, Bella, I had plans for us already, and I want to be with you." He sounded like a spoilt, petulant child. "Why do you need to go to the mall in Port Angeles with Rose? Why can't you find somewhere to go around here?"

"There is nowhere to go around here. Stop acting like a jerk." I was beginning to get a little pissed. "I'm going with Rose. It is one night, Edward. Grief. Why don't you go spend time with your brothers? You guys never hangout anymore."

His shoulders slumped in rejection. "Fine," he pouted. "But can you at least call me when you get back?"

My anger fell away as I put my arms around his neck, and I had to laugh at him; he looked so cute with his bottom lip sticking out. "Of course. Gee, I didn't know you were so obsessed with me." I teased, smiling into his eyes. "Just one night without me and you fall to pieces. What are you going to do when I go to Phoenix for two whole weeks after school's out?"

"Don't even mention that yet." His lip jutted out further.

I tilted my head and pouted back. "I love you." I leaned in, taking that bottom pouting lip between my teeth and nibbling on it gently.

Saturday, Rose and I went to Port Angeles Mall. I was not a big fan of shopping, but Rose wanted to go, and I knew there had to be a bookstore in there somewhere. I seriously needed some new reading material. Although, with all the time I had been spending with Edward, I hadn't been able to read much lately.

"Rose, how much time do you and Emmett spend together?"

"Well, weekends, except on Sunday night when I study, and during the week at school. Why?" She was circling the parking lot. "Oh!" She found a parking spot and slid her car into the space.

I waited until we were inside before I answered her question. "Well, Edward was kind of pissed that I came here with you today. He wanted me to stay with him. I mean, he did give in; I didn't really give him a choice. It was just weird. Edward and I spend a lot of time together. I mean, I love it and all, but sometimes I wouldn't mind hanging out with other friends, or even by myself, to read or something."

Rose scrunched down her brows, "Exactly how much, is a lot?"

"Everyday, before and after school, he stays until Charlie gets home, and then all weekend, Saturday and Sunday. We have so much fun together, really. It never bothered me, until now…" I wrung my hands in front of me. I felt like I was doing something wrong, talking to Rose about this.

"Honey, if I had to spend that much time with Emmett, I think I would lose my mind. I love him, very much, but I still need my free time, and so does he." She patted my shoulder. "You've told me this before, and I still have the same advice. Talk to Edward about it."

"Yeah," I answered. I didn't think that would go over very well with him though.

My phone started buzzing in my pocket. I flipped it open; it was Edward, "Hi, what's up?" I asked.

His voice came over the line and I smiled, "Just checking to make sure you got there ok."

"Yeah everything is fine. So, are you hanging with Emmett and Jasper?" I looked at Rose and mouthed EDWARD at her. She nodded her head and pointed to a store she wanted to go in. I waved her in ahead of me.

"Yeah, we're playing Vice City. I miss you." I heard the pout in his voice again.

"Edward," I groaned.

"I know, sorry. Call me later?" There was a sense of urgency in his voice.

"Ok, goodbye. I love you." I hung up the phone and went to find Rose.

About a half hour later Edward called again. I rolled my eyes to Rose and didn't answer.

Fifteen minutes later it rang again. This time I answered. "Edward, I'm fine. I will call you later." I hung up.

Eventually I lost count of all his calls and turned off my phone. I did not like this side of Edward, and I was very confused. _What is he thinking?_

I found the bookstore and was perusing the aisles when I heard a familiar voice behind me. "Hey Bella," Edward warily said.

My eyes widened in disbelief as I turned around. "Edward? What are you doing here?"

"Well, you quit answering your phone, and I wanted to see you, so here I am." His green eyes flashed angrily, "What was I suppose to do? You should've answered your phone."

"You have got to be fucking kidding me!" I heard Rose before I saw her. She was staring at Edward. "You cocksucker. What the hell, you can't give her a moment's peace?" Her face screwed up at him and she looked at me, gesturing at him with her hands.

Edward's face turned red, and he glared at her. "What we do is none of your business."

I put my hands over my face and groaned, "Please stop. Rose, give me a minute, please." I waited until she walked away.

"Edward, go home." I looked into his eyes, "You have to stop this, and I'll be leaving with Rose when we are finished."

"I came all the way up here, Bella." His hands were flying around in the air erratically. I backed a step away from him. I didn't think he would hurt me, but he looked so out of control, so unlike Edward.

"I didn't ask you to! I asked you to give me one day, one day, with my friend." I shook my head at him. Anger was coursing through me. Looking around, I noticed we were drawing a lot of attention. I blushed and sighed heavily as I quieted my voice. "Go, Edward."

He still didn't move, just narrowed his eyes at me. "I didn't want you to come here in the first place. You should be with me." His hand splayed out over his chest." Then you ignore my calls. What the fuck, Bella?" His hand encircled my arm and he pulled me towards him.

"Let me go, Edward." It didn't hurt, but he was scaring me.

Hurt filled eyes met mine as he released my arm. "I wasn't going to hurt you, Bella. I would _never_ do that. I just want you to go home with me."

I threw my hands in the air and stalked away from him. I didn't feel him following me, but I glanced back just in case. He was standing in front of the bookstore watching me walk away. His hands were in his hair, however, he no longer looked mad. Instead, he looked like I just took away his favorite toy.

This was so frustrating. I immediately began to feel guilty. _Should I go back to see him?_ My inner voice screamed_,' Absolutely not.' _so I went to find Rose.

Two hours later, Rose and I left the mall and started home.

Edward called me 5 more times that night. I didn't answer.

The next day was Sunday. Edward and I were supposed to go riding on his motorcycle again, but I had other plans. We needed to talk. When he came over, I asked him inside.

"What is it Bella?" he asked me warily. His hands were stuffed in his pockets and he was looking at the ground.

"Edward, do you not trust me?" This was a big issue; if he didn't trust me we were in trouble.

"That isn't it, Bella. I don't trust anyone else. All I could think of was some guy, like Mike, ogling you, and I wouldn't be there to set him straight, to show him you belong to me." He was still looking at the ground, but scowling now.

I shook my head. "I deal with girls ogling you everyday, but I never act like that."

"You're with me at school, Bella. Everyone knows we're together."

"Edward," I sighed, "I love you. Do I need to spell it out? I LOVE YOU. I'm not going to go to a mall, or a store, and meet someone else; there is no one else. You are the one I want, the only one." I spoke in short clipped words, trying to beat it into his head.

Taking a deep breath, I continued. "There's more." I bit my lip nervously.

He looked confused, "More?"

"I think we spend too much time together." His eyes filled with hurt and he took a step back away from me. "Edward, listen before jumping to conclusions, please."

He was angry again; his eyes grew dark and intense. "You're my girl. We should be together. Why do you need to go out with anyone else, even Rose?"

"It's not just free time for my friends, I feel like I have no time for myself. We are _always _together." I glanced at him anxiously.

He was staring at me like I had two heads. "So?" His hands balled into tight fists as he watched my face. "How much time do you _want_ to spend with me?" He choked out the last part.

I took a deep breath, "Maybe we should just keep the weekends for us. I mean we'll still see each other at school, but week nights should be left free." His face fell and he looked at the ground. "Unless it's something we planned in advance… sometimes. Those free nights are for us to catch up on other things we need to do, like homework."

He stood before me, not looking at me, silent. "Edward?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to crowd you." It didn't come out as an apology; it was very biting and sarcastic.

I gave an exasperated sigh and held his face between my hands, "Do I have to go through this again? I LOVE YOU. I just don't want to lose myself in you. Please understand that."

He jerked his face away from my hands, "I don't get you. You tell me you love me, but in the same breath say you don't want to be around me."

"That isn't what I said!" I yelled. _Was he not listening?_

"Yeah, whatever. I'm out of here." He turned on his heel and walked out the door.

I could do nothing but gape at his retreating back. Tears welled in my eyes. He had totally misunderstood.

--xx--

_Edward:_

The last day of school was already here and gone. Bella and I hadn't talked in two weeks.

It sucked. I missed her. I wish I would just go to her and apologize for being an ass. I couldn't. Damn my pride.

She would be leaving tomorrow, going to Phoenix to visit her mom.

She broke my heart.

At school, these last two weeks, she didn't sit at our lunch table. She sat with Mike. I almost lost it when I walked into the cafeteria and saw her sitting at his table. He smirked at me, and if it hadn't been for the firm hand I felt I my shoulder, I would have flown across the cafeteria to beat the shit out of him. Emmett's restraining fingers were all that stopped me.

Biology was worse. She sat next to me but did not acknowledge my presence. I wanted to reach out and touch her so badly my fingers burned. She wouldn't even look at me, instead staring straight ahead, all attention on Mr. Banner. I just sat there breathing her in, fists clenched, my heart feeling like it might explode.

Every night I dreamt of her. Every day I watched her.

With all free the time on my hands, I was able to think about all the things I had done wrong. Would I be able to change for her? Could I control my temper and my jealousy?

_How could I let her leave without saying anything?_

I sat in my living room, staring at the TV; not paying attention to what was on, glancing at the clock as the hours slipped by into night.

There was a soft tap at the door. No one but me was home so I went to answer it.

There stood my Bella, tears streaming down her face, "I'm sorry," she said, her voice cracking. "Please Edward, I can't take this anymore. I'm leaving tomorrow." She stumbled forward, grabbing my shirt. "I love you. Please, Edward. I don't want to be without you anymore."

My mouth was hanging in open in surprise as I stared at her. Snapping it shut, I took her into my arms and closed the door. "Shhh, Bella," She buried her face in my shirt. We walked over to the couch and I sat her down on my lap, wrapping my arms around her tightly. "God, I'm sorry to have put you through this. I'm such an ass sometimes." I stroked the back of her head, running my fingers in her hair. Guilt left a bitter taste in my mouth. Her tears were my doing; I had caused this.

Sniffling, she looked up at me, "Do you still love me?" Her eyes were twin pools of despair, reaching out to me.

"You shouldn't even have to ask that, Bella. I love you more than anything. My life means nothing without you. These past two weeks have been hell." I took her chin between my fingers and pulled her to me. My lips touched hers softly. When I pulled away, she let out a little moan. "I'm the one who should be sorry, Bella."

"Edward." She grabbed my hair and yanked me back to her mouth. Her lips aggressively attacked mine, and her tongue invaded my mouth.

Shocked, my mind drew a blank, but my body immediately responded. I tightened my arms around her, deepening the kiss. Her fingers started tugging on my t-shirt. Immediate desire shot through me. Reaching down, I helped her take it off. My mouth moved over her face, licking and sucking her tears away, trying to erase her sadness, dry her tears. I whispered words of love and apologies to her, wanting to make up for all the hurt I had caused.

She reached down and grabbed the hem of her shirt, pulling it over her head. I plastered my lips to hers again, pulling her close, feeling her bare skin against mine. My hand found her breast and worked its way under her bra to caress her nipple.

Little moans escaped her mouth. Turning in my lap, she straddled me. I could feel her heat pressing up against my crotch. Intense jolts radiated through me.

_God, I had missed her. _

"Bella," I moaned against her. She moved her self over my hardness. Pleasure rocked through me, causing me to gasp. Taking her waistband between my fingers, I unbuttoned her jeans. My fingers worked their way inside to her warm center and brushed over her.

"Oh God, Edward," she moaned into my mouth. Our breathing escalated, echoing in the quite room.

I let two of my fingers push inside her and felt her clench around them. I couldn't stop the primal growl echoing in my chest as it rumbled out around us. Sliding my fingers in and out of her, I let my thumb flick up against her clit. A throaty groan escaped from her lips. Her hips moved up and down, pressing herself into me.

My free hand moved up to tangle in her hair. Winding it around my fingers, pulling her head back so that I had access to her throat. My lips ran over it, licking her and kissing along her jaw.

Moans flew from her lips as her muscles began to spasm. "Edward, Ohhh…mmmm." She tightened, around me, her head falling forward on to my shoulder. Her fingers gripped my hair, pulling hard. "Oh, God!" I felt her climax around my hand, her juices flowing over my hand.

"Oh shit!" Emmett's voice bounced off the walls.

Bella and I froze. A slow moan fell from her mouth, she was still clenching around my fingers.

"Emmett, get out." I growled at him.

"Dude, dad is right behind me, you better get yourselves in order. I'll see if I can distract him for a minute." He walked away mumbling, "Yeah that'll work, all he'll need to do is breathe in, smells like sex in here."

I quickly pulled my fingers from Bella. She bit her lip and sighed. "Stop it Bella, my dad." I laughed at her. She was a mess. Her face was flushed, her hair a tangled heap, and her lips were swollen. "Put your shirt on." I grabbed mine and did likewise.

"Yeah, so dad, you're going in the living room?" Emmett loudly warned us.

Bella jumped off my lap and buttoned up her jeans. Her hands ran down her hair and her body trying to smooth herself out. It was no use. I wondered if I looked as guilty as she did. I knew for sure anyone could see the large, very painful, bulge in my pants.

My dad entered the room, staring at the newspaper in his hands. He sat down in his chair and continued to read. "You kids finished in here, I hope?" His shoulders shook in quiet laughter.

Bella's face turned bright red and she bit her lip as she looked at the floor.

"Uh, yeah, see you later, Dad," I said. Grabbing Bella's hand, we bolted out the door.

Once outside, we burst into laughter, "He knew," I told her.

After the laughter subsided, I pulled her to me, "Let's never fight again. The last two weeks were awful. I'm very sorry, Bella. I should never have acted the way I did. I love you. I promise to behave better. I understand you need some time to yourself." That was a big concession for me to make. I really had a hard time understanding it, but I would try, for Bella.

Kissing me softly, she said, "I'm sorry too. I carried it out for far too long."

Looking at her watch, she turned sad eyes to me. "I have to go. Charlie's waiting at home. We need to be at the airport at six tomorrow morning."

"Two more weeks without you?" I moaned and pressed my forehead against hers.

"I'll miss you so much," she sighed, "and I will call whenever I get the chance."

I gave her one last kiss before she got in her truck. I watched her until her truck disappeared around the corner.

It was going to be a long two weeks.


	11. Chapter 8

***** Posted 11/25/09. **

*****Hope everyone likes this chapter. Edwards behavior is alittle better. Let me know what you thin.**

******Thanks to Project Team Beta- especially Jenn who is now my permanent beta. **

******Disclaimer: Characters belong to Stephanie, story is mine. **

**Chapter 8 - Enthusiasm and Dread**

_Bella,_

_It's only been two days and I miss you already. I know you just left yesterday, but I still have so much I want to say to you. There are some things I find impossible to tell you when I am looking into your beautiful eyes._

_The last two weeks were the worst weeks of my life. I have never missed someone as much as I missed you. I felt like a huge part of my life was missing, it was you. _

_I know I act like a complete jerk sometimes. I don't want to make excuses for myself, just know how very sorry I am that I hurt you. The last thing I would ever want to do is cause you pain. Your tears tore me apart, because I caused them. _

_This love I have for you is still so new to me. No one has ever made me feel the way you do. Sometimes it's overwhelming, and I can't control it. I can't ever lose you, Bella. The thought of living without you haunts me. _

_My past is not a pretty one; it is littered with misdeeds and broken hearts that I've left behind. I never cared about that before I met you. I hate that you've seen that side of me. I wish I could've hidden it from you. _

_You are so innocent, and I am so dirty. It scares me that one day you will see this and leave. That's why I am so overly jealous of Mike and pretty much any one else who takes your attention away from me. I fear that you'll see them as a better choice._

_I know that you love me; I see it in your eyes whenever we are together. My heart knows it, but I just need to convince my stubborn brain to get it, too. _

_I love you. I will try to be the man you deserve. I will do whatever it takes to make you happy. You are my life, baby. I cannot wait until you are home again so I can prove to you that I can, and will, change. _

_I hope you're having a good time with your mom. I will call soon, probably before you get this letter. _

_Love always, _

_Edward_

_Bella:_

The window I sat at overlooked my mom's backyard. The grass was sparse, the ground covered mostly in sand. I used to love it here. Now I missed the lush greenery of Forks. The mossy trees and green grass were calling me back to my real home.

Edward's letter was still in my hand. I had already read through it three times. I cried the first time, his words burrowing into my soul. He was afraid I would leave him? Never. I loved him more than life.

Another lone tear traveled down my cheek. I would work to prove to him that my love was for him only. He didn't need to worry about Mike or anyone else.

I hoped to make him understand why I had asked for a little time alone. We needed a breather from each other now and then. As he stated in his letter, our emotions were intense and overwhelming. I couldn't think of anything else but him when he was in the same room as me. Time apart would help me to finish my homework or spend time with my dad.

Needing to hear his voice, I picked up the phone and dialed his number. He answered on the first ring.

--xx--

The rest of my days were littered with special text messages from him, each one making me smile.

The first morning it was- _We had blueberry pancakes for breakfast. I thought of you and our special weekend. I really miss you. _

Yesterday was _– Emmett just told me the worst, corniest, dirtiest joke. I cracked up and thought of you laughing. I miss your smile._

That afternoon mom and I were outside enjoying the sunny day, when I received another message- _I was at the grocery store with my mom. We were in the produce section, and I smelled strawberries. I miss your smell._

Later that night, while eating dinner it was followed by- _I can't take it. Call me...now. I need you._

The bite of spaghetti I was swallowing lodged in my throat and I coughed violently. He needs me? I wondered what it was. Was he okay?

After helping mom clean up, I feigned tiredness and rushed to my room. He answered on the first ring. "Bella, I miss you. How many days left?"

Laughing softly, I relaxed and held the phone closer to my ear, as if I could get closer to him. "Six."

"Make sure you tell your dad I'll be picking you up at the airport. I can't wait to see you." He sounded so needy. I wanted to reach through the phone and take him into my arms.

_Is this how he always felt when he was away from me? _Now that we were apart, I felt empty, and my heart ached for him._ Is this how Edward felt when he wasn't around me?_

"I will. I want to see you right away too." I sat on my bed, twisting my hair around my fingers, picturing his face.

"Bella, where are you?" His voice dropped deeper more gravely.

"In my room."

"If I ask you to do something for me, will you?"

"Okay." I laughed nervously, "What are you thinking about, Edward?"

"Just listen- Lock your door, turn on your radio, and lay down on your bed." His breathing was harsh over the phone. "Turn on your speaker phone and lay it down next to you."

I did the things he asked, and swallowing anxiously, I stared at the ceiling. "Edward?"

"Let your fingers be my fingers, Bella. I'll tell you what I want to do to you, and you do it for me" He stopped to take in a quick breath before whispering, "I want to hear you. God, let me hear your moans and cries. I miss them so much, baby. I'll do it too. Tell me if there is something you want me to do. I'd like that."

I took a deep breath and nodded. A few seconds of silence followed.

"Bella? Is this ok? I don't want to… umm… freak you out or anything. I just thought…" His voice stuttered as he nervously stumbled over his words.

Realizing I had nodded and he couldn't see that, I rolled my eyes and laughed. "No, I was just thinking. Yeah, let's try. Tell me what you want."

--x--

For the next five nights my phone would ring at midnight. I never knew phone sex would be so wonderful. At first I was very nervous, but Edward knew exactly what to say and how to guide me. His husky voice pulled me over the edge every night.

Instead of relieving some of my need for Edward, the calls only made it worse. I wanted him. I missed him. I wanted to see him, touch him, kiss him. The mundane things even began to bother me. I couldn't watch TV without wishing he was there to hold me.

My mom could tell something was up so I told her about Edward. I told her that I had a boyfriend and we were in love. In her typical fashion, she scoffed at me an told me I was too young, that I had better be careful and "keep my options open." I didn't bring him up again after that. She didn't understand us. She firmly believed it was only a passing high school crush. I let her believe what she wanted, it was useless trying to explain it to her.

Finally, it was time to go home. I couldn't wait to see Edward.

_Edward:_

I stood in the airport looking towards the terminal door anxiously. She should be here any minute. My eyes scanned the airport lobby, searching her out, and finally landing on her slight form as she made her way across the room.

_God, she's beautiful. _Her hair hung over her shoulders in soft waves and she was wearing a blue tank, with a skirt that stopped mid-thigh, showing off her gorgeous legs. Starving for just the sight of her, my eyes ran down her body, devouring each curve, each movement.

A brilliant smile lit up her face when she looked over and saw me. Her lips formed my name, "Edward." as she ran towards me, swerving around everyone in her way. When she reached me, she threw herself in my arms and began placing kisses all over my face. "Oh, I missed you. You look so good."

I laughed; I had almost forgotten how enthusiastic she could be sometimes. Taking her face between my hands, I kissed her lips soundly. "I missed you, too."

We stood at the luggage carousel, impatiently waiting for her bag. Her hands drifted up over my chest and gripped my shirt. I looked down at her curiously, wondering what she was up to. A sexy smirk formed on her lips when she pulled me forward against her. Her lips met mine in a passionate kiss. It was hard and fast, her tongue darted out and found it's way inside my mouth. A tremor of desire raced up my spine, and I shuddered, my arms wrapping around her and pulling her in tighter.

Bella pulled back to look up at me, her face flushed , eyes dark with want. Raising my eyebrows in surprise I whispered her name, "Bella?"

Her eyes darted around nervously around us. Her face darkened with her blush as she realized how many people were watching us.

"Let's get out of here," she whispered, her hands lingering on my waist.

As soon as we got to my Volvo, Bella had my pants undone and her warm fingers were surrounding my dick. I pushed her against the door, kissing her hard and shoving myself further into her hand. Squeezing tightly, she moved her hand up and down on me. "Jesus, Bella we're not even going to make it into the car if you keep doing that."

She let go and pushed back from me. "Get in and find somewhere private," she growled. impatiently

Her eyes were so dark with want it took my breath away. I took in large gulps of air as I started the car. She was all over me; one hand was back in my pants and the other one was in my hair running through it, pulling. She was whispering words to me that I had never heard her say before. Words that, usually, would make her blush. They only made me harder. I pulled off at the first empty parking lot we passed and pulled behind the building.

She pushed her seat all the way back and crawled over me. I moved into her seat and pulled her down on me. Staring up into her eyes, my breathing quickened. Her hands wound in my hair tightly as she ravaged my mouth. Sucking her tongue between my lips, I pushed her straps down her arms and shoved her shirt around her waist.

She wasn't wearing a bra, and for a moment, I could do nothing but stare at her. My hands reached up cupping each breast. "Fuck, Bella," I groaned as I took a taut nipple between my teeth and flicked it with my tongue.

Grunting, I shoved my hands up under her skirt. My fingers frantically searched for lace, but instead came directly in contract with her warm pussy.

_Shit, she's not wearing any underwear. _

My eyes flew up to her face in shock. "Jesus, woman! Did you fly all the way here like this?"

Blushing, her wide brown eyes stared into mine. She shook her head no and said, "I took them off in the bathroom at the airport."

A sharp jolt of lust ripped through me, and I groaned loudly, burying my face in her chest. My fingers moved against her heat, circling her clit, reveling in the wet feel of her.

Moaning, she pushed up off me and grabbed the waistband of my jeans. Lifting my hips off the seat, I allowed her to pull them down around my knees.

She stared into my eyes intently as her hand found me again, circling my length. She moved over me as I watched her. My heart was beating too fast, and it felt like it would explode right out of my chest. My hands moved up to grasp her hips, holding her steady over me.

Her face was red and her eyes were glazed as she stared at me. Slowly, she lowered herself onto me. My head fell back against the seat as the pleasure flowed over me. Her short breathy pants surrounded me; the sound of my name falling from her lips pushed me to thrust up, deeper inside her.

_Oh, fuck…_

Gripping her hips tighter, I raised her up slightly off me. She felt so hot and wet. God, the feeling of it was incredible. It never felt like this, so damn hot. A spark of realization niggled at my brain. "Oh God, Bella. I…" She lowered herself down again, her hips meeting mine. "Oh fuck, baby. We don't…" She clenched around me and I lost my thought. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the seat.

My hands pushed her on me harder, faster. _Jesus, she's wet_. My eyes flew open and focused on her face. "You feel so good, Bella." I felt her body tense above me, her head was thrown back. Guttural growls issued from her throat.

Leaning into me, she moved her mouth over mine, whispering against me. "All those nights on the phone, I dreamt of this." Her hands fell from my hair and moved over her stomach to rest where our bodies met.

I watched her in fascination, my mouth hanging open. "Touch yourself for me, like you did on those nights. Let me see you."

Her fingers rubbed urgently against her clit, and she moaned loudly. "Bella," I croaked out, "God, that is so hot. You don't know what you do to me." My hands clenched against her hips, pulling her against me.

My body tensed as the pressure that was coiled tightly in me exploded. "Bella!" I pushed her on me, shoving up into her hard as my release found me. I felt her pulse around me as she called my name.

_Bella:_

I laid my head on his shoulder, breathing fast. My thighs were trembling from their exertion. Running my hands through his hair, I whispered, "I really missed you."

He laughed, quietly, "Yeah, I sensed that." He placed a soft kiss on my head. "You're incredible, Bella. You never cease to amaze me."

Gently, I pulled off from him. I felt liquid run out from between my legs and I stared down at the wetness in confusion. My eyes widened as the realization of what we had just done took over.

I looked at Edward. "We didn't…I didn't even think to…" I stuttered nervously.

"I know," he whispered while he played with my hair, a small scowl briefly flittering across his face. "Try not to worry about it now. I just want to enjoy being with you. If we have to, we'll worry about it later." His fingers brushed through my hair, calming me. His smile, releasing some of the tension that was curling in my stomach.

I smiled back, pushing the worrisome thought of unprotected sex away. Smiling down at him, I kissed his lips softly. "I'm so glad to be home. I love you."

--xx--

One month later I sat on the edge of Edwards's bed, my head in my hands. "I know it, I'm never late." My voice shook. I felt sick. _What are we going to do?_ "How long has it been?"

"Five minutes. The box said to wait ten." Edward was sitting next to me rubbing my back gently.

"I can tell, Edward. I feel different." Tears welled in my eyes. "God, what is my mom going to say?" How many lectures had I heard about this? "And Charlie… Has it been ten minutes yet?"

"I'll go check it." Edward went into his bathroom, when he didn't come out right away I began crying.

"No, Please." The words tumbled from my lips as I rocked back and forth.

He came out of the bathroom with a stunned look on his face, his fingers rubbing the bridge of his nose. He sat back down next to me on the bed and took a deep breath. His voice shook as he said, "Don't worry, Bella. We can do this. Everything will be fine."

"Fine? I'm 17! I haven't even graduated from high school yet. What about college? Oh, God." I put my face in my hands.

Edward shifted and I felt him kneel in front of me, "Bella, look at me," I opened my eyes and stared into his. "Do you want to get an… abortion?" He choked on the last word, flinching slightly.

I shook my head no. I couldn't even consider that. No matter how scared I was.

He let out a shaky breath. "Good. Now listen to me. You can still do all of those things." His eyes bored into mine. "I'll help you, and I know my parents will want to help as well. They'll help us with everything we need. I love you, I'll take care of you." His hand caressed my cheek, wiping away my tears.

His arms wrapped around me and pulled me close, hugging and rocking me. Tears streamed down my face. Sobs shook my shoulders. _How could I have been so stupid to let this happen_? He continued to stroke my back, whispering his love. My sobs finally quieted into sniffles, and I buried my face in his chest.

"We should talk to my parents tonight. My dad will be able to recommend someone for you to see. You'll need to make an appointment right away." His face was in my hair and I could feel his breath tickle my ears. I sighed, feeling somewhat calmer.

I looked at him searching his eyes for the same fear I felt. He seemed calm, his face a blank slate, but his eyes gave him away. They gleamed, a little wild; I could read both worry and determination in them.

"Any other guy would be running from me screaming." I shook my head. "But not you. You take charge and try to make everything right and easy for me. I love you so much."

"I love you too," He leaned in and kissed me chastely. "Are you ready?" He took my hand in his and squeezed.

"Now?" Panic began to creep up on me again.

"No time better. Come on, let's get it over with. Telling our parents will be the hardest part. Mine tonight, yours tomorrow." He pulled me up. "Why don't you go wash your face first, sweetheart, it'll make you feel better."

I went into the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror. My eyes were red and puffy. I looked at my stomach, placing a shaky hand over it. Before I could dissolve into another crying jag, I turned the faucet on. I did feel better after splashing some cool water on my face.

Back in his room he caressed my cheek before gently taking my hand in his. Giving it a comforting squeeze, he led me down the hall towards his father's office.

Edward's parents were wonderful. Carlisle and Esme were very supportive of our choice to have the baby, and Esme wrapped her arms around me when I fell into another bout of tears. She promised they would do everything they could to help as her soft hands stroked my hair. Edward sat in his chair watching us, and rubbing the bridge of his nose nervously. I tried to smile at him, but I think it came out as a sort of grimace.

Carlisle recommended a doctor for me, and by the time we left his office, I already had an appointment scheduled for next Tuesday afternoon.

My parents on the other hand, were a whole different story.

The next day we stood in my living room in front of my dad and confessed our sins.

I thought Dad was going to kill Edward. I'd never seen his face get so red, almost purple. He was yelling and carrying on so, that he scared me and I started to cry again.

"What is wrong with you?! Don't talk to her like that!" Edward's fist clenched at his sides as he stared down my dad.

Charlie took a step closer to him and yelled, "You should've taken care of this! This is your fault.!"

I stepped between them when it looked like they were going to come to blows. "Stop!" I pleaded to both of them. "Edward, please just go outside for a minute." He looked at me doubtfully so I took his hand and pulled him away from Charlie. "Please, just go cool down. Let me talk to my dad." Casting one last glare at Dad, he kissed my cheek softly before heading outside.

"I love him, Dad," I whispered.

"Bella, how could this have happened? What were you thinking?" He was pacing the hall in front of me.

"It happened in the usual way, and well, we obviously weren't thinking at the time." My flippant response caused him to stop pacing and stare at me.

"Is this funny to you? How are you going to raise a baby? You're not even out of high school yet." He shook his head.

"I just found out yesterday," my voice trembled, "I…I …" Stuttering over my words, I stared at the floor, wringing my hands in front of me.

I looked up when I heard Edward walk back in the door. He looked much calmer, but I eyed him warily. "Sir, I can answer those questions. We've talked to my parents and they have agreed to help us out. You know my father? You know they are financially capable of helping us." Charlie nodded his head twice. "We're both going to finish school and then go on to college together. I know it won't be easy, but I _will_ take care of your daughter. I promise."

He sounded so sure and confident, while I was a jittering bundle of nerves. God, listening to him, made me believe everything could work out. Charlie must have believed it, too, because I saw him relax a little.

"I love her, sir," Edward took my hand in his, "and she loves me. We can do this."

I called Renee later that night after Edward went home. I knew he would not be able to help me with this one. She ranted at me for 30 minutes before I told her to shut up and deal, thus ending our conversation.

I called Rose after talking to my mom. I didn't get much out before bursting into tears again. She was knocking on my door not fifteen minutes later.

"What did he do now? Another jealous rage? He didn't hurt you did he? I know Edward has a temper but I wouldn't think…" She was looking me over intently as she spoke.

"Stop. Edward didn't do anything. We're not fighting. Actually, I was just fighting with my mom." I looked down at the sheet I was twisting in my hands. "I'm pregnant."

You know that saying 'It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop?' Yeah it was like that.

She sat next to me on the bed, "Oh Bella," she whispered. "What are you guys going to do?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat. I didn't want to cry anymore. I had cried enough in the past two days, and I was tired of it. "We're going to have the baby. Edward's parents offered to help, financially, until we could support ourselves, which I hate, but we do need their help, so I accepted. Edward thinks we'll still be able to go to college." I took a deep breath and looked up at her. "I don't know Rose. I'm scared and a wreck, but Edward is just so damn calm; like he's got this plan, even though we just found out yesterday, so I don't know how he can be so sure."

Rose was smiling at me. "What?" I snapped. _What could possibly be funny right now?_

"You're rambling, that's all." She smiled softly and took me in her arms hugging me. "I'll help you however I can. Just ask, ok?"

I nodded. "I appreciate that, thank you."

As I lay down to sleep that night, I began to think what having a baby would be like. I thought of my friend in Phoenix, Victoria, she had a baby sister. I had seen her on my visit. She was so cute. I held her for a little while, letting her fist grab my finger. I wondered what this baby would look like. Would he have Edwards coloring or mine?

God, holding someone else's baby was so different than raising one of your own. What if I screwed up? How were Edward and I going to manage this? Thoughts raced through my head as tears began, yet again, and I fell into an uneasy sleep.

_Edward:_

I hurried to my car after walking out Bella's door. My hands were starting to shake badly, and I didn't want her to see. Jumping into my car, I raced out of her driveway. I rolled my windows down and let the cool breeze flow over my hot skin, relaxing me. My foot pressed the accelerator. I just needed to just drive.

My calm exterior finally gave way to my inner turmoil. I was scared shitless. My Bella was going to have my baby. It was unbelievable.

When I got home, I went straight to my room. I was staring at the wall, thinking of Bella, when Emmett and Jasper walked in.

"Don't you knock?" I mumbled.

"So, good job Edward. What, did you forget how to use a condom?" Emmett leaned against the wall, arms folded in front of him.

Jasper turned and glared at him, "Nice, Emmett."

Emmett shrugged.

"I take it mom and dad told you?" It was a rhetorical question, I already knew the answer.

"Are you going to marry her?" Jazz asked as he sat on the edge of my nightstand.

"I haven't really thought about that yet." _Not at all honestly. Maybe I should think about that. _

"Bella as a sister-in-law. Having a hot female in the house all the time could have its benefits." Emmett grinned at me.

"Shut the fuck up Emmett, fucking asshat." I wasn't in the mood for his shit. I glared at the two of them, my temper suddenly flaring.

"If you only came in here to give me shit, get out. What I need right now is some time to think. Just get out." I wanted to be alone.

After showering and dressing for bed, I thought more on what Jasper had said. Should I ask Bella to marry me? We were going to be together through this. I wanted to be with her. It would be the right way to do things.

I thought of marrying my Bella, making her mine forever, and a small smile formed on my lips. I drifted off to sleep, smiling.

The next morning I went to talk to my mom. I gave her a kiss on the cheek and sat next to her at the kitchen counter.

She smiled kindly at me. "Good morning, dear. How are you feeling today?"

I ran my hand through my hair and sighed. "Honestly? I'm tied up in knots, scared, apprehensive, worried, but strangely happy."

Esme's hand covered mine. "It's to be expected Edward. You two have a long haul in front of you. What's made you 'strangely' happy?"

"I came to a decision last night. Do you still have my moms ring?"

She looked surprised. "Of course." Then she smiled brightly. "You're going to ask Bella to marry you."

I nodded my head, "Not yet. I just want to see the ring, and try and figure some things out first. I don't think Bella would be ready for me to ask her now anyways. She is really messed up. I need to give her some time. "

"I'll go get it for you."

I thought about Bella and how she had looked so freaked out yesterday when I left. I wanted to stay with her, but she had needed to call her mom. Remembering the fight we had before she went to Phoenix, I wondered if she still wanted some distance between us. It would be even harder to give her time to herself now, when all I wanted to do was be right next to her, comforting her. I wanted to go over there right now. Maybe I would just call her and see how she's feeling.


	12. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 –How to Deal**

_Bella:_

I really didn't think I had anything left in my stomach to throw up. I was so wrong. It had become a morning ritual this month: wake up, stretch, grasp stomach, run to the bathroom. Ugh…I couldn't wait for this part to be over.

I threw some water on my face, and brushed my teeth. One more glance in the mirror showed me that I had black circles under my eyes, and my face looked all puffy. Edward was coming over this morning; I'd probably scare him away looking like this. Tears welled up in my eyes again. I was hideous.

_Why does he want me?_ _Why does he want this baby? _

Resentment welled in me. Anger surged forward, and I felt like screaming. So I did.

"Aghhhhh!" I dropped to my knees. Bending my head, I slouched forward.

I hated being alone now. Everything seemed to rush at me, and I felt overwhelmed. I was okay when I was with Edward. He was so confident, so _sure. _

_He will be here soon, pull it together, Bella._

I took in some deep breathes. Pulling myself back up, I rewashed my face.

Sighing, I resigned myself to the scary Bella staring back at me in the mirror and got dressed. Nothing was showing yet, and for that I was grateful. Recently I'd started looking through parenting magazines. Seeing moms with their stomachs stretched out like they'd swallowed a watermelon scared the crap out of me.

It had been three months since the first doctors' appointment confirming the pregnancy. That was the last time I had cried in front of Edward about it. I resolved myself to grow up and take charge, at least when he was around. I couldn't have Edward being the only strong one. He helped me so much, and it wasn't fair to lean on him as hard as I had been.

I heard a car pull into the driveway. _Edward…_ I smiled as I hurried to open the door.

"Good morning, Love." He smiled at me, his eyes crinkling, a hand lightly touching my back and his lips brushing my hair.

"Good morning to you," I smiled back. Wow, I really was feeling all over the place this morning. Staring at him, I had to swallow the lump forming in my throat. He was so beautiful, and he loved _me_. Still amazing, was the fact that he stood by me through this. Not that I would expect anything less from him; he _was_ Edward.

He held up a brown paper bag. "Hungry?"

A delicious smell wafted from the bag. "Esme's blueberry muffins?" My mouth watered.

He walked into the kitchen, and sat the bag on the table. After he pulled two glasses from the cupboard, he reached into the fridge to grab the milk and butter. I watched him as he poured the milk into the glasses.

My eyes welled with tears.

He looked at me in concern, and sat the glasses down, "Bella, are you okay?" He walked over and put his arm around me.

Tears started to run down my face. "Oh, I guess." I swallowed back my tears and looked up at him. "Edward, I just… I love you, and you take such good care of me, and I'm so glad you're here this morning."

He looked down at me, enlightenment dawning on his features, one eyebrow rising. "Hormones?"

I laughed, "Maybe." I wiped the tears from my face, sniffling. He led me over to the table, and we sat down. He pulled his chair around to sit beside me.

"I brought something for you, but I don't know if I should give it to you right now." He smiled his crooked smile at me.

My heart leapt in my throat. "What is it? You can't say that and then not give it to me."

He pulled a small box with a ribbon from his pocket. I grabbed it and quickly untied the ribbon. I looked at him before I opened it. He was staring at me expectantly. In the box lay a platinum, heart-shaped locket. My breath caught. "Edward, it's beautiful." I took it out and held it up so that it shimmered in the light.

"Open it," he prompted. Inside was a picture of him and me together on one side and an inscription on the other. _Love, forever and always_.

I started to cry again. "Oh Edward, it's wonderful. I love it, I love you." Guilt over my earlier episode filled me. _Thank God he hadn't been there_.

He laughed at me before taking my face in between his hands and wiping my tears. "I figured after the baby was born, you could put her picture in there."

"Her?" I whispered.

He smiled slightly. "Or him."

"Here," I handed the locket to him. "Help me put this on, please."

He leaned forward bringing his face inches away from mine. His green eyes darkened as he looked into my eyes. His fingers grazed my skin when he clasped the necklace around my neck. I let out a small, involuntary sigh, and he smiled. His lips met mine, moving over them softly. My eyes closed. _This is why. This is why I am here. My Edward. _His lips lingered on mine, for just a moment, and then pulled away.

I opened my eyes to look at him. He sat back in his chair, running his fingers through his hair. His adams apple bobbed when he swallowed. Picking up the knife he slowly cut a muffin in half. Generously applying the butter, he then placed it in front of me. "You need to eat Bella." He picked up the other half and took a bite.

After breakfast, we went to the living room and sat on the couch.

"I thought we could just hang out here today, maybe watch a movie," he said as he pulled me closer to him. "Anything you want to see?"

"I have a movie dad got for me. It's by the TV." Edward let me go to stand up and get the movie.

He looked at me doubtfully. "Twilight? What is this?"

"It's about vampires." So, maybe I was misleading him a little. Let him think it was a horror movie for now.

"Oh, Okay." He popped the movie in, and sat next to me pulling me close again. I laid my head on his chest, snuggling in.

I was crying again by the end of the movie. He looked at me, astounded. "Why are you crying? That was a happy ending."

"Sort of, but not really. Don't you see?" I sniffled.

"Bella, I really don't. Besides, that was awfully tricky of you, making me watch that. I thought I was in for some blood and guts, instead I get sappy _vampire_ love." He chuckled lightly, his lips resting on my head to leave a small kiss.

I smiled back at him. "It was tricky, wasn't it?"

He looked down at me with a glint in his eyes. "I think I should punish you for that." His fingers moved over my stomach and tickled across my ribcage. I giggled and squirmed underneath them. Taking my arms, he pulled me across his lap, tickling me furiously. I bit my lip and laughed hysterically. My knees drew up to my chest as I tried to break free, but he held firm.

When he stopped he ran his hand through my hair. His eyes darkened with sudden passion, while he stared down at me. He bent down, softly running his lips over mine. The warm pressure sent tingles down my spine, and I sighed against his mouth. As I wrapped my arms around his neck, he pushed down harder, deepening the kiss. My heart rate sped up as he stood, holding me in his arms. I stared up at him when he laid me softly on the couch and continued kissing me.

His hands caressed my face, my arms, my neck, touching me everywhere. I breathed in his scent, letting myself go under his touch. I thought of nothing but Edward and what he was doing to me right now.

After we made love, we watched a little more TV. Nothing was on of interest and I was getting very sleepy. Letting out a big yawn, my eyes dropped closed.

"Why don't you take a nap, love? I'll go home, and you can call me later." He brushed his fingers over my cheek.

"Yeah, I am tired." I opened my eyes and yawned again. "Can you bring over some more muffins when you come back?" I bit my lip, feeling my face heat up. I felt like such a pig, sometimes.

He smiled again, "Of course." His lips found mine one last time before standing, "I love you," he said.

"Love you too."

I settled into the couch and closed my eyes. Before I fell asleep I felt a warm blanket cover me. Burrowing into it, my last thought was of Edward.

_--xx--_

It was the first day back to school. I turned in front of the mirror, staring at my abdomen. _Can you tell? _Nervously, I ran my hands over my stomach. Shaking my head, I pulled my shirt off and grabbed another. This one was bigger, not as tight. _That's better_. My abdomen had started to pop out a little the last week. I definitely wasn't ready for the entire population of Forks High School to know my secret yet.

I ran a brush through my hair, pulled it back into a ponytail, and ran downstairs to get something to eat. I had just started on my Fruity Pebbles when Edward walked in.

"Hey, beautiful." His hand ran over my ponytail and down my neck. He pulled the chair over and sat next to me. "So, you ready for this?"

"Not really," I sighed. None of the students knew yet, but Edward's parents and Charlie had already been to the school and talked to the principal about me. He had wanted me to go to night school. They refused that option, and convinced him that I should attend during the day. I don't know what they had to say to him to get him to agree, but it worked. I was afraid that all the teachers knew. _What would they think of me? How would they look at me?_ I was scared.

As if reading my mind, Edward said, "Bella, we're not going to be able to hide this for long anyways. Who cares what everyone thinks? Hmm? All that matters is you and me." His fingers gently tightened on the back of my neck. His eyes stared earnestly into mine.

I nodded and started eating my cereal. Edward looked at my bowl and said, "You know, those look pretty good. Can I have some?"

Once we got to school, everything was fine. Edward was in four of my classes this year, plus lunch. He never left my side as we walked from class to class, meeting me outside the classrooms if we didn't have that one together. Anytime we saw Mike Newton, Edward's arm would tighten around me, and his face would turn an awful shade of red

He never said anything, though. I knew he was trying to not react, but I could feel the tension in his body.

Before I knew it, the day was over. Then, a whole week had passed.

That weekend was my birthday. At least I was going to be eighteen when the baby was born. I guess I would be considered an adult. I didn't want a party, so instead Edward and I had a quiet dinner with Charlie at my house. Charlie got me a very nice camera, to take pictures of his grandchild. I thanked him, but really didn't know how I felt about it. It made me sick to my stomach to think of what the future held. Uncertainty clouded my mind, and I grimaced down at the table. I saw Edward look at me questioningly, and I gave him a small smile. Hopefully, I conveyed some reassurance, but he still watched me worriedly.

He had brought a gift from Carlisle and Esme. It was a beautiful, warm blanket that I knew would be well used. Edward made me a CD of him playing the piano. There were a few new pieces, one for me and one for the baby.

When I was finally alone that night, I listened to the songs he had written for me and the baby. I cried in large, gasping sobs. I was trying so hard not to show it around Edward, but I was still so frightened. How was I going to be a good mother? I rubbed my abdomen and closed my eyes praying for the oblivion of sleep so I wouldn't have to think of what my future held.

Everyday that followed was pretty much the same. In the morning, Mike would find me, away from Edward, to talk to me. I enjoyed being with him; I needed a friend so badly. Although, I didn't tell him everything. He had no idea I was pregnant. It was a relief not to have to talk about it.

I really missed Rose. She, Emmett and Jasper had all graduated last year and were attending college in Seattle. So, I really had no one, except Edward. Jessica had deserted me and Mike was all I had left. Deep inside, I knew Mike wanted more than friendship, but I figured we would just have to get past that. I also knew that Edward wouldn't like it.

One day at school, Edward saw Mike and I talking. He walked over to us and grabbed my arm, pulling me to him. "Mike," he practically growled. "Bella, I need to talk to you."

"Why are you associating with that prick?" Edward face was red and his eyes flashed green daggers at Mike.

Mike came over before I could say anything. _Oh no_. "Why don't you let her go, Cullen? Are you into manhandling your girlfriend now?"

Edward looked down at his hand on my arm and immediately released it. He took a step towards Mike and sneered, "You got one thing right there. She is _my _girlfriend. I thought I already told you once to stay away from her."

"Edward," I whispered, pulling on his hand, "please, you promised not to do this anymore." He looked at me frowning, glared one more time at Mike, and let me lead him away towards class. I didn't know what to do. I knew how Edward felt, I knew why, but I also wanted a friend. Uncertainty settled in my stomach, adding to the guilt, grief, and confusion already there.

My abdomen seemed to be swelling more everyday. My shirts were getting too tight. Esme and Rose offered to take me shopping for maternity clothes, but I refrained. I didn't want to wear those types of clothes, and I didn't want Edwards's mother buying them for me. Wearing maternity clothes would make it too real. I was still trying to hide, and in those, I would be announcing my pregnancy. Instead, I chose to wear Edward's shirts. I was no longer able to button my pants, and his shirts were long enough to cover up any evidence.

By the time October came around I could no longer hide it, and I was hearing the whispers at school. Everyone seemed to stare at me. My heart raced as I walked down the hallways; my face flooded with shame, lit up like a red neon sign. Edward could sense my discomfort and pulled me closer to him. I kept my eyes down at the floor, my head tucked firmly against his side, trying to burrow in and hide.

Gym was the worst.

"Did you see how fat she looks? It's just disgusting the way she parades herself around wearing Edward's shirts. I mean, does she really think she's hiding anything?" Lauren's voice echoed out of the locker room.

I felt my face heat up as I blushed and I looked at the floor shuffling into the room. I squeezed by her and Jessica to my locker to get changed. I felt everyone staring at me as I slipped on my gym shorts. I had brought one of Edwards t-shirts to wear; the problem was putting it on.

"Go ahead, Bella," Jessica's voice dripped with honey. "It's not like we don't already all know."

I looked up at the girl I had thought to be my friend last year. She smiled at me sweetly. I turned around from them and pulled my shirt over my head. "Turn around Bella and let us see," Jessica again taunted.

I shook my head no, and threw Edward's T-shirt on. "Stupid slut." Lauren's hand gripped my arm. "You asked for this. I hear you practically begged Edward to fuck you. What, your daddy didn't teach you about birth control?"

Tears welled in my eyes as I stared at them. All the girls from the class seemed to be laughing along with Lauren. Jessica's mouth twitched into a smirk, and she leaned down to whisper in my ear, "Is he as good for you as he was for me, Bella?" I flinched away from her. "He always knew just the right way to lick my pussy to make me come. Does he do that for you?" My breath caught at her nasty words, and I stared at her in shock.

Ms. Catch, the gym teacher, blew her whistle, "What's taking so long ladies? Get out here."

I watched Jessica, Lauren and the rest of the girls walk away. I collapsed against the locker, shaking. Tears fell from my eyes, and I sat on the floor pulling my knees to me.

_They were right I am horrible looking. Edward will probably get sick of looking at me. Maybe he will want Jessica again. _

I felt a soft hand on my shoulder. "Bella, don't let them get to you, they're just jealous." I looked up into expressive brown eyes; Angela Webber was sitting next to me. "Jessica wanted to be Edward's girlfriend so bad, but he wouldn't. And Lauren, well she sleeps around, a lot, _and _she wanted Jasper. She feels you stood in her way." She laid her hand softly on my arm. "Do you want me to tell Ms. Catch you're not feeling well?"

I nodded my head. She was so nice. "Thank… you," I had to choke the words out around my tears.

I hurriedly dressed back into my clothes and exited from the gym. No way was I staying in the locker room; they would be back soon. I walked out to the Volvo and sat on the on the hood, waiting for Edward.

I felt so ashamed for how I was feeling. If Edward knew he would hate me, but I didn't want this. I didn't want to have a baby! I just wanted Edward, for us to be together, and normal and happy. Putting my hands over my face, I continued sobbing.

_Edward:_

I waited outside the gym for Bella. Jessica walked by giving me a suggestive wink, and Lauren snickered at me. I narrowed my eyes at them. What was going on? Bella had still not exited the gym. I went inside to see if she was okay.

Angela Webber stopped me. "She's not here Edward. Some of the girls in class gave her a hard time, and it really upset her."

"What happened?" I asked.

My anger flared as she told me the things Lauren and Jessica had said to her. _Bitches. Why would they do that? _

I stormed from the gym and found Jessica searching through her locker.

I took a deep breath before approaching her. "Jessica." I gritted out through my teeth.

"Edward," she cooed. "Can I help you with something?" She flung her hair over her shoulder while stuck her chest out at me.

I rolled my eyes, looking at her in disgust and rage. She faltered and took a step back. Her voice trembled as she asked, "What did that bitch tell you? She lies." She stood up straighter and lashed out, "You know, I wouldn't be surprised if that's not even your baby."

I grabbed her by her arms and pushed her into her locker. "If you were a man, I would kill you right now." I could barely control my rage as it pulsated through me. "You fucking whore. How dare you talk to my girl that way? If I _ever _hear you treated her that way again, I will destroy you. I know a lot about you Jessica, don't forget that. Things you probably wouldn't want me to tell anyone else." Her face flushed, and her eyes widened. She looked scared. "Be sure you pass along this message to your buddy Lauren."

_Fucking bitch_. I took in deep breaths trying to regain a semblance of my control before seeking out Bella.

I found her sitting next to the Volvo, on the ground, with her knees pressed against her stomach. She was crying. _Damn it._ I sat next to her and put my hand on her back, massaging gently. "I'm sorry, Bella. Are you ok?"

"No, not really." She sounded small, defeated.

"You shouldn't let them get to you so bad. Stand up to them, Bella. They are nobody, just a couple of jealous skanks." She laughed a little at the word skanks. It was good to hear her laugh. I stood and held my hand out to her. "Come on, let's go home."

I watched her from the corner of my eye as I drove. She had started to shrink into herself again. I wish I could convince her not to care what the people here thought. Especially, girls like Jessica and Lauren. Some way I had to make this right. Some way I had to give her back her enthusiasm for life. Some way I had to make her love our baby.

I wanted my Bella back and I didn't know what to do. She seemed so miserable. I could see right through all those fake smiles she threw my way. I knew her better than that. I had talked things over with my mom and dad. All they could say was give her time. I was trying, but I just wanted to grab her and shake some sense into her, to accept it and deal with it, instead of wallowing in self-pity. _Don't think like that. _I shook my head. I couldn't think that about her. She needed me to be there for her. She would be alright. _We_ would be alright.

After I got home, I sat on the couch and stared blankly at the TV. My mind was so full, I didn't know where to start. First, there was Bella and the baby, and how Bella was not dealing well with it. Then, there was her "friendship" with Mike. What was that all about? I hated him. I hated when he was around her, but she seemed to want to talk to him. Why? Lastly, there was the ring that I carried around with me everywhere. Would I ever get a chance to ask her to marry me?

I heard the front door slam, and looked over my shoulder to see Emmett walking into the living room.

He came around the couch and sat down next to me. "Hi," he said.

"Hi."

"I saw Bella at the store with her dad. She looks like hell." He turned his head to look at me.

"Yeah, I know," I sighed, and ran my hand through my hair. Rubbing the bridge of my nose, I shrugged. "I don't know what to do to make it better."

"Maybe you can't. Maybe this is something she has to work out on her own." He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "Look, I know if it was Rose, I would be worried too. But you know, your lives are changing; nothing will ever be the same. All I can say is just be there. Don't let her doubt you."

I looked over at my brother and smiled ruefully. "Thanks, Emmett. She's got me really worried. I thought she would have accepted it by now, but things are getting worse. Today at school was pretty bad. Lauren and Jessica gave her a hard time; said some awful things to her. I can't protect her from that. I wasn't even there. I know we get stared at. I see people gawking at her. I would kick the shit out of every asshole in that school if I thought it would help. It's not everyone. Angela Webber helped Bella today. If Bella would just open her eyes she would see there are a lot of people who aren't judging her."

Emmett shook his head a few times. "I'll make sure Rose keeps in touch with her. I know Bella needs a friend right now. We've just been busy, adjusting to college life."

Smiling, I said, "Sorry, I'm so wrapped up in Bella I didn't even think to ask. How is everything? Classes going good?"

Emmett and I had a long conversation about his new classes, sharing a dorm with Jasper, and dealing with all the new guys drooling over Rose. It felt good to talk to my brother again, and when he left later that night I was doing better. My mind was clearer.

I decided to take a trip to Bella's.

"Edward." She looked surprised, but happy, to see me when she opened the front door. She shivered slightly from the cold, and rubbed her arms. "Come inside, it's really cold."

"Dad, Edward's here, we're going up to my room." Bella stuck her head into the living room, checking with her dad. Then, taking my hand she led me upstairs.

"What is it? I wasn't expecting you to be come over tonight." She was fussing with her hair, trying to smooth it down. She looked nervous. Her eyes darted around me, and her hands fidgeted with her hair and her shirt.

"Bella, we need to talk." I sat down on the edge of her bed, gently pulling her down beside me. "I know you're having a hard time." She shook her head no and opened her mouth. I pressed a finger against her lips. "Don't lie. I can see it in your face, even now. And those smiles you force yourself to make, they don't fool me. This morning, you didn't look… well." I took her hand and pressed my fingers against he palm, rubbing my thumb over her wrist. "You need to tell me when things get to be too much. I am here for you. We are in this together." I stared earnestly into her eyes, trying to convey my love for her.

Tears filled her eyes and her lips trembled. I pulled her chin up so I could meet her eyes.

"What is it, Bella? Just tell me. I can deal with it. Please."

"I don't want this," she barely whispered. She jerked her face out of my hand. "I don't feel any motherly bond. I read all these magazines, and all these pregnant… women… they talk about how excited they are. How much they love the baby growing inside them." She took a deep breath in and shuddered. "I don't… I don't feel that way." Her voice grew louder. "I'm not ready to be a mom!"

I knew she was feeling like this, but it still hurt. I closed my eyes and swallowed. Reopening them, I gazed down at her. Her head was down, her eyes focused on her lap. Tears were spilling against our clenched hands.

She finally looked at me again. Shame flooded her face, and she glanced away to stare at the bed, winding the sheet in her hands. "I'm so sorry," she whispered. "I know you want this." Her hand passed over her stomach. "You seem so ready, and confident that everything will work out. I wish I could feel more like you."

Wrapping my arms tightly around her, I pulled her to me. "Bella, it's okay to feel like that, to be afraid, even ashamed. I'm ashamed! I got my seventeen year old girlfriend pregnant. I should've known better." I paused, thinking out my words before taking a deep breath and continuing. "But you know what? It happened. We can't change it, so we have to make the best of it. You think I'm confident." A small laugh escaped from my throat. "I'm scared too. I have no idea how to be a father. I have nothing to look back on, nothing to take notes from. Carlisle wasn't in my life until I was seven."

Pulling back from her, I forced her to meet my eyes again. "We have each other. _We _can be strong together. If I fuck up, you'll be there to help me. If I forget to change the baby's diaper, you'll be there to remind me. I'll be there for you in the same way."

She sighed softly and sniffled. "I know. I just ..." Her voice trailed off, and I hugged her to me again.

"I love you, Bella. I promise, everything is going to be ok. As for the motherly bond…" I stopped again to think it over. _Why isn't she attached to the baby yet? Maybe… _"I think your fear and shame is overriding that. In time I believe it will happen. You love me, and that little person, growing inside of you, is part of me. " My voice trembled a little, emotions making it thick.

"I've never even thought of it that way." She looked up at me. "As part of you and me- together." Her brow furrowed in thought as she dropped her eyes from mine again. Yawning, she covered her mouth with her hand.

"Edward," she asked, "do you still think I'm pretty? I feel so fat and ugly. My face is blotchy all the time. I know I will only get bigger. Lauren said I was huge… Am I huge?" Again her hands flittered to her hair, smoothing it.

Taking her hand from her hair, I held it tightly. "Oh, my Bella, you're so beautiful. You aren't fat, you're pregnant. You need to see what I see. Your eyes are so deep, I get lost in them. Your skin in soft and… luminescent." I gave a short laugh. Taking her chin in my hand, I lifted her face up to mine. "Bella, you're everything to me." I kissed her lips softly. "Everything."

I let go of her chin and smiled. "Besides, your ass is still perfect." I waggled my eyebrows at her, trying to get her to laugh a little. It worked and she giggled softly. "I think you're gorgeous. Why would you listen to anything Lauren has to say?"

She shrugged her shoulders. She looked really tired. "I think I should go, so you can sleep," I said, preparing to stand.

"No, don't, not yet. Stay until I'm asleep." She was clutching my hand tightly; there was no way I could say no.

No way I would say no.


	13. Chapter 10

****Thanks to those who have added me to their favorites list! I'm glad you are enjoying the story. **

****Thanks to PTB for their beta skills. Infinite patience is much appreciated! **

****Also to my new beta helper minikiki- you are grand! **

****Disclaimer: Twilight characters belong to Stephanie, any and all references to Twilight also belong to Stephanie. **

**Chapter 10 – The Best Laid Plans Go To Waste**

_Bella:_

I sat on the examining table listening to the doctor talk about my nutrition and my weight. He wasn't happy; he thought I should have gained more. _God, I already feel like a cow. _Edward was sitting in the chair by the table. His eyes were on the doctor, taking in his every word. I groaned inwardly. Now he would probably start shoving food down my throat at every opportunity.

"So, today's the day. You're about five months along now, and we want to check on the baby's progress. You'll be getting your first ultrasound. Do you want to know what the baby's sex is?" The doctor was flipping switches on a large gadget as he spoke.

I looked at Edward. I wasn't sure what I wanted. _What did he want? _

He smiled at me. "What do you think Bella?"

I tried to read his eyes. I was pretty sure he wanted to know, so I nodded my head yes.

He took my hand, beaming, and gave it a squeeze.

The gooey blue stuff the doctor was smearing on my belly was cold. He smiled at me reassuringly. I looked at Edward. He must have read my nervousness because he took my hand again, bending to kiss my forehead.

The doctor ran the wand over my stomach. A picture started to take shape on the monitor. At first, it was hard to make out. Edward started asking the doctor questions.

"Where is the head?"

"Is it a good size?"

"Is it healthy?"

I continued to stare at the monitor.

My heart started to beat furiously. The doctor was pointing out the baby's heart. I could actually see it fluttering, then the head, a tiny hand, a foot. A lump formed in my throat as I was overcome with awe and… love. Tears welled in my eyes. Edward saw my reaction and leaned in to give me another kiss. His eyes scanned over my face anxiously. I glanced at him, quickly and turned back to the screen.

"Well, I don't see anything extra sticking out here," the doctor pointed between the baby's legs and grinned, "and we have a pretty good view. I'd say you have a baby girl in there."

My heart swelled, and I squeezed Edward's hand. My other hand trembled as I pressed it against my mouth.

"I'll give you two a minute." The doctor quietly exited the office.

"Edward," I whispered in awe. "I'm so sorry." I started crying harder, "I didn't know if… I was just so scared… I never knew it would feel like this."

"Oh, Bella." I looked into his eyes; they were shining with unshed tears. He reached up to smooth my hair back from my face while gazing into my eyes.

He was smiling.

As we walked from the office, Edward put his arm around me pulling me close. In his car he took my face between his hands. Taking my lips with his, he softly pushed them together. I moved my lips under his as emotions swirled through me. Love, tangled with amazement, joy, and yes, still, a little anxiousness.

"I love you," Edward said as he kissed me once more before turning to start the car.

_Edward:_

She was happy. _Finally. _The look on her face as she watched the ultrasound took my breath away. Her eyes had widened, face flushed, and her mouth had formed a small 'o'. When she had started crying with joy, rather than fear, I thought my heart was going to burst. I had wanted so badly for her to feel this way.

Remembering what the doctor had said about her weight, I frowned slightly. It was a good time to stop for an early lunch now. I pulled into the diner and stopped the car.

She looked at me with a small smile on her face, laughter shining in her eyes. "What?" I asked.

"Nothing." She continued to laugh as we went inside.

We sat at the table, and I handed her a menu. "No bagels or toast or salad, unless they come with something else. You heard what the doctor said. Eat."

She rolled her eyes at me and giggled. "Bella, what is so funny?"

"I knew you were going to act like this, that's all." She held up her hand as I started to protest. "Don't worry. I know, okay? I promise to eat more."

The waitress took our order, and Bella dug into her purse searching for something. Her eyes lit up as she found what she was looking for. She held the ultrasound pictures between her fingers. I watched her as she laid them carefully on the table before her, looking each one over thoughtfully.

"Look here Edward, she's sucking her thumb. See in this one, her foot is pressed right against the wand the doctor was using? I wonder why I didn't feel that. The doctor said I should be feeling her any day now. Maybe she was waiting for me…" her voice trailed off.

I watched her in silent awe. In the difference of a few hours, she had changed so much. She seemed excited now; her cheeks were flushed, and her eyes glowed. I put my elbow on the table and cupped my chin, leaning, watching her.

The waitress came back with our drinks and looked down at the pictures. "Are those yours? How beautiful."

To my utter astonishment, Bella smiled at her and handed her one of the pictures, "We're having a girl." Her face shone with pride.

_My god, she's beautiful. _She looked radiant, smiling and happy.

The waitress congratulated us and handed back the picture. I stared at my Bella's face as she looked over the pictures again, fingering them, her eyes shining brightly.

"I don't have anything for her. I'll need to call Rose and tell her, and maybe we can go shopping somewhere soon, to pick out a few things." She wasn't really even talking to me, just mumbling to herself.

_She wants to go out to buy things for the baby_. I shook my head, thinking again what a difference there was in her. It was incredible.

A thought occurred to me, and I fingered the box I kept in my jacket pocket- my Mother's ring, the ring for Bella. I could ask her now. Now that she was happy. I already had a plan; I would have to make some calls. Maybe tomorrow night.

I made sure Bella finished all her lunch and ordered two pieces of cobbler to go. She shook her head at me, but stayed quiet. She yawned heartily.

"Tired, baby?" She nodded her head yes. "I'll take you home. Then you can give Rose a call and set up some quality girl time." She looked at me, surprised. "It's okay; I'm not going to freak out this time. I promise."

Once in the car she asked, "Edward, can you stay with me? While I nap? We can watch TV or something. I just don't want you to leave yet," Her fingers fiddled with the hair by my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

At her house, we snuggled together in her bed. I didn't want to keep her awake watching the TV. Charlie was at work, and I really didn't think he would have much to say if he was here. I mean, what else could we do? My lips brushed her cheek while my fingers caressed her belly; her small bump rising and falling with her breaths.

Little ripples moved under my hand. I felt Bella stir, and she held her breath. There was a push against the palm of my hand, "Edward…"

"I know, I feel it," I whispered afraid it would stop if I made too much noise. There was another little push. "I guess she was just waiting for you, Love."

After a few minutes, I felt Bella's breathing deepen and knew she was asleep. I closed my eyes, burying my nose in her hair and breathing deep.

I awoke to soft, warm, insistent kisses on my lips. I leaned into her and increased the pressure a little. She hadn't wanted to have sex in a very long time, instead hiding her body away from me. Now her tongue played along my lips and in my mouth, causing me to shiver. My hands shook as I unbuttoned the shirt she wore. It felt like our first time again and my heart raced nervously.

My fingers glided over her silky skin, circling her stomach and rubbing against the small rise there. My eyes followed the path of my fingers. She was so beautiful. I leaned down to kiss her, my mouth pressing to her abdomen and licking over her belly button. Slowly, I made my way back up, across her breasts, to her lips.

She moaned softly into my mouth as my hands moved over her legs. She had taken off her jeans when we had lain down earlier, so nothing was in my way as I caressed her. Her thighs parted for me, and I shifted to rest between them, pulling her close. "Bella…"

Anxiously, my hands yanked at her panties, pulling them to her knees. She shifted and wriggled the rest of her way out of them. My fingers rested on her warm center, moving over her and into her. Her warm breath stole across my cheek as she exhaled sharply.

Her hands deftly unbuttoned my pants and slid them off. I moved to accommodate her, pulling her to me again, searching out her heat. I cried out as I moved into her. She was my love, my future, my everything.

My lips found hers, taking and giving it all, pushing and pulling, licking and sucking. I called her name and increased my pace as need overwhelmed me. She whimpered and tightened around me, grasping my shoulders, before she moved her hands up to pull at my hair. Everything stopped as I shattered into her, my love and need coming together in release. I heard her calling my name as I felt her body spasm around mine.

We lay spent in each other arms, and I felt her shoulders begin to shake. "Bella?"

"I was so stupid, Edward. I'm sorry for behaving the way I have the past few months." She turned to face me, her chocolate eyes swirling with unshed tears. Her fingers played over my face. "I love you."

All my best laid plans fell away as I stared into her eyes. I took her face in my hands. "I love you, Bella. I want to be with you always." I stared deep into her eyes. "Marry me?" my voice trembled a little at the end.

She gasped and gaped at me, her mouth open and eyes wide in shock. "Bella?" I started to feel uncertain about her answer. She was taking too long to respond.

Then she smiled her brilliant smile and said, "Yes." Her arms wound round my neck, and her lips found mine. "Yes, I will marry you Edward Cullen."

Elation filled my heart and mind. I grinned widely at her, kissing her lips, cheeks, and nose. Laughing at the joy that surrounded me.

We fell into each others arms for a second time that day, giving each other all we had, loving each other completely.

Much later, we sat at Bella's table eating the peach cobbler from the diner. I pulled the box from my pocket and pushed it across to her.

I felt nervous again as she opened the box, "Oh, it's beautiful," she sighed.

I stood in front of her, getting on one knee, "Edward, I already said yes," she giggled.

"I want to do it right." I took the ring and held it in my hand, "Bella Swan, will you marry me?"

Biting her lip, eyes full of her love for me, she again said, "Yes." I took the ring and slid it onto her finger, smiling brightly.

--xx--

_Bella:_

I looked around at the packages surrounding me. Rose, Angela, Esme and I had just got back from a trip to the mall. Since I refused the baby shower, they took me shopping instead. We sat in Esme's living room, packages surrounding us. Rose sat across from me handing me bags to look through.

Angela and I had become good friends at school the last month, and she was delighted when I asked her to come. She was unwrapping some socks from their packaging.

Everything needed to be untagged and washed, folded or hung up. It seemed a little early to start this, but they were so excited, and I couldn't help but feel the same. Almost everything was pink. Pink dresses with frills, pink nighties, onesies, pink booties, even pink bibs and towels. They had gone crazy with the pink. The few items I had purchased were not pink, instead choosing yellow or green, even blue.

Edward walked into the living room smiling. "Did you buy out the entire mall?"

"No, just the baby and maternity stores," Rose laughed holding up one of the many lacy pink dresses with shoes to match.

"Were you able to find something for tonight, Bella?" Edwards's eyes were filled with love, and I bit my lip and looked down. Sometimes he was a bit overwhelming, but in a good way.

"Yes, she was," Rose said. "Edward, you are interrupting our girl time here. Now out. You can see Bella later, after she's ready for the dance.

_Dance_, I swallowed hard. The school's winter Coronation was tonight. Edward and I would be doubling with Angela and her boyfriend, Ben. I was still unsure about going. I was very insecure about the way I looked., but the dress Rose had helped me pick out did look nice on me.

After everything was put away, we convened for lunch. Esme had made a delicious quiche. Rose and Angela made me take a nap, and even though I didn't feel tired, I fell asleep immediately.

--xx--

Rose's hands twisted my hair this way and that. "Ouch, be careful," I scowled at her.

"I'm almost done." She looked over her handy work and smiled. "Okay, you can look now."

I could barely recognize the girl in the mirror. My hair was piled on top my head with soft ringlets falling down around my face and neck. The little bit of makeup Rose had used brought out my brown eyes, and my lips looked pinker and fuller. The midnight blue dress I wore fit snuggly over my breasts then flared out over my waist ending just above my knees. I was pretty. I couldn't wait to see Edwards's reaction.

I heard his voice echo up the stairs. He was talking to my dad. I looked at Rose and gave her a hug and a kiss, "Thank you."

"Have fun. I'm off to find Emmett." She grabbed her bag and flew down the stairs.

Taking a deep breath, I walked down the stairs. The two most important men in my life were waiting for me. I saw Charlie first; he was looking at me with his hands shoved in his pockets; his eyes were a little shiny.

When my eyes fell on Edward, I gasped. He was wearing a black dress suit, the jacket open to reveal a green shirt underneath, no tie, top two buttons undone, black pants fitted around his hips. His hair was the same untidy mess of copper locks, falling over his forehead. Warmth seeped through me, making me a little dizzy, and I faltered. Edward's hand was there to grab me.

He held my arm steady. "This is for you." He lifted my hand and circled a corsage of white roses and baby's breath around my wrist.

My pulse raced, as we both smiled a goodbye to Charlie. I clutched Edward's arm tightly while we walked out to the car. I was still very apprehensive about tonight.

_What if I made a fool out of myself? What if everybody stared at me? _

"Don't be nervous. We're with friends tonight. Everything's going to be fine." Edward squeezed my hand reassuringly as he helped me into the car.

I wished I could believe him.

_Edward:_

My God, I always thought Bella was beautiful, but tonight she was stunning. The blue dress she wore was perfect for her, making her shine. She wore the locket I had given her around her neck and my ring on her finger. Pride filled me; she was my Bella.

She seemed to falter as she walked towards me, and I quickly grabbed her elbow steadying her. The flowers I brought fit on her wrist perfectly.

She seemed scared. I did my best to reassure her that everything was going to be good, but she still seemed tense.

Hopefully, I could get her to relax some while we ate dinner. We were meeting Angela and Ben at the Evening Tide Inn, a restaurant in town.

It had started to snow. Bella looked up at the sky, a small smile playing across her lips.

Taking her elbow, I lead her inside the restaurant. "Be careful, it's slippery. I don't want you to fall."

She smiled at me and said, "I was just thinking about the time you and Emmett ambushed Rose and I with snowballs." She giggled. "Maybe we'll be able to build a snowman tomorrow."

"Sure," I grinned at her. It was so nice to see her happy. "Anything you want. As long as you promise we can end the day in the same way we did then."

She blushed scarlet and whispered, "Edward, I would _really _like that."

I raised my eyebrows in astonishment and shook my head. Her response threw me. I needed a moment to collect my thoughts before going inside.

After dinner we went to the school, the dance was being held inside the gym.

When we arrived it was already in full swing. Bella looked a little nervous, probably from the thought of dancing. My clumsy girl was not the best dancer. I smiled at her, leaning to whisper in her ear, "Relax, you're meant to have fun."

She smiled at me and rolled her eyes. My dick twitched as I watched her bite her lip. _Shit, Edward, control yourself. _I took a deep breath in and pulled her out to the dance floor. My hand rested on the curve of her back, pulling her in closer to me.

She looked up at me with those warm, expressive eyes, and I was lost. We swayed to the music while staring at each other. I don't even know what song was playing because I was so lost in her. Her hands were on the nape of my neck swirling in my hair; her mouth was slightly open.

It was a while before I noticed the change in the tempo of the music; a fast grinding beat had replaced the earlier slower melody. I took my Bella's hand and led her off the dance floor.

The rest of the night progressed in the same fashion. Every now and then someone would come up to say hi, or give their congratulations. Bella always had this surprised look on her face when other people smiled at her. I guess she was realizing Jessica and Lauren didn't make up the feelings of the entire school.

Those two bitches stayed well and clear from us. I had seen them when we exited the dance floor and threw them a menacing stare to be sure they stayed far away.

"Are you thirsty, love? I can get us some punch," I asked. She smiled and nodded yes.

She was being so quiet tonight, but seemed happy. I stood at the counter and got our drinks, turning to see her. She was talking to Mike Newton. My vision clouded and turned red.

I took in a deep breath as jealous rage consumed me. My first thought was to go over there and pummel his face. I tried to control my anger as I watched them. Bella was smiling and laughing at something he had said. I closed my eyes at the scene and swallowed.

When I opened my eyes, Mike was leaning into her. He was kissing her cheek and his hands were touching her. Fury poured through me. I raced across the room and grabbed his arm, yanking him away from my girl. My fist connected with the side of his head. Grabbing his shirt collar, I raised my fist to hit him again when I heard a scream.

Looking up I saw Bella standing, looking shocked. Her hand was covering her mouth while she stared at me. She looked mad, but also scared. I let go of Mike's shirt, and he slid to the ground.

Quickly, she moved forward, bending over to help Mike, asking him if he was okay. My hands fisted at my side as I watched my girl fawning over another man. "Bella…" My voice held a warning. She looked up at me again, anger flashing in her eyes.

"Edward Cullen, why did you do that?" She was pissed. _Because I had hit Mike Newton? _I scowled down at her.

Mike started to get up, but I narrowed my eyes at him, a low growl emitting from my chest. I wanted to kill him. I took a menacing step forward. _How dare he touch what is mine?_ He stayed where he was, glaring at me hatefully.

Bella looked between us and grabbed my hand. "We're leaving," she announced and yanked on my hand. I gave one last look at Mike and followed her out the door. My hands were shaking, and my heart was beating erratically. I yanked my hand away from her and headed towards the car. I heard her following behind me.

Rage was still blinding me as I took in deep breaths. How could she let him do that? Why was she defending him? I opened the door and slid behind the wheel starting the car and waited for her to get in. After I heard her door close, I took off out of the parking lot and down the road towards town.

_Bella:_

I stared at Edward. He was livid. His face was a very dark shade of red, and his hands were clenching and unclenching around the steering wheel. His mouth was set in a thin line while he stared straight ahead.

He wasn't the only one who was mad. The stunt he just pulled was inexcusable. I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes counting to ten.

"Edward, please slow down." I hated when he drove so fast. The trees were mere blurs out my window. I'm not sure he heard me because the trees kept flying by, but his face did seem to tense up.

Anger and hurt laced my words, "For God's sake, Edward. He didn't mean anything by it. He was congratulating me, same as everyone else we talked to tonight. Why would you think any differently? Look at me! I'm five months pregnant, wearing _your _engagement ring. Mike was just being nice." He was still silent. "You're being unreasonable..."

"Bella," my name came out as a hiss. "You don't know what he was thinking." His eyes narrowed, "I know Mike- he wants you. It makes me sick," his voice cracked, "and you did nothing to stop him."

I faced forward getting angrier, it was all so ridiculous, "You think I..." Edward turned to look at me. There was a stop light ahead. "Edward."

The light was red.

"Edward!"

Tires squealed as brakes locked too late.

I was shoved sideways by the impact of the oncoming truck. Metal crunched and screeched loudly. I screamed as the car swung around and felt another impact from behind. Glass popped and fell over me. I screamed again as the airbag deployed pushing me back against the seat. The car kept moving, spinning, clipping on other vehicles, shuddering with each blow. Finally, with a twist of metal, it stopped.

I sat for a minute, breathing. It was quiet. _Edward_. I pushed at the airbag trying to see around me, pain shot up my arm, and I gasped. "Edward?!" I yelled, my voice shaking.

I turned my head away from the bag, catching a glimpse of him. His airbag was deflated, and I could see his face. He was pale, and blood was spilling from a huge gash on his head. Fear ripped through me. "Edward!!" I tried to move, to reach him.

A sharp pain sliced through my abdomen. I looked down at myself-

- _the baby_.

Panic sliced through me as I grabbed my belly. Another pain more intense began pushing at me, unrelenting. My call for help was met with silence. I looked at Edward, but his eyes were closed, and he didn't hear me.

_Oh no… Please… _

I felt the warmth spread out between my legs and cried out, "Help, please, someone help!" Overwhelming fear filled my heart, the pain becoming unbearable. My vision blurred and faded. I heard voices and sirens in the distance.

Darkness overtook me.

****Hard, hard chapter for me to write, but I always knew this was going to happen.. Sorry. Don't hate me. Leave a review and rant or show me love, whatever.. **

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	14. Chapter 11

******So Here we are- another dozy- sorry I know it's the holidays!! **

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****As always Twilight is not mine.**

**Chapter 11 - Consequences**

_Bella:_

"Bella, honey, wake up. I love you; we're here. Please wake up, baby." The soft lilting of my mom's voice called out to me, but she sounded so far away. Something wasn't right; I felt groggy. I tried to open my eyes and look at her. The light hurt, so I closed them again.

"The light hurts her eyes, Charlie. Please, turn it down." That was my mom again, talking to my dad. _What were they doing here together?_ I opened my eyes again, focusing on my mom's worried face.

"Mom?" I whispered. I looked around and caught sight of my dad who stood behind her. I was in a hospital bed. Lifting my arm, I stared at the IV that was stuck into my wrist. My other arm seemed heavy, so I looked over at it. It was wrapped in a cast and propped on pillows.

_What?_

I blinked at my mom, frowning. Pictures were flashing in my mind; broken glass, metal, and Edward bleeding? "Edward?" My hand pressed to my forehead. I remembered pain- unrelenting pain and fear. My hands flew to my belly. Terror crashed all around me, and I looked at my mother. "Mom?" My voice shook, came out barely a whisper.

Mom's eyes filled with tears, and I knew without her having to say anything.

My baby was gone.

_No, No, NO, no! _I squeezed my eyes shut. Agony clawed at my heart; I choked on despair, and tears ran from my eyes. I heard a strange keening sound and realized it was me.

Someone was holding my hand, squeezing it. I opened my eyes, and my dad was there sitting beside me. "Daddy…" Huge sobs broke from between my lips. I gasped and shuddered as the trembling started in my hands and moved through out me. I put my hand in my hair and pulled.

_Oh God, oh God._ It was too much, I couldn't stand it.

_Edward_, _what did you do? _I couldn't breathe.

I gasped, pulling in air. Small, pain-filled moans fell from my lips.

_Edward. _The keening was getting louder.

"Bella," my dad sounded worried. "Bella, calm down sweetie."

The wailing changed and became screams.

My dad's arms wrapped around me, holding me tight. "Renee, get the nurse."

Everything was a blur of confusion. Faces I didn't recognize hovered over me. Screams were echoing through the room.

A white light flashed as a cool liquid filled me, and welcomed darkness came again.

_Edward:_

"What's going on? What happened? Where's Bella?" I was terrified; I couldn't remember anything. I was in a hospital bed, my leg was propped up and in a cast, and every time I moved it hurt.

My family hovered around me. Emmett was holding Rose and stroking her hair. Her head was buried in his chest, and I heard quiet sobs coming from her. My dad stood and watched me with a pained look on his face. Jasper was next to him, his face a blank mask. My mom sat beside me with tears streaming down her face. Her hand grasped mine tightly.

My dad walked forward to the bed and looked intently into my eyes, "You were in a car accident, Edward. You had to be rushed to the hospital."

_Accident? _I looked away from him, covering my eyes with my hand and shaking my head.

_That hurts_. I touched my forehead and felt the bandage there.

_What's going on?_

"Where's Bella?" I asked again. No one seemed to want to look at me. "Where is she? Is she okay?" I looked at my mother, begging, "Please."

"She's in another part of the hospital, Edward." My mom finally answered me. She reached forward to caress my cheek, her face a mask of worry. Her fingers were hesitant as they fell to my shoulder and squeezed gently.

"Mom, what are you hiding from me? _Please_." My hands were shaking; I fisted the sheet in them to make them stop.

Anguish filled my heart, as more tears began to run down Mom's face.

_Oh my God. What? _

I wanted to scream at someone. I needed to know. The scream built in my throat and got stuck there. It was hard to breathe, and I gasped.

"Is Bella okay? Is she hurt?" My voice trembled. My hands swept over my face rubbing my eyes. "Where is she? Please, you have to tell me everything. What happened?"

Mom's hand was still brushing across my shoulder. "When you were brought in, you were both unconscious. They had to rush you to surgery. Your leg…" Mom looked at the cast on my leg and grimaced. She choked on a sob and looked over at my dad.

Dad cleared his throat and walked closer to the bed. " Edward, your leg was broken in three places. You had surgery so that it could be reset. Your ankle was crushed so they had to insert a pin through it, to keep it aligned and steady with the rest of your leg." He let out a deep sigh and pointed at the bandage on my forehead. "You hit the steering wheel during the accident. The bandage on your head is covering a wide gash that required thirteen stitches to close it up. You also cracked three of your ribs when the airbag hit you."

I tried to process what he was saying, but none of it mattered. He was talking about me, but I wanted to know about Bella. "Forget about me. I don't care. What about her? What about Bella?!"

"Bella's going be okay, my sweet boy." She spoke softly, but her words held a double meaning. I saw her and Dad exchange looks.

Comprehension dawned on me, and I trembled, choking on my words, "The baby's… not… is she?" I looked down at the bed.

_The baby. Oh my God, what have I done?_

Everything came back to me then- the fight with Bella, her screaming at me about the red light.

I squeezed my eyes shut against the images and groaned as they broke through and raced through my mind.

I heard screeching tires and knew I couldn't stop. The car was sliding. I couldn't control it. The red from the light reflected off the car hood. I looked over at Bella. A truck was smashing into her side of the car.

_Bella and our baby. _

My hands covered my eyes, trying to block out the images. The car was spinning, and my head hit the steering wheel. Bella's screams filled the air. Her screams now echoed through my head.

"She was the one who was hit. I saw the truck hit her side of the car. How badly is she hurt?" My eyes flashed wildly between my mom and dad.

Rose spoke up. Her voice was muffled, because her head was still buried in Emmett's chest. "She has a broken arm, and is bruised up pretty badly. She lost a lot of blood when… They just let her out of the ICU this morning."

"This morning? How long has it been?"

"Three days," Mom whispered, squeezing my hand again.

_Three days! _My mind was too full. Everything was rushing at me and I couldn't concentrate. Bella, hurt, our baby gone, three days ago…

Then it hit me- "It's my fault." Despair and guilt weighed heavily on me. My mother tried to soothe me. I jerked away from her. "_No! _It's my fault."

_Oh, God. It's my fault_. Everything that had happened- the crash, Bella's injuries, the baby… all of it happened because of me.

I felt sick, and my stomach heaved. I leaned over the bed; someone put a waste basket under my head. I retched into it, emptying my stomach and still heaving more. I felt a cool cloth on the back of my neck. I tried to breathe, but it was difficult. My chest felt like a huge weight was resting on it.

"Bella." I whispered. _Bella_. I had to get to her; she would need me.

_Would she? It's my fault._

I shook my head. I had to go to her. I looked at my dad, pleading. "I want to go to her."

He shook his head. "I don't think that's a good idea. Your injuries…"

I cut him off as I said, "Emmett?"

Emmett looked over at me and nodded. "I'll be right back." He left the room and came back with a wheelchair.

Sitting up, I winced against the soreness in my chest. Grabbing the side rail I pushed myself up. I gasped at the pain and fell back down to the bed. My fists clenched in my lap and I stared up at my brothers. Jasper came over, and both he and Emmett picked me up and sat me in the chair.

I yelled out when they lifted me. It hurt. My chest felt like it was being stabbed with a thousand knives. My vision swam before my eyes as I leant back. I closed my eyes to stop the dizziness.

"Edward," Mom sobbed, "you're going to hurt yourself."

I didn't care.

A nurse rushed into the room and frowned, disapprovingly. Shaking her head, she checked my bandaged forehead. "What is going on in here? Why are you out of bed?"

I ignored her. "Let's go." I grabbed the wheels and inched forward. Emmett came from behind and gave me a push.

As we left the room I could hear my dad speaking with the nurse.

We took the elevator up to the next floor. Emmett pushed me down the hallway and stopped in front of a room. The door was shut and the blinds were closed. I swallowed and looked up at him.

"I'll go in by myself," I whispered to Emmett.

He opened the door for me, and I grabbed the wheels moving myself inside. It hurt to move my arms, but I didn't want Em to come in with me. This was private, and I needed to see her alone. Sucking it up, I wheeled inside to see my girl.

I wasn't prepared for what was waiting for me there.

Bella was sitting up in her bed with her head turned to the side staring blankly at the wall.

A lone light was on that cast a soft glow about the room. An IV pole stood next to her bed. The line from it disappeared underneath her sheets.

"Bella?" I whispered.

She turned, and I gasped. A large bruise covered the right side of her face. Her right arm lay in a cast on the bed. Her eyes stared blankly out at me.

I moved in closer to her. She looked so broken. Her face was blank, like she didn't even recognize that I was there. Her eyes were so dark and empty.

_My fault. _

I laid my hand over hers. She looked down at them.

When she looked back up at me, I saw pain; her face was twisted with it. She raised her hand and touched the bandage on my head. Her body jerked in reaction, and her hand fell back to the bed. Her eyes darkened as she stared at me.

She looked away and swallowed. When her eyes met mine again they were filled with hate. My breathing stuttered, as my heart clenched. _Oh God_. Misery filled every pore in my body.

"Get out," she whispered.

I stared at her, desperation beginning to creep into my chest. "Bella, I…."

"Get out," she said again, more forcefully this time.

"I hate you." Her eyes were on fire with it.

I rolled backwards, away from her, unable to bear it. My heart pounded as I continued to stare at her.

_She hated me?_

She began grabbing her hair, pulling at it harshly. Her breathing became erratic, and her body trembled.

"Get out!! Get out!!" she screamed. Her face was red, and tears streamed from her eyes.

I couldn't move. The pain in my heart expanded, and I clenched my fists in my lap. I felt helpless, useless against her hate and her pain.

She began throwing things at me: her remote, her box of tissues, whatever she could find.

"Why, Edward?! Why!?"

Every cell in me wanted to go to her, but she screamed at me again.

"I hate you!"

She doubled over in the bed, gasping for air. Her body was convulsing and twitching against her bed. I felt powerless, and I just stared at her as my hands involuntarily reached out towards her.

She made this strange sound in her throat, a desperate wail, which kept getting louder.

Suddenly, Emmett was there, pulling me back from the room. Charlie rushed past me as he frantically called his daughter's name.

_Oh my God_. What could I do? Why was this happening? _I'm so sorry._

I bent over in my chair and put my hands over my face. I heard the nurses rush by and enter Bella's room. I stayed there, next to her door, listening. Her wailing quieted to soft moans. She said my name. It was filled with anguish. I flinched as it pierced my heart.

"Jesus, Edward, are you alright? What the hell happened in there?" Emmett asked as he wheeled the chair back to the elevator.

I didn't answer him. I had nothing he would want to hear, because, no, I was not alright. I would never be alright again. I deserved her hate. Everything was entirely my fault, and there was nothing I could do or say that would ever change that.

--xx--

"Charlie, please let me talk to her." I begged, as I pressed the phone tightly against my ear.

It had been two weeks since I was released from the hospital. Bella had gone home before me. I had to stay longer due to the second surgery I had on my leg. They removed the pin from my ankle, and applied a more permanent cast. I didn't want to be there and everyday I had begged to go home. Finally, the doctor had signed me out with the promise that I would stay off my leg at home.

I had tried to see her the very next day, but failed. Charlie wouldn't let me. He wouldn't even let me talk to her.

"You don't understand, Edward. She's not talking to anyone. You're only making it worse. Please stop calling." The dial tone buzzed in my ear after he hung up.

I didn't know what to do. I couldn't breathe without her. Misery followed me everywhere. My heart ached constantly. The need to be with her overwhelmed me and made it difficult to go on.

I spent a day in the nursery my mom and Bella had set up. The pretty pink bedding they had purchased on their shopping trip stacked neatly against the wall. The crib stood, glaringly empty. The closet was open showing the frilly dresses and shoes they had picked out for her.

I bent forward to pick up the small teddy bear that lay abandoned on the floor. I glared at it. All my pain focused on the bear. I could feel the anger rising within me. Anger at myself.

_I would never get to hold her! Never get to see her face. Never see Bella with our baby girl. _

Another piece of my heart broke off as I stared blankly at the bear. I felt dead inside. She would be here if it wasn't for me.

_If I hadn't killed her. _

Grief filled me. My face contorted and I leaned forward in my chair. _She was mine. My baby.. I was her father and I… _A wail broke from my lips as I curled further into myself.

I stayed in that room until the sun set. Never moving from that spot, and keeping the bear tightly grasped in my hand.

--xx--

God, I needed Bella. I needed to talk to her about this. We needed to be together to help each other. She had to forgive me. I couldn't loose them both. I wouldn't survive it.

I could barely walk; my left leg was in a cast up to my thigh. I couldn't drive. No one would take me to her house after the first time.

My mind was dissolving. I stared at the floor. No tears would come, my eyes remained dry. It was impossible for me to cry. I didn't deserve the release of tears.

I hurt everywhere.

I missed Bella.

--xx--

"Jesus! Just take me over there, please!" No one understood. If I could just see her, I could tell her I was sorry, make her love me again. My mom and dad stood in front of the door, a united front against me.

"Edward," Mom spoke softly, "You can't go over there."

My hands fisted in my hair. I pulled then ran them down my face in frustration. I turned my wheelchair around, rolling away from them.

_I will go over there, somehow. _

Emmett was home for the holiday break. His door was open, and I wheeled into his room. "Help me," I pleaded. I was desperate. "You have to help me get over to her."

He eyed me skeptically and glanced at the open door. I shut it. "I don't know, Edward. You could just make things worse."

"Please, Emmett."

--xx--

A few days later I got my chance. Mom and Dad were gone for the day.

Emmett helped me into the car, carefully situating my leg as best we could. My crutches were in the back seat.

Once there, Emmett supported my weight as I got out of the car. He grabbed the crutches from the back and assisted me in steadying myself on them. I thanked him quietly before looking up at Bella's door.

Nervously, I started forward, leaning heavily on the crutches. The steps were impossible. I couldn't do it. I threw a pleading glance back at Emmett.

We struggled, but I finally made it up to her front door. I swallowed apprehensively

and stared at it.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Worry laced Emmett's words. His eyes were tight as he looked at me. I nodded my head.

He walked away back down to the car. Timidly, I knocked on the door. I heard something on the other side. A loud cry, then something dropped and shattered.

"Bella?" I knocked louder. I leaned against the door. "Bella, please let me in." I could feel her. I knew she was on the other side of the door. My palm pressed to the door, trying to feel her warmth through it. "Please, baby, open the door. Let me talk to you."

Everything was quiet. The warmth was gone. She had left. I knocked harder and louder again. "Bella , please." I began to sob. "I love you. I'm so sorry. God.. I'm sorry. Please… Please." My hand splayed over the door. My body shook, and I started yelling. "Bella! Open the door! Don't do this! I love you! Please, I can't lose both of you. I can't stand it." Desperation filled me as I stood there, helpless. My body ached, and I hurt internally. My leg was beginning to throb. My heart hurt the worst of all.

I kept knocking, pleading with her to open the door. I don't know how long I stood there. Time lost all meaning.

Emmett's hand fell on my shoulder. "Edward, she's not answering. We should go."

My head swam, and my vision blurred. I fell heavily into him as my good leg gave out beneath me. Emmett stumbled backwards while he tried to right himself and catch me. The crutches slipped from under my arms, and I crashed to the ground.

"Shit." Emmett cursed loudly. "Edward?"

I laid on her porch staring at her ceiling. _She won't talk to me. _

I don't know how I ended up getting home. Everything was black after I lost Bella.

Everyday from then on was black.

_Bella_:

He was here. Startled, I dropped the glass of water I was holding. It shattered across the floor.

He was calling out to me. "Bella? Bella, please let me in." I walked up to the door and stood in front of it. My hand reached out to grip the doorknob.

"Please, baby, open the door. Let me talk to you."

A dull roar sounded through my ears. _Baby?…. Baby?!_

Stepping back from the door, I let out an anguished sob and went upstairs to my room. I fell on the bed and pulled the covers up over my head. I could still hear him. He was begging, pleading for me to let him in. I pulled the pillow down over my ears trying to block out the sound. My heart pounded as tears ran down my cheeks. I shivered underneath the covers and clutched my stomach.

It seemed to go on forever. He was pounding on the door. He called out over and over, begging. I cried and burrowed further into my bed.

Finally, it stopped. All grew quiet around the house. I remained in my bed with the covers pulled tightly around me. Sleep came and was followed shortly by the dream. The dream I had every time I closed my eyes.

_I stood in front of Edward screaming. "I don't want this baby! I don't want to be a mom." He walked away from me, and I followed. Getting into his car, he glanced over at me. I watched as he gripped the steering wheel. "It's part of me Bella. She's part of me." _

_The car was moving, and the trees around us flashed by in a blur. There was a loud crunching noise, and I turned my head away from him to look out the window. Everything hurt; pain raced up my stomach and through my chest. Red and blue lights surrounded us until they faded away leaving me sitting on my bed. Blood was pooling between my legs, and I held my hands out to Edward. "Help." _

My screams woke me. I gripped the pillow against my abdomen as sorrow ripped through me. My body trembled while I sobbed into my sheet. Time moved slowly, but eventually my tears dried. I slowed my heart by concentrating on my emptiness, the nothing that was left for me. I let it surround me, blocking out all feeling.

I t was still light outside. I hadn't been asleep for very long. That wasn't unusual, as I hadn't slept more than 2 hours at a time since _it_ happened.

Standing, I walked to the phone. I picked it up and dialed my mom.

She answered, and I could hear the worry in her voice. "Mom, I want to come to Phoenix. I can't stay here anymore."

********* Sorry.**

***** Leave me a review and I may send you an extra special present from Edward. He has something he'd like to say. **


	15. Chapter 12

*****Wow!!!! You guys are awesome- Thanks for all the reviews. It was the most I have ever gotten. Maybe I should promise presents from Edward more often… **

*****Of course I want to thank my girls at PTB- jessica0306 and Great Chemistry for assisting me with their beta skills. You rock!!**

*****Also thanks to Kallieross, my twilighted Beta - I love that you get my chapters out so fast… Thank You!**

*****If you missed Edward's letter from the last chapter you can visit my blog- http://jarielynn(dot)blogspot(dot)com. Look under Edwards Letter, ****I also have pics up that go with this chapter- under Chapter 12. **

***** Disclaimer: All Twilight characters belong to Stephanie. **

**Chapter 12 – College**

_Bella- One year later:_

Jerking upright in bed, I stared wildly around the room. My breath was coming in hard gasps, and tears were running down my face. It was always the same dream, night after night. I thought after a year it would fade or disappear. Unfortunately, it hadn't.

Shaking it off, I got out of bed and stretched. It was seven o'clock, and my first class started at eight-thirty. I needed to get ready. My first call of order was a shower. I groaned as I looked at myself in the mirror. My tears had left my eyes puffy and red. This was not a good way to start off the day. I turned on the water in the shower and stood back while it heated up.

Moving back to Washington had been an easy decision; I had missed it. The dry heat and desert qualities of Arizona were just not for me. My mom couldn't understand why I wanted to come back here. How could I explain it to her? Washington called to me. There was a pull that I couldn't resist. Washington was my home in a way that Phoenix never had been.

After spending the last year in Phoenix, I was more than ready to leave. Phoenix meant isolation. Phoenix meant loneliness.

The first six months there was something I didn't like to think about. They were hard, painful, and devastating. Everything had felt dead to me then. I was empty. I had nothing. The days passed me by without notice. Each day blended together into one long day of misery.

After months of watching me wither away, my mom decided to send me to a therapist. It was the best decision she ever made.

Dr. Denali, or Kate as she requested I call her, really helped me. I was able to go back and finish school because of her. I had missed the second half of my senior year. By taking summer courses online I was able to graduate in September. I had worked my ass off to accomplish that. After I received my diploma, I started sending out college applications. When I got the acceptance letter from the University of Washington, I knew it was the school for me. I was able to start there for the winter semester.

I had kept in touch with one friend from Forks- Angela. She was the only person I felt comfortable talking to. Kate thought it was because she wasn't as close to the situation as the others. I don't know. I was just glad she was still my friend. Since she was going to UW as well, we decided to share an apartment. She found one close to the campus, that matched our limited cash funds. Since Angela had started in the fall she moved into the apartment in September. I joined her in January.

So, here I was in Seattle, in January, trying desperately not to think of _him. _

The dream hadn't helped.

His face haunted me as I got ready for school. I could hear him whispering my name. It hurt to hear him, even if it was only in my mind. I almost called Kate. I really didn't want to though. My psychologist was in Phoenix, and I was here in Washington. I wanted to make a new start and not depend on her. Kate _had_ referred me to someone closer. Her colleague and sister, Irina, practiced out of Seattle. I just hadn't set up an appointment with her yet.

After we were ready, Angela and I left the apartment together and walked to the campus. We parted ways to go to our different classes. I was majoring in English Lit, and she was majoring in Chemistry. Unfortunately, we had no classes together. It would've been nice to at least know one person.

--xx--

I settled into my new routine as the weeks passed, becoming more comfortable with my surroundings. I met a lot of people and made a few new friends, including my neighbor, Alice.

I met Alice on a particularly bad day.

I still had a few things left to unpack, and I threw some clothes from one of those boxes into a laundry basket. The laundry room was downstairs, and once there I threw my clothes into a washing machine. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with emotion. My silver locket was lying at the top o the machine. I stared at it incredulously.

_Where had that come from? _

I picked it up and held it between my fingers. I couldn't resist the urge to see his face, and my heart pounded unevenly as I opened the locket. The couple staring back at me looked so happy. Edward's smile was stretched across his face and his eyes shone down on me. His arms were draped around my shoulders, while he pulled me close against his chest. I smiled back at the camera, my hands lying on his.

Choking on the sob that stuck in my throat, I clasped the locket in my fist. Tears began to stream down my face as the memory from the picture washed over me.

_Edward was laughing at something Emmett had said. He reached around me and whispered in my ear, "I love you." I smiled as I leaned back against him, his warmth surrounding me. Rose and Emmett sat across from us. Rose picked up her camera and snapped a picture. "That's a good one, Bella. You guys are disgustingly sweet." _

I was just starting to cave in on myself, when I heard a soft but insistent voice behind me. "Are you okay?"

Embarrassed about being caught in such a way, I nodded my head and grabbed the basket, preparing myself for a quick escape.

She wouldn't let me pass and stepped between the doorway and me. Quizzically, I looked at her. She was a tiny thing with black spiky hair and petite features. Her mouth was frowning at me.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head no and again tried to worm my way around her.

"Okay." She stopped me and looked thoughtful for a moment. "I know what you need. It always makes me feel tons better… A triple chocolate brownie sundae. Lucky for you, I have all the ingredients in my apartment." Taking my hand, she pulled me behind her.

She was surprisingly strong for someone so small. "By the way, I'm Alice. We're neighbors."

Hesitantly, I followed her. I was intrigued by this exuberant Alice. Plus, I really needed a friend.

After that, Alice and I had become fast friends. She was so exuberant and pulled me right along with her. Life was a blur when I was with Alice. She was the smartest person I knew, though you would never know it from looking at her. She dressed a little eccentrically and could be called flighty. She hadn't picked a major yet, saying her interests were too diverse. Her classes ranged from advanced Pharmacology to movie set design.

Despite my friendship with Alice and Angela, I still felt lonely. I missed having someone to hold, someone to lean against.

That was where Jake came in. I met Jake in my English Literature class. He sat next to me and talked about Walt Whitman and Shakespeare and everything in-between. He was nice, and we had a lot in common.

He was also very handsome and caused a little tingle in my abdomen when I looked at his 6'4 frame. His skin was a warm honey brown; his hair and eyes dark, and his features were bold and prominent.

When he asked me out I said _'yes'. _

--xx--

The knock on the door made me jump. I glanced quickly in the mirror, applying a last little bit of lip-gloss before walking to answer it. Jake stood there leaning against my door frame smiling. He had a terrific smile. I couldn't look at it and not smile myself.

"You look beautiful," he said, while taking my hand in his. My hand twitched nervously as I stared at our two clasped hands. A picture of long, elegant fingers surrounding mine flashed in front of my eyes. Shaking my head to rid myself of the memory, I smiled at Jake and said, "Thank you. You don't look so bad yourself."

He took me to a wonderful Thai restaurant for dinner. We talked, and I laughed. It was good, and it was comfortable.

Afterwards, he wanted to take me to local bar to shoot darts.

_The dart stuck right into Emmett's ass, and Edward started laughing. "Only you, Bella." His arms circled around my waist, and he bent to kiss my neck. _

The memory had me drawing my breath in sharply. I closed my eyes and willed it away. By the time I opened them again, Jake had stopped walking and stood next to me.

"Hey, are you okay?" His face was a mask of confusion and concern.

I nodded and forced myself to smile brightly at him. Taking his hand tightly, I started walking again. "Playing darts is fine. I haven't played in awhile though, so I should warn you, it won't be pretty."

Jake's laugh was like a balm on my soul, and I relaxed.

The rest of the night went smoothly, with no more unwanted memories disrupting it. Jake was very good at darts, and with his help, I was too. He was patient, kind, and funny. I hadn't laughed so much in a very long time.

When we got to my door, Jake smiled down at me, his hand caressing my cheek. "I had a good time tonight, Bella."

"Me too."

His head bent forward, and I felt his warm lips against mine. I closed my eyes, allowing him to deepen the kiss. My heart was racing, but not from Jake's kiss. _His_ face was again crowding into my mind. Green eyes flashed out at me.

"_You're my Bella." _

My heartbeat stumbled as his voice crowded my mind. "No," I mumbled against Jake's lips.

He pulled away, his eyebrows raised, lips pouting. "No?"

Stepping back from him, I grabbed for the door knob behind me. "I should go …in… inside," I stuttered out, fumbling against the knob. I just wanted to go inside and hide.

_Why had Edward intruded? Why was I always surrounded by him? _

Jake's expression turned to one of worry. "Hey, I'm sorry. I thought you wanted me to kiss you. Bella, wait." He grabbed my hand as I pushed open my door. "Can I call you?"

I nodded my head yes and forced myself to smile at him. He visibly relaxed, and his warm smile soothed me again.

"Goodnight, Bella."

"Goodnight, Jake." I stepped into my apartment and closed the door.

Once inside, I yanked roughly at my coat, throwing it across the couch. I had wanted to kiss Jake. For once I had not even been thinking about Edward, yet he still appeared. _What is wrong with me? Will I ever get past this? _I was angry and scared.

It was time to call Irina tomorrow and schedule that appointment. I wanted to get over this. I wanted to move on.

--xx--

I was trying to be happy or at least as happy as I could get. I got myself a part-time job on campus at the bookstore. That and school kept me very busy. My days were full. It was the nights that still gave me trouble. Angela and Alice were there, and we spent some time together, but Ang had Ben and Alice had other pursuits. So, I started to hang out with Jake more. His warm kisses and smiles dulled the dreams that kept me awake at night.

I wouldn't call Jake my boyfriend, but we had been dating for two months… and he was the only guy I was seeing. I think I was the only girl he was with, too. We had English Lit together every Tuesday and Thursday, and we spent time studying after class. He usually came over on Saturday night. Sometimes we would go out, sometimes we would stay in. I was so comfortable around him. Jake made me smile.

After spending so much time together it was only natural for Jake to want more. His kisses were becoming more passionate, his touch more wanting. Part of me wanted to give in, but I just wasn't sure I could. Edward still lingered at the edge of my subconscious, in my eyes, and in my dreams. His eyes would suddenly appear before me when I least expected it. I tried so hard to push those thoughts away, and I thought I was succeeding. That is until the day Rosalie Hale called my name.

"Bella?" I heard someone say my name and turned around.

There walking towards me was the tall, leggy blonde I remembered from high school. Flashes of her helping me fix my hair for the dance, helping me with my dress, all came flooding back. My heart stuttered. _Am I ready for this?_

"Bella Swan." She pulled me to her in a hug. My hands awkwardly patted her back. "You go here?" I nodded mutely. "You look great. Are you free right now? Can we go somewhere and talk, catch up?"

"I'm meeting a friend in the student lounge." I found my tongue finally.

"Oh, well here, I'll give you my number. Please call me, Bella." She squeezed my hand. "I've missed you."

I took her number and practically ran away. Tears pooled in my eyes, and I rapidly blinked them away. Seattle was a huge city and UW was a large campus, why did I have to run into her? She made me recall things I had pushed away. Like getting ready for the dance and walking down the stairs to _him_ waiting for me with that look on his face… _crap._

Rose had been my best friend in high school, and I had missed her. I was afraid of her though. She brought painful memories with her. They had started up just from seeing her for five minutes. What would happen if we spent time together?

I walked into the student lounge, barely aware of my surroundings, when I felt a small tug on my arm.

"Bella, are you okay?" asked Alice her face a mask of concern. I looked down at her and shook my head while tears spilled from my eyes. She pulled me over against the wall as far from others as possible. "What is it?"

She still didn't know about Edward or any of the other details. _Do I want her to?_

"Come on, Bella, spill." Alice tapped her foot impatiently.

"I just saw an old friend from high school. It brought back some memories I wasn't expecting. That's all."

"I know there's more to it than that, Bella," she looked into my wary eyes, "but, I'll let it go for now. Sometime, eventually, you'll have to tell me why you cry."

I sighed gratefully. We talked about other unimportant things. Alice wanted to go dancing tonight. Ugh, I hated dancing, and I hadn't danced since… well in a long time. I mentioned maybe going to watch a local band called Twister instead. We could sit in seats, and listen to them. She finally agreed and flew away from me, late to her class.

After I was finished with my classes for the day, I went home. Angela was out with Ben. My heart started to ache again. I sat on my couch and looked at the paper with Rose's name and number on it.

I wondered if she still dated Emmett. It would be hard to see him and would probably lead to other thoughts. I shuddered as I debated calling her, holding the phone in my hand. _What the hell? _I wanted to talk to her; maybe the memories wouldn't be as bad as I thought. Taking a deep breath, I dialed her number.

Rose and I talked for hours. Yes, she and Emmett were still together. Emmett was also attending UW. She filled me in on what they had been doing for the past year, leaving out any mention of Edward. When she asked how I had been I lied, and I told her I was fine. We didn't talk about the past. She did ask me if I was going to see _him_. He was here in Seattle attending The Cornish College of the Arts.

_He was that close by? _My heart raced, and I felt dizzy. Again, I saw his eyes staring back at me. How could I answer Rose's question? I would say no, but what if she asks why? What do I say? _I can't bear it? It hurts too much? I don't know how I feel? I spent months hating him while still loving him? _

The silence stretched between us, and she moved on to a different topic. She was going to meet Alice and me at the Central Saloon to watch the band. I timidly asked if Emmett was going to come. She promised to come alone.

--xx--

Weeks turned into months, and soon it was time for Spring Break. I was going to visit Charlie. I was terrified to be in Forks again, but I really wanted to see my dad. He had been down a few times to Phoenix to visit, however it had been months since I saw him.

Once in my old bedroom, I was surrounded by memories. _Edward lying in my bed with his arms around me._ I was assaulted by visions of me with my belly swollen, crying, asking not to be pregnant. The guilt filled me again, and I sat down heavily on my bed.

This was something Kate and I had worked on; my guilt over not wanting my baby at first, then having her taken away. It was like it divine intervention, giving me what I asked for. We had many discussions about why I felt this way and she tried to help me realize I had nothing to feel guilty for.

I cried softly, looking down at my knees.

My dad came in and saw me crying. He sat next to me on the bed, his hand stroking my back. "Is it hard to be home?"

I nodded, sniffling. "I just need some time, Dad. I'll be okay."

After he left, my cell phone rang. It was Jake asking if I got home okay. It was good to hear his voice. He was always so cheerful. He cracked a few jokes and made me laugh. After we hung up, I felt much better.

The rest of the week went well. I did have to call Irina once, after a particularly distressing trip to the grocery store. My dad drove past the accident site without realizing it. There were still tire marks on the road. He noticed my panicked expression and turned to drive me back home. He apologized for being so careless.

It wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. My pain was still there, but it seemed duller.

Jake came over to see me when I was back in Seattle. I was ready to see if I could let things progress with him. I liked him, and I was tired of being alone. I wanted someone to hold.

He kissed me as we sat on my couch. His hands pushed gently against my neck, drawing me in closer to him. _He is so warm_. I sighed against his lips.

It felt nice. I kissed him back. His touch became a little more urgent as I let him take off my shirt. Edward's eyes tried to break in again, but I stubbornly pushed them away. Concentrating only on the man in front of me, I made myself relax under his hands. I let myself feel his touch.

My breathing picked up a little when his lips trailed to my neck. I clenched handfuls of his shirt as warmth surrounded me. Short jolts of desire were racing through my stomach.

Jake's fingers were unbuttoning my jeans when my phone rang. Groaning in frustration, Jake growled, "Don't answer it, Bella." His lips were on mine again.

I let the phone ring. Shortly after it stopped, it started ringing again. Pushing back from him, I smiled at him ruefully. "It might be important." I stood and walked over to the phone, smiling at Jake while saying, "Hello?"

Rose's panicked voice shouted out at me, "Oh my God, Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. I was talking to Emmett about you, I can't keep secrets from him, I'm sorry, and then Edward was there, staring at me. He... he… he was freaking out, and I told him, I told him where you live," she paused, "Bella, do you hear me? He is coming over there right now!"

I dropped the phone. My stomach clenched. _What should I do? Oh, my God. _

"Bella, everything alright?" Jake asked a look of concern in his eyes.

_Shit...Jake._

"I don't know what to do. He's coming here. I can't think. I'm not ready. What will I say?" I grabbed my shirt off the floor and pulled it back over my head. My eyes darted around the room nervously.

There was a knock at the door. I stood frozen in the center of the room; uncertain what to do, scared beyond anything imaginable. My hands shook. Jake watched me from the couch as I slowly walked over and answered it.

He was standing there in front of me. His eyes were intense, and he was still so damn beautiful. My breath caught, and my heart rate went up a notch. His hand raked through his hair, his eyes darkened as he stared into mine. His deep, rich voice engulfed me. "Hello, Bella."

Suddenly, pain laced through me, and I grabbed at my stomach. My mind shattered, and I realized I couldn't do this. Not now, not ever. "I can't, Edward." It was a plea for his understanding. I pushed the door closed on him.

Leaning against the other side, I crumpled to the floor, gasping and crying. Memories were swirling around me, and I couldn't take it. Everything was rushing at me- our first date, his kiss, making love, our baby, the dance, the accident…

"Bella." It was Jake. He strode over to where I sat, quickly taking in my state. Kneeling in front of me, he crooked one arm around my back, the other under my knees and lifted me up. Gently, he sat us both down on the couch. His arms still around my waist, he asked, "Who was that?"

I looked up at him while shaking my head. "It's complicated."

He smiled at me sadly. "It usually is." He sat down next to me and gave me a small kiss on the forehead. Sighing, he asked, "He's why you look so sad sometimes? Why you usually hold back around me?"

I nodded my head and continued to cry. Jake continued to hold me while his brow furrowed in thought. "Damn," he whispered. His fingers reached out to stroke my cheek, wiping away my tears. "When is your roommate due home?"

Shrugging my shoulders, I pulled myself away from him. My heart was still thundering, my vision still clouded with Edward. "Soon enough. You don't have to stay."

"Okay, Bella. You have my number if you need me." He stood, looking down at me for a few moments, indecision clearly written on his face.

I looked away from his gaze, focusing on my clasped hands. He sighed heavily before walking away. I glanced up to watch as he walked out the door.

_How could I have ever thought I could move on? _Edward was still too real to me.

I slept fitfully on the couch, until Angela woke me up. My sleep was full of memories and nightmares that continued long after I went to my own bed.

_Edward:_

I was so tired; I could barely keep my eyes open. I had been up all night composing, trying to get this piece right. Today, I had spent all day with my instructor going over the musical score. He liked it, but said it "needed work".

_Whatever. _

I was majoring in Musical Composition at Cornish College of the Arts. I loved it. I was able to play the piano whenever I wanted. My professors were usually astounded by my work.

_Hmm, not this time._

When I finally got home, I just wanted to plop down on the couch and veg in front of the TV.

No such luck. Emmett was home, and Rosalie was with him. Emmett and I got a place together in Seattle. I was attending Cornish, and Em was going to UW. He was still afraid to leave me alone and insisted on us being roommates.

Ever since that day in front of Bella's house, Emmett had been my shadow. He was there when I broke down on her porch. He was the one who got me home. He watched as I disappeared inside myself. He fought me when I tried to end it.

It was Emmett who found me in the garage, car on, doors shut. It was his tears that shocked me out of my funk. And with his insistence, I had talked to mom and dad. Dad had tried to set me up with a therapist, but I refused to go. I promised not to do anything so stupid again. After seeing my moms devastation because of my acts, I knew I couldn't do that to her.

Emmett and Rose's voices were floating out of the kitchen. I was just about to go in when I heard Rosalie say _her_ name.

"_I saw Bella a few months ago. She goes to UW, and we hang out together sometimes. Don't look at me like that, Em. She didn't want me to say anything. She's my friend."_

Emmett asked, _"Does she even ask about him?"_

"_No, she totally avoids that line of conversation. I tried to ask her, but she just tensed up and quit talking. Hell, she almost ran when she first saw me." _I heard her sigh and scoot her chair back. My back stiffened, and I took a quiet step backwards.

"_You know, you ought to try again and say something to her. Edward is still a mess over her. It was an accident for fuck's sake." _Emmett's voice was gruff.

I had heard enough. I cleared my throat and walked in. Rose's eyes widened, and she looked at me apprehensively. "Yeah, Rose, I heard." I ran my hand through my hair. "Tell me where she's staying."

"I can't do that, Edward. She might never forgive me and I ..."

"Tell me!" I yelled.

"Whoa, Edward, calm down before you blow a gasket." Emmett got up and stood in front of Rose.

I stared at him. "Get out of the way, Emmett. Rose, you better tell me, or I will search the entire University campus looking for her. Which way do you think is better?"

After I got the address from Rose, I took off out the door.

I fidgeted with my car keys. _Should I go? _What if she didn't want to see me?

"Damn." I sat in my car looking out the window, not moving. I pictured her face the last time I saw her, bruised and broken.

I started the car and pulled onto the street. _What am I going to say to her? _I just wanted to see for myself that she was alright. _No..._That was not my only reason for going over. I still missed her. I missed her so much it hurt.

I stopped in front of the apartment building. I was nervous, scared, and excited. I wanted to see her. Standing in front of her door, I knocked.

She opened the door. The memory I had of her was nothing compared to this beautiful vision before me. My breath caught as I stared at her, taking all of her in. Her wide expressive brown eyes stared out at me. Her mouth was parted, her lips full and pink. Her hair was falling around her shoulders, longer now than before. Her hand was gripping the door tightly.

I nervously raked my hand through my hair, "Hello, Bella." I took a small step forward.

She blinked her eyes a few times and stepped back, her voice was desperate, pleading, "I can't Edward." Then she pushed the door closed in my face.

I stood there staring at the wooden door; I could hear her on the other side, falling against it and sobbing. I was about to knock again, when I heard another voice, a man.

"Bella," he said.

I retracted my hand and sighed deeply. I had no right to be here, messing up her night. I was so selfish in running over like I did. It was too hard to stay away from her. Once I knew she was close by, I had no control over my actions. I needed to see her.

_What good did it do? What did I expect? _For her to fly into my arms and tell me she forgave me? _I am such a stupid ass. _

Rose and Emmett had gone to a nightclub in Seattle called Noc Noc. I had no reason to celebrate, but no reason to go home. I couldn't stop seeing her in my mind. Her terrified face, her plea for me to go. Then hearing another mans voice say her name. There was no way I could go home. I found the club where Emmett and Rose went. Jasper was supposed to be there, too.

I made a beeline for the bar as soon as I passed through the doors and ordered a beer. I let the cool liquid pass over my tongue and down my throat. Breathing deep, I scanned the bar for my brothers.

Jazz was dancing with a busty redhead, and Emmett and Rose were dancing with each other. I watched them, jealous of their feelings for each other. They were locked together, eyes only for the other, hands moving over the other's body sensually.

I ordered another drink. There was a girl sitting at the bar looking at me. My eyes stopped on her, she had long blonde hair and blue eyes, the exact opposite of Bella. She smiled and waved me over to her. I finished the drink and sauntered over.

Her name was Teri, and after a few more drinks, we made our way to the dance floor. I let her slide herself over me as we danced. She was very curvaceous; I smiled as I looked at her breasts. Suddenly, Bella's petite form flashed through me. My smile faded. Teri noticed and looked at me questioningly. I forced a smile and pushed Bella's picture away. Determined, I grabbed Teri around the waist and pulled her to me.

Teri drove us to her house.

I awoke the next morning with a headache. I looked around at my strange surroundings. Teri was sleeping next to me, her supple form spread out over her sheets. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "Hi," she whispered. I smiled back. I felt awkward; I hadn't done the whole one night stand thing since high school, before…

She fed me breakfast, told me a little more about herself, wrote her phone number down and drove me back to my car.

The next week passed in a blur. I attended my classes half-heartedly. I thought of Bella constantly, but didn't try to go over and see her again.

I had just started to think about trying again on the day Rose came home sobbing. Emmett rushed to her asking what was wrong.

"Bella, she... she's so angry at me, for what happened. She doesn't want to be around any of us. She asked me to tell you, Edward, to stay away. She doesn't even want to see me." She cried into Emmett's shoulder, "She screamed at me. I just wanted to tell her you were hurting, too." She looked at me. "She screamed at me for telling you where she was. That she wasn't ready to see you, that she never would be." She cried harder, and Emmett stroked her back, looking angry.

I walked away into my room and closed the door. Sitting on my bed, I resigned myself to letting her go. I had always carried a false hope that we would meet again and everything would work out. That was not going to happen. She would never forgive me.

I went out again that night, letting the drink and loud music soothe my frayed nerves. Teri was there again. She talked, I drank. After too many drinks, I told her about Bella. She smoothed her hand over my arm while she comforted me. She listened as I told her about Bella and all my mistakes. She didn't judge or question me. I was a mess when we were done talking. I could barely stand, much less walk.

I had to call Emmett to come get me. Teri helped him take me out to his car, kissing me on the forehead and smoothing my hair. "Call me. I want to help." She looked me in the eyes before turning and walking away.

Emmett had to stop twice so that I wouldn't puke all over his Jeep.

The same thing happened again two nights later. Again, Teri was there soothing me. Emmett was a little pissed. "Edward, you need to stop this shit. You can't let Bella tear you apart like this. I can't watch you destroy yourself again."

I nodded.

My grades were slipping, and I couldn't play. The melodies in my head were too disjointed and broken.

I fell into this routine for a month. I leaned heavily on the girl I had just met, and for some reason she let me. Emmett stopped coming to get me, so I spent many nights at Teri's.

One night, she finally took my drink from me.

"You need to stop wallowing in self pity. I have watched you drink yourself away for a month. I'm here for you. I understand that you're hurt." Her hand squeezed mine firmly. "Edward, I like you, a lot, but if you want to continue seeing me you have to stop doing this to yourself." She leaned in close to me, staring into my eyes.

I looked into her blue eyes and felt comfort. I leaned into her and let myself kiss her for the first time without alcohol clouding my senses. It was nice. It wasn't Bella, it wasn't all consuming. It was just nice and soft.

I pushed my dream of Bella down deep away from me. Teri and I started hanging out more together. She made me feel well again.

*****Okay, so I know I'm going to get a lot of shit for this… but calm down. We are not through yet.. Please remember that it has been about 15-16 months since the accident. It may seem like yesterday to us because we just read it, but to them it was over a year ago. **

******You were awesome with the reviews on the last chapter - over 50!!! I know you have something to say about this one, so let me hear it- I can take it. **

*****Who would like a little Emmett POV to see exactly what Edward went through while Bella was gone? I may do an outtake if I get enough requests. **


	16. Chapter 13

*****I will post A/N at the end… I want you to read this!! **

*****Thanks to Jessica0306 and Great Chemistry at PTB for their terrific Beta skills.**

*****Disclaimer- As per usual I do not own any of the characters or the occasional quote I may throw in. But this story is mine.. **

**Chapter 13 - Brothers and Friends**

_Edward:_

I awoke in a cold sweat. The dream had been so real. My hands were shaking as I sat up on the edge of the bed. Putting my head in my hands, I sucked in a deep breath. My fingers yanked roughly at my hair while I tried to dispel the lingering images from my mind.

The bed shifted behind me, and I felt a hand smooth down my back. I flinched away from it, not wanting to feel her at that moment. Bella was too fresh in my thoughts.

"Edward?" a small voice whispered. It was not Bella's. I clenched my eyes closed and swallowed harshly.

Turning my head, I opened my eyes to look at Teri. I stared at her for a minute, silent, not saying anything. She was watching me apprehensively, a small frown gracing her lips.

Sighing, I looked away from her and stared up at the ceiling. "Sorry, I just had a dream." I laid back down, pulling the sheet up around my chest. She was still watching me, and I noticed she was chewing quietly on her lip. My breath caught in my throat at the familiar gesture. _Only it was familiar from somebody else_. I turned away and stared at the opposite wall.

"It's okay. I didn't mean to startle you. You can go back to sleep." The words came out a little harsher sounding than I intended. She sighed quietly, and I felt her turn away from me.

I continued staring at the wall, no longer tired. _Bella. _Pictures from the dream came back to me in flashes. _Bella kissing me. Bella laughing. Bella running her fingers in my hair._

A tear trickled out of the corner of my eye. I wiped it away gruffly. Beside me, I heard a muffled sniffle.

I felt like such a shit. I knew I was treating Teri horribly. Turning back onto my side, I reached out my hand and placed it on her shoulder. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't let a dream bother me so much. I didn't mean to be so harsh with you."

I looked over at the woman lying next to me as guilt filled me. She had turned to face me, and her eyes were watery with tears. "Oh, Teri, please don't cry." My arms reached out to her, and she burrowed her head into my chest. I stroked her blonde hair, looking down sadly at her head.

I wished I could love her, but my feelings just did not reach that level. There was only one woman I would ever love. It wasn't fair to Teri. She said she loved me. I was a bastard for holding on to her this way.

I was just using her. I knew I couldn't keep doing it, yet I was so afraid to be alone. Afraid the darkness would consume me. She was the one who took the darkness and pain away. It had worked between us for a while. She had helped me to play and write music again. She was always there for me, especially when things got to be too much.

It wasn't working anymore. Nothing could stop the dreams.

_But what else can I do?_

I sighed and closed my eyes. The dreams returned as I drifted off to sleep.

The next morning, things were awkward. I tried to ignore the hurt look in Teri's eyes. I just had so many things pressing on me that morning, and I didn't want to add another layer of guilt. I hugged her to me and kissed her forehead before leaving. I felt like I should say something, I just didn't know what.

I rushed to school, to my piano, to my outlet. My fingers glided over the keys putting sound to the melody in my head. I poured out my soul, my frustration, guilt, pain, and love. The keys moved beneath my fingers, taking me away, the melody surrounding me. When I finished, I felt empowered.

It had been _three_ months since Bella had closed the door in my face. _Three months _of denying myself.

Before I could change my mind, I drove to her apartment. After parking the car, I hurried inside.

I stood outside her door, staring at it, and working up the courage to knock. I swallowed and shoved aside my nervousness. I needed to do this. _We _needed to talk.

She didn't look surprised to see me when she answered the door. Instead, she stepped aside to allow me in. I found this encouraging; maybe she would be willing to talk now. I brushed past her and moved into her living room.

My eyes swiftly ran over her, taking in her appearance. She was still wearing her pajamas despite the fact that it was three o'clock in the afternoon, and her eyes were puffy and red, like she had been crying for a while. I wanted to bring her to me and comfort her. I wanted to ask her to let me help her, to tell me why she was crying.

Instead, in my own selfish way, I said quickly, in a rush to get it out, "Bella, I can't stay away from you anymore." It was true. The need for her was controlling me; I couldn't stay away.

She closed the door and walked over to me. Tears were falling from her eyes, spilling down her cheeks, and wetting her shirt. Reaching up, she pressed her palm to my cheek; her eyes searched mine.

Without thinking, I reached out and pulled her to me. She felt so good in my arms, so _right_. My hands cupped her face as my thumbs wiped away her tears. She leaned into me, her eyes closed while her face tilted up towards me. Her mouth was slightly open and puckered; like it was waiting for me to kiss it. Desperation filled me as I crushed my lips to hers. I wanted her to feel me, to know all I was feeling for her.

Her lips moved under mine, urgent and greedy. Her hands grasped the front of my shirt, and I broke away from our kiss to look at her. Her eyes seemed to be pleading with me_. _

_Maybe she is feeling the same desperation I am._

Lifting my arms, I allowed her to pull my shirt over my head. I stood before her bare, my soul exposed along with my skin. I couldn't grasp that this was happening. It felt unreal, like I was dreaming, and at any minute I would wake up. She ran her nails down my chest and across my stomach leaving behind a trail of heat. I gasped at the sensation, my eyes widening on her.

_She is real. _

My brain was yelling at me to stop, breathe, and talk to her, but my heart and body were not listening.

She broke away from my arms to take off her own shirt. Her eyes met mine. I waited for her to speak, but she was so quiet. "Bella, I …" She stepped forward and pressed her lips against mine, silencing me. Her tongue fluttered against my lips, and I opened allowing her in. Our tongues tangled together and my need heightened. My hands shook as I held her. My mind was still at war with my heart, but it was losing to the feel of pure lust and love-driven need.

_What is she doing? Should we really be doing this? Yes, I need her. _

I was unable to stop_. _I was like a drowning man finally able to take a needed breath. She was my air.

She tugged my hand and led me into her bedroom. Before I knew it, we were both naked and sprawled across her bed.

Her body was hot, burning against mine; I caressed her skin, each inch burned into my fingertips. My lips caught fire as they trailed over her neck and shoulder, searing me to her. The moans that escaped from her mouth drove me insane. They were soft, and breathy, and full of her need, and I just couldn't get enough of them. My eyes moved over her, finding every remembered nuance, every small detail. My hands followed them, and then my lips took the same path.

Her hands ran down my back, sending shivers along my spine. There was a scratching at my hips as her hands pulled me closer. I pressed against her in need, my body aching. I stilled at her entrance, my gaze locking with hers. "Is it okay?" I didn't have a condom, and I didn't know if we would have to stop.

_God, I didn't want to stop. _

Her eyes glazed over with want while she nodded her head at me. "Look in the nightstand drawer." They were the first words she had spoken to me since I got here, and they rang in my ears. Her voice spun through my heart, tearing out a new hole. Such meaningless words, but the sound of her voice filled me. I sat up to get into the drawer. Pulling out a foil packet, I moved back over her. I breathed deep and bent to kiss her. My tongue lingered softly over that sacred bottom lip I had always cherished.

Opening the packet, I stared down at her. She watched me with hungry eyes as I slipped on the condom. Her legs wrapped around me, and I was lost. Calling her name, I pushed deeply into her. Ecstasy, desperation, and need flowed out of me. I held her tightly to me as my stomach clenched, hot pulses racing through me. "God, Bella." I couldn't think, couldn't breath. I could only feel. My movements became frantic. I grasped her arms holding her down as I pushed into her over and over.

My lips trailed over her, sucking on her neck and her breasts, as I gasped for air. Her hips moved under mine, rising to meet me.

She called to me, "Edward." My head shot up at the sound of her saying my name, and I met her lips with mine. I groaned into her mouth. Letting go of her hands, I grabbed her legs and pulled her ankles around my neck. She gasped, and her legs trembled. We were one, completely entwined, no air between us.

_Oh God, it's so good, I can barely stand it._

I looked down at her face. It was flushed, her eyes tightly shut, her mouth open. "Look at me, Bella." Her eyes opened, stared into mine.

Every muscle in me screamed for release. "Bella, oh Bella." I pushed into her one last time while I cried out at my release. She followed right behind me. Her moans surrounded me, as her muscles tightened beneath me and around me.

I removed her legs from my shoulders and gently placed them back on the bed. Collapsing on her, I gripped her tightly, unwilling to let her go. My emotions floated around me as I kissed her neck, her cheeks. The words ran from between my lips like a prayer. "I love you. I never stopped loving you. I love you, Bella." I repeated it over and over again.

Her body tensed beneath me, so I stopped to look at her face. Tears were streaming from her tightly closed eyes, and she was shaking her head erratically.

Fear shot through me as I wondered what she was thinking. "Bella?"

She pushed at my chest. "Please," she whispered, "Please." Her words were spoken in agony, and they tore into my heart.

I moved off her, just for a second, to dispose of the condom. When I turned back she was sitting up, a sheet wrapped tightly around her. She was pulling away from me, physically and emotionally. I could feel her shutting down, shutting me out.

"Bella, don't." My voice quavered. _Please don't do this. _

She shook her head. "You need to go now,"

"Now?" I stared at her in disbelief. _Why? _Didn't what we just did mean anything to her? _I know it did, I could feel it._ "No… what just happened… we need to talk."

"What just happened? We had sex. That's all. It's over now, so you can go." Her eyes darted around the room; she wouldn't look at me.

I was confused, hurt and getting angry. "Bella, I'm not leaving. I want to be with you. I have missed you so much."

"You _will _leave. This is my home." She stood with the sheet wrapped around her. Picking up my clothes, she threw them at me, her eyes still not meeting mine. "I don't want you here. I'm not your Bella anymore." I felt like I had been slapped in the face. I stared at her for a moment, mouth agape, before I slipped my clothes back on and ran a hand through my hair.

I followed her as she walked into her living room. I watched her as she stood in the middle of the room, still wrapped in only the sheet. She wouldn't look at me. Despair weighed heavily on my shoulders as I realized she hadn't wanted me… not really. I didn't know what she had wanted or why she had allowed this to happen. "You will never forgive me. Will you?" I whispered. Her eyes widened as she turned to glare at me. "It was an accident, Bella. I'm sorry." I shook my head and frowned, looking down at her. "Don't you know that I would take it back if I could? I would do _anything_ to take it back."

"An accident?" Her voice was laced with venom and steel. "Is that how you sleep at night?"

I stepped back away from her, flinching away from her harsh words.

"Did you forget what happened?" Her tone rose while she stood in front of me, shaking. Her eyes flashed bitterness. "You were going over ninety miles per hour, you weren't paying attention, and you ran a red light. All because of some petty, _stupid_ jealousy." I took another step away from her. My heart beat erratically, and my breathing was harsh sounding in the quiet room. "How dare you call it an accident? There was nothing _accidental_ about it." Her shoulders shook, and tears slipped from her eyes.

Shock, pain, and misery brought me to my knees. I was crumbling in front of her. I was ready to do whatever she wanted me to. I would crawl to her and beg her to forgive me. I started to do just that when she spoke again.

"Why are you here?" She was no longer yelling. Instead, she was just standing there with her shoulders slumped as if defeated. Her face was lined with sorrow. "Why must you make me remember?" Her head fell as her voice trailed off. "I just want to forget. Can't you let me forget?"

"Bella…" I wanted to go to her, I wanted to hold her.

"Please, just go, Edward." Her pain slashed through me, mixing with mine, so that I was overwhelmed with it. It lodged in my throat, choking me. I felt sick.

I was causing her pain. "I'm sorry." I would not cause her anymore pain. It was a mistake to come here- a mistake to let what happened happen. I would go and leave her alone.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I promise I won't bother you anymore. I just want you to be happy. If forgetting me will accomplish that, then I will let you go. It will be as if I never existed, I promise."

I slowly stood, took one more last glance at her and left.

On the drive home, I fought back my tears. I wouldn't cry. _I couldn't_. After parking the car, I sat in the lot and stared out the window. My eyes fell on Teri's car, and I sighed deeply.

_What am I going to tell her? _

Teri was waiting for me inside. I didn't have to tell her anything; one look at me and she knew. She cried. I hung my head in shame and stared at the floor as she walked past me. I didn't try to stop her.

I had left two women crying today.

_What a great fucking day_.

_Bella:_

After class on Monday, Jake asked to speak to me. "That guy who came over… he's an ex-boyfriend?" We were sitting in the quad on an empty spot of lawn. I curled my legs under me as I looked at Jake. Chewing my lip nervously, I contemplated on what to say.

Clearing my throat, I said, "Yeah, from high school."

"Are you getting back with him?"

I shook my head no and glanced over at Jake. His intense gaze met mine, and I took in a deep breath. "Bella, I really like you. But I can see that you still have feelings for him." He smiled at me ruefully and his tone lightened. "It was a little obvious, you know… the nervousness, and the tears, kind of gave it away." He pressed his lips together, his tongue peaking out to slide over them. " Look… I just hope that we can continue to see each other."

"I can't lie to you, Jake. Yes, I have some issues to work out where…" I choked on his name and coughed a little, "Edward… is concerned. I think you and I would probably be better off as friends. I don't want to draw you into my mess or promise you something I may not be able to give." My eyes darted over to him. I knew I was contradicting myself after my actions the other night, but seeing Edward made me realize that I had a long way to go before I could have another relationship with anyone.

Jake nodded and took my hand. "I'm not giving up. I'll hang around for a while. Maybe you will be over him one day, and I'll be here." He shrugged and smiled his bright Jake smile. I smiled back, and we relaxed into lighter conversation while we ate our lunch.

Jake and I continued to be friends, occasionally going out together. I introduced him to Alice, Angela, and Ben. He soon became a permanent part of our group.

School was going well, and I had my friends around me. I felt better than I had in weeks. But for some reason when I awoke Tuesday morning, I was filled with gloom. It was like I was moving backwards. All I could think of was Edward… and the… baby. I sat on the couch all morning, not changing from my pajamas and not going to class.

The television was on, and I watched reruns of Dawson's Creek. TNT was having a mini marathon of the show and I settled into the couch to watch. Joey and Pacey reminded me of Edward and me. I watched as they experienced their first time together and thought of Edward and me. I watched as they fought and cried and thought of Edward and me. I watched the ending when they got back together and thought of Edward and me, wondering if such a thing could be possible.

He was on my mind all day, so when he showed up at my door I was not surprised.

My eyes drank in his erratic hair, dark blazing green eyes, open mouth, lean body, and hips. He was standing in my living room saying something about not being able to stay away from me.

At that moment, _I_ couldn't stay away from _him. _I wanted him. The want in me rose from deep inside. I walked over and put my hand on his cheek, searching his eyes for the passion we once had. I found it when his lips bore down on mine. I kissed him back, letting my lips open under his assault.

My hands couldn't help themselves, and I found myself undressing him, and then undressing myself. Our kisses ignited a passion inside me so intense that I could barely breathe.

Suddenly, we were in my room, on my bed, and it was wild, passionate, and completely overwhelming. I said his name. Once. It tore from my lips as he touched me. His eyes bore into mine, and I could see his elation at the word. A sob rose in my throat, battling the overwhelming pleasure that raged in me.

My body tensed as the pressure exploded, and I heard him moan my name.

He collapsed on top of me, all sweaty limbs and perfect muscle. My fingers moved over his arms while I trembled under him. _What now? What was going to happen now? _

He chanted his love to me. Words fell from his lips like he had no control over them while he pressed hot kisses along my cheeks and neck. I started to tense up at hearing him say these things. They were too much, contained too many emotions. My feelings were bubbling to the surface, and I felt like I was drowning in them. I started to cry.

He spoke of love. Did I still love him? _Yes, I love him. _Fear raced through me at the thought. I didn't want to love him. I didn't think I would ever be ready to love him again. Fear mixed with irrational anger. Anger at him for coming here. Anger at what had happened to us. Anger at what we had become. I shook my head against his shoulder. My hands pressed against his chest.

"Bella?" His tone was tentative, small, and afraid. He stopped kissing me to look down on me. His eyes were wide and scared.

I pushed harder his chest. "Please," I pleaded with him, "Please."

He pulled away for a second, long enough for me to get myself under control. I sat up in the bed and tightly wrapped the sheet around me. _I can get through this_. I pushed the tears down with the pain that was welling in me, trying to resurface. I put my shield up, the one I had learned to use this past year. The one I hid behind.

I heard him, as from a distance, "Bella, don't." I could hear the tremble in his voice. I was sorry for it.

I shook my head, blocking him out. "You need to go now."

"No… what just happened… we need to talk." His words tumbled around me, bouncing off the hard shield that was now surrounding me.

"What just happened? We had sex. That's all." _You're lying. _I pushed the thought down. _Shut up. _"So you can go now." I couldn't look at him. If I did my shield would shatter; it was barely intact as it was.

"Bella, I'm not leaving. I want to be with you. I have missed you so much." I could hear his anger and his hurt. My heart throbbed.

_No! It doesn't matter. Get on with it._

"You will leave. This is my house." _Get up- grab his clothes; make him leave, before it's too late, before he sees_. "I don't want you here." I stood, tucking the sheet tightly around me. Bending, I picked up his clothes and threw them at him.

"I'm not your Bella anymore." He flinched, and I saw his hurt. He sat up in the bed and began pulling on his clothes. I turned and walked out of the bedroom, willing myself to breathe and calm down.

"You will never forgive me. Will you?" He was behind me. I turned to look at him. I didn't want to talk about that. _Please, don't talk about it…._

"It was an accident, Bella. I'm sorry." He shook his head and frowned, looking down at me. "Don't you know that I would take it back if I could? I would do _anything_ to take it back."

His words drowned in the roar in my ears. Red lights flashed in my eyes, blood, fear, glass, pain, the sound of metal on metal, and my screams...

My control slipped; my shield fell down in shards around me.

"An accident?" All the old anger, rage filled me, spilled over.

"Is that how you sleep at night?" The words spewed out of my mouth. He stepped back, away from me.

"Do you forget what happened?" _I hadn't; I couldn't_.

"You were going over ninety miles per hour." _And I asked you to slow down._

"You weren't paying attention." _You were looking at me. _

"You ran a red light." _I screamed for you to see._

"All because of some petty, _stupid_ jealousy. How dare you call it an accident?"

_It could have been prevented. We could be together. I would have my daughter. _

"There was nothing _accidental_ about it!" Tears fell down my face. I watched him curl in on himself, as he fell to his knees, his face an open book of shock and misery.

Shame flooded me. My anger vanished, replaced with despair, "Why are you here? Why must you make me remember? I just want to forget. Can't you just let me forget?"

"Bella…" he whispered as his hand reached out to me.

I couldn't take it; I felt like I was going to collapse. "Please, just go, Edward." I was defeated as I stared at the floor.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I promise I won't bother you anymore. I just want you to be happy. If forgetting me will accomplish that, then I will let you go. It will be as if I never existed, I promise." He stood and walked out my door, out of my life, again.

I fell to the floor in a heap, sobbing, scrambling to breathe. Part of me wanted to yell for him, the other part wanted to let him go.

My anguish encompassed me. I laid on my floor, not moving - staring at the wall as the tears continued to course down my face. This is how Angela found me. When I was unresponsive to her, she went next door and got Alice. They helped me off the floor onto the couch. I cried into Alice's shoulder while I told her the whole story. Angela stroked my back and murmured words meant to comfort me whenever I paused to catch my breath. I told them everything. It didn't matter now; it was already there, like a dagger in my heart.

They listened and then helped me to bed where I cried myself to sleep as Alice stroked my hair and whispered more words of comfort.

_Edward:_

_Music._ Music was all that mattered now. I would write, compose. I would think of nothing else but my goal to graduate early and join the Seattle Symphony Orchestra.

I worked hard, buried deep into my books and my music the world passed me by. Occasionally, I would emerge to spend time with my family. Emmett or Jasper would invariably pull me out on the town. Holidays were spent with my parents.

I was able to finish my degree in Music Composition in three years instead of the average four. I graduated. My brothers were there. My mom and dad watched the ceremony and took me out afterwards. I pasted an obligatory smile on my face so Mom wouldn't worry. I went home alone. It was okay. I was used to being alone by then. My piano was my only friend.

I would woo her into playing the right notes for me. My fingers would tease her to new sounds. I filled notebook after notebook with new songs.

I worked with my old professor on getting ready for auditions for next year.

I slept. I ate. I played. I worked. That was my life. It was fine.

Sometimes, out of the blue, her image would startle me. I always pushed it away though. It had been years since I last saw her, and I planned on keeping it that way.

Today, I would spend the day in the library. On my way there, I stopped for coffee. The nice girl at the counter smiled shyly at me and said hi. I averted my eyes, paid for my coffee and left. At the library, I sat outside until I finished my coffee. The sun shone brightly down on me, and I watched as people walked by, smiling at the sky and the day. I hunched myself forward and buried my head in the book I held. I was here to return it.

With my one task for the day over, I left the library and headed home. A tune was playing in my head, and I needed to write it down.

Jasper and I shared an apartment now. Emmett had moved in with Rose. I could've got one by myself, but my brothers still insisted on one of them staying with me. I didn't care. I barely noticed he was there.

Once back at my place, I walked briskly by Jasper, mumbled hello, and went into my room. Turning on the keyboard, I began putting notes to the tune in my head.

I was scribbling in my notebook when Jasper knocked and opened my door. I scowled at him for interrupting me. "What is it?" I snapped.

"We're going out tonight. Emmett will be here at nine o'clock. Be ready." His voice was harsh, demanding.

"No, I'm not. I have work to do." I had no desire to go tonight. _Why would I want to sit at a bar and watch people get drunk? Why would I want to watch couples together while I sat there alone?_ I scowled darkly at Jasper. "You can tell Emmett no way. Not tonight."

Later that night, I sat between Jasper and his buddy Tyler in the backseat of my car. Somehow, not only did I end up going with them, but we took my car.

Once inside, I maneuvered my way to a table where I ordered a drink and sat. There I stayed, silently watching the people around me, wondering what they had to be so happy about.

I was contemplating getting another drink when I looked up and saw her. Bella was standing at the bar.

_Bella:_

The days after Edward walked out my door for the last time were not easy. I cried a lot. I stayed in bed, unable to move. Alice and Angela were there, but it was Jake who forced me to get up. I had been in bed for five days when he came to see me.

"Where is she?" The loud masculine voice echoed through the small apartment. I cringed and buried myself deeper in my covers. I heard muffled conversation as Jake and Angela discussed me. I knew they were talking about me. I huffed and pulled the covers over my head. I didn't want to be bothered.

_What was it with people not knowing when to leave me alone? _

A quick yank from Jake and my covers were lying in a pile on the floor. "Jesus, Bella! This is worse than I thought." He scowled down at me while wrinkling his nose. "You stink! When is the last time you had a shower?"

Mumbling, I turned away from him. It had been a few days. _So what? _I grabbed the pillow next to me and covered my head. "Go away."

Hands grabbed around my ankles and gave a quick pull. Suddenly, I was sprawled on the floor. Gasping in outrage, I flew to my feet and glared at Jake. "Who do you think you are coming in here? Get out. I want to be left alone."

"No." Jake grabbed me around the waist and hoisted me over his shoulder. He then proceeded to carry me into the bathroom. Sitting me down on the toilet, he turned to the shower and turned on the water. "Despite the fact that I would love to see you naked, I will suggest you do this yourself."

Rolling my eyes, I watched him walk from the bathroom. When I knew he was gone, I walked back towards my bedroom. Alice stood there in front of my door, her arms crossed. "You can't go back in there. We're setting up an intervention here, Bella. You reek. Your room is starting to emit a foul stench. Ang is in there now disinfecting it. Go take a shower."

Tears welled in my eyes as I looked at her. My body hurt, and I wanted to lie down. "Please, Alice move."

"Bella." Her face softened. "Go get a shower. After Angela is done changing your sheets, you can lie back down, I promise. _But_ you will be calling Dr. Denali. Okay?" She stared me down, until I gave in and began to shuffle back to my awaiting shower. "Bella, we're just trying to help."

"I know," I responded. My shoulders slumped in defeat, my head hanging down, I silently undressed. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and let out a little yelp. I looked awful. My hair was a greasy, knotted nest, sticking every which way. My eyes were red, with black circles under them. A crease ran down the side of my face from where it had been pressed against the pillow. It really was frightening.

I finally stood in the shower, letting the hot spray and soap wash away all the sweat, grime and tears of the last few days.

Once I stepped out, I really did feel a little better. I was also thoroughly ashamed of my behavior. I toweled off and put on the clothes that were laying on the counter for me. Timidly, I opened the door and peaked out. I heard soft voices coming from down the hall. Walking towards them, I stared ahead nervously. The smells of food cooking met my nostrils. My stomach let out a loud growl. _When was the last time I ate? _I couldn't remember.

My three friends stood in the kitchen. Alice was standing in front of the stove stirring a pot of something hot and bubbly. Angela was slicing a loaf of bread. Jake was leaning against the counter, his arms crossed.

"What, Jake? Too much of a man to help the women cook?" The teasing words left my lips before I thought, and I smiled involuntarily.

They all looked at me, surprise etched on each of their faces. "Well, there is the Bella I know." Jake muttered, walking over to me. He wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug. "I've missed you."

I smiled at him as he stepped away from me. Looking at all my friends, I smiled sheepishly. "Thank you, you guys."

"Sit," said Alice. "Soup is ready. It is a special warming soup, sure to cure any ailment. My grandmother used to make it for me whenever I was ill or had the blues."

I devoured the soup and bread, helping myself to seconds. Once I was finished, Angela placed a phone in my hand. "Dr. Denali." She said softly, gazing at me compassionately.

The number was already pre-programmed into the phone, so I pushed send. With my three best friends around me I spoke to Irina's receptionist and made an appointment for later that week at her office in Seattle.

--xx--

Therapy helped. My friends helped. Time passed. Angela and Ben got married. Jake met Leah and fell in love. Alice was… well, Alice. And I moved into a new apartment. It was a one bedroom and smaller than my last one, but okay for just me. I still had one year to go to finish my degree, so I stayed close to UW.

Alice's birthday was today, and we all planned to go out. She wanted to see the new club downtown. Jake would pick us up. He was bringing Leah. Angela and Ben were going to meet us there.

I stood in front of my mirror brushing my hair. The white dress I had on looked pretty good on me. I smiled and walked out the door. Just as I was turning out my lights I heard a horn blow. Glancing out my window, I saw Jake's Mustang idling at the curb.

The door swung open, and Leah stepped out. She was a very pretty girl, with black hair and the tan complexion of her Quileute heritage. Both she and Jake lived on the reservation now. Jake had earned his degree last year and was working as teacher in the high school there. The reservation was four hours away so we didn't see each other as much anymore. I was glad they were able to come down for Alice's birthday.

I got into the back next to Alice, and we started on our way. Alice bounced around enthusiastically to the music. "I have a good feeling about tonight, Bella. I think I may just meet my Mr. Right."

I smirked over at Alice, "Are you sure you don't mean Mr. Right Now?" She smacked my arm playfully as Jake parked the car.

Once inside, we were lucky enough to find seats at the bar. Jake and Leah sat down and ordered drinks. Alice and I had margaritas. After about two drinks, Alice was ready to dance. Pulling me along with her, we made our way to the dance floor. I let myself go, grinding to the music, closing my eyes and enjoying the loud thumping beat. A few guys came over and asked us to dance, but we declined. We were having too much fun on our own. A few songs later, we went back to the bar.

Alice and I ordered another margarita. I was sweaty and hot, so I drank mine quickly. The cold liquid felt good sliding down my throat. The tequila was starting to affect me, and I smiled at Alice gleefully. "I feel so good," I giggled.

Alice laughed loudly. "Let's do a birthday shot!" She turned back to get the bartender's attention, and I looked out at the crowd. The place was really packed.

My eyes were scanning a nearby table of hot guys when I glanced over at the table next to them. A familiar pair of green eyes stared back at me.

"Edward."

****So… does everyone know where we are?? Yes it is the present... Can happy times be ahead? We shall see. You may want to reread the prologue.. Just saying. I know I am. **

****Reviews are like butter- they melt.. (??HUH?) whatever. Just leave me some love. **

**You all have rocked my socks with the reviews the last 2 chapters, keep it up! **

****Did everyone get to read Emmett's POV?? Be sure to check my blog, I swear it's worth it. **** Be sure to take the tissues. http://jarielynn(dot)blogspot(dot)com/**


	17. Chapter 14

*****A/N notes at the end.**

*****I have a new beta- mac PTB & jessica0306 is still rockin my world with her beta skills. **

*****Disclaimer: These beautiful characters are not mine.. I wish they were..**

**Chapter 14 - "Edward"**

_Bella:_

"Edward."

The name floated from my lips as I stared at him. His startled gaze dropped from mine to look down at his table. When he looked back up again, his brilliant green eyes connected with mine and I smiled. The smile was involuntary, really. I wasn't thinking about anything other than the sight of him.

He tipped his glass at me in hello. Maybe it was the alcohol I had consumed that caused the overwhelming urge to walk over to him. Then again, maybe it was something else. It could be that pull I always felt whenever he was around. I only knew I had to go to him.

I turned to Alice and placed a hand on her arm. "Alice." She turned to look at me holding two shot glasses, lemons, and salt spread out in front of her. "Edward's here."

"Edward?" Cocking an eyebrow at me, she looked around the room.

"_Edward_," I muttered, emphasizing his name. I leaned in to her and widened my eyes.

"Ohhhh, _Edward_?" She gasped and set the glasses on the bar. Her eyes grew wide as her hand covered mine. "Are you okay?"

I nodded while discreetly pointing to my right. Her mouth fell open when she saw him, and I giggled at her dumbfounded expression. "Wow, Bella, he's gorgeous." Shaking her head, she turned to me and asked, "What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to go talk to him." I bit my lip as I looked at the shot sitting in front of me. Quickly, I picked it up and downed it, shuddering at its bitterness. Alice handed me the lemon, and I sucked on it before straightening my spine and turning back to face Edward. "I'm going _now_ before I change my mind."

As I walked toward him, it occurred to me I hadn't seen him in two years. Remembering the last time we saw each other, I faltered in my steps. I had kicked him out of my apartment and subsequently cried for days afterwards. My pulse began to race as fear stole through me. Fear quickly took a back seat when his eyes met mine, and my heart leapt into my throat.

His eyes were dark and intense, just as I remembered them. A familiar ache started in my abdomen compelling me to run my hand over my it. Sparks shot out from where my fingers touched

I was also very nervous. _What will we say to each other? _

The fear, desire, and nervousness all ran through my mind in a matter of seconds, and I was suddenly standing before him.

I swallowed down my anxiety and smiled at him. "Hello, Edward." Feeling flustered, I pushed my hair behind my ear and shifted to my other foot. "How are you?"

God, he looked good. Heat curled in my stomach, and I clenched my fists as I breathed out. My heart was beating abnormally fast while blood seemed to be pooling in my cheeks, making them very warm and undoubtedly pink.

"Hello." His voice was like silk gliding over me, and I gritted my teeth in an effort not to tremble in front of him.

My eyes unconsciously traveled slowly down his body, pausing at his waist and hips. Realizing what I was doing, I quickly pulled my eyes back up to his face. I felt my cheeks burn again as I said, "You look good." _What an understatement_. Edward was a man now; gone was the softly-rounded face of the boy I had loved. In its place were sharp cheek bones and full, defined lips. His hair was shorter, no longer curling over his ears or on the back of his neck. His body was leaner and more muscular. If Edward had been beautiful before, he was now absolutely stunning.

Standing there, with my mouth hanging open, I waited for him to say something to me. He was so quiet. I expected something… _anything. _The awkwardness between us grew as the silence continued and I stood there staring at him, watching as his eyes scrunched. I knew him well enough, even now, to know he was deep in thought, but he didn't seem to want to share those thoughts with me.

I bit my lip, breaking our gaze to stare at the floor as feelings of my sheer stupidity began to creep in. I should've known better than to come over here, since it was obvious he didn't want to talk to me. Things had ended so badly between us, and I had overestimated his interest in even remaining friendly.

Grabbing at my last bit of courage, I mumbled, "Well… it was good to see you again… I guess."

My eyes filled with tears as all the old memories came rushing back at me. It was no wonder he didn't want to talk to me; so many painful things stood between us. I stumbled a little as I walked back to Alice.

Four pairs of eyes followed my progress back to the bar-Alice, Jake, and Leah were waiting for me, while Edward watched me leave. Jake scowled as he took my arm and pulled me over between my friends, positioning me between him and Alice. I stared down at my feet as his hand gently wiped at the tears that continued to pour down my face. Sorrow was burrowing itself deeply into my heart as my alcohol high was wore off, leaving me feeling dangerously sober.

Instead of feeling the need to be near Edward, I wanted to get as far from him as possible. Curbing my impulse to bolt out the door, I clutched at Jake's arm, searching out his strength to steady me. All the memories from the past crowded into my mind, and I felt like I was going to crumble under their weight.

"Alice… I'm sorry, but can we please go?" I chanced a glance over at Edward. He was watching me, his mouth moving, speaking words I couldn't hear. His eyes widened on me before his head fell down between his hands, and I unconsciously took a step towards him.

But then I felt a gentle tug on my arm, and I looked up into warm brown eyes. Jake was looking down at me, his face a mask of concern. "Come on, Bella," he soothed. "Let's get out of here." He firmly gripped my hand and walked towards the door.

I followed him, with Leah and Alice behind us.

Once outside, my mind cleared a little. Releasing Jake's hand, I swiped away the tears from my face. My heart still ached, but I didn't want to cry anymore. I had cried enough four years ago.

Everyone was quiet as we got into Jake's car. Alice gave my hand a reassuring squeeze once we were in the backseat. "Do you want to stay at my place tonight?" she asked.

_She probably thinks I don't want to be alone, but truthfully I do. _I wanted to sit in the dark, quiet and process what had happened.

Once at home, I snuggled into my fuzziest pajamas and curled under the sheets of my bed. Sighing, I thought of everything that had just happened. Edward really had looked good. Unfortunately, I had allowed his looks and my subsequent lust to override my brain. I was embarrassed about the way I had behaved, alcohol or not.

I wondered about Edward. _Where is he in his life? What does he do now? How much had he changed, if at all?_ My thoughts drifted to our past and back again before I finally fell asleep.

--xx--.

I rolled over in my bed, groaning. _What was that horrendous noise? _

Thump, thump…

I looked over at my alarm clock- six am!

Thump, thump…harder and louder.

I sat up, yawning, and rubbed my fists in my eyes. _What was going on? _I pulled myself out of bed and walked towards the noise.

Thump, thump...

_Who is knocking on my door? _I yawned again, opening the door and staring spitefully at Alice.

She was dancing around excitedly in the hallway. "Alice, what? It's early!" I glared at Alice when she danced past me into the living room. Kicking the door closed, I followed her, shuffling my feet along the carpet.

"Bella, it's _him_. I finally found him. Actually, he found me. He was just there, knocking on my door. The most wonderful man. Blonde and gorgeous." Alice was prattling on, and I was too sleepy to keep up with her.

"What are you talking about? Who was there? Where?" I sat down on my sofa, leaning back and closing my eyes.

"Jasper. At my door last night. He is wonderful, and he came in and stayed for hours… just talking!" She still was making no sense to my befuddled brain.

"Wait. I need coffee, and then maybe I'll be able to understand you." I pointed my finger at her in warning. "Don't say another thing until I get a cup in my hands." I moved into the kitchen and started up a pot.

Alice was pressing her lips tightly together in an effort to not speak. I yawned and set out two mugs. Opening the fridge, I got out my favorite vanilla creamer.

"Bella…"

"Shhh… not yet." I poured the creamer in the mugs and leaned on the counter, waiting for the coffee to finish brewing. _Finally_. After filling the mugs, I handed one to Alice and held one to my own lips sipping at the hot liquid.

"Okay, Alice. Let's sit, and start from the beginning. Tell me what happened last night that you had to come over here at this ungodly hour and wake me."

Alice immediately began babbling. "Jasper, Bella. He came to my apartment last night. He is gorgeous and nice and just absolutely lovely."

"Who is Jasper, Alice?"

"Edwards's brother... the blonde one." Her eyes took on a faraway haze.

_Edward's brother… Jasper Cullen had gone to see Alice last night? _"Why would Edwards's brother be knocking at your door?"

"Okay, so you know Edward came to your old apartment, looking for you. Remember… I told you we talked?"

_Like I could forget_. Edward had stopped at my old apartment after our encounter at the bar on Alice's birthday. She filled me in on the details- his panicked expression, his urgent manner, and how he asked her where I was staying. The fact that he came looking for me made my heart race. He had wanted to talk to _me_. It was a relief to know, but why didn't he speak to me when I had approached him?

"Well, apparently, he had talked to Jasper about it. Jasper came over on Edwards's behalf to talk to me. Edward wants to see you… badly." She grinned at me. "Jasper wanted me to talk you into seeing him."

Calmly- at least on the outside- I took a drink of my coffee, letting the warm liquid soothe me. "So, what do you think?" she asked while looking at me expectantly.

"I don't know. I was ready the other night, but now? I was on a high then; I was a little tipsy and feeling unstoppable. Now? Not so much." I looked in my mug, swirling the coffee. "I have so much going on, what with classes, and this being my final year… and all." I waved my hand vaguely at the ceiling before continuing. "If I see Edward now I won't be able to concentrate on anything else."

"Bella," Alice sniffed, "only when you're ready. He can wait." She folded her hands in front of her. "So… Bella… what do you think about Jasper?" She sounded nervous.

I glanced at her, shocked. "I think it's amazing, Alice. I am so happy for you. You're going to keep seeing him?"

She beamed and ran around the table, throwing her arms around me. "I should have known you wouldn't be upset. I was so afraid it might bother you, or I should wait until you and Edward worked it all out." She smiled wickedly at me. "Yes, I definitely plan on seeing him again. _And_ since we're already awake, _and_ you don't have class today… can we please go shopping?"

I thought about seeing Edward again and my heart fluttered. A new outfit would be nice, something pretty to wear when I saw him. When the time was right. "Sure, Alice. It's still a little early, and I don't think anywhere will be open yet. Let me get ready, and then we can go to Panera Bread. I have a craving for a cinnamon crunch bagel."

--xx--

School was hectic. I had four exams next week and a final paper due for another class the following Monday. I was pretty comfortable with all the material, but I wanted to review everything and be sure I was ready. I spent every free minute studying. Alice knew to leave me alone; she tried to come over on Wednesday and I growled at her.

The paper I had to write was the toughest part. The assignment was to write a short story based on an actual event. It was almost completed, but was having a hard time with the ending- it was a fictional piece based on my life with Edward. It was an outlet for me. Writing about us hadn't bothered me, and it was somewhat of a relief to put the events and my feelings on paper; however, I wanted to give my heroine a happy ending, but I didn't have one to give her, so it was difficult to finish.

All of my hard work paid off, and the next two weeks flew by without a hitch. I finally finished the paper, giving it the ending I wished I'd had.

Soon the semester was over. I had done well in all my classes. With only one more semester to go, I would graduate this summer. I hadn't gone to see Edward yet. I was reluctant, and if I was honest with myself, afraid. I wasn't sure how I would react to him or him to me. So, I chose to avoid the situation and give excuses to Alice, who in turn gave them to Jasper.

_Edward:_

I scratched my head, looking down at my keyboard. I really wished I had a piano, but there was just no room for it in the small apartment I shared with Jazz. I let my fingers play over the keys; another melody was taking form in my mind. I closed my eyes, humming softly. I needed a new piece for the audition on Friday.

I stopped playing and sighed, rubbing my hands over my face. The Eastern Music Festival auditions were being held this weekend. I had an appointment on Friday. Everyone who was anyone would be at the Festival, and I needed the exposure. If I was accepted, I would spend the whole next summer traveling with some of the greatest musicians in the country. To say I was nervous was an understatement. If I didn't get in… well, I didn't really know what I was going to do.

_Damn! _I needed a piano. I stood and paced around my room. Where could I go to play? My last music professor had mentioned a free room at Washington University. Grabbing my coat, I headed out the door. The ground was still covered in snow, but the roads were clear.

My new Tiburon, a graduation present from my family, sat there waiting for me. It really was a beautiful car. I was shocked when I saw it. I argued with them, because I was going to get my own car. They were very adamant about me keeping it, reminding me until I found the right company to work with, I wouldn't have a lot of money, and I would need a car. They were right of course; leave it to my dad to pick out this beauty.

I slid behind the wheel and started the engine. It purred at me. I smiled, gripping the wheel. I still liked fast cars, but after the accident, I had learned to take things a little slower. I flinched as I thought of the accident, which in turn lead to thoughts of Bella. I still had not heard from her. Alice had told me she was just busy, but my guess was she was probably just avoiding me. I had so many things to say to her.

My brow furrowed in frustration. Where was all this traffic coming from? The campus should have been closed for break. There was a large sign posted ahead announcing a graduation ceremony being held today. _Shit_. Would I still be able to use the concert room?

Bypassing the cars ahead, I continued to the music hall. Once I passed the main auditorium, the traffic noticeably thinned out. The doors were open, and I walked into the hall, my footsteps echoing down the quiet hallway. As soon as I found the correct room, I stepped inside, my eyes immediately landing on the studio piano sitting on the left side of the room. It would do. I walked over and sat down in front of it, lifting the key cover.

My fingers spread out on the keys and played a scale to adjust myself to the tuning. Slowly breathing in, I closed my eyes and let my fingers run over the keys. The music echoed through the room. The melody I had played earlier in my room returned to me. My heart rate quickened as I thought of Bella, and my fingers coerced the emotion from the keys in front of me. I let everything go and just played.

I sat and stared at my fingers when I was done. _This was it_. I grabbed my notebook and wrote down corresponding notes as they ran through my head, rocking on the bench to the harmony pouring from my lips. I stopped writing only to play, picking out notes I needed and then jotting them down.

When I was done, it was dark outside. I breathed deep and smiled, feeling accomplished, confident. This was the piece I had needed.

On my way home my phone rang. "Edward, Alice and I are meeting Emmett and Rose for dinner. Want to go?"

I scowled out the window. _Did I want to be the only one without a date?_ "Um, no, Jazz. I think I'll stop and get something on my way home." Well, at least I would have some peace and quiet when I got there. Jazz's new girl was always around, and she was freakishly exuberant. She was nice but a little too much to handle sometimes.

By Friday, my nerves were strung tight again. My audition was at two o'clock, and by two fifteen I was a wreck. I waited nervously for them to call my name, swallowing my fear when they did. Wiping my hands on my pants, I followed the receptionist into the room and introduced myself while handing the panel a copy of my sheet music. Once I was in front of the piano, everything else disappeared. I saw my Bella, and the chords glided from the keys. I closed my eyes, concentrating on her face, rocking on the bench.

When I finished, I opened my eyes, a small smile playing on my lips. Glancing at the judges, I noticed one staring at me with his open-mouthed. He quickly composed himself and cleared his throat.

"Mr. Cullen." He looked at the paper in front of him. "I cannot make it official yet, but I will say you can expect to hear from us very soon."

I smiled as I left the room. This was my start. After today everything would be new.

--xx--

It was New Year's Eve. _Why did I let Emmett talk me into coming to this damn party? _I rubbed my hands over my face, sighing heavily. It was only ten o'clock, and there were already too many people here.

Luckily, the balcony was empty, and I was able to lean against the railing and catch my breath. It was cold, so I pulled my jacket closer around me, shoving my hands in my pockets. That was probably why I was the only idiot out here. Maybe I could leave soon. Emmett wouldn't even notice; he was preoccupied with Rose. Jasper and Alice hadn't shown up yet. I really didn't want to be here.

I thought of my room at home longingly. If I could only just crawl into my bed and go to sleep. "Out here where it's quiet…" A soft voice interrupted my thoughts. A couple entwined in each other's arms, kissing, moved onto the balcony. I watched them for a minute. They seemed to be unaware of my presence, lost in each other. I quickly made my way around them and went back inside.

Great, like I hadn't already felt like shit. Seeing them made my heart ache. I was alone on New Year's Eve. I didn't have to be alone; I could have come here with someone. I didn't want just _someone_, I wanted…well… I couldn't have what I wanted, so what was the point in thinking about it? I shook my head and walked over to the makeshift bar, grabbing a beer out of the tub there. Flipping it open, I took a drink while my eyes scanned the room. Everyone appeared to be having a good time. Everyone but me.

_This is ridiculous, why am I even here? _It was time to go. I made my way towards the door, stopping to throw my half-empty beer bottle in the trash. Running my hand through my hair, I opened the front door.

There in front of me stood Jasper, Alice, and Bella. My mouth fell open when I saw her. Gorgeous, as always. Her brown hair was piled on her head with small ringlets hanging around her face. Her pink, shiny lips and swirling chocolate eyes made me catch my breath. I couldn't help but stare at her.

Jazz cleared his throat. "Edward, you going to stand there blocking the door, or are you going to let us in?"

Shifting nervously, I allowed Jasper and Alice to pass by and make their way inside. When Bella started to follow, I reached out and grabbed her hand, pulling her back into the hallway.

"Why won't you see me?" I demanded.

Her eyes widened, and she bit her bottom lip. "I…I…" she stuttered.

"Bella, I just wanted to talk to you." I stared intently into her eyes. Music spilled out as more people came out the door into the hallway

"Can we…can we just go inside and …" She looked down at the floor, her hands clenching at her sides, "and dance?"

_Huh? _"Bella, we need…" Her fingers pressed against my lips.

"Shhh. Please, not now." She took my hand, opened the door, and pulled me back inside.

My pulse leapt at the feel of her hand in mine. We were in the center of the room by a few other dancing couples. Her arms wrapped around my neck, and I pulled her in closer to me. Her fingers played with the hair at the nape of my neck. She gazed into my eyes, and I couldn't look away. Swaying to the music, my hands on her hips, thumbs tracing circles along her waist, I lost all track of time.

People were yelling and chanting around us, counting down the last ten seconds before midnight. _Ten, nine,_ I leaned in closer to her… _eight_, my hand drifted up her back…_seven,_ and curved around her neck… _six_, my other hand tightened on her hip…_five_, pulling her closer to me…_four_, her breath brushed across my neck…_three,_ I bent my head down,…_two_, my lips were inches from hers, …_one,_ my mouth was on hers, softly pushing against her lips, opening and tasting her, sucking gently.

Loud cheers brought me out of my daze, and I drew back to look out toward the balcony. It appeared to be empty again. Tugging on her hand, I led her outside.

I took off my jacket to throw it over her shoulders and pulled her down beside me. The chair was large enough for both of us and she sat in front of me, nestled between my legs. "Bella, please let me say..."

Again her fingers were on my lips. "Later. Please…" She pressed herself against me, her head falling back on my shoulder, as she sighed. My arms wrapped around her waist, bringing her in to me securely.

We sat like that without talking for a while. She would look up at me, a small smile on her lips. Every so often her fingers would sweep over my forehead, brushing my hair off my face. _What is she thinking? _Part of me didn't care what was going on; it felt so good just to hold her again.

She shivered against me, letting me know we would have to go inside soon. I glanced through the window over my shoulder and noticed there were not very many people left. The party seemed to be dying down, but I didn't want to go back inside. _What's going to happen? Is she going to leave me again?_ I pulled her tighter to me as panic grew in my chest.

"Bella, what do you want? I still need to talk to you. There is so much to say."

"I know," she sighed. "Can I call you?"

"Yes, but damn it," I couldn't keep the edge out of my voice, "_please_ do not make me wait. I won't wait." Placing one hand on either side of her face I held her firmly, my gaze boring into hers. "I will come and find you. I have waited for you to come to me long enough."

We stood up, our arms encircling each other as I bent slightly forward, my tongue stroking against her bottom lip, my mouth slanting across hers, molding her to me. The kiss was short, but left me breathless, and I stepped back from her to open the door, and walk inside.

She glanced at me once more before letting go of my hand. My insides twisted as she turned on her heel and walked away, and I watched her make her way over to Alice and Jazz. My eyes followed them as they left the party, waiting for her to look behind her, just once.

She didn't.

_Bella:_

Alice talked me into going to a New Year's Party. I wasn't sure I really wanted to go, but I didn't want to sit at home by myself either. As I got ready, I thought of our earlier conversation.

She asked about Edward again. "Why haven't you called him or something yet, Bella? Jasper keeps pestering me about it, and I don't even know what to tell him. You're done with school now, and that is supposedly what you were waiting for. So?"

"I just have some things to clear up. I need some time to get settled in." She smirked at me. "What? Okay, so maybe I'm still scared." I looked at her with a small smile. "I don't know what to say to him."

"Why not just let him talk to you? The boy has a load of shit he needs to get off his chest. I love you, Bella, but you're being really cruel. I know you don't mean to be, but you are, and you need to help him. Jasper says he's still torn up about you. I can see he is when I'm over there. You should hear the music he plays on his keyboard. It's so emotional… I feel sorry for him. Please, Bella." She was squeezing my hand tightly. "Jasper is upset too, because he just wants his brother to be happy."

I told her I would think about it. I was still thinking about it. What _would_ I say to him? How would I feel? How would _he _feel? Hundreds of unanswered questions raced through my head, the answers to which would probably scare me even more than the questions themselves.

I slipped my black sweater dress over my head, pulling it around me. I was wearing my hair up- Alice's idea. I looked myself over in the mirror and frowned at the dark circles under my eyes- results from a sleepless week- that no amount of makeup could cover. The dreams had started again. I didn't know why; I had been feeling so much better.

When I talked to Dr. Denali about it, she seemed to think it was linked to seeing Edward again and the stress I was feeling about talking things over with him. Because I was anticipating the conversation, it was coming out in my dreams. This, of course, made it even harder for me to even think about seeing Edward.

The knock at the door pulled me from my thoughts. Alice and Jasper were picking me up. "Come on, Bella, let's go!" Alice impatiently called to me.

Alice looked beautiful. She was glowing, love looked good on her and it was all due to Jasper. She hugged me warmly, and we walked out the door.

We were walking into the party when I saw him. Well, actually, we practically ran into him. He was raking his hands through his hair and looking at me with shock. His piercing green eyes bore into my soul and my heart pounded in my chest as I tried to walk around him.

His hand grabbed mine, and he pulled me into the hallway. He spoke to me softly, questioning me. I stuttered over myself, not knowing what to say. Music leaked out of the party when more people exited past us.

"Dance?" _Dance? I asked him to dance? _

He tried to ask me more questions I wasn't ready to answer. My fingers pressed against his lips. "Shhh... later," and I took his hand to lead him inside where others were dancing.

Our arms encircled each other as we began to sway to the music, and I reached up to fondle the hair lying on the back of his neck. His hair felt as soft as silk as I brushed through it, allowing it to fall between my fingers. I peered up at him through my lashes, and succumbed to his intense gaze. The heat in his eyes burned a hole in my chest, inciting me to pull his head down closer to mine. I swallowed the lump forming in my throat from the pure need building in my soul. Strong hands gripped my hips, pulling me closer still, so my body brushed against his- my legs tangled with _his_, my chest crushed into _his_.

The feel of him overwhelmed me until everyone else around us disappeared.

His head bent forward as his eyes closed, my own eyes falling shut when I felt his lips drift over mine. My heart screamed out- _yes,_ and I tightened my arms around him, kissing him back. My mouth opened at the gentle prodding of his tongue, which swept across my bottom lip lightly.

He pulled back slowly to look down at me, then took my hand, and we were outside, standing on the balcony. Before I had time to shiver, he threw his jacket around my shoulders.

He wanted to talk. _No… _I placed my hands over his lips again. "Later, please," I was pleading with him. I just wanted to enjoy this moment with him, forgetting the past and thinking only of how he felt to me now.

_I know I'm hiding again. I'll deal with it later_. I tried to rationalize my behavior in my own mind. I had promised myself not to hide like this, not after the last time. When he had visited my apartment two years ago, I had hidden. Using sex as a shield, I hid behind our desires. That night had not ended well. I didn't want to make the same mistakes again. Still, I remained quiet and promised myself I was going to handle this.

We sat in a chair, my back pressed against his chest, his arms wrapped around me. I turned to look at his face, gently sweeping the hair back from his eyes. We sat that way, not talking, and comfortable in our silence. Too soon, he was shifting behind me to look inside, and his face darkened before focusing back on me. Panic gripped me, as I looked behind him, noticing the almost empty room. We would have to go soon, and I didn't want to leave.

Edward pulled me tighter against him. "Bella, what do you want? I still need to talk to you. There's so much to say."

What did I want? _For this to be easy, to only live in the now, to forget_. "I know. Can I call you?"

He swore and told me he wasn't going to wait for me; he would come after me. My heart raced at his words.

He stood and kissed me again. His lips soft and gentle on mine, leaving me breathless and wanting more.

The harsh lights from inside the room blinded me and I blinked rapidly. Pulling my hand from his, I shielded my eyes to look for Alice. She was at the opposite end of the room, talking to Jasper. Keeping my eyes glued on her I steadily walked away from Edward. I didn't look back, because I was afraid if I did, I wouldn't leave.

I dreamt a new dream that night.

_Edward and I were dancing, but it was tonight at the party, not back in high school. He was telling me how sorry he was, how he needed me to forgive him. As soon as I said I forgave him, he disappeared. A light flashed, and I was sitting in Edward's wrecked Volvo. Edward was in the seat next to me, bleeding. I tried to get to him, but I couldn't move. When I looked down at my body I noticed the rope wrapped around me, tying me tightly to the seat. I screamed. Fighting against the rope, I yelled for Edward, but he didn't hear me. He didn't wake up. _

I awoke screaming out Edward's name as the sun filtered in through my window. I looked around me in panic, but steadied myself as I realized I was in my own bed. Shaking, I sat up. The promise I made to Edward, the promise for us to talk, faltered. I was more frightened then ever. Covering my face with my hands, I let the sobs come.

_What am I going to do? Am I strong enough to get through this? _

*****A/N: Thank you all again for your reviews. I know I have some writers reading this, I've noticed while sending messages. Tell me your story- give me the link. I will post all of them on my blog. **

*****Okay- so are we moving forward, or was this another step back? What do you think?**


	18. Chapter 15

*****Thanks to my marvelous betas from PTB- mac and jessica0306. You girls are wonderful in helping to straighten my mess! And so fast... !!!**

*****Disclaimer: Eddie and Belly are not mine I'm sad to say, but all their angst in this story is. :)**

***** I listened to "Promises" by Adema while writing this- is a great angry Edward song... you'll see. **

**Chapter 15 – The Truth**

_Edward:_

_Three weeks! Three fucking weeks and no call!! _

She said she was going to call me! The door slammed behind me as I tore into my room. _Fuck! _I picked up a framed picture of her and threw it against the wall. _What the hell had New Year's Eve been all about!? Why had she kissed me that way if she was just going to tear out my heart again!?_

I pushed my keyboard over, scattering my sheet music everywhere. _Son of a bitch!! _My hands tore at my hair while my eyes scanned the room for something else to throw. I pushed over my bookcase- the books fell out and all over the floor. Bending down, I scooped up a copy of _Wuthering Heights_, the copy I had kept just for her. It smashed against my mirror, glass shattering everywhere.

"Fuck!" I screamed. "God damn it!" I kicked the rest of the books out of the way as my hands furiously worked over my face. My bed turned over, and the headboard cracked as I lifted it and threw it against the wall. Breathing heavily, I looked around the room. There was nothing left to destroy.

A timid knock sounded at my door. "Edward, are you okay in there?" Jasper's question incited my hysterical laughter.

I swung open the door. "No, I'm not!" I shoved past him and made my way out into the living room. "What the fuck is wrong with her?" Alice was standing on the other side of the room staring at me. "She's _your _friend. Why is she doing this?!"

"I…I'll talk to her, Edward. I don't know." Alice looked at me, pitying me.

"Don't you dare feel sorry for me!" I paused for a minute, shaking, and mumbled, "I don't need this shit." Running my hand through my hair, my eyes clouded with tears. "Fuck."

I raced out the front door and down the steps. I had no idea where I was going, only that I had to get out of there. I walked and walked, muttering to myself as my hands pulled at my hair. Vaguely, I noticed people staring at me, stopping to watch. My anger would not go away… instead it boiled in my blood and ran through my veins to my heart. I slammed my fist into a tree, ripping the skin on my knuckles.

I didn't care. I hit it again.

I closed my eyes and took in a ragged breath. "Shit!" Falling over, I leaned on the tree I just hit. Slowly, I slid down the tree, holding my hand in front of my face. I surveyed the damage noting how the blood ran down my hand and dripped on the ground. "Fucking hand," I groaned as I remembered the rehearsal I had later. _How was I going to play now?_

I got up, flexing my knuckles, and started back towards the apartment. Alice and Jasper were still there, and Alice came over to me, taking my hand in hers. "Oh, Edward," she sighed as she looked at Jazz and shook her head.

He walked over to me, glancing down at the damage. "Christ, Edward, what did you do?"

I stood there, breathing heavily, head hung down in shame. "Come on, let's see if we can get it cleaned up." Alice's soft voice soothed me. She took my good hand and led me towards the bathroom. "Jasper, do you have any alcohol and bandages?" Turning on the faucet, she placed my hand under the water. "You hit a tree?" She shook her head again and pulled a splinter of wood from one of my knuckles. I flinched back from her as a stab of pain ran up my arm. "Stop being such a baby; hitting it had to hurt worse than this."

Jazz brought in the alcohol and Band-aids. "This is all I could find." He wore a mask of concern. "Damn Edward, what were you thinking? Your performance…"

I let out a loud groan. "I know…"

"This may sting a little," Alice warned. _It sure as hell did_. The alcohol burned into my wounds, bubbling over my fingers. I winced and tried to pull my hand from hers. "Shh… men are such babies." She smiled up at me, showing me she was teasing. She waved her hand over mine, stirring a cool breeze that took some of the sting away.

"Thank you," I said softly, feeling badly because I thought so sourly of her before.

"You're welcome." She smiled and wrapped the Band-aids around my fingers.

Flexing my fingers, I scowled as the scrapes pulled painfully. "Shit," I moaned, letting my hands fall to my sides. "I'm sorry for all that…" I waved at my room. "I guess I should go clean up my mess." Walking into my room, I closed the door behind me and looked around at the destruction. Slowly, I bent and began picking things up off the floor.

Bella was leaving me no other option, no other choice. I had to go see her myself. If she didn't want me, she could tell me to my face. I was sick and tired of this weight hanging over my head. If she refused… then I was done. I would just have to move on; there was nothing more I could do.

Right now, despite the pain in my hand, I still had a rehearsal to go to.

Jasper stopped me before I could walk out the front door. His hand wrapped around my forearm, pulling me to a halt. "Edward, do you have a minute?"

"I have to go to rehearsal." I still had about an hour, but I wanted to leave early to get myself together.

"Just a few minutes." Jazz jerked his head towards the living room. He let go of my arm as he turned to sit on the couch.

I sat down across from him and sighed. "I'm sorry about the room. I'm sorry I screamed at Alice."

"That's not what this is about." Jazz leaned forward and looked at me intently. "I want to know if you're okay?" My eyes narrowed at him as I scoffed. "Edward, you know what I mean. I want to be sure you're not going to do anything stupid."

My head jerked up as I glared at him. "Jesus... no, I'm not going to try to off myself. Alright? Damn it. Between you and Emmett I can barely breathe. When would I ever get the chance?" I laughed harshly and stood to glare out the window.

"That's not funny." He sighed behind me. "I know things are bad, but Alice thinks she still loves you, and..."

I stopped him before he could go any further. "Jasper. Stop it. I'm not going to do anything reckless." I turned to face him and whispered, "That was four years ago. Besides, I wouldn't hurt Mom like that ever again."

He nodded and stood. Grabbing me, he pulled me into a hug. I stood, startled. "You didn't only hurt Mom, you know? Just… if you need to talk, I'm here. And Emmett's only a phone call away." He pulled back and looked at my stiff posture. "Jesus, Edward, relax. It's not like I've never given you a hug before." Rolling his eyes, he walked from the room.

I watched him walk away, glad I had him as my brother. He and Emmett really had helped a lot these past four years. _I would need them again after tonight. I would need all the support I could get. Tonight, I'm giving up on Bella Swan. _

_Bella:_

"Bella! Open the door!" Alice shrieked at me from the hallway.

I ran to the door and unlocked it, standing aside as Alice pushed her way inside. Her face was red, and her eyes were narrowed and flashing at me. "You are the most selfish person, Bella Swan!" Her finger jabbed hard into my stomach, her whole body shaking in fury. "Do you even care about Edward anymore?"

I was stunned. I had never seen Alice this angry, especially at me. "What?" I squeaked out.

"He is… I have never seen anything like it. He had a mental breakdown today. Because of you! It was just awful. Jasper and I were there. He almost broke his hand- do you know what that would do to his career?" She stalked across the room, waving her arms around frantically.

I stared at her, mouth open in disbelief. "Come on, you're coming with me." She grabbed my arm, yanking me out the door, barely giving me time to close it behind me.

Once in the car, she began her tirade again, "This has gone on long enough. You need to wake up! You cry to me that you love Edward, but you don't go to him. You kiss him like you love him." I glanced at her in shock. _How did she... _"Don't look at me like that. I saw you on New Year's! Then you disappear for weeks. You need to see."

I stared out the window. What could I say? I couldn't really defend myself. What she said was true. "Alice, I can't seem to get past it. I tried…"

"Can it, Bella. I don't want to hear it anymore. You'll see. You'll see what your actions, or lack thereof, do to Edward. I can't watch Jasper fall apart every time he looks at his brother. It breaks my heart. You love Edward; I _know_ it. You need to be reminded of it. Maybe then you'll stop this. You can't treat someone you love this way." She turned the car into a lot and parked.

I sat in the car, staring at the building in front of me- The Conservatory of Music. I swallowed hard and glared at Alice. "I'm not going in there."

"Oh, yes you are!" Alice stomped from the car and threw open my door. "Don't make me drag your ass out of that car." Alice's toe tapped against the concrete, her hands on her hips with a look of sheer determination on her face.

I got out of the car, followed her inside and up two flights of stairs. "I don't want him to know you're here. He's had a bad enough day already," Alice whispered harshly.

We made our way to the front of the balcony and sat down. A young girl was on the stage playing a violin. My eyes scanned the people around her, landing on Edward's figure. He was sitting in one of the chairs at the front of the stage. His hair was longer than last time I saw him, and he kept pushing it behind his ears. He was flexing and unflexing his right hand, grimacing at the movement.

"What happened to his hand, Alice?" I leaned to her and whispered.

"He punched a tree. More than once, I think." She leaned back in her chair, looking at me smartly.

I continued watching him. He sat quietly until someone called his name, _"Edward Cullen." _He stood and walked forward. "Okay, kid, show us why we selected you."

He walked up the stage stairs and sat in front of the piano. Flexing his hand again, he scowled down at it darkly. He shrugged his shoulders and closed his eyes, and I could see his chest rise as he took a deep breath in. Then he started to play.

I gasped as the music flowed from him. It was beautiful, and it floated over and around me. I could feel him in _every_ note. It started light and easy but soon moved into this terribly haunting agony of notes that brought tears to my eyes. I waited for it to let up, to lighten, but it never did.

I was listening to Edwards's pain.

Alice gently laid her hand on my shoulder, squeezing it. I stared down at Edward. _All this pain._ Had he been living with it all this time? Could this all be about me, about _us_? When he finished, the tears were running freely down my face.

The entire auditorium was silent. Edward stood, running his hand through his hair, his eyes downcast, staring at the floor. Applause suddenly filled the silence as his fellow performers showed their approval.

Alice squeezed my shoulder again, gaining my attention. She whispered, "We should go before he sees us."

The ride home was quiet. My thoughts were on the haunting song. My hands trembled in my lap as I stared out the car window, silent tears still running down my cheeks. Alice pulled in front of my building and hugged me to her.

"I know I was hard on you, Bella. I know you've been through so much." Her hand reached out to stroke my hair. "But so has he." She turned to face me; a look of indecision crossed her face before she took a deep breath. "There's something else I think you should know... something Jasper told me."

Her voice was somber, and a feeling of dread washed over me. _What else could there be?_

"Jasper told me some things about Edward, or should I say things Edward did after you left for Phoenix." She sighed deeply while reaching out to take my hand. "He fell apart, Bella. He stopped eating, didn't go to school." She stopped again and closed her eyes.

"What, Alice?" What could be so bad to have Alice looking like that?

"Emmett found him trying to commit suicide. He almost died."

I flinched from her. My eyes brimmed over with more tears as shock coursed through me. _What!? _A strong feeling of guilt stabbed into my heart. "Why are you telling me this?" I gasped. Raising my hand, I covered my mouth as the sobs broke free. I shook my head at her, tears streaming down my face.

Fumbling with the door handle, I frantically tried to exit her car. Her soft hands reached out to stop me. "Bella, I'm not telling you this to make you feel guilty about what happened back then. You did what you had to do to cope. You were only eighteen-years old! I just thought you should know _now_ so you could understand why it is so important to talk to him."

I left her car in a daze. Once in my apartment, I sat on my couch and cried. Edward's song still sounded in my ears. All these years I had focused on my pain and grief. I had gone to therapy to get well, clung to my friends when I needed them. I thought of no one but myself and my needs... my need to ignore the past, my need to ignore Edward.

What about him? What did he need? He needed to talk to me. He had asked me repeatedly over the years. The first time was while he was crying at my front door. Then he had mailed a letter to Phoenix. After that he was in my apartment on his knees. His final attempt was recently at the New Year's Eve party. What had I done? I had ignored his need, stomped on it. Asked him to not talk about it, shushed his feelings and ignored them. My sobs grew louder in the quiet apartment as guilt overwhelmed me.

I was still sitting there when I heard a knock on my door. It had grown dark in the room so I turned on the light. Sighing, I walked to the door and opened it, expecting to see Alice. Instead, Edward was standing there.

"Bella." He nodded his head. His eyes were sparks of green fire flashing at me. I moved to the side, allowing him to come in.

"I want you to listen to what I have to say." His voice trembled as he ran a hand through his hair. My breath caught at the familiar gesture highlighting his nervousness. "You're not the only one who lost in this, Bella." I took a step back from him when I realized what he was talking about. My heart began to race. "I lost too. I lost you; I lost our future and our child." He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry for what happened that night. I will never forgive myself, but you were supposed to love me. I thought you would be able to forgive me, but you didn't. You left me."

Anger flashed through his eyes. "Fuck, Bella. I would've forgiven you. I would've been there for you. I would do _anything_ for you." He shook his head and licked his lips. "But you… you hated me. You still can't forgive me after four years? Well, four years is long enough." He shook his head again, his eyes dropping from mine to stare at the floor. "I'm not waiting for you anymore. I quit. I'm leaving. I have a tour to go on this summer, and I can't let things like this," he held his hand up in front of my face, "get in the way."

I moved toward him, reaching out my hand. "Edward, I'm sorry…"

He jerked away from me. "No, Bella, _I'm_ sorry. I'm going home to see my family, returning only to rehearse. In May, I start a summer tour that lasts until September. Maybe I will see you when I get back."

More tears poured from my eyes. "But Edward, your song. I heard you… you… love me?"

He spoke so softly I had to strain to hear his words. "I will always love you, Bella. Sometimes… it just isn't enough." He turned from me and walked out my door.

I followed him. "Edward?' He kept walking. "_Edward_?"

He paused a moment at the building's entrance. My heart lifted, hoping he would turn around, but then he pushed the door and walked out. I went back inside my apartment and leaned against my door.

Well, I had done it. I had finally succeeded in pushing him away. A terrible ache filled my chest as I thought of being without him. I went over his words again, replaying them to try to catch onto something. Anything to give me hope. _"I would do anything for you."_ The phrase wrapped around my heart. It was small, but it was something. He would be back after the tour in September.

I stood and went into my bedroom. Reaching under the bed, I pulled out a jewelry box. My fingers ran over the top before opening it. Inside was the locket Edward had given me. I remembered his smile and the look of joy in his eyes as he helped me put it on. Opening it, I stared at the picture inside of Edward and me. We were just seventeen years old. My fingers traced his smile before I closed it. I clasped the chain around my neck and looked in the mirror. It hung over my heart, right where it should have always been.

-xx-

I stretched out in my bed smiling. No bad dreams. My smile fell as I looked around my room recalling Edwards's goodbye last night.

I stood and walked over to the mirror. The locket caught my attention, and I fingered it thoughtfully. There had been so much love between us when he had given this to me. He had stayed beside me through my fears of impending motherhood. He had taken care of me and shown me his love every day. Just like the inscription in my locket read- _Love Forever and Always_.

I had repaid his devotion by running away as soon as things got bad.

I sat on the edge of my bed, allowing memories to flood me- not of the accident, but all our times before that: our first date at La Bella Italia, our first time together and how gentle and loving he had been, our first fight and first make up, when he gave me the locket, when he asked me to marry him and I said yes. I closed my eyes and breathed deep.

Sure there had been hard times too. Not everything was perfect. He had been very jealous. However, I hadn't really done anything to stop it. I always overlooked it and kept right on with Mike, despite Edward's feelings. Maybe if I had done things differently…

Even after the accident Edward had come to see me, still loving me, wanting to be there for me, and taking my hand_. _What had I done? I screamed at him, told him I hated him, and then hopped the first flight to Phoenix, leaving him behind feeling only my pain, blind to his.

How could I be so stupid? How could I have let all this time pass without him? I had been given so many chances. My freshman year, when he came to me, again accepting me, wanting to love me- twice he had come. Then, when we ran into each other at that bar on Alice's birthday. I had wanted him then but talked myself out of it as time passed. Why? What was I so afraid of? Hadn't Edward always shown how much he loved me over and over again? Lastly, there was the damn New Year's Eve party. What the hell had I been thinking when I didn't let him talk to me… when I ran from him again? I put my head in my hands, shaking.

Now he was leaving for nine months. And I thought I should wait for him to come back!? God, I was such an idiot!

I stood, resolved. I was not letting him go. I would go to his parents, find him and talk to him. Hopefully he would listen; hopefully I wasn't too late.

I grabbed my phone and dialed Alice's number. She answered on the first ring. "Alice, can you come over? I need your help with something."

She was there in ten minutes.

--xx--

I stood in the airport, clutching my plane ticket. Alice stood beside me, "You better go get on your plane before it takes off without you."

I smiled at her. "Thank you, Alice, for everything."

She threw her arms around my waist, hugging me tightly. "Your welcome. Now go get him."

I hugged her back, then quickly walked away through the security point to where the plane was boarding. Once I got on, I shoved my carry on in the compartment above my head and sat down in my seat.

It had been the longest month of my life. When I had decided to go after Edward, I wanted to leave that same day. But the semester had just begun at school, and I didn't want to get too far behind. So, I waited until I could get some time off. The longer I waited the more anxious I got, scared he wouldn't want me anymore. Finally, an extended weekend gave me the time I needed. It was March, and he had left at the end of January. Thanks to Jasper, I knew he was still at his parents. I almost called him, but I wanted to do it in person. I wanted him to see the truth in my eyes.

Nervously, I fidgeted in my seat. The flight would take an hour, and I was very anxious to get there. The plane made me twitchy, as it was small, used only to shuttle people around Washington. I felt every bump of turbulence, heard every creak. Trying to distract myself, I thought of what I was going to say to Edward when I saw him. I had no delusions that it was going to be easy.

I would be staying with my dad, and he was meeting me at the airport. He said I could use my old truck, which apparently still ran, while I was in town.

Once we landed, I hurried through the airport, searching for my dad. He stood at the luggage carousel, hands in his pockets, looking at me with a smile. I ran to him, throwing my arms around him and hugging him tightly. His face reddened, and he chuckled softly. "Okay, Bells, I missed you too." He scratched his ear, and we made our way out of the airport. "So, are you going to tell me what this visit is all about?"

I buckled my seatbelt, bit my lip, and looked over at my father. Concern was lining his features. I decided to be honest with him. "I came to get Edward back."

"Figured as much." He nodded his head and continued driving.

I looked at him in surprise, my mouth twisting into a smile. _How did he know? Was I that obvious? _My smile widened as I gazed at him. "I missed you, Dad."

"Me too, kiddo." That was my dad for you, a man of few words. Smiling at him one last time, I took my phone out of my purse to call Alice and tell her I was here. She told me that Jasper had just talked to Edward, and he would be at home tonight.

Once at home, I threw my bags on the bed. I grabbed everything I needed and headed to the shower. Relaxing under the hot water, I focused on seeing Edward. My muscles were bunched with tension, and the hot water helped to release them. I sighed heavily as I got out of the shower and toweled off, the tension immediately returning.

I threw on the clothes I had picked out. Alice had helped me select everything I brought. I wore a soft, blue cashmere sweater (Edward had always liked when I wore blue), dark skinny jeans, and a pair of silver pumps. I brushed my hair out, blowing it dry into soft waves that fell around my shoulders. Next, I applied a little makeup and a little lip gloss.

Standing back, I admired myself in the mirror; I looked nice. I hoped Edward thought so too. I walked down the stairs and stood tensely in front of my dad.

"You look beautiful, Bella. Any man would see that. He's going to." He gripped my hand tightly before letting go, and I stepped outside.

Breathing deeply, I got into my truck and started the engine. My hands gripped the steering wheel tightly as I made my way to the Cullens' home.

_Edward:_

"It took everything I had in me to not turn around when she said my name." My hands twitched in my lap. "I had to convince myself to push open that damn door and keep walking." I sighed heavily looking at the table as my mom sat across from me, silently listening. "She just would have pushed me away again eventually. I can't deal with that anymore." Groaning, I put my face in my hands. "I still love her so much… it fucking hurts."

I felt a hand smoothing down my hair, brushing through it comfortingly; I leaned into my mom's palm and closed my eyes,

"I know you do, Edward. I'm sorry this is so hard for you. I wish there was something I could say to help. Some magic I could perform to make it all better."

"Honey, I'm home!" Emmett's voice boomed through the house.

"Ugh… what's he doing here?"

"He and Rose have stopped by for the weekend. Now be nice; he's very concerned about you." Mom stood up and gave Emmett a hug as he walked in the door. "Hello, dear."

"Edward! Nice to see your somber ass face." Shaking his head, he pounded a fist on my back. "Cheer up! You're depressing the shit out of me, and I just got here!" Despite his harsh words, Emmett was looking at me with concern.

I was annoyed. Everyone was so 'concerned' about me. It was pathetic. I groused at myself and stood from the table. "I haven't seen you in months, and this is how you say hi?" I slapped the back of his head as I walked out of the kitchen, a small smile playing on my lips.

"No, you didn't… Mom, did you see what he just did?"

"Now boys, let's play nice." Laughter laced her words.

"You're going to pay for that, Eddie. Just wait." Emmett passed by me, smirking,

The rest of the weekend flew by. Emmett seemed to be trying to keep me busy. He was constantly nagging at me to get up and go somewhere with him, whether it was down to the store or out for a run. I realized I liked running during my physical therapy sessions. It was freeing, and it felt good to release some pent up energy. I began to run everyday again, my favorite time being just before sunset.

"You run like an old lady." Emmett pushed past me. "Come on, pick up the pace, _grandma_."

I pushed my legs harder, evening out my breathing. Soon, I passed Emmett. Stopping, I smiled arrogantly, waiting for him to catch up. "Grandma, huh? You couldn't even keep up with me, old man."

"Since when did you start running so fast?" He looked aggravated, put out.

"College." I had continued running in college, using the school track to my advantage.

Emmett smiled wickedly and took off down the sidewalk. "Bet I can beat you home!"

I passed him after a few strides and made it home well before he did. Grinning broadly, I slapped Emmett on the back. "I win again. Damn, Emmett, going soft on me?"

Scowling, Emmett walked inside. "I'm going to talk to Rose." I laughed at his retreating back. He was going in to lick his wounds and have Rose fix his broken pride.

Time moved slowly after Emmett left. I spent a lot of it practicing at the piano. I played "Clair de Lune," smiling at the memory of playing for Bella, then frowning at myself for thinking about it. I spent more time running, adding in a morning jog as well.

I went back to Seattle to rehearse and left immediately after, the pull towards her apartment too strong. My Tiburon allowed me to drive between locations smoothly, and the four-hour- long drive didn't bother me. Rehearsals were going well, and everyone I played with seemed nice enough. We were all very excited about traveling. It would be nice to get out of the state.

--xx--

I walked in through the back patio door, sweating and breathing heavily after my evening run. There, in the middle of the living room, stood Bella. I froze, panting, staring at her.

"Edward." Her voice broke through to me.

"What are you doing here?" It was harsh; it sounded terrible. I didn't care.

"I... I came because we need to talk. I couldn't leave it the way it was." Her tongue peeked out of her mouth, and she bit her lower lip.

My pulse jumped. "You shouldn't be here."

"Edward, please. I'm sorry for being so awful. Please, just talk to me." Her voice shook and her lips trembled.

"I need to go upstairs to take a shower. You can wait for me if you want. If not, you know your way out." I raced up the stairs to my room. Grabbing my things, I went into the bathroom and started the shower. My thoughts were a mess. _Why was she here? What did she want? What was I going to say to her?_ I jumped into the shower, trying not to care that she was downstairs. Besides, she would probably already be gone when I came back down.

Once finished in the shower, I threw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and ran my hand through my wet hair. I blinked at myself in the mirror and took a steadying breath.

What was I going to do? My heart was racing, and I leaned against the hall wall to calm myself. She was wearing her locket. I hadn't noticed it last time I saw her. _Did she just put it on? What did that mean? _

She was right about one thing. We needed to talk, and it was about God damned time.

*****Thank to all my awesome reviewers. I would love to get past the 500 mark, so please... _pretty please_- send me some words. I will send you a very special outtake from next chapter that will not be able to be seen anywhere else... so... _please._ **

*****I only had one reviewer pimp her story. Let's hear it for the wolf girl leelator... She is currently writing a Bella & Jacob story (I know- the shame!) It's good. It is a what if Edward never came back.... Link: .?sid=9079**

****Next chappy will probably not be up as quick- I am writing a contest piece too. But I promise not to keep you waiting too long, I know it is a bit of a cliffy. **


	19. Chapter 16

*****Thanks to Jessica0306 and mac for their great beta skills. Thanks for helping me find the right words and fixing my comma splices(!)**

*****Disclaimer: E,B and the Cullens belong to Stephanie Meyer… the angst in this story is mine. **

**Chapter 16 – The Whole Truth**

_Bella:_

Edward stood at the bottom of his stairs, wearing a dark pair of blue jeans and a burgundy t-shirt that clung to the muscles on his chest and stuck to his skin in spots the towel missed. His wet hair was combed back away from his face, allowing me a glimpse of his green eyes... eyes that refused to meet mine.

"We can sit at the kitchen table," he said as he strode past me, looking over my shoulder, and stopped when he reached the table to sit down. "So, where do we start?" Finally, his eyes focused on me.

Biting my lip, I looked away from his intense stare. I sat in the chair across from him, afraid if I sat beside him the urge to touch him would be too much, and I wasn't sure if that would be a good idea. I swallowed loudly, the tension between us leaving me with a knot in my throat. Twisting my fingers together, I focused on my hands resting in my lap. Taking a deep breath, I tried to begin. "I'm sorry I didn't… that I never…" My voice cracked, and tears welled in my eyes.

"Bella... I'm sorry too." He closed his eyes briefly, wiping his hand across them. "Look, I'm just going to jump right in here. I'll start with what I wanted to say to you four years ago." He sat back in his chair, his gaze never breaking from mine. "I was a jealous fool. I never should've doubted you, and I never should've let those feelings control me as many times as I did. I should've listened to you."

He leaned forward, placing his elbows back on the table as his fingers threaded through his hair. His voice lowered to barely a whisper. "I know it was my fault, Bella. I know if it wasn't for my overreaction we wouldn't have left the dance early. I run through it over and over again, knowing I could've changed things. But I can't go back in time. I _can't _change it."

He glanced over at me, a lone tear sliding slowly down his cheek. "I was going too fast."

My clasped hands tightened in my lap as I had an overwhelming urge to reach out and touch him, hold his hand, and soothe him.

"I tried to stop; I did. I heard your warning, but I hit a patch of ice and couldn't control the car. It wouldn't stop." The hand that rested on his forehead shook and moved to cover his eyes. "I heard you screaming, and I couldn't _do_ anything. The last thing I remember is my head hitting the steering wheel. Everything went black after that. I didn't even know what happened until I woke up in the hospital."

I breathed in deeply, images from the accident crowding into my mind- the pain and the fear still so raw it seemed as if it only happened yesterday. Tears pooled in my eyes.

"My family was there when I woke up, and they told me what happened. I was… devastated… distraught. But all I could think of was you, how hurt _you _must be, and how it was my fault. I wanted to see you, to make sure you were okay, to hold you and grieve with you."

He placed his hands flat on the table in front of him, spreading his fingers wide. I watched them curl and dig into the tabletop as he spoke, the wounded sound of his words slicing through me. "You were so beaten down when I saw you, so bruised… so broken. God, I wanted to take you into my arms." His head fell to rest on the backs of his hands. "But then you looked at me and before you even said anything… I knew. You _hated_ me. The woman I loved _hated _me."

I stared at the top of his head, drowning in my need to comfort him as my hands reached out to stroke his hair. Curling them into fists, I let my head fall forward so that it lay against the table and turned my face toward him.

He pushed on. His quiet voice was seemingly loud in the silent dining room. "Then you were gone, to Phoenix with your mom. I tried to get a hold of you, but you turned off your phone. I had only wanted to say how sorry I was for causing you all that pain." He paused and looked at me, eyes torn, his mouth a twisted grimace.

"Edward. I didn't…"

He held his hand up in front of me, stopping what I was about to say. "Let me finish this, Bella." His voice was gruff, and his hand pulled through his hair roughly. "It was worse for me after you left. I missed you so much. I blamed myself, of course. It was all my doing. I deserved to lose you after what I'd done. It's hard to live with the knowledge that you hurt someone you love. Losing you, losing the baby and our future…" He stopped, and I looked up at him. His eyes were focused on something behind me. He seemed lost in his thoughts.

"I couldn't even play the piano. Every time I tried I would start playing her lullaby… and it killed me."

He took a deep breath and shook his head, his eyes focused back on me. "Mom and Dad wanted to send me to a therapist, but I refused. I didn't see the point. Nothing else mattered."

"God, Edward, stop, please." It was horrible, the truths spilling from his mouth mixing with my knowledge of the things he wasn't telling me. The unspeakable things Alice had filled me in on. My hand trembled as it covered my mouth.

"No… no, I won't." He was suddenly glaring at me. "I waited for you to call me. For you to tell me I was forgiven, but you never did. I couldn't comprehend it. Maybe you had never loved me, not in the same way I had loved you. Because I would've forgiven you. I would've felt your pain as well as my own. I could _never_ have left you."

"I… I'm.. s-sorry..," I stuttered, knowing it wasn't enough, but still trying to get the words out. "I was… hurting and… I just... I was t-trying to deal with losing the baby." I couldn't speak, I was so overwhelmed with everything he was telling me. There was too much for me to say, and I didn't know where to start.

Edward leaned forward, staring into my eyes intently. "Why couldn't you let me help you? You hated me so much, you couldn't talk to me?" His voice broke again, and his lips trembled. "Do you still hate me, Bella? Can you forgive me for what I did?"

His eyes were like mirrors to my soul, the same need to be forgiven shining in them.

I stood and walked to his side of the table. Kneeling in front of him, I took his face in between my hands and peered into his eyes, holding his glance steady. "I forgive you, Edward." _I love you_. The words formed in my throat but did not pass my lips.

I watched as he took a shaky breath. "Then why are you constantly running away from me?"

"Because I'm scared. I didn't want to remember. I thought if I kept you away from me, I wouldn't need you." My hands fell from his face and grasped his tightly. "I was wrong."

"It wasn't all your fault," I whispered. "I was the one who didn't want the baby. I was terrified at the thought of being a mother." A soft moan escaped my lips as I stared at our clasped hands. _How can I tell him this? _"She was taken from us because I was being punished for my earlier behavior." I clenched my eyes tightly. "Edward… I wished her away…" I looked up at him, tears leaking from my eyes. He was looking down at me, a small scowl on his lips, his eyebrows scrunched down low. "By the time I realized I _did _want her, it was too late."

He gasped and stared open mouthed at me. "Bella, that's ridiculous."

"No, it's not. It's true. Plus, if I had done things differently with Mike, you wouldn't have had anything to be jealous over."

I was still kneeling in front of him, my hands lying on his legs. Our eyes were locked together. I licked my lips nervously. He was too quiet. "Edward?"

"You shouldn't blame yourself." His hand came up to caress my cheek, his thumb wiping at the tears. He bent his head down, eyes searching mine. "You had the right to be afraid to have a baby. We were kids ourselves. That was a normal reaction. You didn't wish her away."

His lips pressed softly against mine, gently moving over them and then pulling away.

_Edward:_

I pulled back from her, jerking my hands out from under hers. "I shouldn't have done that."

"Well, I'm not angry at you about it." She blinked at me, surprise and confusion clouding her eyes. "Do you still… um… do you still want to be with me?" She pulled her bottom lip in, chewing on it nervously.

"I honestly don't know. I'm still afraid you're going to run away again." _What if she did? What if I let her go and she left?_ "Do you want me?" She nodded. _She did? _My heart leapt in my chest as I called myself a fool and took deep, steadying breaths. "Well, we can be friends?"

She cringed a little at the word but then relaxed. I wondered what she was thinking. "Yeah, okay." She stood and went back to her chair. "Can we go out?"

I thought it over; I really wanted to see her while she was in town. "Are you hungry? We can go down to the diner and grab some burgers." I tried to sound nonchalant. Dinner would be good, and the diner was the perfect place to relax.

I felt as though a giant weight had been lifted off my shoulders, allowing me to breathe again. I hadn't felt this light in four years. We had finally talked, and she forgave me.

She smiled, the first true smile I had caught from her in my presence; it lit up her whole face. She was so damn beautiful, and I felt the urge to kiss her again, but I needed to concentrate. I couldn't let myself get carried away--every time I did, she high tailed it away from me. I still wanted her. I still loved her, but I wouldn't let myself give in so easily. I no longer trusted her.

We ran upstairs to freshen up, both of us showing signs of recent crying jags. I looked at myself in the mirror while I splashed cold water over my face, noting my eyes were red rimmed and puffy, just like hers.

She was standing by the front door, slipping a nice black suede jacket over her sweater. I was again struck by her beauty, and my pulse leapt as I thought of running my hands over her curves.

Shaking off the thought, I stepped beside her and opened the door. "Why don't we stop by your dad's first to drop off your truck, then I can drive?"

She nodded her head in agreement as we walked outside. I hadn't been sure if she would want to get in a car with me, but it didn't seem to faze her.

Once we were on our way to the diner, the conversation lagged, and tension hung between us. Bella was twisting her hands in her lap, while I gripped the steering wheel tightly. I remembered listening to music always gave us something to talk about. "Mind if I turn on the radio?"

She didn't, so I flipped it on. As we listened, the tension began to drain away and soon we were chatting about the songs and bands we enjoyed.

I pulled into the diner, and we went inside, each ordering a cheeseburger and fries, as well as a chocolate milkshake. "So tell me what you've been doing these past few years. Alice says you're going to be in a music festival. That is amazing, Edward." She took a drink of her milkshake, her lips puckered around the straw. A little dribbled out on to her lips, and her pink tongue flipped out to lick it off. _What was the fascination I always had with Bella eating? _I cleared my throat, looking away from her mouth and concentrated on what she was asking me.

"It's very prestigious. I'll be traveling with other musicians and meeting some important people." I smiled at her. "I had to audition for it." My chin lifted a little at the pride I felt. "Hopefully, this is the way I can find a permanent company to work for."

"The tour lasts until September?" she asked quietly, chewing on her lip again.

"Yes."

Her eyes closed, and she swallowed noticeably. I didn't think she liked that thought, and a warm feeling burrowed into my heart. I was happy she didn't want me to leave.

I saw the way she mentally shook herself before she asked, "Are you staying here until then or coming back to Seattle?" She twirled her straw around in her milkshake, watching it intently, like her life depended on that damn thing.

"Do you want me to come back to Seattle?"

"Yes."

"Then I will." I knew then I would need to see her as much as possible before leaving, friends or not. Her mouth parted, and she glanced up at me. The waitress decided then to bring us our cheeseburgers.

I really was hungry, so I dove right in. I looked up from my fries to see her eyes focused on my mouth. I stopped chewing and swallowed, grabbing my glass and taking a drink. Caught in the act, Bella blushed becomingly, her eyes dropping down to rest on her plate. I had forgotten she had a fascination with watching me eat. This whole _keeping it at the friendship level_ was going to be harder than I thought.

"What about you? What have you been doing with yourself?" I took us back to safer ground and continued eating. Excitedly, she told me about college, her classes and about graduating this summer. She wanted to join a local Seattle editing firm after she finished with school.

Two hours and another cheeseburger later, I dropped her off at her dad's. "How long are you staying?" I asked, wondering how much time we had.

"Just until Monday. It was hard for me to get time off. I don't want to get behind."

I wanted to see her for breakfast. Was that too much? _Fuck it_. "Can I pick you up for breakfast tomorrow?"

A large smile lit her face. "Oh, yes, Edward, that would be perfect." I thought I detected a glimpse of her old enthusiasm and chuckled quietly to myself.

I watched as she went inside. _How am I going to pretend to be just friends with her? _But as she walked through her door, anxiety started to creep up on me, and I couldn't help but wonder if she would still be here tomorrow or if she would escape back to Seattle.

_Bella:_

_Edward. _

_Edward._

I said his name over and over. "Edward." I smiled and giggled. Tonight was… wonderful. After finally letting each other know how we felt, finally letting go of some frustrations, and getting past the past, we were able to just talk and laugh. I realized I still loved him, and no way was I letting him go again- never. I would do whatever he needed me to do to prove myself. He was so... beautiful… no, gorgeous… _still not the right word_. Caring, loving, special… whatever; he just _was_. I snuggled into my blanket, giggling. I felt drunk without consuming any alcohol. I closed my eyes to sleep, but images of Edward flashed through my mind, so I stared at my ceiling. Breakfast could not come soon enough.

I was tired after all, and my eyelids felt very heavy. I sighed in contentment, burrowing in deeper, saying his name one more time- "Edward"-before falling asleep.

The next morning, I bounded out of bed. _Edward_. He would be here soon to take me to breakfast. I pulled out the pink v-neck Alice had picked out for me and threw on some black jeans and black slip-ons. I examined myself in the mirror while I brushed my hair. Not bad. I applied a small amount of lip-gloss before exiting the bathroom.

I heard his car pull up and ran out the door. Okay, so maybe I was a little anxious. I told myself to relax, calm down, and to not act like a fool. I got in and sat next to him. He was looking at me with a small smile on his face, his eyes narrowed, brows scrunched. Maybe he was trying to figure me out. I know I was acting totally different now than I had been.

"Nice to see that smile again, Bella." His voice sent a shiver down my spine, and my smile grew even wider. "Did you have a good night's sleep?" His fingers stretched out and picked the locket I wore off my neck, stroking it softly. His eyes turned an impossible shade of green.

"Mmmhmm." I couldn't pull my eyes away from his. I watched them rise to my mouth and bit my lip in anticipation when I heard his breath catch. I leaned into him, closing my eyes, almost feeling the gentle pressure of his lips, but then I felt him straighten up and pull away. Opening my eyes, I watched as he gripped the steering wheel tightly before moving the car out onto the road. I exhaled in disappointment and turned my head to look out the window.

_I'm moving too fast for him. He's not read_y. I took deep, calming breaths as I tried to convince my heart to stop its erratic beating.

By the time, we pulled into the diner, I was relaxed and in control of myself. I laughed at the story he was telling me, my hand touching his back as I followed him to the table. We sat in a booth across from each other and ordered breakfast. His order fascinated me- eggs over easy, crispy bacon, blueberry pancakes, and a tall glass of milk. _Blueberry pancakes… he cooked those for me once._ I also placed an order for blueberry pancakes and wondered if he remembered. It had been the morning after our first time together. Heat infused my face at the memory of that day together, and I found myself staring at him. His eyes widened as he ran his hand through his hair, breaking my gaze to look out the window. Was I making him uncomfortable? _Stop it, Bella. Concentrate on something else._

The waitress brought my coffee and his milk. I focused on stirring in the cream and sugar, breathing steadily. When I looked back at him, I was better. "Do you have plans for today?"

He visibly relaxed and smiled at me. "Well, I wanted to playthrough some of my music, and I still haven't been out for my run yet, so I'll do that later. Other than that, I guess I'll just relax."

_He ran? _I didn't know he did that. _What else have I missed? _

I listened in rapt attention as he spoke about his life the past few years. He told me about Cornish Institute and what it was like to attend a fine arts school. I spoke about UW and studying for my English degree. He asked about Alice, and I skipped over how we met, instead focusing on how good of a friend she was.

We talked about her and Jasper and how funny it was they had found each other. I asked about Rose. Last time I had spoken to her, I had been so mean; I would have to apologize. She and Emmett were doing great, getting ready for their wedding that was going to be this summer.

We were done with our breakfast too soon, and it was time to leave. He took me back to my house, and I asked him to dinner that night. I would cook. He accepted, and my heart began its erratic beating again.

Once inside, I flipped on the TV and lay down on the couch with the phone. I called Alice to give her an update.

"Alice, it's Bella. We talked- _really talked_- about everything." I wound the phone cord around my finger, contemplating what I was going to do that night. "I still love him. Is that possible, for it to come back so quickly? It's like we never parted. All the strong feelings are still there, only different… more mature."

"Of course it's possible. You never stopped loving him- I always knew that. I could tell from the way you spoke about him. I thought he was going out of town soon? How are you going to work around that?"

"We have two more days here, and then he's coming back to Seattle. Did I tell you that? I asked him to come back and he is. Just like that, because I asked." A soft laugh of amazement passed through my lips. "He's not going on the road until May"

My voice sobered up somewhat, the joy deteriorating at the thought of him leaving without realizing I was here for him. "He doesn't trust me. He thinks I'm going to run away again."

Her soft hum filtered over the line. "Well… he was pretty hurt. How is he?"

"He's okay, I think. After we talked he seemed… better. I know I hurt him; he told me. I know what I did was awful." I bit my lip, tears filling my eyes again. "You should have heard him. I wanted to scream. It was terrible, the things he told me. I had no idea. How could I have been so blind?"

"Honey, that's past. You need to work on letting it go and focus on making a better future."

"I only know after being with him today and yesterday that I love him. I can't live without him, Alice." I was starting to sound desperate. "God, I really need to fix this."

I giggled nervously as I thought of this morning. "What's so funny?" she asked, curiosity clearly apparent in her voice.

"I think I scared him today at breakfast. I dreamt about him all night, and everything he did was so damn sexy. I couldn't help the way I looked at him. He had mentioned only wanting to be friends, and then I come on like some sex crazed maniac."

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad," she snickered.

"You have no idea. First off, I get in the car and can't keep my eyes off of him. He looked _really_ good. I leaned in to kiss him, but he pulled away. Then at the diner, he ordered blueberry pancakes, and I almost flew across the booth to attack him."

"Blueberry pancakes?" She was confused.

"Yes, blueberry pancakes. He made them for me after we... you know.. were together for the first time." I could feel my face heating up trying to explain the significance of a pancake to Alice.

She giggled. "When are you seeing him again?"

"Tonight. He's coming over for dinner. I was thinking lasagna and salad with bread. Does that sound okay?"

"As long as it's not blueberry pancakes, I'm sure everything will be fine," she giggled again. "Just take it easy on yourself, Bella. So you're a little excited to see him. I'm sure he can handle it. Just relax and enjoy his company. Don't think too much into it. That was part of your problem before. There's not much you can do in the next two days. Hmm- wait." I could hear her mind turning across the line, and I looked at the phone warily. "Be sure to wear the black dress tonight- you know the one… also the high heels that match. You look _amazing_ in that."

"I don't know. It's a little dressy for dinner at home…"

"Bella! Just wear it. It can't hurt."

I smiled, laughing at her demanding tone. "Okay! Geez… seriously though… thanks, Alice. Thanks for everything."

"When you guys get back to Seattle, come right over to see me, and we will work out a plan." Her voice raised an octave. "Oh, Bella, I'm so excited for you. Edward does still love you- I know it. I will think on this until you're back."

I hung up the phone with Alice, smiling. If anyone knew how to handle this, it would be her. I didn't trust myself. I had done an awful job with everything so far. First, by pushing him away, and now, scaring him by being too forward. _Ugh…_

_Edward:_

I was incredibly nervous when I went to get Bella for breakfast. A part of me still believed she wouldn't be there when I knocked on her door, so I was surprised to see her practically sprinting to get to my car.

She looked radiant in the pink shirt she was wearing, and my eyes swept over her longingly. The locket still hung from her throat, and I picked it up to rub it between my fingers. I loved seeing her wear it again. I almost kissed her when she got into the car, but I pulled back at the last minute. I needed to keep in control and not let things go there right now.

_Just friends_. I repeated the phrase in my head like a litany. _Just friends._

She drove me crazy. The way she looked at me, talked to me, like she couldn't get enough- _of me_. When I felt her hand on my back, my heart leapt into my throat. My body's response to her certainly hadn't changed, and I felt like I was a seventeen year old boy again.

Inside the diner her face had flushed a lovely shade of red when I ordered blueberry pancakes. I recalled the morning after we made love for the first time and the blueberry pancakes I had made for her. I looked out the window to hide my eyes from her as visions of us together surrounded me. Thank God the waitress chose that moment to bring our drinks. My hand shook as I picked up my milk and took a long drink. Bella had begun talking about other things, and relief flooded through me. She hadn't noticed my odd behavior.

Now, here I was on the way to her house for dinner… by ourselves… alone. _How am I going to get through this? _My heart beat irregularly as I made my way to her door. I gasped in shock when it opened, and I got my first glimpse at the woman Bella had become.

Her hair was twisted up off her neck, exposing her long neck and soft sloping shoulders. The black dress she wore clung to her, dipping down enticingly and allowing a small glimpse of her breasts. I swallowed uncomfortably as my eyes continued their downward spiral. The skirt of her dress was snug on her hips and thighs, accenting her curves. It stopped mid thigh, and she was wearing the sexiest pair of heels I had ever seen. Her legs looked incredible. When she turned to lead me inside, I stopped breathing. The dress was backless, leaving her skin bare to my eyes. I wanted to reach out and touch it. The fabric began again right above her ass but clung to her like a second skin. I shifted myself painfully and walked inside.

She was trying to kill me.

My self-control flew out the window as I watched her sway down the hall. Desire coursed through me, pooling in my groin where I was pressed unbearably hard against my zipper. I told myself to stop, but my eyes kept devouring her. "Bella, what are you trying to do to me?" My voice was rough, gravelly.

She looked at me innocently. "Umm... feed you? I made lasagna…" Her voice trailed off at seeing the look in my eyes. Her face flushed and her eyes darkened as she stopped to turn and stare back at me. "Edward?"

I stalked over to her, grabbing her around the waist and pulling her to me. "Bella." I took her lips with mine, crushing my mouth to hers. Not wasting any time, my tongue plunged into her mouth aggressively. Her taste was heavenly. It had been too long, and all the pent up frustration and need within me exploded as I pressed her against me, melding her curves to mine. I wanted to taste more, and my lips trailed down her neck, resting along the curve of her shoulder. My hands moved to her hair, pulling at the knot there, loosening it so that it fell down her back. My fingers tangled in the locks and drew her closer.

Her hands gripped the back of my shirt, pulling at it roughly. Her mouth moved with mine while moans fell from her lips when we parted. "Fuck, Bella..." I murmured, my hands falling from her hair to grab her ass, feeling her soft skin through her dress and pressing her against me.

She grabbed my hand and led me into the living room, where she sat down on the couch. I knelt in front of her, spreading her legs so I could fit between them. My tongue made its way over her collarbone and up her neck, ending at her ear where I nibbled lightly. Her thighs pressed against me tightly. "Jesus," I panted.

Her fingers were in my hair, dragging me back up to her. Lips trailed across my cheek, her tongue seeking my mouth. I caressed her tongue with mine, moaning her name. Her hands fell from my hair and rested on my back, gripping tightly.

"Oh God, Edward."

My hands rested on her thighs, and I started to push her dress up along her thighs, feeling the soft skin give beneath my fingers. I stroked them, going higher with every touch until they rested on her heat. Her panties were so wet, and I let out a loud groan.

_Shit, shit, too much… Jesus… fuck_.

My fingers ran over her one more time, and she thrust against them. "Fuck, Bella." I jerked my hand away from her and sat back on my heels, breathing deeply. She tried to reach for me, but I caught her hand in mine. "Stop," I groaned.

My eyes swept over her face, noting her swollen lips and desire-filled eyes. Her hair tumbled around her, a tangled mess from my fingers running through it.

"Why?" Her voice shook with want, and she whimpered at me, trying to pull her hand free.

"We can't do this now. I came over here to have dinner with you, not for this. It's too early for this."

I felt her arm relax so I let go, my hands falling to my sides. Her hands rested in her lap, twisting together. I knew what she was thinking; I was rejecting her. I could read it in her eyes. "I want you, Bella. More than anything, and I would love to let this happen. I can't." I reached out, my fingers pushing a lock of hair behind her ear. "What if you leave me after this?" I whispered, my eyes falling down to rest on her fingers.

She took my chin in her palm and lifted it so my eyes locked with hers. Hers were wide and full of sadness. "I'm not going to leave you, Edward."

"I just want everything else to be right before this. We need some time…" I softened my voice, leaning back into her as my thumb caressed her cheek. "I want to know you again."

She smiled beautifully and took my hand in hers. "Okay." She kissed my palm before letting go. "I'd better check on dinner, if it hasn't already burnt." She gave a short laugh. I pulled away from her so she could stand.

The lasagna wasn't burnt, and it tasted delicious. Dinner was a little tense, both of us still a little on edge. I decided it would be a good idea to leave after we finished eating. I promised to call her the next day as I lightly kissed her goodnight.

On the drive home I was assaulted by images of her, of her taste and her smell. Good God, this wasn't going to be easy, but I knew it was right. We had to work up to that point, not just dive right in. I felt my resolve strengthen. I could wait. Bella was worth it.

As soon as I got back home my phone rang. It was Jasper.

"Hello."

"Hey, Edward." A silence followed, and I heard a soft whisper in the background. I was pretty sure it was Alice. Jasper cleared his throat and said, "So, how are things?'

"Good."

Silence again, then I heard a hiss and Jasper whisper, "Shhh… damn, woman, leave me alone. I'll handle it."

I chuckled and went to sit down on the couch, propping my feet up on the cocktail table. Waiting for him to speak, I flipped on the TV and selected a random channel to watch. Seemed it was Shark Week on the Discovery Channel.

Finally, Jasper came back on the line. "Did you see Bella?"

"Yeah." I wasn't going to make this easy on him. If he wanted to know something, he would have to ask me outright.

"Oh, come on, Edward. What happened? How are you? Are you two back together? Give me some damn details."

"You sound like a woman."

"Yeah, well, blame my girlfriend." He was quiet for a moment. "Seriously, Edward. Are you okay? How did seeing her again go?"

Letting out the breath I had been holding, I rubbed my free hand over my eyes. "I'm fine. We talked. And… yeah, it was good. I feel like I can finally breath again. She accepted my apology. She actually apologized to me. Can you believe she thought it was her fault we lost the baby? Some misguided idea that she wished her away." Once I started talking I couldn't shut-up. I filled Jasper in on the events on the last two days, while he hummed and responded in the appropriate spots.

It was hard to explain to him the significance of a blueberry pancake, so I quickly passed by that topic. I told him of my decision to be just friends, and he laughed hysterically.

"You and Bella could never be just friends. I remember the heat you two always had between you. I could barely stand to be around it. It was why I was absent at most of your get togethers with Em and Rose. And it's still there. When we all stood in the hallway before the New Year's party I could feel it. Jesus, I thought you two were going to jump each other right then."

I heard a muffled curse on the other line. "Hold on…what is it, Alice? She what? Just now?" I heard laughter again and scowled, wondering what they were talking about. Jasper's voice came back over the line. "So, how's that friends thing working out for ya?" I heard the laughter in his voice. "Any issues with that at dinner?"

My mouth dropped open as I realized Alice must be talking to Bella on her phone at the same time. "What the hell, Jazz? You really are turning into a girl." I was embarrassed at the thought of Jasper and Alice knowing what had happened tonight.

"Don't be upset, Edward." Alice's lilting voice came over the line. "She didn't tell me that much. I just guessed."

There was another struggle for the phone, and suddenly a loud booming voice shouted out at me, "What's going on Edward? You better not be letting her get under your skin again. I thought you were moving on." _Emmett was there?_

There was a loud clatter as the phone dropped and then Jasper came back on the line. His voice was quieter. "Don't listen to him. You know how he is. He'll get over it once she comes back around."

"What the hell is going on over there?"

"Edward Anthony, get your feet off my furniture! You know better. How old are you now anyway?" My mother strode into the room and knocked my feet off her cocktail table. I sat up straight, swallowed, and looked at her.

"Ohhh. You're in trouble." Jasper was laughing again. I quickly hung up on him and turned towards my mom.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

She sat down next to me on the couch. "So, how are things going with Bella?"

My eyes widened as I stared at her, and a laugh burst between my lips. _Damn, my interfering, nosy-assed family. _

****So we had a little more love from the family! Yeah! I tried to lighten things up here a little bit. What'd you think? **

****To all my twilighted reviewers I say sorry- I didn't get to send everyone a teaser. I tried, but damn it takes a long time to send all those emails. I had a lot of reviews and I love you all for it.! **

****Now, because I do love reading your thoughts I must ask for more… Never left a review? Click that button and say a few words. It would be so cool to get as close to 1000 before story is over. **

****Again, be sure to check my blog for teaser a little later this week. Also I usually post one at Edwardsville on Live Journal for Teaser Tuesdays. **


	20. Chapter 17

****** Thanks go out to mac and jessica0306 from Project Team Beta for their tremendous beta skills. **

*****Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer wrote up these fab characters- I just borrowed them for this little story of mine.**

**Chapter 17 - Falling in Love Again**

_Bella:_

I had just finished breakfast and was doing a little studying when I heard a knock on my front door. Opening it, I smiled at the man standing in front of me, a thrill of desire bolting through me as images from last night crowded my mind. His hands were shoved into the pockets of the leather jacket he was wearing, and his brow furrowed as he stared at me. I could feel my face heating under his earnest gaze, and I quickly looked down before he could read the tell tale emotions there.

"I wanted to come over this morning and apologize for last night. I shouldn't have left like I did. I just felt like we needed a little break, but…" He shifted his weight to his other foot, his eyes darting away to stare over my shoulder. His hand left his pocket to nervously rake through his hair. "Hell, Bella, I don't know. It's just… I'm leaving in six weeks, and I don't want to waste too much time. I know I don't make any sense…" He glanced at me again, his eyes full of doubt and confusion.

"Would you like to come in and have a cup of coffee?" I asked timidly. He seemed so agitated, and I wasn't sure the extra caffeine would do him any good, but at least we could sit and he could explain what was bothering him.

In the kitchen, I poured us both a cup of coffee and turned to hand him his. He was still standing in the middle of the room, so I offered him a seat at the table and sat down next to him.

"Where's your dad?" he asked.

"He's been working morning shifts, so he'll be gone until later tonight." I reached across the table and took his hand, running my finger along the back of it softly. His face was still tense, so I smiled at him and asked, "What's wrong, Edward? What is it you want to tell me?"

He sighed deeply and watched as my finger traced over the back of his hand. "I had a talk with my mom last night." He swallowed, and his eyes lifted to meet mine. "She asked me a good question, one I was hoping you could answer for me."

I nodded. "Okay…"

"What made you change your mind?" His leaned in closer to me, his arms lying along the table. "Why did you decide to come after me?"

I looked down at the table, my face heating under his searching gaze. _Would he be upset I snuck in to watch him play? That I had heard his emotional song and knew it was about us? _

"It was Alice. I was still uncertain, and… Edward, I was so afraid. It may seem unreasonable, but I just… well… that's the only way I can explain it. I was scared. Until Alice took me to hear you play."

He leaned back in his chair, his eyebrows drawn down, his forehead furrowed with lines of confusion. "I remember you saying you heard my song. At the time, I didn't understand. When?"

"Your rehearsal- the night you came to my apartment."

His eyes widened and his lips pressed together before he said, "You heard that?"

"Yeah," I whispered, nodding my head. "It was incredible. You play with such emotion, Edward. It was like I was feeling what _you _were feeling. It broke my heart. It was when I realized I had been wrong in avoiding you. It was so wrong to let you go on feeling all the blame and… shame. I knew we needed to talk, but then you came to say goodbye and I…" My eyes welled with tears and I blinked rapidly, unsuccessfully trying to keep them at bay. My voice cracked as I said, "I knew I had to see you."

He was staring intently at our clasped hands, a tight frown on his lips. "I'm glad you came, but I'm just so confused, Bella. Part of me wants to just jump right back into this thing with us. I'm not stupid enough to believe we could ever be just friends, but I just don't know if I'm ready for all of this." He waved his hand between the two of us. "Not that I have a choice…" He smiled and looked at me, his eyes suddenly two shades darker. "Do you know how badly I want to kiss you right now?"

My heart beat rapidly in my chest, and I bit my lip as I stared at him. He was so close and moving in closer. I took in a shaky breath, my hand gripping his tighter. His free hand came up to trace along my jaw. "You're so beautiful," he breathed.

My tongue ran over my bottom lip as I stared at his mouth, anticipation curling in my stomach. He groaned, a soft, throaty sound that raised goose bumps along my arms. "Oh, Bella." His lips met mine, timidly, sweet and soft. I closed my eyes and relaxed into the kiss, just feeling how perfectly his lips fit against mine. His hand moved to rest on the nape of my neck, tenderly moving up so his fingers could tangle in my hair. His tongue came out to brush against my bottom lip, and my mouth opened to him. I heard his chair scrape against the floor as he brought himself closer to me. His tongue, now inside my mouth, tangled with mine, but still so soft and light with none of the urgency he had displayed last night. After what felt like a lifetime, he pulled away. His eyes were hooded as he smiled at me, his hand coming back to trace along my cheek.

"Want to take a ride on my motorcycle?"

His question surprised me, and I blinked at him, my heart still racing from the kiss. He smiled and leaned back in his chair. Mentally pulling myself back together, I took the coffee mug and took a sip, giving myself a moment. "You still have it?" I asked.

"Yeah, I hadn't ridden in a while, but Emmett took care of it for me. It was in the garage at my parents' house. I thought it would be something for us to do. I remember how much you used to love it."

I had loved riding that thing- it was so exhilarating. The prospect thrilled me as I thought of sitting behind him, my arms wrapped around his waist. "Yeah." I sat up a little straighter and asked, "Now?"

"Let's go." He stood and held his hand out, his eyes watching me, and I felt like he was offering more than just his hand. I took it and stood, my eyes never leaving his. He smiled and gave my hand a squeeze before leading me out of the kitchen and grabbing my jacket off the peg it was hanging on by the front door. Holding it out for me, his fingers brushed over my neck and shoulders as he helped me put it on. "It's a little chilly, so you may need this." His warm breath tickled along my ear, and I closed my eyes for a second, reveling in his touch.

I followed him outside and sat behind him, my arms tightening around his waist securely, while my thighs pressing tightly against his hips. I gave out a little squeal when he kicked started the bike to life, and he looked back at me, a smirk on his lips. "Hold on."

_Edward:_

_God, she felt good wrapped around me like this. _Enjoying her warmth behind me and the motorcycle beneath me, I sped through the streets of Forks. I could just make out the sound of her laughter over the engine's roar when she pressed herself tighter against me, and I smiled. She was enjoying herself. My heart lightened as we rode through town, some of the dread and confusion falling away, being replaced with hope.

We spent most of the day riding. We stopped twice, once for lunch and another time to take a short walk along a trail in the woods. I stared at her as she got off the bike; she looked gorgeous- her hair was wind-blown, and her cheeks were a beautiful pink. I couldn't help but kiss her again. I pressed her back against a tree as I stood in front of her, my hands cradling her face. Once the kiss started to become too passionate, I pulled away and ran my hand down her hair.

"You have to go back tomorrow, right?" She nodded. I swallowed as I looked at her; everything I felt for her was welling up inside me. "Let me drive you. I'm going back tomorrow, too."

"I already have a plane ticket," she whispered.

"Don't use it." I stared into her eyes, pleading with her to do this for me.

"Okay." Her fingers came up to play along my ear and neck. "Edward, I…" Her voice trailed off as she looked at the ground, biting her lip.

My breath caught as I stared down at her, wondering if she was going to say _the _words, because I felt it too but was afraid to say it out loud. She didn't, instead smiling up at me again.

We got back on the bike, and I took her home. Standing at her front, I didn't want to let her go. "Go out with me tonight."

She looked up at me, a slight look of disappointment in her eyes. "I need to spend some time with my dad. I promised to cook him his favorite dinner." I looked down at the floor, disappointed. She grabbed my hand to pull me to her, and I looked up in surprise. "Come over after dinner. We can… talk… take a walk… I don't care, just… come."

There was a quiet desperation to her voice, and I felt the same, so I said yes. I kissed her goodbye and backed away, not able to tear my eyes away from her as I got on the bike. She waved goodbye before turning to go inside, and I started up the motor to drive home. With a final look, I drove off down the road.

The house was quiet when I got there. I sat down on the couch and stared at the TV, but nothing interested me so I turned it off. I had so much pent up energy that needed to be released. I quickly changed into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and sat on the front steps, tying my shoes while looking at the expanse of sky. It was clouding up- I probably wouldn't get very far before it started to rain.

I started off slow but soon settled into a comfortable gate. The world around me was silent, only the sounds of my running shoes hitting the asphalt keeping me grounded. I breathed deep, taking the cool air into my lungs and letting it calm me. My warring emotions were banked down, hiding beneath the blood pumping through my veins. I thought of her and I was calm. I thought of how beautiful she looked today and how her lips felt pressed to mine. _Slap, slap… _the drumming of my feet continued. Sweat trickled down my back as my body heated up. I ran until I got a stitch in my side, then turned and started walking back home. Everything I had ever wanted was dangling before me- Bella, my career… I hoped like hell I didn't fuck it up. Picking up the pace again, I finished jogging home.

Once there, I grabbed a bottle of water and sat on the front steps. I was just taking my first gulp when the skies opened up in a torrent of rain. I looked up at the clouds as the rain beat down on me, and I relished the coolness of the water running down my face. I smiled, a feeling of complete bliss charging through me. I turned to look back at the door when I heard it open. Mom stood there holding a towel. She took in my expression and smiled back at me.

"Good day?" she asked.

I nodded as I stood, reaching for the towel. "Yeah, a very good day."

--xx--

I strode up the steps of Bella's porch, holding a tightly-clenched bunch of daisies. I knocked and waited, expecting to see Bella open the door. Instead her father, Charlie, answered.

"Edward," he said, nodding his head in hello.

"Chief Swan." I stood in front of Bella's dad and wondered what he was thinking. He was a hard one to read, always so stoic and serious.

"She's in the kitchen. We had some company." He eyed me warily and followed as I walked down the hall. I stood in the doorway to the kitchen, taking in the scene playing out before me. Bella was sitting at the kitchen table with a bottle of beer clenched in her hand. She was laughing hysterically at something the guy in front of her was saying.

He was smiling as he leaned back against the chair. Bella turned, her eyes widening as she saw me. Nervously, they darted between us. Clearing my throat, I walked into the room with my hand extended.

"Hi, I'm Edward."

Bella gasped and rose quickly from her chair. "Oh! I'm so rude! Edward, this is my very good friend Jake." Jake reached out to shake my hand. "And Jake, this is…" She paused for a moment, a look of bewilderment crossing her face. I smirked, a light laugh escaping between my lips when she looked up at me and grinned. "This is my Edward."

_My Edward_? I watched in astonishment as Bella's face flushed at her Freudian slip. _Well, I hope it was a Freudian slip. _She fumbled nervously with her beer before taking a drink and again looking at me.

I held the daisies out to her, and her face darkened to a brighter shade of red. "Thank you," she murmured, taking them from me. "Jake and his wife, Leah, live at the reservation. He heard I was in town and stopped by to visit." She turned back to him, her smile widening. "It was a nice surprise." She stood at the kitchen sink filling a vase full of water. After the flowers were safely deposited on the table, she sat back down in her seat.

I sat down at the table and joined in their conversation. Bella kept twitching nervously, biting her lip and peeling the label off her beer. I smiled while watching her, enjoying the familiarity of those gestures. I had a feeling I knew what she was so nervous about and felt a bit ashamed she still felt that way. I would have to talk to her later to clarify I was no longer the insecure boy who got jealous over anyone else seeking her attention.

The night ended with Bella and me making plans to meet the next morning for our trip back to Seattle.

--xx--

The next morning started out much like the day before. The sky was cloudy, the sun barely peaking through. The air had a chilly quality to it that morning, and I turned the heat on in the car to warm it up for Bella. I had a small cooler in the back seat with drinks and a few snacks, as well as an extra blanket and a pillow in case she got tired. My iPod was full of music we both enjoyed. I hoped the trip would go well and tried to prepare for her every need. I figured we would stop for lunch at some point.

I was nervous. Spending four hours in a car with Bella was a little daunting. Things were moving along so quickly between us, and I didn't want to spoil it.

Her scent filled the car as she slid into the passenger seat and put on her seatbelt. _Strawberries_. I breathed in deeply, relishing the smell, and my body twitched with the need to lean forward and bury my nose in her hair.

"Got everything?" I asked to distract myself, to stop the urge to grab her, kiss her… taste her.

She smiled and flipped her hair over her shoulder before looking at me. The gesture threw more strawberries my way, and I closed my eyes and swallowed. I clenched the steering wheel tightly, fighting with myself to get some control and stop acting like a moron.

Her eyes narrowed in worry as she took in my posture. "Are you okay to drive? Are you sick?"

"I'm fine, just a little stomach-upset, that's all." _Great, let her think I have gas… good solution._ I rolled my eyes at myself and started the car. "Why don't you pick out some songs to listen to."

As she scrolled through the iPod, I maneuvered out of her driveway and onto the main road. I forced myself to relax back into my seat. My nerves were jumping all over the place, my pulse was racing, and I had the biggest hard on of my life. The heat pouring from the cars vents surrounded us and the scent of strawberries infused my car, all around me. "Would you mind getting me a Coke from the cooler in the back? Umm.. I packed a few things if you want anything."

All I wanted was something else to concentrate on, something to wet my suddenly parched throat. All I got was even more pressure in my pants as Bella undid her seatbelt, turned around in her seat, and reached into the back- leaving her ass shimmying in my face. Groaning, I quickly averted my eyes back to the road, concentrating on driving.

_God, four more hours of this torture. _I needed to stop this now, or I would end up pulling this car over to fuck her silly. And that might not be such a good idea at this point in our relationship. I was still determined to take things slow, despite the protestations of my dick.

The music she selected blared from the speakers, and I smiled at the song choice. I often had thoughts of Bella while listening to Nickleback's _So Far Away_. She was quietly sipping on her Coke and staring out the window. The tension in the car was so thick, and I wanted nothing more than to break it but couldn't for the life of me think of what to say.

This is what I was afraid of: four hours of silence, stuck with a raging hard on, and nothing but road ahead of us.

Two hours later, Bella and I had settled into a comfortable conversation. I had finally relaxed and we were both starved, so we stopped at McDonalds for lunch. I stared as she devoured an entire Big Mac and fries, glancing over her slight body and wondering where she put it. She saw me staring and laughed. "I was hungry!" she protested, grabbing her super sized iced tea and downing it in two gulps.

Laughing, I teased her. "I guess we'll be making a few more stops on the way?"

Her face lit up all red and cute, her eyes closing as she groaned. "I didn't even think before drinking all of that." She rolled her eyes and put her head back.

Not fifteen minutes later she was fast asleep. Her head was turned towards me, and I was able to glance over at her every now and then to watch her as she slept. She was beautiful. Her mouth was slightly parted, her cheeks a little rosy.

At first when she began to talk I couldn't make it out- just a few words, names, like Charlie, Alice. When she whispered my name it was in a different tone, and I swear she moaned. My pants tightened again, and I thanked God we were almost to her apartment. I wouldn't be able to stand too much of that.

Gently, I shook her shoulder to wake her. When she opened her eyes they landed on me. She noticed how close I was to her and she smiled, reaching up to touch my face. "You're home," I said, getting lost in her deep, chocolate eyes.

She turned to look out her window, a small frown on her face. "Oh! I'm sorry I fell asleep. I didn't keep you very good company." She sat up and stretched, and I had to look away from her breasts as they strained against her red sweater.

_Good grief, I am a twenty-three year old man; why am I behaving like a hormone-crazed seventeen year old?_

"Let me help you with your bags." I got out of the car and retrieved her suitcases from the trunk. I walked her up to her apartment and stood, waiting for her to unlock the door. Once inside, I sat the suitcases down in her hallway, and we both stood staring at each other, the tension again springing up between us.

"Stay?" she asked.

I took a step to her and cupped her chin, my lips meeting hers briefly. "Not yet, Bella."

She sighed softly and nodded her head before pulling me closer to her and kissing me again. She melted into me, and my arms wrapped around her tightly. I was dizzy when she finally released my mouth, ready to change my mind about staying.

"Goodnight, Edward," she whispered before letting me go and taking a step back.

I backed away slowly-almost in slow motion- and reached for the door. Once I was standing in the doorway, I let my eyes run over her one last time, lust flaring in me, making it almost impossible to leave. "Goodnight, Bella. I'll call soon." And I would, probably tomorrow morning. I wouldn't be able to stay away from her.

_Bella:_

We were back in Seattle, back to school, and back to Alice. The day after I got back home, my best friend burst in with all smiles, her arms full of packages. "Bella! I missed you. How did everything go? How's Edward?"

I laughed at her as she dropped the bags and flopped onto my couch, curling her feet under her and looking at me expectantly. "Everything seems to be going well." My voice was hesitant, and she cocked an eyebrow at me. "There is still one issue. A really important issue." I sighed heavily, a small smile playing on my lips.

"What?" She leaned into me and placed a hand on my leg.

"He still doesn't trust me- at all. Every time he came over to get me, when I opened the door, a look of surprise would cross his face. Like he didn't expect me to be there. I think he's waiting for me to leave him again. The words I say don't seem to matter because he just doesn't believe them." I rubbed my hands over my face and took a deep breath in. I hated that he didn't trust me, and I knew it was my own fault.

"Well, we'll just have to change that. All you can do is continue to be there for him by showing him how much you care. _And_ I have the goods to help you do that." Her eyes sparkled as she pulled the first bag to her.

"What's all this?" I swept my hands in the directions of the packages.

"Just some things to help move things along with Edward." A mischievous smile lit her face. "Okay, this one first." She began pulling things from the bag: a journal, a pen, a bookmark, and a book. She held the book up, and we both burst out laughing. _Getting Back the One That Got Away._

I rolled my eyes and grabbed the book from her. "You've got to be kidding me!"

"Hey, don't knock it until you read it. There is some good information in there." She pointed to the book. "And when you find things you like, you can add them to your journal. I also think it would be helpful to remember things you and Edward used to enjoy together. Write them down as well. Maybe you can do some of those things again and remember all the good times you had."

I smiled, thinking of this past weekend, "We did do one thing already. We used to ride his motorcycle all the time. I loved riding that thing. It was so freeing and sexy. He showed up one morning with it." I lost focus on her as I remembered his warmth against my thighs when I clenched them around his hips. "We had a good time."

Alice's giggle shook me out of my thoughts. "From the look on your face, I'd say you had more than a good time." Giving her a good push, I opened the book, thumbing through it to hide my embarrassment at being caught daydreaming.

"Next…" She pulled two more bags forward. "Just a few accents to your wardrobe." She reached in and brought out handfuls of lace. Every piece of lingerie you could think of fell out of her hands- bras, panties, garters, camisoles, nightwear… everything.

"Good lord, Alice. I told you Edward wants to go slow. How am I suppose to wear any of that?!" I fingered the soft silk of the camisole. Thoughts of Edward filled my mind- his fingers rubbing the soft satin between them, stroking the thin lace on the cup of the bra. Glancing up, I noticed again that Alice was staring at me with a knowing smirk on her face.

My face heated under her gaze as she laughed loudly. "I'm sure you can think of some way to show it off." She stood and walked to the garment bag hanging on the door and unzipped it. Pulling out a blue silk dress, she held it in front of me.

"We're going dancing one weekend." I was about to protest when she held up her hand. "Bella, what better reason for rubbing up against him would you have? Dancing is the perfect opportunity. I got this for you to wear." She laid the dress across the couch. "Try it on?"

I went into the bathroom and changed. The dress _was_ gorgeous. It clung to just the right places, accenting my curves. I walked out to show her, and she squealed in delight, "I knew it! It's gorgeous on you. Here- try these shoes on." The silver stilettos went with it perfectly. "We need to work swiftly. He has to be ready for you to look like this, because there is no way his _'Let's take things slow' _thingis going to hold up after he sees you in that."

I smiled back at her, a surge of confidence running through me. _Everything would be okay._ With Alice's help I could do anything.

--xx--

It was Friday night, and Edward and I were going to the Seattle symphony together. The week had seemed to drag on forever. Not seeing him was incredibly hard, but we both had other commitments and this was our first chance since our return from Forks. When I opened the door, I was forced to suck in a deep breath. Edward looked stunning in a navy suit jacket and pants, white shirt, and electric blue tie. He had obviously taken great care in his appearance as his hair was combed flat instead of in its usual disarray. My heart flip-flopped in my chest as my eyes drank him in, taking note of the sexy, crooked smile that graced his lips. He held out his hand, and I took it to follow him out to the car.

"You look beautiful, Bella." He stood back to look at me. I was wearing one of my new black camisoles under a sleeveless green sweater with a low neck line to show it off and a black skirt that swished around my hips. Actually, I felt a little plain next to him, but his eyes told me differently as they appraised me, lingering on the black lace peeking through.

Benaroya Hall took my breath away. It was a grand building with windows that curved along the second story where Edward and I stood before the concert began. We enjoyed the view of the city at night and all its brilliant lights and colors.

"This place is amazing," I breathed, looking around.

"Yeah, it is," he said softly, reverently. "This is my dream. Where I hope to play some day. My wish is that this tour helps me land a place here." He stroked my palm with his thumb, looking around the room, his eyes straying from here to there while taking in every aspect. "Wait until you hear the acoustics. It's amazing."

The announcement was made for the start of the concert, and Edward placed his hand on the small of my back to lead me to our seats. The inner auditorium was even more amazing. I watched Edward's face light up as he looked at the stage. He resembled a young boy, full of hopes and dreams, with all the world spread out before him.

When the lights went down, he took my hand in his and leaned forward slightly as if to take in more of the music. I listened to the wonderful music, really I did, but I could not take my eyes off Edward. He was mesmerized with the world around him. He nodded along at points, the fingers on his free hand moving along an imaginary piano. His mouth was partially open in awe.

As the concert ended, he closed his eyes, taking in the last notes, lips pressed together in a small smile.

The lights came on, and we both blinked, adjusting to the brightness. "Did you like it?" He looked at me expectantly.

"Oh, yes. It was lovely." _You were lovely. _My heart was still pounding from watching his enjoyment; the experience was made so much richer by his reactions to it.

We walked outside, and I wrapped my arms around myself, shivering. It was still a little chilly in the evening. Edward took off his jacket and laid it across my shoulders, wrapping his arm around me. "Would you like to go get a drink?" His voice was low and hesitant.

"'Very much so." I smiled up at him, glad to find more time for us to spend together. I was not ready for this night to be over.

We chose a small, local bar that appeared to be very classy and sophisticated. The walls inside were all cherry wood, and the candles on each table cast a warm glow around the room. We were seated at a table against the wall, giving us some privacy. We each ordered a glass of wine.

We talked a little while we sipped our wine. He began to speak of when he was leaving, only one month away now. He was very excited. I tried to be excited for him, but I knew I would miss him terribly. There was so much I wanted for us before then. I looked at the table and bit my lip.

"Bella?" He reached across the table, his long fingers grasping my chin and lifting my face up to his intense gaze. He searched my eyes for answers. My lips trembled a little, and I swallowed roughly. I really didn't want to cry, so I blinked furiously and smiled at him. "You will miss me that much?" he asked.

I nodded my head as his hand slipped up to my cheek and caressed it softly. Leaning into his palm, I closed my eyes briefly, willing the tears away. "I will miss you, too." I opened my eyes to stare back at him and got lost in the depths of emotion I found swirling there.

He looked thoughtful for a moment, then moved his hand away from my cheek and leaned back in his chair. I watched as he composed himself, a mask appearing to cover up the emotions I had just seen. _Damn_. I thought about some of the things I had read in the book Alice gave me and some of the things I had written in the journal. _Do not beg, do not cry_. What was I doing? _Sitting here getting all emotional and ready to burst into tears_. I mentally shook my head and growled at myself. I was supposed to be having fun, showing him my sweet side. _Ugh… okay, I can do this. I still have a month._

I sat up straighter in my chair and smiled at him. Suddenly, I had loads to talk about. I brought up my classes and all the progress I was making there. I talked about Alice and Jasper, and I asked how Rose and Emmett's wedding plans were going. He filled me in on how his week went. Things were going pretty slow for him right now, but he had been warned the next four weeks would be pretty intense with rehearsals.

Soon it was time to go home, and despite my unwillingness to leave, Edward convinced me if we didn't, we would get locked in. Right on cue, I noticed the door being locked right after we walked outside. Once back at my apartment, I grabbed his shirt collar and brought his lips to mine, initiating the kiss I had been waiting all night for. I kept it soft and easy but full of promise. My fingers curled in his hair as I pulled away to stare into his green eyes. They seemed full of unanswered questions, and I waited for him to ask me.

"Will you go to dinner with me tomorrow?" He held my hand in his, squeezing it gently, waiting for my answer.

"Okay, pick me up here at six?"

"Well, I guess it really would be for the whole day, not just dinner. Can I pick you up earlier? Say two?" He ran his hand through his hair nervously.

"Okay." I leaned in to kiss him again, turning just before our lips met to gently kiss his cheek. I squeezed his hand one last time and entered my apartment.

Inside, I leaned against the door taking deep breaths, a large grin breaking out on my face.

_Tomorrow…_

I needed to call Alice.

*****I know! I made you wait, but you just have to forgive me. You can't expect me to write while Rob is all over the TV and computer! **

*****Something importatnt to shout out: Has everyone heard of Remember Me Saturday. Allfans are going to the movie, taking friends, family members, husbands.. whomever to see this movie in support of Rob so that he is recognized for more than just Twilight. I'l be there, will you?**

****I love reviews! Let me know what you think of these two... how much longer can they last? Anything you need to know? Tell me- I added in the whole scene with Jake because of all the reviews I got wanting Edward and Jacob to meet. So let me know what you want to see... you never know. **


	21. Chapter 18

***** Yeah it's been a long time coming, I know... now, on with the chapter.**

*****Thanks to PTB's jessica0306 and mac for putting up with my helplessness. You both rock!**

*****I do not own Twilight, or Stephanie Meyer.**

**Chapter 18 – Comfort**

_Edward: _

I awoke to the sound of yelling echoing through out the apartment, and sat up groggily in the bed, yawning and wondering what the hell was going on. High pitched shrieks followed by loud bellowing spurred me into action- I jumped out of bed, threw on a t-shirt, and headed out to the living room.

"How can you say that!? She was a wreck. I met her a year later, and she was still a wreck. I was the one who was there with her after they saw each other a few years ago. I was the one who had to peel Bella up from the floor, where she was lying practically comatose." I stopped in the hallway, leaning against the wall and listening intently when I heard Alice mention Bella.

"All I'm saying is they're better off apart. That bitch has no right to be honing in on Edward again." Stiffening in anger, my eyes narrowed at Emmett's abusive language towards Bella.

_What the fuck?_

"You didn't see what she did to him the first time. I did, and I never want to see him like that again! You think you know? You don't know shit! You weren't there to see her rip out my brother's heart. You weren't there while I was performing CPR on him in the driveway of our home!" My eyes widened, and I quickly strode into the kitchen, wanting to stop this before it went any further.

"What is this?" I scoffed, eying Emmett as I tried to swallow down my anger. "A _who hurt who the most _competition? Or maybe a _who fucked up the most contest_?" I stopped ranting, my eyes darting between Alice and Emmett. Jasper was leaning against the kitchen counter, staring intently at the floor, mute and frozen in place. Emmett stood in the middle of the room, fists clenched, glaring balefully at Alice. She was directly in front of him, not giving an inch despite her small size, toe to toe, meeting his scowl.

"Emmett, you need to stop this." He glanced at me, surprise briefly making a show across his face before anger returned, that was now focused on me.

"You don't know what she went through," I choked out, no longer able to meet his eyes. "You can't blame her for what I did. Yeah, she ran away. What would you expect, Emmett? I destroyed everything."

"But-" he started before I interrupted him, not interested in what he had to say at this point.

"I love her, and I think she loves me." I glimpsed over at Alice to see a small smile flitter across her lips. "We're going to be together, Em. I want you to understand and accept that. You used to love her too. Hell, you called her your little sis."

Grumbling a little to himself, he slouched forward and took a deep breath. "That was a long time ago." The scowl slowly disappeared from his face, and he looked at me still a concerned big brother. "I just don't want to see you get hurt again."

"I won't. We know what we did wrong, and we're working it out." Sighing, I walked to the counter to get a cup of coffee, my nerves still wound tight.

"Come dancing with us tonight," Alice said, backing away but still looking up at Emmett. "Bring Rose. Get to know Bella again. Besides, I know she really wants to speak to the two of you."

I cocked an eyebrow at her. _Dancing? Who said anything about dancing?_

--xx--

Alice's plans to go out dancing did put a slight kink in my plans for the day, but I improvised and worked around it. By one o'clock I was anxious to see Bella, and I wondered how she would feel if I showed up early. I needed to kill some time, so I stopped by a floral stand on the way there. They had some beautiful pink roses that would just match the blush of her cheeks.

Still thirty minutes early, I stood in front of her door, hesitating and wondering if I should wait. Unable to help myself, I knocked. There was no answer so I knocked again. With still no answer, I sat down on the floor next to her door. Doubt niggled at my heart, which just a few hours earlier was so sure, and I couldn't help but feel apprehensive.

_Where is she? _

A door closed loudly down the hallway.

_Was that the door to the stairway?_

I stood, the roses grasped firmly in my hand, a small trickle of sweat running down the back of my neck, and waited.

"Shit." The small muffled curse made me smile as Bella came into view. Her hands were shoved into her purse, her head bent down as she rifled through it, all the while hurrying down the hallway. She was muttering softly, something about her keys and being late, when she looked up and saw me. Her face flushed pink, her teeth gripped onto her bottom lip, and her purse fell out of her hands landing with a thud on the hall floor.

"You're early." Her wide eyes met mine, and the panicked look on her face made me smile.

"I didn't want to wait," I said while squatting down to help her pick up the contents of her purse. She blushed again, grabbing at the items and shoving them back into her bag.

"Roses," she breathed, gaping at the flowers in my hand.

"Oh, yeah." I held them out to her, then noticed her full hands and awkwardly pulled them back. "Can I help?"

"I can't find my keys. I may have locked them inside." She looked distraught as she stared at her apartment door, her lip working its way back between her teeth.

"Spare key?" She shook her head no. "Superintendent?"

She scowled darkly. "Useless on a Saturday."

"Fire escape?"

Alarmed, her eyes popped out a little. "Dangerous." She shook her head again.

"Well, okay, then let's just go."

"What?!" Her eyes widened as she stared at me incredulously. "I can't go anywhere looking like this." Her voice raised a notch until she was almost squealing.

I quizzically glanced her over. She was wearing a pair of black, tight-fitting pants and a white t-shirt. Her hair was pulled back into a pony-tail. She looked good to me. "You look beautiful." She blushed, shaking her head and laughing a little.

"Come on. You don't need to be dressed up for what I have planned." I reached out to grab her hand, giving it a gentle tug. "You can call the super, see how long it will take, and we can meet him back here later."

"My flowers." She looked at them, then at me. "They won't last without water."

"I have a bottle of water in my car."

Reluctantly, she finally gave in, and we went down to the car. Once inside, she called the super who told her he couldn't get there until around five o'clock, which was actually quite perfect. It would be long enough for our outing and still leave us with time for dinner after we got back, before meeting up with everyone later.

Pike Place Market came into view as we rounded the last turn off the main drag. Glancing over at Bella, I caught her smile as she eagerly leaned forward in her seat. "I haven't been down here in so long. Last time was with Angela and Ben, at least a year ago, I think."

After parking the car we made our way inside the first building. I knew exactly where I wanted to go, and I pulled Bella along behind me, bypassing the other vendors, until we came to Le Panier.

"Are you hungry?" At her slight nod, I nudged her arm so that she stood in front of the display case. Croissants, éclairs… any other kind of French pastry a person could ever want was laid out in front of us.

"Edward." A soft voice spoke up from behind the counter. Louise Brenauche stepped forward, smiling at me brightly. Her tiny form was barely visible behind the massive counter, but no one could miss her wide smile. "It has been weeks since you have come to see us. I was just asking Mark about you yesterday."

"I've been a little busy." I smiled and brought Bella in closer to me. "Louise, this is Bella."

"Ahhh... so I see why you've been so busy. I've heard about you, Bella. It is good to see you here with Edward."

Bella glanced shyly up at me, a small smile playing across her lips.

"Okay, so Edward, what can I get for you today? Mark just took some croissants out of the oven, and they are perfect, even if I do say so myself."

I ordered two coffees, a bag of croissants, éclairs, and some of their famous petit macarons. Bella looked at me astonished, her nose crinkling up as she smiled.

"What? This stuff is excellent. You'll see."

There were some tables situated just outside the pastry heaven, and we sat to enjoy our coffee and croissants, saving the desserts for later.

"You come here a lot?" Bella asked.

"I used to… at least twice a week. I love it. Mark and Louise are great."

She studied me quietly while pulling apart a croissant. "What?" I asked.

"You seem really relaxed… more in your element. It's nice to see."

I laughed. "I have been somewhat tense lately. I have no idea why."

She smiled again and leaned toward me across the table to place a light kiss on my cheek. It was soft, and I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of her lips pressed to my skin. I grasped her hand in mine, my eyes meeting hers over the table. She was looking at me with that consuming look of hers, the one that made my heart pound, and I reached up to push a strand of hair behind her ear. She bit her lip and sighed, and I wanted to pull her to me and kiss her with all the frantic need suddenly boiling within me. Instead, I leaned back in my chair and sipped at my coffee.

After we finished we walked around a little more, stopping when something caught our interest. I kept her hand tightly in mine, refusing to let go for a second, even when it became difficult to juggle all the packages I had accumulated.

She grinned at me, shaking her head. "I could help."

My hands were getting rather full, and I finally had to give up and let her carry a few, but our hands still remained clasped between us.

Our last stop was at Pike's Place Fish. The guys that worked there put on quite a show, tossing fish about, yelling at each other, filleting the fresh catch. I had never seen Bella laugh so hard. I needed to make one final purchase and started towards the counter when I felt a slight tug on my hand.

"You need to let me go for just a minute." She giggled and tugged again. Letting go of her hand, I pouted a little to which she rolled her eyes and laughed. "You go get whatever you need, and I'll be over there." She pointed to the vendor next door.

After I made my purchase, I strolled over to Bella and stood behind her, glancing over her shoulder. She was holding a tiny, blown-glass piano.

I bent down so my lips brushed softly against her ear and asked, "Do you like that?"

Her heard tilted toward me, and she held up the piano for better viewing. As she spun it around we watched the light reflecting off it before she set it back down on the table.

"Yeah, it reminds me of you." I heard the wistfulness in her voice, and reaching around her I plucked it back off the table.

"Then you shall have it." Before she could form a protest, I quickly paid the clerk.

Bella looked up at me, biting her lip when I handed her the bag. "Thank you," she murmured. Taking my hand in hers again, she started forward and back outside. It was time to head back.

We had to hurry to make it to her apartment by five o'clock. The super was waiting for us, not happy about being made to wait. Grumbling, he opened the door.

_--xx--_

Two hours later, I was knocking on Bella's door again, this time juggling more bags with hot food. When she didn't answer, I impatiently tried the handle. It opened easily, and I went inside, calling her name.

"Bella?" I glanced around her apartment. It was quiet and no lights were on. The items I was carrying were beginning to get heavy, so I stepped into what I hoped was her kitchen. Bella was sitting at the table, head down, eyes shut, hair tumbling all around her. The blue dress she wore rode up her thighs, leaving a beautiful expanse of leg for me to ogle.

I sat the bags on the counter, my eyes never leaving her as my body reacted to the vision before me. I couldn't stop myself, and I stepped towards her.

"Bella," I whispered.

She shifted slightly in her chair, and my hands twitched at my sides as I was overwhelmed with the need to touch her. Her head lifted, and suddenly I was lost in the depths of her eyes.

"Edward," she breathed, staring up at me, and her mouth lifted into a small smile. Taking another step closer, I reached out to run my finger along the bare skin of her shoulder, following the curve and continuing down her arm. Her skin was so warm, and I entwined my fingers with hers and lifted her hand to my lips. Turning it over, I kissed the soft skin of her palm, flicking my tongue out to catch a taste of her. It grew hard to breathe, and I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath and pressing her palm against my cheek.

"Bella." Her name fell from my lips as I opened my eyes. She was looking up at me, her eyes wide and dark, her chest was rising and falling rapidly with her short breaths. I knelt down in front of her, my eyes never leaving hers as my hands rested on her thighs.

_God, I want her. _

I was drowning in my need for her and couldn't stop my hands from running up higher to graze just under where her dress was riding up. As I leaned in toward her, her lips parted and a soft murmur escaped them. The sound was the last driving point, and when I felt her lips under mine, giving back all I was giving, my heartbeat quickened. My kiss deepened and grew more urgent as her fingers tangled in my hair and she pulled me in closer to her.

All I could think of was how her skin felt against mine and how it would feel to have her under me, to be buried inside her. I groaned as I lost control of my body and tremors ran through me. I let go of her legs to reach behind her and grasp the table tightly, still kissing her, my tongue moving against hers.

She pulled back slightly, her face flushed, lips swollen. "You're shaking?" she asked while staring at my trembling arms.

"Yes."

"Why?" Her eyes searched mine, and I swallowed, trying to find my voice.

"Because I'm nervous." And I was. Everything with her was so new… yet… not, and it was totally overwhelming and made me doubt myself. I didn't know how she would react, how I would, what would happen…

Her fingers trailed up and down my arms, lightly tickling them. "Why are you so nervous?" Her eyes were focused on her fingers as she touched me, and I closed my eyes for a second, needing to get some semblance of direction as to what I was doing.

"Because it's you," I said, my lips close to hers, my breathing erratic.

She gasped, her beautiful, wide eyes darting back to mine, and she grabbed my hair again, forcing my lips hard down on hers. She crushed herself against me, the kiss desperate and needy.

_Bella:_

_Oh, God, what did he just say? _A jolt of pure desire rushed through me, leaving me breathless and shaking. "Because it's you." Those words brought on a tidal wave of emotion, submerging me in need. My kiss became frantic. I wanted to feel every part him, to _be _part of him.

"Please, Edward… I…" I wanted him more than ever, and I couldn't stand the tension building within me. His hands were on me, running along my arms, across my breasts, and down my abdomen, leaving trails of heat in their wake. I writhed against him, feeling everything with such acute clarity; I didn't know where the sensation started and ended. I was one giant mass of trembling need.

Somewhere in the background, I heard a phone ringing. I ignored it and wound myself tighter around him. He moaned against my neck, his lips sliding over it, trailing down along my shoulder.

A familiar beat was coming from behind me - my cell was going off, slightly muffled, from inside my purse. Again choosing to ignore it, my hands trailed down Edward's back, feeling the definition of his muscles as they flexed. I began tugging at the hem of his shirt, willing him to lift his arms so I could rid him of it.

_Damn it! _The phone wouldn't shut up. It was Alice's ring- _what could be so damn important? _

Edward glared over my shoulder at the offending piece of technology, his hands stilling. I whimpered and begged him to ignore it. "It's just Alice. I can call her later."

He groaned and lowered his head to rest against my chest. "Alice," he whispered. He sat up straighter, his face twisted with disappointment, and shook his head. "We're supposed to be meeting her and Jasper to go dancing."

I tightened my grip around him as he began to pull away. "I'm sure she'll understand if we don't make it." We had gotten this far, and I was loath to let him go. Who knew when he would get this close to me again?

He smiled ruefully and ran his hands through his hair, releasing a heavy sigh. "Emmett and Rose are going to be there."

"Oh." The realization was like a cold bucket of water being dumped over my head. I was suddenly chilled and a bit frightened. I bit my lip and looked at Edward. He was leaning back on his heels staring intently at my face.

"You look terrified." His hand came up to caress my cheek. "Don't be. It'll all work out."

I sighed against his palm. _I sure hope so. _

--xx--

I was sipping my margarita when Lady GaGa started blaring over the club's speakers. "Oh my God!" Alice squealed, jumping from her seat and grabbing my hand. "Bella, come on."

I glanced over at Edward and Jasper, the former wearing a small smirk on his face. "Save me," I pleaded.

"Oh, no. I think I want to see this." His eyes ran down my body, his eyes darkening when he got to my legs, and I flicked my skirt a little to tease him. His eyes flashed back up to mine, and his mouth parted slightly as he shook his head.

Smiling, I let Alice lead me out to the crowded dance floor. Once there, I closed my eyes, allowing the hectic beat of "Bad Romance" to wash over me. Eventually, I lost myself in the music and danced around the floor with Alice. I looked over at Edward to find him watching me, a look of supreme frustration on his face.

"I told you he wouldn't make it past that dress," Alice yelled over the music. I smiled at her, realizing he hadn't made it very far at all after the night's earlier events.

I sang along to the song, turning once to tease Edward, a cocky smile on my lips. I was still feeling the burn of desire from earlier, and I felt sexy and wanted. "I don't want to be friends…" I sang to him as GaGa belted out the lyrics. His eyebrows raised, and his smile grew as he held up his finger to beckon me to him.

I never found out what he was going to say because before I got back to the table, two new guests had arrived - Rose and Emmett. I stopped before reaching the table, so nervous I could barely walk. Just one look at Emmett's face told me exactly what he thought, and seeing Rose again brought a lump of sadness to my throat. I had really missed her.

I stumbled forward, my eyes on her only, an apology springing to my lips before she could even hear me. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Rose." Tears began to run down my cheeks as I neared her, tripping over the bar stools in the way.

Her own eyes watered, and she smiled, a light laugh bursting from her lips. "Same Bella, klutzy as ever."

We fell into each other's arms, bawling like babies, hugging fiercely and repeating the same phrase over and over.

"I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…"

"But I didn't…"

A gruff cough brought my attention away from Rose, and I looked over her shoulder, my eyes connecting with Emmett's. He had a shocked look on his face, and he no longer looked angry. Releasing Rose from our long hug fest, I stepped around her to Emmett.

"Em.. I… I know I hurt Edward and Rose… and you too. I never meant to. It was… well, it was a lot to deal with at the time, and I did a poor job of it. Both Edward and I know we screwed up, and we're fixing it. I'm sorry you got in the middle, both of you, and your family."

His face broke into a confused smile as he hesitantly placed his hand on my arm. "Yeah, little sis, you caused some damage, but I am starting to understand. I know it was hard on everybody." His grin grew larger, and suddenly two strong arms surrounded me and lifted me high in the air until I was pressed against his burly chest and squeezed within an inch of my life. After he let me back down, he smiled and nodded. "That's better."

The night ended on a good note; with Edward twirling me around the dance floor. Some sappy pop song about two being better than one was playing, and he had his arms around me; I felt warm and beautiful as he whispered in my ear, "You've grown into such a beautiful woman. Not that you weren't always beautiful, but now…" He trailed off as he swallowed, his hands sliding down my back to rest against my backside, his palm curling around one cheek. I giggled and glanced up at him. He was smiling at me, his eyes half closed and he looked sexy as hell.

The song ended with an announcement for last call, and he lifted his head to look over mine. "Rose and Emmett are leaving; we should say goodbye."

--xx--

Once we were back at my apartment, Edward stood awkwardly at my door, his hands tangled in my hair and his lips wet from our kiss. I had just asked him inside. He was still reluctant, and I grew frustrated, not understanding what he was waiting for.

He kissed me again, and I melted into him, my heart racing at the feel of his hands along my back. When he pulled away, I wanted to cry. "But you're leaving soon."

"I know. Speaking of that, I am going to be very busy the next couple of weeks with rehearsals and such. One of the players dropped out at the last minute and they replaced her, but now we have to get the new guy ready." He let go of me and took a step back, his hand brushing through his hair.

Sighing, I nodded my head, unable to hide my disappointment and confusion. He took my hand and squeezed it. "Bella, just be patient with me, please. I'm a little messed up, but I'm getting there. Okay?"

I laughed a somewhat ruefully, biting my lip and nodding my head again. His thumb ran over my lip as he whispered, "You really are beautiful."

"I love you." The words left my lips before I could even think them, and I stood stunned before him. _Crap, why did I have to say that now? What is wrong with me?_

His eyes closed and his lips pressed together tightly, as if he was fighting against something. When he opened his eyes, they were blazing down at me. "You're making this really hard."

My heart ached, and I turned from him before he could see the hurt I felt. He didn't respond. Why? What was holding him back from me?

His grip on my shoulder spun me back around, and his lips met mine in a kiss that left no doubt the feelings were there- he just couldn't say it yet. After he stepped back, I leaned against my door panting, my heart in my throat and my body alive and on fire.

"I'll call you tomorrow after I get back." He turned away and left. I watched him until he stepped into the stairway, then let myself inside.

I leaned against the wall thinking. I was too keyed up to even consider sleeping. I wanted… no needed… to know why Edward was holding himself back.

I threw on my jacket and drove to his apartment. Once I was there, I stood uncertainly in front of his door, chewing my lip and contemplating whether or not to knock.

_It's three o'clock in the morning. What am I dong here? _

Before I could turn to leave, Alice opened the door, smiling at me. I could see Jasper sitting behind her on the sofa, and low sounds from the TV suffused the room. "He walked right into his room and collapsed on his bed." Alice pointed to where Edward's room was, and I swallowed nervously, realizing belatedly I had never been here before.

I opened his door slowly, trying to be as quiet as possible, not wanting to disturb him if he was sleeping. The light from the living room allowed me too see he was stretched out along the mattress, his lithe form still dressed and spread out over the entirety of the bed, with his shoed feet hanging off the edge. The soft snoring coming from him made me smile.

Crossing the room to him, I reached for his foot, and holding it with one hand, I wiggled off his shoe as gently as I could. Despite my efforts, I still had to give it a good tug to remove it completely, and I stilled, waiting to see if I had disturbed his sleep. He didn't move. I pulled his other shoe off and grabbed the blanket bunched next to his side. I tenderly laid it over his still form, my hand stopping when I reached his shoulders and carefully moving over his cheek and brushing the hair that had fallen across his forehead.

I sat on the edge of the bed, my eyes resting on the sweet face that reminded me of the seventeen-year-old boy I once loved. My fingers itched to reach out and trace over his strong jaw line, to graze over the long eyelashes that fluttered while he slept. Instead, I sat there watching him until my eyes grew heavy and drooped sleepily. I really wanted to just curl up next to him, and I decided to do just that. I stood and went in search of something comfy to wear while I slept. Finding a soft, red t-shirt in one of Edward's drawers, I quickly changed, breathing in his scent as I pulled the shirt over my head. I lingered by the bed, wondering if I should somehow take off his jeans. Surely that would wake him up, but he couldn't be comfortable sleeping in those.

As if reading my thoughts, Edward shifted his hips, a scowl crossing his once serene features. I walked forward and deftly unbuttoned his jeans, sliding them over his hips, giving a small gasp as I passed over the slight bulge in his briefs. My pulse leapt in response to my suddenly erotic thoughts. Shaking my head, I admonished myself harshly. _He's tired. Leave him alone_. Finishing my task, I slid the jeans over his feet and folded them, laying them on top of his dresser. I checked to be sure I had not woken him up.

Amazingly, he was still asleep.

_Edward:_

Someone was pulling at my jeans. I tried to ignore it and go back asleep, but the tugging got more insistent. Feeling the graze of silken hands brush against my hips, I opened my eyes briefly. Bella was leaning over me, her hands gripping my pants with a look of determination on her face as she attempted to tug them down over my hips.

I fleetingly wondered what she was doing here, and why she was pulling off my pants.

Raising my hips slightly, I felt her fingers move over my skin as she slid them down. Her eyes seemed to rest on my crotch and desire trailed through me, pooling in my groin and causing my dick to swell slightly. She shook her head and mumbled something under her breath before pulling them the rest of the way off. Holding in my groan, I decided I didn't care why she was here, as long as she didn't leave.

I closed my eyes, feigning sleep, curious to see what she would do next. There was an audible click as she closed the door, and I felt safe to open my eyes again since it was now completely dark. I was barely able to make out her figure as I watched her cross the room to the bed.

_Thump_, the sound was followed by Bella's "Oomph, shit" and the whispered expletive caused me to smile. She must have run into something in the dark and it was so like her, I almost laughed out loud.

The bed gave way slightly, and with a small sigh, she lay down and curled herself against my side. Shifting to make more room for her, I turned on my side facing her. My arms wound tightly around her, and I pulled her to me.

"Edward?" she whispered.

Smiling, I let my hands run up her back and under the shirt she was wearing. My fingers leisurely trailed across her waist and over her ribs, making their way across her abdomen and up until they met soft, warm mounds of flesh. Bella's breathing increased as I cupped her breasts in my hands, kneading them gently. Her nipples hardened into tight nubs as I ran my thumb over them, circling them, and a small moan echoed in the room. The pressure in my groin increased, and I rolled her on top of me so she straddled my hips.

"Edward." Her breathy whisper sent a jolt of liquid fire through my groin and as her fingers tangled in my hair, pulling my head forward, I groaned loudly. Heated mouths joined together as her tongue flicked out across my lips, and I opened willingly for her.

Her kiss grew more insistent as I took her nipple between my fingers and stroked it. I was slowly losing control of my actions and my hips involuntarily pushed forward into her, grinding my dick against her thigh. My hands left her breasts to grasp her ass and pull her tighter against me, adjusting myself so I rested firmly between her legs. A low growl escaped my lips as I ground into her.

"Bella…"

Her hands brushed over my chest, landing on my hips where her fingers hooked into my briefs and drew them down. My heart pumped erratically when her hand encircled my length and I gasped, my head falling against her shoulder. She ran her fingers up and down, teasing at my tip, driving me slowly insane. Jerking into her hand, my eyes rolled back in my head, and I moaned at the feel of her soft hand wrapped tightly around me.

She let go and I grabbed for her, wanting her to continue, but her hands pushed against my chest, guiding me back on the bed.

_Bella:_

Straddling Edwards's hips, I ran my hands under his shirt and up his chest, lingering over his ribs and tracing each one. Our breathing was loud in the quiet room, and our shifting bodies made soft noises as they moved on the bed, rustling against the sheets. Leaning forward, I found his lips and crushed my mouth against them, my tongue flicking out to lick along the inside of his bottom lip. I sighed as his tongue met mine, and I deepened the kiss, pressing against him, and a feeling of urgency began to overtake me.

He pulled himself up into a sitting position and shrugged out of his shirt. Wrapping my legs around his waist, my need for him ripped through me, and my fingers wound into his hair, tugging at it desperately. Gripping my shirt, he pulled it over my head and tossed it aside, his head dipping down and his lips skimming over my nipple. Languidly, his tongue lapped at it until I cried out, desperately arching my back and pressing myself deeper into his mouth. Moving his attention to my other breast, his teeth grazed against the hard nub, his tongue pressing against it in short thrusts. I yanked frantically at his hair, pleading with him for more, to give me what I wanted so badly.

"Edward… please, I need you. Please, Edward."

His hands gripped my hips tightly, guiding me against him and forcing my panties to rub into me as I drifted over him. Moving me slightly away from him, one hand ran along my waistband, his fingers slipping under and down. He teased me, touching me where I ached the most.

"Edward." I pushed into his hand as desire rushed up my body, and I moaned his name over and over.

"Fuck, Bella… the way your body responds to me is beautiful," he murmured as his fingers stroked.

I stilled and moaned, his words engulfing me. Pressing against his chest, I guided him back down on the bed and kneeled over him. I quickly wiggled out of my panties and again straddled him. I could feel him throbbing, his hardness rubbing against me. He let out a deep groan.

"Bella… I… we need to… wait just a minute." His hands held me still as he took in deep gasping breaths. "The nightstand, baby. In the top drawer."

Understanding dawned, and I moved just enough to reach over and open it. Grabbing what we needed, I hurriedly focused my attention back to Edward and deftly slipped the condom over him.

"Wait." Edward held my hips still. "I love you… and… well… you know that, right? I love you so much."

Closing my eyes, my hands slid down, taking his in mine and I laced our fingers together. "Yes, I know, and I love you too." He raised his head slightly to meet me as I leaned forward, and the kiss was languid and full of the love and passion we felt for each other.

His hand gripped mine tightly as I slowly slid over him. "Oh fuck…" The word was long and drawn out as he moaned.

Pulling myself up, I began to move in a rhythm, finding the best way to love him and to give us what we both needed. I rocked my hips back and forth, pressing against him so that every part of me rubbed over him.

"Edward." His name fell from my lips as I continued sliding over him and our fingers tightened around each other, splayed out on the bed beside us.

"Christ, Bella, I'm not going to last very long. You're amazing. God…umph." His hips lifted off the bed meeting mine as our movements quickened and became more urgent. "Please… baby, please." One hand loosened mine, and he reached between us to find my clit and circle it with his thumb, pushing against it.

My cries filled the room as tremors began to course through me. His hips rocked rapidly up into me, his hardness filling me completely, and I cried out his name as I fell apart above him.

Edward groaned and called to me. "Oh, Bella… Bella… ungh." His hand clenched mine as he shook under me.

Collapsing on top of him, my body spent, I whispered words of love and joy.

_Edward:_

_God, I love this woman._

Her essence surrounded me as she laid on me, seeping into my skin and leaving a permanent brand on my heart. My hands traced along her back, fingers lightly grazing while counting her breaths. One… two... My hands rose and fell in unison with her breaths, and I relaxed under her, enjoying her light weight pressed against me. Her hair hung over us, fanning out along my side, tickling me with each movement.

She was so beautiful.

I protested feebly when she pulled from me, and though it was too dark to see her face clearly I swear she smiled. Turning towards her, my arms encircled her tightly and I

pressed light kisses along her face and lips. I let out a deep breath of contentment as I rested against her.

"If I knew this was all I had to do, I would have come over a long time ago," she whispered, laughing softly.

I smiled and whispered back, "You took me by surprise." And she had - I hadn't planned on making love to her yet. Right now though, I couldn't remember what I had been waiting for.

Yawning, I pressed my face against her shoulder. "You should sleep," she murmured. "Big day tomorrow?" Her fingers were massaging my scalp, tangling in my hair and pulling gently. It felt really good, and I nudged my head against her.

"Yeah." I closed my eyes, breathing her in, sleep already overcoming me.

Before I dozed off, I heard one last whisper as Bella breathed into my ear. "I love you, Edward."

--xx--

The shrill sound of the alarm penetrated my sleep-filled state. I reached out and pushed the off button, groaning my complaint. I did not want to wake up yet. It felt too good where I was at. Opening my eyes, I encountered the warm glow of chocolate- Bella was watching me, her eyes beaming into mine.

"Good morning, love." I reached up and caressed her cheek with my thumb.

A smile broke out on her lips,and she leaned into me, kissing me chastely. I knew I needed to get up and get ready, but my heart wanted to remain right where I was.

"We should probably get up. We don't want to be late." She was the voice of reason, my Bella. I released her from my grip and rolled onto my back as she sat on the edge of the bed. She took of my t-shirts off the floor and pulled it over her head.

"I have to go. I need to go home and get dressed." My hand trailed down her arm, and I took her hand, squeezing it gently. "Do you…" She looked into my eyes, hers questioning, timid. "Can I come over again tonight?" She blushed brightly and looked away from me.

"Please do. Bring some clothes this time, so you don't have to rush out right away."

She nodded and stood, pulling on her jeans and shoes. Bending over me, she kissed me once more before turning to leave. "See you later then. I love you."

"Love you too." I smiled as I said the words, a pleasant warmth spreading through me at the easiness of the way we said them.

I watched as she left and for once, I didn't tense up.

I was no longer afraid.

She _would_ come back to me tonight.

My heart swelled and almost burst with that knowledge.

*****Finally they did the dead. What'd you think, I had the hardest time writing this.. really, really hard time. **

*****Please tell me what you think, I am still unsure about it... I almost deleted it all and rewote it. **

*****I have never been to Seattle, I just ggoled the places there. So if I f'd up the locations or places, please forgive me. **


	22. Chapter 19

***** This chapter is why my story is rated M. You are warned. :)**

*****Thanks to my awesome betas from PTB- mac and jessica0306- You guys are the best!**

*****Characters not mine. Stephanies.. **

**Chapter 19 - As One**

_Edward:_

She was driving me crazy, and she wasn't even here. I couldn't concentrate on playing; she was all I could see. The thought of Bella's eyes, her mouth, the way she looked beneath me, and the soft touch of her hand over my skin drove me to distraction.

My fingers fumbled over the piano keys, and I heard a loud groan from across the room. John, the group's leader, had been frowning at me all day. "I really hope whatever is taking your attention away either disappears or is resolved before Saturday night."

The first concert was Saturday night in Seattle, leaving only four more days with Bella before we left for the tour.

Finally, John called for a break, and I strode out the door, phone in hand, dialing Bella's number.

"Hi, I was hoping you'd call soon." I could almost hear her smile across the lines, and I smiled back, unable to stop the grin that started the moment I heard her voice.

"Hi. How's class?"

"Okay, but it would be better if I could concentrate."

Striding to my car, I pictured her walking across the campus. She was only a few minutes away. "I'm having the same problem. John is fed up- I think he's worried I lost my touch."

"Edward," she gasped, "this is important. You should go back and talk to him. If he thinks… "

I laughed loudly at her worry. "Oh, love, he's not really that worried. I'm just distracted. As a matter of fact, he just sent us on a lunch break, and I'm not far away. Can I stop and get you?"

Just as she was saying yes, I turned into the campus. She directed me where to go, and I scanned the area looking for her. She was walking towards me- she was gorgeous. Her hair was thrown up in a loose knot on her head and little pieces escaped to frame her face. She was wearing a brown dress that allowed me a fair glimpse of leg, and I eyed them appreciatively. She smiled broadly back at me, her eyes fixed on mine.

My emotions ran amuck as I stared at her. I put my elbow on the steering wheel, and my head in the palm of my hand as I tried to sort through my feelings for Bella. She was everything to me now. All I wanted was to spend every available minute with her, and that still would not be enough. I had let her go too many times in the past, watching her run away from me. Now that we had quit running, I still had to leave her, and it tore my heart to pieces. I would be gone for five long months.

It felt like an eternity.

She opened her car door and slid into her seat, leaning towards me. Her soft lips slid over mine, and she smiled as she sat back, her warm hand caressing my cheek. "I missed you."

"Hello, love." I took her hand and pulled her closer, kissing her gently on the lips again. She tasted faintly of cotton candy, and I ran my tongue slightly over her lip, enjoying the sweet nectar. I had to drag myself away from them so I could take us to lunch.

As we made our way downtown, Bella gazed at me quizzically. "Where are we going?"

"Top of the Hilton." I looked over at her from the corner of my eye, hoping she would be okay with this. We were venturing pretty far from campus, but I really wanted to take her there. It was a nice restaurant with a beautiful view of Seattle.

She didn't say anything as I pulled up in front of the hotel. A valet opened her door and she got out, waiting for me expectantly. "Is there something you need to tell me?" she asked, blushing and looking up at me with a small smile.

"No." I smirked down at her, placing my hand on the small of her back, and led her inside.

Luckily, it wasn't that busy of a day, and we were able to be seated right away. Pulling my chair close to hers, I took her hand as we gave our drink orders. Unable to stop touching her, my fingers made trails down her arms and across the palm of her hand, stopping there to trace the creases that lined it. This woman was befuddling my brain, and when the waitress returned I realized I hadn't even looked at the menu- neither had Bella. Giving us a few more minutes, the server walked away again.

Smiling ruefully, I let go of her hand and grabbed the menu, giving it a cursory glance. While Bella concentrated on her menu, I continued watching her. She was slowly twirling a piece of hair that had fallen from its confines, wrapping it around her finger and letting it unwind and fall over her shoulder. This was a gesture I had seen her repeat many times, and I smiled at how it seemed unchanged with time.

After the waitress came back, we placed our order and settled into our chairs, quietly contemplating each other. She was the first to speak. "So….last night."

"Yes, last night." I grinned and cocked my eyebrow at her.

Last night had been incredible. We were so in sync with each other, attuned to what the other was feeling, what each needed. It was like we had crossed over the line that had still been between us, finally letting go of all our reservations, past guilt, and anger.

She returned my smile, and her eyes lit up so that they glowed out at me. "Edward?" A small laugh escaped her before she began biting her lip.

My breath caught. Another familiar gesture, and my pulse raced as I watched her full bottom lip disappear into her mouth. "I know, Bella, me too."

Neither one of us knew what to say. Now that we had reached and passed that hurdle, where were we to go? I knew where I wanted to go- upstairs to one of the spacious rooms, with a big king-sized bed in it. To hell with lunch. In the long run I never wanted to let her go. I looked down at the hand I was stroking.

_So soft. _

"If I tell you I booked a room here for the next few days, what would you say?" This morning on my way to rehearsal I had called and reserved a room. We would have more privacy at a hotel; no one would know we were there. No Alice to interrupt us, no ringing phones or other distractions. Just her and me, nothing else. My leg bounced impatiently under the table as my pants began to feel a bit tight from the thought of being completely alone with Bella.

Her eyes widened, and she let go of her lip to stare at me incredulously. "Edward… I still have to another class to go to. I wish…" She shook her head, her bottom lip pouting at me.

Leaning in closer to her, I brought her hand to my chest, crushing it to me. "Bella, don't go. I feel very…" I swallowed, suddenly nervous. _Please don't go, come with me. _"I need you, Bella. I can't…" I closed my eyes, breathing deep. "I want you right now. I keep feeling you around me, pressing against me. It's driving me mad." I stopped talking to take in a shaky breath.

Her hand moved from under mine, and I opened my eyes to look at her. She reached under the table for her purse and pulled out her phone. "Go get the room key, and I'll have our lunch boxed to go." The air of authority in her voice really turned me on, and I stood quickly, practically running to the elevator.

_Bella:_

I watched as Edward sprinted out the door. My heart was racing. _This is insane, but do you care?_ The answer was no. I wanted him too. With only four short days left, I wanted to be able to do this.

I finally got through to Cathy, a girl from school in my next class. She agreed to let me copy her notes and fill me in on anything else I might miss. She had seen me earlier in my distracted state and knew something was up. She teased me a bit when I mentioned spending time with my boyfriend but promised to help me out.

The waitress came back to the table a knowing expression on her face. "Should I have your lunches packed up to go?"

I blushed and nodded sheepishly at her.

She laughed. "Don't be embarrassed, honey. If I had a man who looked like that, and he looked at me the way he was looking at you, I don't think I would stay here either."

I grinned at her. _I am a very lucky woman. _

Edward was back, and he beamed at me from across the room. "All set? I called John, and he gave me the rest of today off."

The waitress came back then with our boxed lunches and the bill. He threw some money on the table, grabbed my hand, and led me through the lobby.

Edward moved quickly to the elevator and pushed the up arrow. He was eyeing me, and I blushed from the intensity of his gaze. The doors to the elevator opened, and he pushed me inside and up against the wall, one hand reaching out to press the floor button. His hands were back on me, touching my neck, down along my dress collar, along my thighs. I felt the fabric brush against my legs as he pulled the skirt up a little and slipped his knee between my legs. His mouth was on mine, slippery and devouring, his tongue forcing its way between my lips. Groaning, I kissed him back, my arms wrapping around his waist, pulling him in.

I didn't hear the doors open, but suddenly he pushed back from me, his hands grasping mine and pulling me through the doors. His eyes were dark with want as he stared at me, flashing a cocky grin. "You look a little dazzled, love."

Before I could respond, he was hurrying me down the hall, and I almost had to run to keep up. I was watching him in amazement as he pulled the room card out and opened the door, pushing me inside. Any thoughts I had escaped me when I looked at his face- his features were strained and his breathing ragged. Gathering me to him, he nibbled at my lips, thrusting his tongue urgently against mine as his hands ran up my sides, clawing at my dress. Breaking from our kiss, he jerked his shirt over his head and threw it aside.

My heart pounded as I took in the muscular definition of his chest, my fingers tracing over him in awe. I gave in to the longing to lean forward and trace those planes with my tongue- he tasted salty, and his smell heightened my need for him. Edward tugged my hair, forcing me away from his chest. I looked up at him in confusion. He was looking at me apologetically. "Bella, please, I need you."

My eyes widened, and a rush of desire flowed through me. Stepping back from him, I unzipped my dress and took it off. I stood before him in only my bra and panties, and I watched as he slipped out of his pants and moved towards me. Backing up until I felt the bed on the back of my legs, I reached up and unclasped my bra, letting it fall down at my feet. Gripping my panties in my hands, I pulled then down and stepped out of them.

Edward was over me, guiding me onto the bed. My hands rested on his shoulders, my eyes never leaving his. Pushing my legs apart, he settled between them, his arms anchoring him on either side of me. His fingers caressed me, fondling my most sensitive area, and my body immediately answered him. I arched my hips into him, feeling the tremors running through me already.

Peering down at me, he silently questioned with his eyes, wanting to be sure I was ready. _God, yes._ I nodded, pushing my feet against his calves, urging him onward.

"You don't have to wait... now."

His eyes closed when he entered me, and he moaned faintly My lips parted, small murmurs of want escaping them as I pushed my hips up to meet him as my fingers splayed over his back, and my legs moved up to wrap tightly around him.

He pushed back from me, sitting back on his heels, and he placed my legs over his shoulders. Stopping to lick and nibble on my ankle, he groaned and took in a deep breath. Keeping his eyes locked with mine, he leaned forward and placed his hands against the wall behind us, pushing himself further inside me.

His breath came out in a loud hiss, and his face contorted in pleasure. "Fuck… Bella… ungh."

_Oh my God_.

I gasped at the feeling of him pressed so deeply inside me. "Edward…" My mouth hung open, and my eyes rolled back in my head as the indescribable feeling pulsed over me.

Pressure built in waves as he started moving against me. A myriad of emotions played across his face- his eyes tightening then widening, his mouth gasping open and then closing, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed. Sounds, deep and guttural, sexy and wanting, issued from his throat as he clung to me.

"Bella… oh… so good. You… feel incredible."

My hands grasped his hips, moving with him as I watched his movements, his expressions and sounds, heightening my sensitivity, pushing me closer. Unable to contain my moans, I called to him loudly. My cries echoing off the walls of the room, he joined me as the tremors began to overtake us, and I clenched tightly around him.

"Bella! I love you… God, I love you." We clung to each other, lips meeting frantically as we shook from our shared passion.

He gently moved my legs from his shoulders before collapsing on top of me, and I could feel his heart beating against my chest. I wrapped my arms around him, gasping for breath. Lifting himself up a little, his hands framed my face as he looked onto my eyes. "You're amazing."

I lay there stunned, staring at him, my body spent and happy. I didn't need to say anything. I just gazed at him, showing him all my love.

After a few minutes, he laughed and sat up, running a hand through his hair. "I'm really hungry now. Do you want your lunch?"

I smiled and nodded. Edward stood and pulled on his briefs, grabbing the bag from the restaurant and bringing it back to the bed. I sat, wrapping the sheet around me, and we enjoyed our lunch, quietly staring at one another. Occasionally one of us would reach out to touch the other on the face or arm, wherever, unable to keep away.

After we finished eating, we started again, giving everything we had to the other. Our soft moans and sighs filled the quiet hotel room.

--xx--

"Oh God, Bella!" Edward groaned as he collapsed on top of me, panting.

I couldn't see him. His forceful thrusts had pushed me over the edge of the bed and my head hung limply over the side. I gasped for breath as the tremors continued to rock through me, and my thighs quivered around him, clenching against his hips in an effort to still their trembling.

Cold air hit me when he rolled off, and I moaned in displeasure. My hands reached out and sought to pull him back. Lifting my head, I glanced at him. He was lying on his back with one arm thrown over his face, the other stretched out by his side. I curled up next to his body with my head on his chest and my fingers trailing along his rib cage. I marveled at the way his skin glimmered from the fine sheen of sweat covering it.

"Hmmm..." Edward sighed in contentment and turned on his side facing me. His hand found mine, entwining our fingers together. "Bella?"

I smiled up at him, squeezing his hand. "Yes."

"I love you."

"I love you too." I leaned in, taking his lips with mine, softly pressing against them. Releasing them, I laid my head back on the bed and gazed up at his face.

He was looking down at me, his eyes hooded and sleepy looking. The green depths lulled me, and I found myself lost once more. "I can't keep myself away from you. Everything about you draws me in." His fingers ran along my cheek and down my chin. "Your beauty." His nose ran along my neck, pausing to take in a deep breath. "Your smell." He moved back to my lips, carelessly nibbling them. His hand ran along my throat, fingers delicately moving up, caressing out a soft moan from me. "Even your voice." His lips moved on mine before he pulled back. "I can never get enough of you, love."

His hand glided down to stroke my thigh, and his eyes began to darken again.

My eyes widened, incredulous. _Is it even possible?_ "Edward! Please, I don't think I can take anymore."

He chuckled lightly as he trailed kisses down my body, lowering his head between my legs.

Apparently, I was wrong about how much more I could take.

_Edward: _

I couldn't get enough of her. Her skin was so soft and inviting. I wanted to keep touching her forever. Even now, with the taste of her still on my tongue, I couldn't stop. My fingers were drawing patterns across her back, fanning out occasionally to sweep over her ribs or down her spine.

Bella was lying on her stomach next to me, her head resting on her arms. "I'm starving," she mumbled. Her eyes were fluttering with each path I made across her back.

"Would you like to actually get up and go down to breakfast, or should I just order room service?" We had spent the last two days locked in this hotel room. Two days of the sweetest, hottest sex I had ever experienced. "I have to be at the Benaroya by four o'clock." It was time to go back to work. I had a show to put on tonight. "I'm sure they're wondering about me since I didn't stop by yesterday."

"Let's get up and go out. I need to stretch my legs." She raised her arms over her head, stretching, and yawned deeply.

"Come then, the shower is calling my name. Join me?" I reached my hand out for her and helped her up off the bed.

As soon as she stood up, her knees gave out, and she dropped to the floor. Looking at me in astonishment she said, "I can't stand. My muscles have finally caved. Too much sex." She grinned up at me. "Too much time in one position."

I cocked my eyebrow at her. "Umm... one position? Love… I'm sure the bed did get a good workout, but so did the couch, the floor, and the bathtub." _No doubt the previous night's activities have left her a little weak and sore._ I bent down, taking her in my arms and lifting her up against my chest.

Her entire face heated with her blush, and I chuckled. "How can you still blush when I mention these things? You were there. You were the one who pulled me to the floor, if I remember correctly." She burrowed her face into my chest, and I laughed. "Silly girl."

Once in the bathroom, I sat her down and started the shower. "Are you going to be able to stand up?" I teased.

She eyed me warily. "Are you going to be able to keep your hands to yourself?"

Laughing, I pulled her in close to me. "I promise."

That was one promise I didn't keep. The way she looked with the water trickling down her face, her breasts, and her thighs. It was too much, and I had to have her again. We ended up ordering room service after all.

--x--

I had to leave her at twelve o'clock. She was lying in the bed again, a sheet draped over her ass. It was hard to walk away from that. Her eyes were already closed as I exited the room. _Poor girl, I wore her out._ A small, self-satisfied smirk was dancing on my lips as I made my way downstairs.

Tonight was opening night of the tour. I was excited, yet heartsick. How was I going to leave her tomorrow morning after we were just finally getting together? I picked up the phone to call my brother.

"Did you give her the ticket?" I asked Jasper once he came on the line.

"Yeah, awhile ago. Relax, Edward. She'll be there."

"She didn't say anything about it. I wanted to be sure." _Why hadn't she mentioned coming to tonight's show?_

"Do you want me to have Alice call her? Be sure everything goes okay?"

"That would be great, Jazz. Did I thank you yet for giving up your seat?" I had only received so many tickets, and Jasper had given his up for Bella.

"Yes, you did. And again- you're welcome."

Once at my apartment, I grabbed everything I would need for tonight. I would head back over to the hotel for an early dinner with Bella and be back and ready to perform at six. The show started at eight.

_Bella:_

"Hello?" My voice was still groggy; I had just woken up.

"Bella! What is going on? Where are you? Jasper says you spent the night with Edward, but you weren't here and I tried your apartment. Are you still going to his concert? Do you have something to wear? If not, I found the cutest dress over at …" Alice's rapid chatter caught me off guard, and I held the phone from my ear as she prattled on.

"Alice, please. I just woke up. Can you take it down a notch?" I smiled happily as I buried my face in the pillow next to me.

_It smells like Edward_.

"But, Bella... you have to tell me what's going on." Alice was beginning to whine now, and I knew I would have to give her the story if I wanted any peace for the rest of the day.

"Edward and I spent the last two days together. He got us a room downtown. I know you couldn't get in touch with me- that was kind of the idea. And yes, I'm going tonight. I already have something to wear."

I could almost see her pouting at the phone. "But, Bella…"

"Alice…" I whined back, giggling. "I still need your help. I need to look amazing tonight. I definitely can't accomplish that on my own. Will you come over later?"

"Of course." She sounded happy again. It really didn't take much. "So, you and Edward spent two days together? Give me all the details."

After I hung up with Alice, I got dressed and headed home to grab a few things I would need for tonight. Suddenly it seemed I was running out of time. The evening quickly approached and before long, it was time to meet Edward for dinner.

He was already there, waiting for me at the bar with a worried frown on his and two glasses of wine in his hands. His forehead was creased and his eyebrows were drawn into a scowl.

"What is that look all about?" I asked, taking a glass from him.

"You never mentioned you got your ticket, and I was wondering if you were coming tonight?"

I couldn't help it; I laughed. "Jasper gave me a ticket, and yes, of course I'll be there! Why wouldn't I be? I was just a little too distracted lately to mention it." My fingers traced a path over his shirt buttons, resting on his collar. "I had _other_ things on my mind."

He smiled devilishly, the scowl now gone from his face. His arm went around my waist and he pulled me to him for a long, slow kiss.

A throat cleared behind us. "Mr. Cullen? Your table is ready, sir."

We followed the host to our table, pulling our chairs in close together, unable to stand even a miniscule of distance between us.

We continued taking softly to one another while enjoying our meal and before long, it was time for him to go. He seemed confident, not a bit nervous about tonight. I kissed him softly, and a dull ache began to throb in my heart as I watched him walk away.

I met Alice in our room and she quickly got to work. I wanted to look pretty for Edward, but I was also seeing Carlisle and Esme for the first time in over four years; I wanted to make a good impression.

--x--

Standing in the entryway, I nervously looked about. The last time I had been here was with Edward when he had shown me around, leading me to our seats. I smiled remembering our date and his words that night. He had been so thrilled about his chance to play here.

Clenching my ticket stub, I made my way toward Edwards's family. Minus Jasper, they were all seated together, talking amongst themselves.

Esme stood up from her seat and made her way over to me. "I have talked to Edward. I know you two are working things out and he loves you very deeply. You love him?"

Nodding, I bowed my head to look at my lap, still feeling shameful for all the hurt I had put this family through. I had only thought of my own pain back then. Finding my voice, I smiled at her, confirming my nod. "Yes, I love him. More than he knows, I think."

She bent to hug me and returned to her place by Carlisle. He smiled at me, winking.

An announcement was made for everyone to take their seats. After a few minutes the lights began to dim, and a hush fell over the crowd. The stage lit up. The concert was ready to begin, and sitting center stage was a piano, open and ready to be played.

-xx--

He was the first performer.

He gracefully made his way to center stage, taking a seat in front of the piano. The spotlight shone down on him, giving everyone a good look of just how beautiful my Edward really was. He wore a black suit and tie with a white shirt- simple, but on him, outstanding.

The room was quiet, and he hadn't even started to play yet.

He hunched his shoulders forward a little as he stared down at the piano. His long, graceful fingers stretched out and hovered over the keys. His shoulders raised as he took a deep breath in and fell again as he breathed out. Strains of music began to softly flow around the audience.

I recognized the notes and looked over at Esme. A soft smile lit up her face, and she gripped Carlisle's hand tightly. It was her song. The one he had played for me on our first date. The one he had written when he was only sixteen years old. Carlisle wrapped his arm around Esme's shoulders, his face beaming with pride and love.

The last notes echoed through the hall. Applause broke out through the crowd. Edward looked up towards us, at his mother, smiling shyly. She was smiling back and gave him a little wave. He looked back down at his piano before standing up and leaving the stage.

That was his first performance. It seemed Edward had kept a secret from us. Although there were other performers, each with their own time on stage, Edward was obviously the center of the show.

After the second time Edward played, Emmett left his seat in search of a brochure. He was smiling and shaking his head when he got back, passing the pamphlet to me.

_Featuring aspiring composer and future member of the Seattle Symphony Orchestra:_

_**Edward Cullen **_

I grinned, turning towards his family and passing it to Esme. She and Carlisle beamed, laughing and hugging.

A few people looked at us in bewilderment. Carlisle passed the pamphlet to them and proudly stated, "That's my son."

All in all, Edward had three solo performances, three group endeavors, and one duet. The duet was with a very young girl of about sixteen who played the violin. The lively tune the two of them created caused the audience to clap along, and the fun Edward was having with this song was written all over the big grin plastered on his face.

He performed the last song of the night, a solo piece. He strode out onto the stage one last time, sitting in front of the piano. He looked out towards us, and though I knew he probably couldn't see me through the stage lights, I felt his gaze connect with mine.

Soft, heartrending music began to play. I _knew_ this song. I had heard it once before on the day Alice had dragged me to see him while he rehearsed. The piece that broke my heart and caused him to come see me one last time. The piece that spurred me into action, to follow him to Forks and get back what was mine. It was still laced with the previous anguish, only now there was an undercurrent of hope to it. The music grew in intensity and volume, surrounding me with its power. My eyes devoured him, one thought running through my mind.

_I love him, this man who played this song meant for me, I love him._

Rose placed a hand on my shoulder, and I looked over at her tears falling from my eyes, but a smile on my lips. She was also crying. Emmett sat next to her with a look of awe on his face. Esme was crying again, and Carlisle still looked proud.

My tears dried up as he continued to play. This part I had not heard, it was lighter, promising love, and a future.

Edward stared down at the keys when he finished. A hush had fallen over the audience.

Suddenly, applause broke out; people were coming to their feet to show their appreciation. His entire family beamed with happiness. Tears began to roll down my cheeks again as joy radiated in me for him. This was his night.

Edward's face was beaming as he stood. A smile lit up his face as he basked in the love. He glanced out towards his family, scanned each face, and then rested on mine. Feeling his love from across the room, I blew a small kiss to him, not caring if I looked silly. His smile grew.

His head swiveled around as the rest of the tour took the stage. The entire troop bowed and accepted the audience's praise before exiting.

_Edward_:

I felt ecstatic, like the luckiest man alive. I had just performed the concert of my life, starting a tour that would take me across the country to different cities and give me the prestige and name I so longed for. On top of that, I had the most wonderful family waiting for me downstairs, along with Bella.

_Bella, my love, my life. _

My heart was full on the stage listening to the audience applauding for me. _Me. _But when I looked up to see her standing there, glowing, and she threw me that kiss… my heart swelled tenfold.

I ran a hand through my hair, then pulled off my jacket before going downstairs to see my family. Bella stood there talking to Rose. Bella was wearing a gorgeous pink dress, and her hair was pulled up off her neck. The creamy expanse of skin there begged to be kissed, and I moved behind her, grabbing her around the waist, sweeping her off her feet. Nuzzling my face in her neck, I spun her around, laughing.

"Edward," she said when I sat her down. "You were amazing! Every song you played was so beautiful." Looking up at me, her eyes sparkled with tears. "I especially enjoyed the last one."

So she did get it. The last song I played- Bella's Lullaby- was about us and all we had been through and our possible future. We gazed quietly into each other's eyes, and I smiled down at her, bending to kiss her lips softly.

"Now don't go hogging him all to yourself, Bella," Mom joked, coming over to me and placing a hand on my arm. "I need to hug and kiss my son." She hugged me tightly, warmly kissing my cheek. "Thank you, Edward. It was beautiful."

I smiled shyly at her and looked down. She meant so much to me, and I was glad the song had expressed that to her.

After all the congratulatory hugs were over, we left to meet Jasper and Alice at Kell's Irish Pub downtown. Everyone seemed very excited over my success and wanted to celebrate with me. Truthfully, all I wanted was Bella. I would be leaving in the morning, and I was anxious to get her back to the hotel, but my family had their own plans, and I knew everyone wanted to say goodbye. I figured we could stay there a little while.

I was on my second game of darts with Emmett and Jasper when I heard a loud laugh and a shrill squeal. I looked over at Bella. She, Rose, and Alice were deep in conversation. Bella was sipping on a drink. She looked beautiful sitting there in that dress. Her slim legs were crossed in front of her, and the dress rode high on her thigh.

_Beautiful._

Jasper cleared his throat, and I tore my eyes away from her. "Up for another game?" he asked.

"No, I think it's time for Bella and me to leave." I looked over at her again. She leaned forward to adjust her shoe, and I caught a quick glimpse of silky white breast. My hand clenched around the beer I was holding.

Emmett snorted and clapped a hand on my back. "A little anxious, bro?"

Glancing at him, I muttered, "You've no idea."

I gave Emmett and Jasper a hug. Emmett asked me again if I would be home for the wedding. "I'm the best man, Emmett; of course I'll be there. The last performance is the day before in New York. I already have a plane ticket ready to go. You can do me one favor. Don't tell Bella I'll be there. I want it to be surprise."

"Sure." He shrugged, and he and Jasper went back to their dart game.

Making my way towards Bella was harder than I thought. My father chose that time to pull me to him in a hug, telling me how proud he was of me. My mom came and joined him.

"We're so happy for you," Mom said, smiling.

Anxiously, I looked towards Bella who had lifted her head to stare back at me. Her eyes were like smoldering flames, searing my soul. Her mouth parted and her face flushed.

_We need to get out of here._

My father caught the look between us and slapped me on the back. "Go," he said.

I smiled gratefully at him, gave my mom a kiss, and walked over to Bella.

"I'm ready to go." I burrowed my face in her neck, breathing deeply. "I need to feel you." Hungrily, I nibbled over her neck up to her mouth. Biting her bottom lip, I lapped the inside of her mouth with my tongue.

I heard Alice and Rose snickering, so I slowed the kiss and pulled back a little. Bella blushed deeply, her hand brushing the back of my head. "You have to say goodbye to everyone."

"Already taken care of- let's go."

Finally we were outside and in my car on our way back to the hotel. I kept her hand in mine, squeezing it tightly.

No one was in the elevator at the hotel, and I was impatient to feel her. Pushing Bella up against the wall, my mouth found hers, taking it roughly. My hands ran along her waist, along her stomach, and up to caress her breasts. Groaning, I pressed myself into her. _I can't get close enough. She feels so good._ Her hands were gripping my shirt, tugging against it.

The door opened and without breaking our kiss, I pulled her into the hallway. Crushing her body to mine, I leaned against the wall, forcing my knee between her thighs, opening them for me, so I could thrust myself against her.

Tangling my fingers in her hair, I urged her closer. My lips made their way to her neck where my tongue glazed over her collarbone. "Bella," I groaned. My dick was straining against my pants, begging to get out. Bella's hand stroked over me, causing me to gasp and push into her harder.

"Room. We need," gasped Bella, "to get... to the room…oh God, please… Edward." Her breathy moan spurred me into action, and I abruptly released her, dragging her down the hallway behind me. Shoving open the door, I spun her in front of me.

My desire for her was overwhelming; I wanted to keep touching her, to taste her. Lifting her up in my arms, I kissed her and brought her down on the bed as I pushed her dress up around her hips. Linking my fingers through her panties, I pulled them off and threw them aside.

_Bella:_

He was like a man possessed.

His hands ran over me urgently, sweeping along my ribcage, then down over my abdomen, going lower and delving into me. I moaned and opened my eyes, sweeping them over his face. He stared at me, his eyes focused between my legs. Heat shot through me as his fingers traced a path over my thighs, brushing over me, gently stroking.

"Edward!" I called to him, the pleasure he was giving spiraling within me.

He smiled crookedly and lowered his head between my thighs. He licked his lips, and I shuddered in anticipation. His tongue was like silk caressing me. I threw my head back, unable to hold it up any longer.

"God, you taste good, Bella. I love the way you taste… so sweet." His tongue lapped at me. "Fuck…"

"Edward…" My hands clenched the sheets beneath me. My hips moved up to meet his thrusting tongue, searching for more. "Edward, please... I need… more, please."

His fingers dove inside me, and I gasped. He began moving them in a steady rhythm, his tongue pressing against my clit. The pressure in me was building, and I knew I was going to go over the edge soon.

"Edward… Edward…." I moaned, rocking my hips up to meet his fingers.

Suddenly his fingers left me. Lifting my hips, I begged him, shamelessly crying out his name.

He shifted slightly, moving to remove his pants. I heard a wrapper tear.

Then he was back over me, pushing himself into me. _Oh my God… he feels so good. _My breathe caught and I loudly moaned as he buried himself deep within me.

"Oh, Bella…fuck, baby….ungh…" He moved over me and the pressure inside began to build again, increasing with each of his thrusts. His lips met mine, our tongues melding together.

I screamed his name, my fingers clenching his shoulders, bunching the fabric of his shirt into my fists.

His voice called out to me, bringing me back from my oblivion. "Look at me, Bella… love. Let me see your beautiful eyes."

I opened them, gazing up into dark green pools of desire shining down on me. His face clenched as I pushed myself up, over him.

Moaning, I wrapped my legs tightly around him. "Oh my God, Oh… God… Edward." Pleasure flowed through me, as I shook and pulsed around him.

He growled as he slammed into me harder, faster. His body tensed, and he whispered my name, burying his head in my hair.

After a few deep breaths he lifted off me for a moment and then gathered me into his arms. Chuckling softly, his hands ran over my dress. He looked at me, his eyes contrite. "I didn't even get your dress all the way off."

Glancing at him, I noticed his shirt was still on, his tie knocked askew. Giggling, I grabbed his tie and brought his face down to mine. "You were like a madman."

He rubbed his thumb along my lips. "I couldn't help it. I was desperate for you."

"Tonight was," he said while kissing me again, "perfect. The concert, you, my family. Everything was just… perfect."

"And it's not over yet." He smiled mischievously at me, his tongue running along my bottom lip. I sighed deeply and settled under him, my hands running down his back.

*****So... that was a little lemony- lemonade? Teehee... **

*****Were are almost done!!! I'd say one more chapter and the Epi... **

*****Reviews will leave Edward moaning your name. ;)**


	23. Chapter 20

*****Be sure to see my blog for a play list. The songs really start about midway through this chapter, You may be able to tell when. .com/**

*****Thanks again to my wonderful betas Jessica0306 and mac! I love you and you made more story so much better with your input and help!**

*****Disclaimer- I am not Stephanie Meyer, therefore I do not own Twilights characters. **

**Chapter 20 - Goodbye and Hello Again**

_Bella:_

I awoke to warm, wet kisses along my shoulders that moved upwards over my neck, his lips opening to gently graze my skin. Edward's legs moved against mine as he pulled me closer, his hand moving across my body to lie along my hip. I turned to him, meeting his lips with mine, my hand running up his arm, and slipping into his hair. A warmth spread slowly through me, starting at my heart and spreading out through my arms and legs. My toes curled into the bed beneath them as he swept his hand down my thigh, curling around and sweeping it along my backside, his fingers lightly cupping me. My heart fluttered wildly and my breathing hitched. My hands stroked along his head, burrowing through his hair, the silky strands tickling as they fell through my fingers.

His kisses were slow, unhurried, his tongue coming out to lightly stroke against my skin. He moved over me, his weight pressing me into the mattress. His eyes were shut, and his mouth was slightly open. The sunlight that trickled in through the drapes lit up our bodies as he slowly pushed into me. He opened his eyes to gaze down at me as he began to move, and one hand came up to graze my cheek, caressing it softly. Whispered words of love fell from his lips, mingling with my sighs and filtering through the quiet bedroom.

Afterwards, we lay in bed staring at each other, touching, and talking softly. We made plans for the five months apart. A visit and frequent phone calls were promised. He talked about the places he would see, and I spoke of graduation and being able to finally begin my career.

As the time grew closer for him to go, our kisses grew a little more frantic, our touches a little more urgent. My heart ached, and tears filled my eyes when he pushed inside me once more. Pulling up into a sitting position with me on his lap, he pressed his hands against my face, wiping at my tears. His eyes bore into mine as he pressed his lips to mine, soft murmurs slipping between them. I moved with him, rising up and sinking onto him, our bodies melding together. Crying out, I kissed him, tasted him, and felt him shudder against me one last time.

--xx--

Saying goodbye to Edward was hard. Saying it without crying? Near impossible. I didn't _want _to cry- this was his chance, and I was proud of him. I would never take it away from him, but still… I wanted to beg him to stay.

He kissed me before getting into the cab. His lips were warm and pressed softly to mine as his fingers caressed my cheek. I leaned into him, wrapping my arms around his waist, responding to the kiss, letting him know how much I would miss him. Reluctantly, he let me go, got in the cab, and rolled down the window.

"I love you." His hand reached out, and I took it, our fingers entwining. As the cab began to pull away, I choked, whispering his name and holding tightly to his fingers. Slowly, they began to slip out of my grasp. Tears I could no longer suppress flowed down my cheeks.

His hand went back inside the window, and I watched as the cab- and Edward- got further away. It suddenly stopped, the brake lights shining back at me. I took a shaky step forward as the back door opened and Edward stepped out.

Running to him, I threw myself into his arms, grasping tightly around his waist. His arms wrapped firmly around me as he murmured his love to me, making promises of phone calls and letters.

"Love, please don't cry. Our time apart will go quickly, and I'll be home before you know it. I'll call as soon as I land in New York." He glanced back at the taxi, regret lining his features. His hand smoothed down my hair as his eyes sought out mine. "Bella…"

Standing on my tiptoes, I kissed him once, passionately, sliding my tongue over his lips, committing his taste to memory.

Groaning, he stepped back from me. "I have to go."

"I love you," I whispered as he backed away from me. His eyes held mine until he turned to get back into the cab.

This time the cab drove away quickly, and I watched until it disappeared around the corner. Shakily, I made my way back inside. Glad now I had not gone to the airport with him, I lay down across the bed in our hotel room, giving into the sobs choking me.

_Edward:_

My hands shook as I sat in the cab, willing myself not to turn around and stare at her as we drove away. If I did I would only stop the cab again.

I missed her already. Visions of last night filled my head- Bella's lips on mine, the way her skin felt under me, so warm and soft, her silky hair surrounding us as she straddled me, the way she cried out my name.

_Good God, how was I going to go without that for five months? _

I couldn't. Maybe we could meet in Chicago. It would be the perfect place, and the concert there was only a little over a month away. Besides the concerts, we would be able to spend every minute together. I felt slightly better knowing I could be with her again soon.

She had looked so lost standing there on the sidewalk, and I wanted to say to hell with the tour- I would stay with her. I didn't, of course. I needed this, and when I came home to a secure position in the Seattle Symphony, we could be together. I had plans for us, and this was the first step to those plans.

I was flying into New York by myself, but from there I would be joining my colleagues, and we would travel together. Everyone lived in a different city. The five I had performed with in Seattle were not the only ones coming along.

The cab dropped me at the front entrance of the airport. Once I had checked my luggage and passed the security gates, I checked the boarding schedule above my head. Red and green writing scrolled by, my eyes focused on my flight number- it was on time. I was anxious to be off; the sooner we took off , the sooner we would land and I could call Bella.

New York was loud. JFK airport was congested with people, many in their three-piece-suits shuffling along towards their next flight. Nudging my way past them, I hurried to get outside. I missed her so much, and I really needed to talk to her. Stopping at the luggage carousel, I grabbed my bags and called a porter over. He loaded them on a dolly, and I followed him outside.

My phone was dialed and pressed against my ear the minute we stepped outside. It rang a few times and then went directly to her voice mail_. It's 9:00 here, making it six there. Maybe she stepped out for something to eat?_ Disappointed, I closed the phone, handed the porter his tip, and got into the taxi that was waiting for me.

Leaning back against the seat, I ran my hand through my hair, sighing. The phone was still in my hand, so I tried her once more. This time she answered.

"Edward?" I closed my eyes, letting her voice smooth over my weary muscles.

"Bella. God, you sound good. I miss you, baby. How are you? Did you stay at the hotel?" I had booked her one more night there in case she wasn't ready to go home.

"You sound so far away," she muttered. She sounded like she was crying- her voice was shaky and low.

"Bella," I breathed. "Love, please." I rubbed the bridge of my nose as I stared out the window. "Bella, please be strong, baby, I… I won't be able to do this if you're not." I couldn't listen to her cry. I would tell the director to forget about me and go home.

"I'm sorry," she sniffled. "Don't pay me any mind, Edward. I just miss you. I'll feel better in the morning, and I'm so glad you called." Her words were growing stronger, no longer wavering, and I smiled, relaxing. "How was your flight?"

We continued talking until I reached my hotel and then only hung up long enough for me to check in. Once in my room, I called her again, and we talked awhile longer until I could no longer keep my eyes open.

"I love you, Edward." A kissing noise passed over the line to me, and I chuckled.

"Bella, did you just blow me a kiss?"

"Mmm-hmm." She giggled. "Get a good night's sleep, and knock 'em dead tomorrow. I know you'll be fantastic."

"I love you, Bella."

After rehearsal I had some free time to discover New York. The city was amazing. Broadway was more than I ever dreamed it could be, and I wished I had the time to attend a play. It would be incredible to bring Bella here. I knew she would love it as much as I did. Once back at the hotel room, I pulled a binder from a nightstand drawer. I wrote down all I had seen and everything I wanted to share with Bella. It became sort of a to-do list for when she and I were able to come together.

That night started my hectic tour schedule- rehearsals and morning meetings, evening performances and late night bus rides filled the upcoming weeks. At each destination, I was able to explore my surroundings. The list I carried with me everywhere grew longer. I called Bella frequently, the sound of her voice making me smile. She seemed excited by the prospect of visiting these places with me.

Despite missing Bella, the next month did seem to fly by. Everything was so new and exciting that I was kept very busy. There was so much to see and do.

The concerts were better every night. Each city had its own performer, and I was amazed at the talent I witnessed.

Chicago was on the horizon, and I bought and mailed tickets to Bella. She would visit me for the weekend I was there.

When the day finally came, I waited anxiously at the Chicago airport for her. My heart was pounding hard, and my palms were sweating as I stood there searching the crowd for her.

_Bella:_

The month after Edward left crawled by. Not one day passed that I didn't think of him. He kept his promise, calling me whenever he had the chance. Excitement would lace his voice as he spoke of all the different cities he was visiting. He was especially enthralled by New York- Broadway and Times Square, the Statue of Liberty, Central Park. He spoke of us visiting there together sometime soon.

My dad, mom, and Phil came to my graduation. It was nice to be done with school, but I still felt I had a long way to go. I kept busy applying for jobs around the city. Interviews and business lunches filled my days.

All my hard work finally paid off when I found my first job at a small editing firm. It was perfect for a beginning experience and knew I would love it there.

When I wasn't job hunting, I was helping Rose plan her wedding. She quickly pulled me in as her family and asked for my help on many important issues- like should she have more roses, and was strawberry a good filling for the cake? She dragged me, and sometimes Alice, along to fittings, bridal stores, and bridal expos. I was completely overloaded on wedding etiquette. When I told Edward about my days with Rose, he laughed. He said Emmett had called him and was pulling out his hair, trying to keep up with her.

Rose looked beautiful in the gown she selected, and I felt a bit envious as I watched her get fitted. She was so happy, and both she and Emmett glowed when they were together. I missed Edward all the more when Emmett was around. Seeing their love made me want my own.

I was surprised when a Federal Express delivery man dropped off a package for me at my apartment. Inside was a round trip ticket to Chicago. I gasped and pressed my hand to my mouth- I was going to see Edward.

--xx--

He met me at the airport, and I leaned into him, breathing him in, intoxicated by his touch and scent.

"God, I missed you so much," he whispered in my ear, his hands running through my hair.

I smiled and looked up at him, gripping him to me tightly, never wanting to let him go again. "Me too."

He held my hand tightly as he led me outside to a waiting cab. His lips were on mine before we pulled away from the curb. The kiss was long and full of promise. A breathy moan escaped from my lips.

A cough from the front of the cab brought us to our senses, and Edward leaned away from me, his hand clasped in mine, eyes still focused on me. The familiar crooked smile made my heart pound all the more, and I squeezed his hand tightly.

Thank God the ride to his hotel was short because the tension in the cab was almost too much to take. Every second of the way, I wanted to jump on him, kiss him madly, and rip his clothes off. I could tell by the burn of his gaze that he wanted the same thing.

Once we were finally there, we hurried to his room. No words were necessary; we both knew what we wanted… needed. We made love in his bed, where he stroked my body, his hands and mouth bringing me such passion that I cried out from it. Edward followed shortly behind me, chanting my name and gripping me to him tightly.

I was only able to attend Saturday night's concert, as Friday was sold out. Friday night I waited for him in the hotel room, smothering him in kisses as soon as he walked through the door. Saturday night I sat in the audience, once again astounded by him. His performances continued to leave me breathless and in tears.

Sunday we were able to go out and see some of Chicago. It was a beautiful city, and we tried a few local favorites. We discovered how much we loved deep dish-pizza, and we stood on the Sky Deck at the Sears Tower.

Too soon I had to go, but I was stronger this time. We only had just over three months left apart now.

Between work and Rose's wedding, time sped up. I was constantly busy and enjoyed my late night calls with Edward. We had wanted to get together for another weekend, but work made that impossible. Being a newbie, I had no vacation time and was even working most Saturdays now. We were disappointed but strong. It seemed our relationship was growing stronger with our time apart. We knew we could be away from each other and still love and not feel insecure or too needy.

Rose's wedding occupied a lot of my time at home. Her special day was just around the corner, and everyone was excited. I was sad for Emmett that his brother wouldn't be there, but he just smiled and nodded, saying it would be okay. Edward was the same; he didn't sound very disappointed about missing it. _Men_… I didn't understand, so I shrugged it off.

--xx--

As I sat in one of the pews at the wedding, I tried not to dwell on the fact that I was here alone. After all, Edward would be home next week. A small played across my lips.

_Only one more week. _

The church began to fill up with guests, and Alice arrived looking pretty in a violet dress. She sat next to me, her eyes darting around the room. Knowing Alice, she was probably analyzing what everyone else was wearing, what they were saying. Jasper was standing at the front of the church with Emmett. Both men looked dashing in their tuxes.

Suddenly Alice's hand grabbed mine, squeezing it tightly. She let out a little squeal as she turned to me beaming. "Go… before the wedding starts." I looked at her, confused. She pointed towards the back entrance. I turned and stared, my mouth hanging open, dumbfounded. There stood Edward, dressed in a black tux, his flashing, green eyes anxiously seeking out mine, a dazzling smile lighting up his face.

"Bella!" Alice nudged me forward off the seat. "Get off your ass and move, woman."

Shakily, I rose to my feet. I felt another small shove from behind. Alice hissed at me, "Go!"

Running down the aisle, through the doors and into the lobby, I launched myself into his arms. "Edward!"

He laughed, pulling me against him. His lips crashed down on mine; my hands ran through his hair, and I groaned against his mouth.

_He was here._

Joy, love, elation… crashed around me, and I released his lips, backing away just a little, my gaze running over him, taking him all in. "God, I missed you. What are you doing here? I thought you had another week?"

He smiled crookedly at me and winked, sending my heart into wild palpitations. "I wanted to surprise you."

"What a wonderful surprise," I breathed before pulling his face to mine, kissing him and gliding my tongue over his lips.

He laughed, unwinding himself from my grip. "Bella, if you keep doing that I won't be able to stop." He leaned down, his warm breath tickling my ear. "That might not go over so well- I'm the best man."

Taking my hand tightly, he walked me back over to where Alice sat. Refusing to let him go, I stubbornly clutched his hand.

"Bella." Alice's hand was on mine, prying it away from Edward. "Bella! Let him go. Rose will be so pissed if you don't let him go up there."

I reluctantly let go of his hand. He smiled down at me, placing one more soft kiss on my lips before heading up to join his brothers.

_Edward: _

I stared at her the entire ceremony. Our eyes locked when the Rose and Emmett began reciting their vows and remained that way until Emmett kissed his new wife.

Bella waited for me inside the reception hall while I finished my duties as the best man. Rose scowled at me as I fidgeted through pictures and Emmett laughed good naturedly when I begged off sitting at the head table, instead choosing to sit with Bella. I gave my heart-felt toast to the new couple, congratulating them and thanking my brother for his support through the years. _And_ thanking Rose for giving him someone else to take care of.

Bella sat at a table chatting with Alice. She was so beautiful. Her face was aglow, a small, knowing smile gracing her lips. She turned her head in my direction, and her smile broadened. _My God, I love her_. My heart seemed to swell in my chest as we looked at one another.

I slowly crossed the room, watching her eyes sparkle as I came nearer. Reaching down, I took her hand in mine and pulled her to her feet. _And I Love Her _by the Beatles was playing, and I thought it was so appropriate as I gently pulled her to the dance floor. My hands rested on her hips as we swayed to the music. Her arms wound around my neck, fingers curling into my hair where she gently pulled my head down closer to her. My face buried into her hair, taking in her intoxicating scent. She smelled so good. I had missed everything about her so much.

"Bella, I love you."

Her hand stroked along my back, her head resting against my chest. "I love you too, Edward."

We sat down together at her table, conversing with Alice and Jasper. I barely heard what they were talking about. My eyes and ears were only focused on Bella. I did manage to tear my eyes away from her when the first dance was announced.

I looked over at the newly-married happy couple. Emmett and Rose wore identical grins, never seeming to be able to take their eyes off each other. They danced their first dance together as husband and wife. As they danced, I glanced over at Bella, my hand in my pocket clutching the box I had stored there. Swallowing nervously, I reached forward and took a sip of champagne. It was now or never.

Once their dance was over and the floor was open once again to everyone, I extended my hand to her. Thinking I wanted to dance again, she smiled and rose, smoothing her dress down. A look of bewilderment crossed her face when I bypassed the dance floor and led her outside.

The garden that surrounded the reception hall had a small path that ended at the entrance of a gazebo. A bench was nestled inside, and I led Bella to it. My heart pounded, and my mouth was suddenly dry. She sat down and looked up at me; her eyes were lit up with a fire that I would never get enough of. It was that fire I knew would never extinguish, the fire that gave me the courage to kneel down in front of her and take her hand in mine.

A small gasp escaped her lips, and her eyes widened. "Bella, I love you. I have always loved you and will love you for the rest of my life. You're everything I could ever want." I slipped the box out of my pocket and held it in front of her. "I missed you so much these past few months. I never want to be away from you again. I want to go to sleep beside you every night and wake up to your beautiful face every morning." I opened the box. Her free hand moved up to cover her mouth as tears filled her eyes. "I want to be your husband, your support, your world. Marry me, Bella. Say you'll marry me."

Tears rolled down her cheeks, and her lower lip trembled before she pulled it in, biting down on it. "Edward," she whispered, her hand coming down to lay on my shoulder. "Yes, God yes. Of course I will marry you."

*****OMG! Was this the last chapter? Yes it was… but don't worry I promise to give you alll a glimpse into the future for these two.. The Epilogue will be up shortly. **

*****Woah! I lost a few reviews last chapter.. Some were deleted? Help me out here and make up for it. This is the last chapter so all you lurkers need to tell me what you think! **


	24. Epilogue

****Let's get to it, shall we and read the A/N at the end…**

****Disclaimer- The usual- I own nothing, if I did I would be rich and living in England.**

**Epilogue- The Future Together**

_Edward:_

It was late when I got home. A small lamp had been left on, lighting the hall and living room so I could see as I made my way inside. Yawning, I walked down the hall to the bedroom while rubbing my neck and giving it a good stretch. The moonlight shone through the big window and beamed down on my two girls lying snuggled together in bed.

Bella was curled protectively around our daughter, her arm strewn across her little waist, holding her close. Lily's face was pressed against her mama's arm, and I could hear the soft sighs she made while sleeping.

I leaned down smiling, and kissed each girl softly before turning to make my way to the bathroom.

"Daddy?" a little voice called out to me. Bending back over the bed, I looked at my pretty, little daughter. Her green eyes, so like mine, stared back at me.

My fingers pressed to her lips as I shushed her. Sitting up, she wrapped her little arms around my neck and laid her head on my shoulder. Her curly brown hair tickled softly against my neck as she snuggled herself in. Quietly, so not to wake Bella, I picked her up and walked out of the room.

Lily let out a big yawn, her body limp against mine. Her thumb immediately went in her mouth, and her small fingers rubbed along her nose. I smiled as I watched her from the corner of my eye; she was falling back to sleep. I walked into her room and pulled back the covers on her bed.

I laid her down amidst pink pony sheets and lacy pillows, pulling the blanket up around her. Her sleepy voice called out to me again. "Daddy?"

"Yes, sweetie."

"My horsy."

She wanted her favorite stuffed animal. As I glanced around the room, I saw the horse's head peeking out from under her bed. My hand reached down, grabbed it, and tucked it in next to Lily.

"Thank you," she whispered. "Welcome," she came back before I could answer her. Love for my girl swelled in me. Her short phrases and new words astonished me sometimes.

My daughter was beautiful. Maybe I was a bit biased, but as I sat there watching her fall asleep, her finger rubbing her nose, and her hair curling around her, I could think of only one person in the whole world that matched her beauty; her mother.

The day my baby was born was one of the happiest of my life. Two years ago Lily Elizabeth Cullen had entered my world, and I fell in love for the second time.

My thoughts on Bella, I stood and walked back to our room. My neck throbbed again, and I rubbed it tenderly.

A nice, hot shower was in order to loosen up my neck muscles. It had been a long night, the concert running later than usual due to the popularity of our set list. Sometimes after hours of looking down at the piano keys, my neck really tightened up.

Stripping down, I stepped under the steaming water, relaxing against the hot spray and closing my eyes. I was just rinsing the shampoo from my hair when I felt soft hands encircle my waist. I smiled and opened my eyes. "Hello, love." Reaching out, I wrapped my arms around Bella and pulled her close.

"Long night?" she asked, rubbing her hands up my chest, curling them against my neck, her fingers massaging into my stiff muscles. She knew what I needed without me even having to ask her.

"That feels great," I said, relaxing under her gentle ministrations. "Yeah, it was a long night. I couldn't wait to get home."

Her fingers moved up to twine into my hair. Tiny jolts followed her touch, my body burning and immediately flushing with desire.

Water ran over me, between us; it glistened on her skin, settling on her hair and eyelashes. She looked so beautiful. Nuzzling my face into her shoulder, my lips brushed against her skin.

"You put Lily to bed?" Her soft voice floated over me as she burrowed into me further.

I smiled and pressed my lips along her throat, nodding. "She woke up when I got home, but she fell right back to sleep without any problems."

She pushed her hips up against my now solid erection, and a low growl erupted from my chest. My dick twitched as it pressed along her abdomen, and she looked up to smile at me knowingly.

My lips found hers as I groaned; my tongue swept into her mouth, tangling with hers and sliding together. Her hand sliding down my back sent a tremor of want through me, and I sighed in contentment as it settled on my ass..

"Edward, I want you." Her lips moved over mine passionately; her hand clenched and pulled me closer to her.

Moving her against the tiled wall, I nudged her legs open with my knee. My hand spread out over her; my fingers teasing, and stroking. My breathing hitched at the feel of her, so wet and ready for me already. "God, Bella. You really want me. Don't you, love?"

"Mmmm.. this is what you do to me. Just seeing you, touching you… knowing the way you can make me feel."

Her leg shifted up, rising to curl around my hip. Cupping her ass with my hands, I lifted her, and her legs wound around me. Her wet body slid easily over me, her breasts pressed into my chest, her nipples hard and rubbing against me. The shower spray pulsed over us; wet droplets ran down her neck, trailing over her collarbone, and getting trapped between her breasts. I flicked my tongue along the swell of her cleavage, licking up the water that pooled there.

She gyrated her hips against me suggestively, her slick warmth sliding along my dick. Breathing in sharply, I rocked against her, my eyes clenching shut as her soft moan filled the room.

"Please, Edward." Her plea sent a wave of lust rolling through my groin, and I moaned as I pushed slowly into her.

"Bella… baby." It was sweet torture to move so slowly, but I wanted to prolong the feeling of her surrounding me, the pulsing heat blinding me to everything but her. "Ungh… oh, love."

Bella's hand pressed into my ass, her nails biting- pain and pleasure combined, leaving me moaning her name incoherently.

With one final minute movement, I was completely inside her, as deeply as I could be, and I paused, concentrating on the rightness of our connection. She was perfect and perfect for me. I looked at her face- her tightened features, her open mouth- all showing that she wanted _me_.

"Edward… move… _please_." Her hips jolted against me- pushing, seeking.

Giving in to her pleas, I circled my hips thrusting into her, as a tight ball of want curled within me, knotting and throbbing, pressure building. My hands gripped her tightly, guiding her against me. Her hushed cries mixed with the hiss of the water, both of us panting.

"Bella, Bella… oh… fuck…" Thrusting faster, I buried my face in her shoulder, moaning.

"Yes... Edward... I… I'm.." She clenched tightly around me, incredibly tight and warm.

Her name fell from my lips, a whisper against her ear as my hips jerked, the pressure exploding, and I came deep inside her.

My head lay on her shoulder as I caught my breath and slowly pulled out of her. Placing open-mouthed kisses along her skin, I smiled. "I love you."

"Mmmm. I love you too." She pushed softly on my chest. "Sweetie, we need to get out of here; the water's starting to get cold."

Turning off the water, I reached behind her to grab a towel off the rack. I ran the towel through her hair, tussling it softly, drying her shoulders and down over her breasts and stomach, along her legs. My fingers trailed over her stomach as I wrapped the towel around her, leaving her breasts free to my gaze.

"Edward?" She giggled, raising her eyebrows at me and shaking her head.

"What?" I smiled, grabbing another towel and drying myself off, before pulling her close for one more kiss.

Soon we were warm and in bed, wrapped snuggly around each other.

"Don't forget we're going to Rose and Emmett's tomorrow to see the twins," she said. Bella's fingers ran through my still-damp hair, smoothing it back out of my eyes.

Rose had just come home from the hospital with their new twin girls. Tomorrow I would get to see my nieces. I saw them once at the hospital, but Emmett wouldn't let me hold them for long. He was too busy monopolizing all their time to himself. Hopefully, I would be able to spend a little more time with them tomorrow. I missed when Lily was a baby- she had been so small, and I loved holding her. She grew up too fast.

I was also hoping that, by seeing these new babies, I could talk Bella into trying to have another. I was ready to try for a boy.

_Bella:_

Emmett answered the door, opening it wide as Lily ran forward to jump into his arms.

"Uncle Emmie!" she squealed. Unable to say Emmett's full name, Lily had given "Emmie" his own little nickname.

Emmett lifted Lily above his head, giant grin on his face. "Hey, squirt."

Lily giggled as he spun her around. Edward and I followed them out back. There, next to Rose, were her beautiful twin girls. Smiling, I walked over to her and took my friend's hand. She was beaming- tired but so happy.

"Oh, Rose, they're gorgeous. Can I hold one?"

"Of course. I think my Katie's awake."

I bent to grasp Katie, the one with blonde hair, and lifted her snuggling her against me. She was so tiny; it was hard to remember that Lily was once so small.

I heard a loud squeal and looked up to see Emmett tossing Lily into the air. My heart stuttered a little. Sure, she would be okay, but still the mother in me panicked a little at that sight. "Emmett, please be careful."

"Aww… relax, Bella. We're just having some fun. Isn't that right, Lily-bear?" He tossed her over his shoulder, laughing loudly. Lily giggled in delight.

I felt a hand press down on my shoulder and looked up. Edward stood over me, his eyes shining, and a small smile on his lips. Cocking my eyebrow at him, I silently wondered what his look was about.

Katie squirmed a little, so I looked down at the warm bundle in my arms, adjusting her and patting her back lightly. Looking at the baby, I realized why Edward had that goofy grin on his face. My eyes widened while I looked at him.

"Really?"

He nodded his head, his eyes questioning.

Edward wanted another baby. I had secretly been having these thoughts myself the past few months. Apparently, so had he. Smiling up at my husband, I winked and looked away. I'd let him stew on it for awhile- we could talk later.

The second twin cried out from her bouncy seat. Edward stepped forward and looked questioningly at Rose who nodded her consent. He picked up his other niece. Anna had a full head of dark brown hair like her daddy. Even though she and Katie were twins, they looked very different.

I watched him hold the tiny girl in his arms. He was a wonderful father. When Lily was a baby he had always been there to see to her needs, rocking her to sleep when he was home, waking with her in the middle of the night. Now that Lily was a toddler, he played with her and cuddled her. The two were inseparable.

"Hello?" a sing-song voice called out from the house. Alice and Jasper came out to join us. Alice let out a little shriek when she saw the babies, causing Katie to cry out.

Rose scowled at her. "Shush, Alice. Can you turn it down a notch?"

Jasper walked over to say hello to Edward and Alice sat next to me, looking contrite. "Oh. I didn't mean to make her cry."

Jasper and Alice traveled all over the world in the past three years and had just gotten back from their trip to France.

"So how was France?" I asked while holding Katie's hand, and bouncing her on my lap. She was still somewhat upset over all the noise.

Alice's frown turned into a smile as she beamed at me. "It was marvelous. But the best part was when we got home." Her smile widened and she practically glowed. "We found a house. We should be able to move in next month. I can't wait to have a party. You guys just have to see it; it's so cute and perfect, and Jazz likes it too. Don't you, honey? There's this gorgeous kitchen with marble counter tops and a huge oven."

I laughed, shaking my head at her. Alice still prattled on, detailing every room in her house. I was happy for her. They were finished with their travels for awhile and wanted to settle down.

"I'm hungry," boomed Emmett. This time Rose's scowl was directed at her husband when the girls began crying again. He raised up his hands in surrender, lowering his voice. "Sorry, babe. I'm going to go start up the grill now." He sat Lily down who ran over to me to peer down at the baby.

Edward handed off Anna to her mother and walked over to the grill to help Emmett. Lily, seeing her daddy was free, ran over to his side, tugging at his pants.

Looking around, I smiled at the family surrounding me. Rose was hunched over Anna, speaking softly to quiet her cries, her lips turned up into a small smile. Emmett was firing up the grill, a look of concentration on his face as he added the charcoal. Alice and Jasper were off to the side talking, her face alight with excitement, his calm- complete opposites that fit well together. Edward was sitting at the picnic table with Lily in his lap, laughing at something she just said.

Lying Katie back down, I made my way over to my husband and daughter. I sat next to them and joined in their laughter as Lily showed me the small frog she had in her hands.

**The End**

*****I have so many people to thank-**

**-Let me start with you, my readers. Thank you so much for following us on this journey. I appreciate everybody's reviews. Some reviews made me so happy I could cry. **

**- Thanks to my perm betas from PTB who helped me be a better writer. Jessica0306, your enthusiasm for the story really makes me smile. Thanks for always reviewing and for helping me to be a better writer. **

**Mac you are awesome. I took all you advice to heart and hope that I become a better writer because of it. I was so excited to get you as my beta since you are a fave author of mine. **

**Both of you made this a very enjoyable experience and Jess I can't wait to work with you again!**

**KallieRoss my twilighted beta. You are quick and wonderful and I thank you for getting my chapters up in a timely manner. **

**And lastly to all the betas I worked with at PTB on my earlier chapters- Thank you.**

*****I am writing another story and the banner is already posted on my blog if you want to be teased. http://jarielynn(dot)blogspot(dot)com/?zx=1b35c2d0ec4a74c Please add me to your favorite authors list so you know when I start posting. It won't be long.. **


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